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Pat McCaw

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About Pat McCaw

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    I write middle grade, YA, and picture books and have my MFA in Creative writing for children from Hamline University. I am also a family practice physician for the last 20 years and practice part-time to focus on writing. I love the outdoors, fishing, hiking, my family, and writing.

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  1. Comparables: FRENZIED is a YA novel complete at 72,500 words. It is a modern-day HATCHET with girl power and family drama. It will appeal to fans of I AM STILL ALIVE by Kate Alice Marshall and THE OTHER SIDE OF LOST by Jessi Kirby, as well as to fans of the television series THE WILDS on Amazon. Logline: Emily blames her father for her mom’s death, but when he’s mauled by a bear in the remote Canadian wilderness, she must forgive the past and connect with her despised stepsister, Skylar, or they’ll never survive. Pitch: 16-year-old Emily usually looks forward t
  2. @Adam Fout This is powerful and instantly draws you into the darkness that's all around. You have some vivid descriptions and characterizations. I have to preface this to say I don't write memoir.... but I would love to hear/see more of the protagonist's characterization in the opening scene. We see everyone around him/her but we still know nothing about the storyteller. About 3/4 the way through at "I wonder what they used to be like...." this takes us out of the scene - for three paragraphs the protagonist seems to be preaching - it's powerful statements and I love them - but maybe move it
  3. @Brenda Ferber I think you did make it clear that assigning the number made the victim to say something as well - but since we don't SEE that scene and the extra level of cruelty it must have been for the victim to realize she was 1104, then I think it might not be necessary. If you include it as a scene - that's different! (And might be an excellent add) Because then we can see the layers of the bullying. again - love it no matter what!
  4. @Cara Cilento I really liked how we dive into the scene. The short, choppy sentences seem to mimic how her schizophrenic brain works to stay on track and focus. I like the mystery as to the mysterious donor, the past assault, and her mental illness. You end the scene on the name Vivenne Thibodeau but we have not heard that name yet in the ms - it's hard to know what to make of that name? Is it a good or a bad person? I like how the title represents the many sounds in her head and we see that with the music, humming, and sounds in the scene.
  5. @Brenda Ferber Wow - I love this! The scene starts out so innocent and normal but takes a HUGE turn. The Sopranos on the TV in the background is great symbolism to the daughter holding the knife. I truly want to read more. My only comments as to what threw me out of the scene was why the bullied girl needed to be assigned a number? It sounds like the teacher and class ultimately knew who the targeted girl was without big event of needing to connect the number to her - so why can't it be overtly directed at her without the filter of 1104? That is obviously a minor detail. I lo
  6. Thank you @L A Wibberley and @Brenda Ferberfor your responses! I truly appreciate it!
  7. What a nice start to a novel. I like the mystery as to what happened to Danny and why she feels guilty. I think you could even amp this up more? That hint of suspense and mystery breaks up the somber tone of the beginning. I really like your vivid descriptions and characterization. Is her sorrow related mostly to her guilt or the loss itself? You mention a speculative component, but I don't know that I get much of that yet. Making a wish on a star doesn't put me in that realm yet. I'd also like to know if "Nantucket" is a novel thought to her or a familiar place? It is the big endi
  8. Hey everyone! This is the opening scene to my YA Survival novel (the title likely getting changed soon). Each chapter alternates the POV of the stepsisters, Emily and Skylar. The opening scene is from Emily POV and sets up the remote wilderness setting and the personal relationships. The formatting of the paragraphs and spacing is off after I copy and paste the pages... Sorry about that. Chapter 1 Emily “Nature in her green tranquil woods heals and soothes all afflictions.” – John Muir An entire week without electricity, running water, or Wi-Fi, on a p
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