New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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Chapter 1-Algonkin.docx
Last reply by Clare Lowell, -
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The hermit heard the distant clash of shield and spear before he saw them. Not until he trudged over a muddy knoll, using his gnarled broke-branch for a third leg, did he see them there below, their horses hard-breathing and spurblood streaming down their bellies. Two knights in provincial armor all hard-leather and hauberks rusting, faced one another readying for another charge and tilt. Rain began to fall, bone-cold, and the hermit steadied himself against a skeletonized tree to watch. He marked their shields as they raised them into position—each emblazoned with a weathered crest of a thorn-stemmed rose. An internal feud, a dispute o…
Last reply by Cleveland, -
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CHAPTER 0 | THE BOY “Earth is the why, there is no truth greater than that.” Faja’s voice always evoked a calm as the words slipped through her puffy white lips. “We have 6 days left to find a cure. This is no the time to take risks.” Mr. Helele was frustrated and beneath that he was afraid. His powerful frame couldn’t hide the fear behind his garish robes. “We are so close. If we take this wild thing into our midst the perfect balance we have worked so hard to achieve could be torn apart.” The update had arrived only an hour ago from the Vish Monastery. From: Vish High Council “We have found the cure. A boy, found quite by coi…
Last reply by Brian, -
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edited
Last reply by Sarah Pierce, -
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They said 1979 would be remembered as the year Trivial Pursuit was invented and the YMCA sued The Village People over their catchy hit song. But it was China's new one-child policy that had me all riled up; plus the fact nobody even gave a shit. They were all too busy lining their cars up for blocks to save a measly three cents a litre because the price had risen to an all-time high. Instead of going to work I called in sick. At the corner of King and James in Hamilton, across from the Woolworth's, I held up a placard denouncing the Chinese government--a big red X through the black magic marker outline of a baby with almond eyes in a toilet bowl. Not one person honke…
Last reply by Karen Emilson, -
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*Opening Pages provide setting, tone, and main conflict of story. Chapter One Turbulent waves crashed against the inflatable raft brimming over with bodies, the midnight odyssey void of cover and captain. Sixty-one passengers huddled together, bruised shoulders overlapping, salt-encrusted eyelids heavy, and frigid feet spent. No one on board spoke of the belongings abandoned at shore to lighten the load. Not one complained of the icy wind slicing through their wet clothes, the Mediterranean both their salvation and their tormentor. And no one dared mention the two-year-old who fell overboard to retrieve his ball. A frantic rescue attempt nearly overturned …
Last reply by Rajdeep Paulus, -
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CHAPTER TWO - Introduces protagonist, antagonist, setting, tone, inciting incident, and primary conflict. CHAPTER TWO _______________________________________ Mallory They say life can change in the blink of an eye. Mine changed in the carpool lane. After I pulled myself out of bed, after the blur of packed lunches, signed permission slips, and kisses, I received an unexpected email while dropping the girls off at school. One I wouldn’t notice or read for another thirty-four minutes. Those thirty-four minutes on that fateful Friday were filled with blissful ignorance of how the life I had built for myself would start crumbling ar…
Last reply by J.K. Clark, -
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Forge of Angels By Kat Blackwood Prologue Shikari woke gasping, choking on smoke, surrounded by half-burned scrolls and books, broken goddess statues -- and the bloodied bodies of mail-clad soldiers and yellow-robed monks. Flames licked blackened beams and fallen timbers. Agony shot through Shikari’s body with each breath. He put a hand to his chest, and it came away red – a gaping wound revealed a splintered rib and pulsing blood that spilled down his torso like a dark red waterfall. If only he could die here and now and be done with it. But as he watched, the bone knit back together, the bleeding ceased, and the flesh healed until there…
Last reply by Kat Hankinson, -
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Chapter One He had taken great pains to prepare for his new role. After all, a medical residency at the famed Johns Hopkins Hospital was something sought by many but found by few. He was one of the lucky ones and wanted to look good. A crisp blue button-down shirt and striped tie were nicely framed by his short white coat. A new I.D card hung from his breast pocket, showcasing his thick light brown hair and warm smile. With his black doctor’s bag in hand, he was ready to go. After straightening his jacket and taking a deep breath, he briskly walked down the hall to the emergency room. As he approached, the electronic double doors quickly swung open to greet h…
Last reply by JEG, -
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My best friend is going to die. And it’s my fault. That was the accusation screaming inside my head—like the chorus of a heavy metal song—when the doctor came striding in, asking about tacos. “Chicken or beef?” the nurse added. She was wearing magenta scrubs bright enough to blind someone. Maybe both their vision had been compromised. Could they not see the body right in front of us? “It’s this little game Doctor Mullion likes to play, asking what she should order for lunch,” the nurse explained. “My personal vote is pork.” Little game? My best friend is go…
Last reply by alilane2007, -
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Last reply by Uma Lerner, -
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The first chapter is below, which introduces the protagonist and her world on a very bad day. Up to Here Marza had had it up to fucking here. Here not being just the chin or forehead, the traditional places one has it fucking up to, but all the way up through the fucking roof. She’d had it with her job. She’d had it with her boss. She’d had it with her horrifying ex-husband and their bratty kid. She’d had it with the cat she adopted that was forever shitting in her shoes. She’d had it with having to explain to people that her name was not Martha or Marcia Penn, but Marza Penn after the dumb-fuck almond confection that her dumb-fuck parents thought was “just oh so…
Last reply by katherinemf, -
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First chapter below. This chapter serves to introduce the protagonist, give a little bit of background about her, and set the tone for her attitude. It also introduces the concept of magic, grounds the reader in the first of three main settings for the work, and sets the main conflict in motion. I'm also attaching this via PDF in case that's easier to read, because the formatting on this forum is a little wonky whenever I try to copy and paste my work into it, and I cannot get it to single-space for the life of me. Apologies in advance for my technological inadequacy 1. When Bryn woke in the morning, she was already late. Did it even count as morning if you’d …
Last reply by Abby Cummins, -
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Three samples are posted below: Chapter 1 introduces Tom Preston, the protagonist, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Chapter 17 shares inner dialogue of Ray Whelan, the antagonist. An excerpt from Chapter 26 includes dialogue between Ray and David, a young man Ray hired to replace Quentin (the dealer he murdered). Chapter 1 Digging a grave was a hell of a lot harder than Tom expected. After nearly an hour of spading through hard earth and snarls of thick, knotted roots, the hole looked barely two feet deep. He climbed out to assess his work, his hands blistered and bleeding, then tossed the shovel back into the grave and hurried to his car …
Last reply by Rich M., -
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Chapter 1 NOW- July 28th Fog blankets my mind hiding my memory in its mist. Floating spots and light trails cloud my vision, and I’m groggy like I’m waking up from general anesthesia. Did I have surgery? It can’t be— they don’t strap you down. Four-point restraints choke my ankles and wrists, cementing me into a corpse pose. My temples tighten into a vice-like grip, threatening to crush my skull, and the only sound is blood smashing between my ears. My eyelids grow heavy, and the light recedes to dark. I drift in and out of consciousness. A mix of bleach and antiseptic sting my nostrils pulling me awake like they’re smelling salts, and the frigid a…
Last reply by Laurie V, -
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These first pages are preceded by an introduction which establishes the setting with relevant history. Job one is to orient the reader, as well as well as introduce the protagonist, antagonist, immediate problem, etc. A fumbo has a surface meaning and a hidden one, and it can be used to either avoid or create conflict. It is a puzzle, a metaphor, and the makeshift of an outspoken people during those accidental moments when discretion is suddenly required. It can be a riddle, an insult in disguise, an indirect accusation, and even something someone says without thinking. When should something so frequently silly as a fumbo be taken seriou…
Last reply by JeffK, -
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Prologue 13 Years Ago 7:08 PM Liz Liz hated sunsets. And the late September sky was already awash in bruised hues, outlining rows of gnarled apple trees against the slash of dark horizon. She knew most people enjoyed the colorful blurring of day into night, but those same people had clearly never hunted—or been hunted—by dragons before. They were deadliest at dusk, when mottled dragon scales became nearly invisible in the riot of color. Somehow, creatures with wingspans larger than most commercial aircrafts were rendered almost undetectable. Liz was hot beneath her fatigues; sweat pooling at the base of her spine as she lay flat, prop…
Last reply by alloradannon, -
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Prologue Tijuana Mexico, 1951 Our Lady of Guadalupe Cathedral’s tower bell tolled once, twice. On a wooden park bench across the street, Sarapio Viscara’s heart skipped at the sound of each toll. He raised his eyes to the vibrant mural of the Virgin Mary standing with her hands folded in prayer above the faded red-brick cathedral’s front entrance, then stared down at the scars on his fingers suffered while he slaved in the Texas cotton fields. He clasped his hands. “Por favor, Virgencita, bring Carlota to me,” he whispered. His fate—his life—depended on the divine power of Mexico’s patron saint and the message he had left for Carlota the night before. …
Last reply by Lourdes Holtzhauer, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces the setting, tone, first protagonist of the manuscript’s parallel storylines, and sets up the inciting incident. CHAPTER 1 RO THEN And it was there, stuck behind an elderly driver inching towards the intersection of Third and Lake – my hand leaning on the car horn, patience depleted, the windshield projecting an aggressive LATE reminder – that life as I knew it ended. I had been trailing this woman for several single-laned blocks, and for someone in a new model, autonomous car she was moving impossibly slowly. Either she refused to engage the self-drive mode or was too proud to admit she didn’t know how to. That tended t…
Last reply by CrystalJohnson, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces Ezra Porter (the protagonist) just after his senator father (the antagonist) made his first move against his son. A disturbance comes in the form of discovering his father’s motives from a reporter who wants Ezra’s help in taking down the senator. When Ezra realizes he can secure the proof for the accusations against his father himself, he decides to beat the New Yorker to print and use this story to cut the strings of his father’s control. Setting, tone, obstacles, and stakes for all parties involved are revealed in this scene taken from the first chapter. I’m distracted again. Not by thoughts of my father, but the movem…
Last reply by O.E. Soderberg, -
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Here are my first pages. This introduces the Antagonist (Mahan), the Protagonist (Kalista) through the eyes of a main character (Raine). The story is told from the POV of three characters, mainly Kalista, but opening with a scene from Raine's POV appropriately introduces the antagonist and helps us realize some vital things about Raine as we go on. The second chapter, from Kalista's POV, could be the first chapter arguably, and has more dialogue and the main setting of Harbor's End. This really seemed to be the best place to start the story, but I'm including the second chapter after this one to show how I wrote from each POV, and to get more with the protagonist. I hope…
Last reply by MollyCroweSmith, -
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Prey Matt Varga OPENING SCENE – Establish setting and tone, build intrigue, set up the inciting incident, establish the protagonist’s voice, hook, and competencies (sympathies) CHAPTER ONE My car purred as it drove itself forward, creeping toward the chanting ranks of people and their placards. A drowsy cop motioned my car through the barricade as other officers stood at alert and kept the crowd parted. The picketers screamed the usual insults at me as my car inched through them: murderer, bitch, slut, and worse. With the privacy shields up, they couldn’t see me. I guess they assumed I was a woman because I drove a tiny coup, a sexist but correct infer…
Last reply by Doc Varga, -
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Preface The truth of a journey is that the vast and mysterious lands, the terra incognita, you set out to explore, in the end, becomes yourself. Every grain of grief and longing, love, regret, triumph, slips quietly into your suitcase. Harper had learned that at nineteen, a scattered girl full of woebegone and madness who made a pilgrimage to Paris to forget. But there is no escaping yourself. No drug, no distraction, works indefinitely. More than twenty years later, she was in yet another foreign country, and whether she’d gotten there by running toward or away, is debatable. Georgia was supposed to salvage her career and cure her loneliness…
Last reply by Misty, -
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PROLOGUE This evening, my husband Rich handed me my glass of white wine and stated, “I want monogamy.” I smirked at him as he sat down on his side of the couch, but as I brought the glass to my lips, I looked at him and didn’t see the expression I expected. “Wait, are you serious?” I asked. “I am.” He looked at me, not looking away or down at his beer. He maintained that calm look of determination, not aggressive, just opening up the conversation. I stared at him over the rim of my wine glass, now frozen on my lips. Just like countless evenings before, we had just sat down on the couch to talk. Our daughter had come down the stairs a few minutes ago asking for…
Last reply by openlycommitted, -
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Second Scene – Introduces one of the two protagonists, sets the story in Colombia, and reveals the catalyst for the story – a plane crashed. NIGHT RUNNER Chapter 2 A Long Day The ringing was a warning. The next ring jolted through Margaret’s nightmare and she opened her eyes to see a dark bedroom. She was alone in her condo in Georgetown. She pulled the covers over her head, but the sound of the phone ringing penetrated the fabric, hornets stinging her brain. Reaching an arm out from underneath the bedding, Margaret glanced at the alarm clock glowing a red “AM 3:47.” She tilted her caller ID box to see the name Harrison Burr. He is fina…
Last reply by Dennis Blackmon,
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