New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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Once again, it’s morning in America. And bells ring out across our vast nation once more. The citizens of our country praised Reagan for a reason. Years earlier, he asked his team to win one for the Gipper. And Notre Dame became epitomized in the record books. They even put Miami in their place in ‘88; resulting in the famed Catholics vs Convicts contest. I know what you’re thinking; how does this relate with me? Or with baseball? Nothing necessarily. You’ll need to forgive me. I sound like a chatterbox most of the time. If there’s anything you can take away from me, know I try to be more of a listener than a talker. Just bear with me and maybe you won’t becom…
Last reply by James Dour, -
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Three samples are posted below: Chapter 1 introduces Tom Preston, the protagonist, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Chapter 17 shares inner dialogue of Ray Whelan, the antagonist. An excerpt from Chapter 26 includes dialogue between Ray and David, a young man Ray hired to replace Quentin (the dealer he murdered). Chapter 1 Digging a grave was a hell of a lot harder than Tom expected. After nearly an hour of spading through hard earth and snarls of thick, knotted roots, the hole looked barely two feet deep. He climbed out to assess his work, his hands blistered and bleeding, then tossed the shovel back into the grave and hurried to his car …
Last reply by Rich M., -
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edited
Last reply by Sarah Pierce, -
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Forge of Angels By Kat Blackwood Prologue Shikari woke gasping, choking on smoke, surrounded by half-burned scrolls and books, broken goddess statues -- and the bloodied bodies of mail-clad soldiers and yellow-robed monks. Flames licked blackened beams and fallen timbers. Agony shot through Shikari’s body with each breath. He put a hand to his chest, and it came away red – a gaping wound revealed a splintered rib and pulsing blood that spilled down his torso like a dark red waterfall. If only he could die here and now and be done with it. But as he watched, the bone knit back together, the bleeding ceased, and the flesh healed until there…
Last reply by Kat Hankinson, -
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SECOND SCENE. Follows the Prologue, which has minimal dialogue. The Prologue features the main character sitting in his father's office contemplating suicide. Then the narrative jumps back in time to the beginning of the story that will lead him to that tragic moment/state of mind. It is a morning like any other morning when it all changes. Or, rather, it does not change. The undaunted and undauntable world, such as it is, was created longer ago than we dare comprehend by forces far greater than our poor power to manipulate. It is only that the late surface matter is scoured away and the skeletal truth revealed through white fire and through clouds of bilious hellsmo…
Last reply by Steve Dunn, -
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Introduces antagonistic force, setting, tone & foreshadows a key conflict. Chapter 1 Philadelphia, October 4, 1779, Revolution Gone Awry: William Penn founded his colony in 1682, and named its capital using the Greek words, “philos,” friendly love, and “adelphos,” brother. It was the “City of Brotherly Love,” and, as Quakers friends were quick to add, “Sisterly Affection.” But Philadelphia had been anything but benevolent since Hannah Arnold had arrived last year. And, once again, it had turned deadly. She’d just witnessed an attempted assault on the Society Hill home of a Declaration of Independence signer. She peered down from City Tavern’s rooftop throug…
Last reply by Kathleen Yanity, -
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Marian watched the sunset from a grassy hill outside the Steinigen fortress. Free from her father, and free from his warlocks and guards, the moment she carved out of time for herself was one of peace. She was surrounded by Harken Lilies, a rare flower whose seeds were prized elsewhere in the Kingdom of Ephorus. She whispered into the petals, a plea for rescue, and a tear rolled down her freckled cheek. Ancient texts told of pixies who could hear your cries through the delicate system the flower built beneath the earth with its roots, but no one had ever come. As the final ray of sunlight touched her, she snapped her fingers, and a bright spark arose on her fingertips, bo…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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I had a cool name which was why I hated to change it. Bobby Jordan. With a name like that, maybe I should have been a baseball player, but I ended up a portfolio manager at one of the big New York hedge funds. Either way, there I was on the roof of a boutique hotel in mid-town Manhattan, my ex-wife’s boyfriend pointing a gun at me demanding I hand over a My Catchy Creature – those stuffed animals from the mid-nineties that everyone went crazy over? One of those. It was Shani the Snail. The Shani the Snail My Catchy Creature was not supposed to exist. Arlo Rothstein’s stuffed animal empire - ingeniously named ARLO – repeatedly denied the existence of Shani t…
Last reply by Scott Brooks, -
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Back of Chapter One - Establishes Primary and secondary protagonists, their relationship, and the personal conflict that arises from it. Touches on setting and tone. Introduces secondary antagonist and foreshadows primary conflict. Anders threw a cheerful refrain into the growing raucousness as a bard fell from the bar top before he could finish his deaf tune. "Good show!" he laughed, seeming to believe that there was such a thing in this shanty town and the performance they had just endured met that most basic standard of good. "Come on Viv, crack a smile!" Vivica did no such thing, not least in part because Anders had made his demand of her with a mo…
Last reply by DomGerard, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces protagonist, setting, and conflict. (After the opening scene, I jump a few pages to a scene with Jonas, the protagonist, and Levi, his father, because there’s no dialogue in the opening scene.) HEARTWOOD The line of sheep bodies curved up the hill toward the copse of white pines (Pinus strobus) behind the barbwire. Slick white wool matted with blood. Each neck cut clean. There was blood on the boy’s hands but he was used to blood on his hands. Still, urgency fountained inside him, flushing limb to limb, as he left one dead ewe (Ovis aries) and moved to the next. Fear heated his cheeks and goos…
Last reply by Silas, -
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Friday One Every night starts the same. The pregame. The debauchery before the debauchery. An excuse to get drunk before the actual drinking starts. Tonight, the pregame is at my apartment. Graduating college was supposed to have magically matured me. I took enough social science classes, to have crawled from my cave. If the exhilaration of “SOC 2200 – Working Women” doesn’t get the engines revving on the quest to grow up, well, what possibly could? Oh, that last blue book. This was all supposed to end after shutting that last blue book. What could another keg party do for me when equipped with the weapons of knowledge? What ne…
Last reply by Alexander Muka, -
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How a Boy Could Be.docx
Last reply by Jen Parker, -
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CHAPTER 1 I didn’t officially exist until I was nearly thirteen. The State of Oregon marked this achievement via a document inscribed “Delayed Certificate of Birth” across the top. We were all born during the Vietnam war, and Mom and Dad weren’t about to let The Man know, so it was just the two of them bringing us into this world. Dad had no medical experience, and later I wondered what would have happened if something had gone terribly wrong. But nothing did, not at first anyway. My brother was born on the road. Mom was about to give birth in their red 1957 International TravelAll but then decided that’s where she drew the line, making my dad stop at the neares…
Last reply by Chloe Johnson, -
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TWO WORLDS MERGING TO FORM THE ONE Neom City, Saudi Arabia October 2, 2030 He was not armed heavily – that could not be risked with the security drones programmed for firearms or direct-energy caps. The kill would have to be Old World – swift and by the blade. The assassin was dressed for the occasion – in formal white; he’d be a face in the crowd, a presumed participantin the regional wealth ofthe Greatest Show On Earth. Ishmael’s orders were simple:eliminate the great Infidel, MX Leon, enemy to both the people and the state, not to mention to Allah himself. The devil Leon was a creature beyond the sands, possessed of magic and technology …
Last reply by Liora Yoael, -
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My best friend is going to die. And it’s my fault. That was the accusation screaming inside my head—like the chorus of a heavy metal song—when the doctor came striding in, asking about tacos. “Chicken or beef?” the nurse added. She was wearing magenta scrubs bright enough to blind someone. Maybe both their vision had been compromised. Could they not see the body right in front of us? “It’s this little game Doctor Mullion likes to play, asking what she should order for lunch,” the nurse explained. “My personal vote is pork.” Little game? My best friend is go…
Last reply by alilane2007, -
HAMMERED STEEL CRIMSON FIRE – is two stories. One within the other. The true story of Brian Boru’s life from insignificant orphan to the only True and Rightful High King of Ireland, united in peace – book-ended, as you watch over Geoffrey of Monmouth’s shoulder, as he steals Brian’s life – His dreams, deeds, and glory; to fabricate a Hero for King Henry Ist – King Arthur of England. HAMMERED STEEL AND CRIMSON FIRE ~ 6 Book Series The Life of Brian Boru …
Last reply by ConnieWhitmer, -
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Into the Breach - Chapter 1 Genre: Sci-Fi Space Opera Lieutenant Gabriel Halfast just happened to notice a single pixel glowing on the scopes. He had been leaning over the shoulder of the radar operator, helping her to retune one of the antennae. At first he thought the pixel had gone bad and flicked his finger against the screen. “What is that?” he asked. The pixel hadn’t disappeared despite his insistent taps. Radio Operator Olliver swatted Halfast’s finger away from her screen. “It can’t be a ship,” she said. “There’s no signal, no emissions-- wait--” She twisted some knobs to refocus the sensing equipment. One pixel became many as the…
Last reply by Jonah Schrowang, -
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Last reply by Julien Appignani, -
Opening scene (flashback) introduces protagonist and initial traumatic event: The kid picked up a 2x4 and took a swing at my head. Like spikes on a medieval mace, three huge nails protruded from the end of the board. I leapt back as the crude weapon barely missed my nose. This was supposed to be a fistfight. At least, that’s what my six-year-old brain thought. A solid ring of grade-school boys surrounded me and my attacker. They shouted like a crowd of spectators at a Roman coliseum, eager for first blood. I took a quick glance to the side and saw a couple of the bigger kids holding back my brother, Mark, who was attempting to rush to my aid. Mark was three…
Last reply by Scott Fleuter, -
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Hello everyone. This is the first chapter of my manuscript, women's fiction with speculative elements. This story began life in the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge. I had to write a 2500 word story with the prompts, ghost story, butler, and paralysis. The characters wouldn't leave me alone, so I turned it into a 4000-word short story that won first place in Writers Digest's Popular Fiction Awards, in the romance category. And they still wouldn't leave me alone, so now I am writing their entire story. lol Another attempt at a Pitch Three years after the car crash that killed her husband, 32-year-old photojournalist Emma Hill is floundering. She's lost her pass…
Last reply by Cindy, -
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Killing The Game Michael Martin Crime drama, opening scene: Introduces protagonists, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Chicago, Illinois. The Present. Friday had not been the best and that was before a squad car appeared behind me, electric blues ignited. Heart into chest. Being reasonably certain I hadn't broken any traffic laws, the squad probably meant one thing: Lieutenant Kinchloe wanted me. I had so hoped those days were over... Lieutenant Kinchloe was convinced I killed my wife. But he couldn't prove it. But man did he try. For me that meant hours being subjected to the type of mental torture that is legal …
Last reply by Michael M, -
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Prologue Tijuana Mexico, 1951 Our Lady of Guadalupe Cathedral’s tower bell tolled once, twice. On a wooden park bench across the street, Sarapio Viscara’s heart skipped at the sound of each toll. He raised his eyes to the vibrant mural of the Virgin Mary standing with her hands folded in prayer above the faded red-brick cathedral’s front entrance, then stared down at the scars on his fingers suffered while he slaved in the Texas cotton fields. He clasped his hands. “Por favor, Virgencita, bring Carlota to me,” he whispered. His fate—his life—depended on the divine power of Mexico’s patron saint and the message he had left for Carlota the night before. …
Last reply by Lourdes Holtzhauer, -
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Hello everyone! This is my first chapter. Content warnings for implied pedophilia and abuse (both non-graphic). Then 1982-1986 Cleveland, OH 1 Sean Cold metal everywhere. Under my ass. Around my neck. Above my head. The van jumped a bump, and my head whacked the slab over it. The new boy in the cage next to me didn’t need to huddle to fit, but did anyway. When the van stopped, I and the others leaned on the cages’ doors. The exact disembarkation procedure differed depending on where we were taken, but it always started with our backs to the metal. There were three of us that night, and since nothing hid our restraints, I expected a …
Last reply by MichelleHenrie, -
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Opening Scene: The opening scene introduces my protagonist’s (Aurora) inner conflict of being unable to move on from the life she had before she died. Aurora’s love interest Genevieve (enemy to lover) is introduced, and there is the start of some worldbuilding with Genevieve teaching Aurora about The Other. Chapter One If there was a light at the end, I must have walked away from it. That was the only explanation of how I ended up in this purgatory. Actually, Hell was probably a better description. I don’t know what I expected death to be like, but it certainly wasn’t to spend my eternity haunting the halls of my former high school, Adirondack Prep. Appa…
Last reply by ZacharyShermanP6, -
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I smiled as my arrow lodged in the goblin’s skull. It dropped to the arena’s sandy floor with a grunt, a lifeless heap of metallic armor. I notched a second arrow and drew, searching for more enemies. Fortunately, I didn’t have to look hard. Hundreds of the ugly green creatures swarmed into the coliseum from all sides, completely surrounding me. Their snarls drowned out the cheers of the crowd, both of which were united in wishing for my gruesome death. The goblin horde paused about ten feet away, their disfigured faces sizing me up like a double bacon cheeseburger. But I wasn’t afraid. I had an ugly, hungry companion of my own. My best friend, Henry Lee. …
Last reply by Reed Blanchard,
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