New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces protagonist, setting, and conflict. (After the opening scene, I jump a few pages to a scene with Jonas, the protagonist, and Levi, his father, because there’s no dialogue in the opening scene.) HEARTWOOD The line of sheep bodies curved up the hill toward the copse of white pines (Pinus strobus) behind the barbwire. Slick white wool matted with blood. Each neck cut clean. There was blood on the boy’s hands but he was used to blood on his hands. Still, urgency fountained inside him, flushing limb to limb, as he left one dead ewe (Ovis aries) and moved to the next. Fear heated his cheeks and goos…
Last reply by Silas, -
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The AEntropic - Book 1 A World Uncertain. Alejandra Leibovich Chapter 1 “Sir!” The intercom rumbled in my ear. “More life Sir; it’s time.” The voice announced. “Thanks,” I growled. Just wonderful. Another day I woke up at the crack of dawn, irritated already. There would be an actual sunrise if the sands outside stopped sticking to my dome. Two suns and two moons, and we can’t even see them. Some days I feel I have to create everything if I wish to have it. I gotta invent something that can repel the wind and sand. We could see the sky if the sands weren’t on my dome. I wanted to stay in bed. I opened the night table d…
Last reply by aleloop, -
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Chapter 1: Hot Johnny John <jjr41@protonmail.com>: I’m in the lobby Kayla K <masterkayla@gmail.com>: Be right there. I make a left out of my room and follow the outdoor hallway to the elevator bank. It’s early evening, but the sun has long since set. I press ‘down’ and look over the edge at the guests on the second floor lounge, curled like cats on corduroy couches in cashmere throws. The air is soggy with coastal brine, and my nose fills with the smoke of cedar rising from fire pits below. The elevator bings. I ride down smiling at a video message from my lover telling me to Have fun, babe. I don’t know what he knows abou…
Last reply by Calmese Brennan, -
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I had to try one time. Even though Dad was about to turn the car into my aunt and uncle’s driveway. Even though he and Mom had said “no” the hundred other times I’d already asked them. This was my last chance so I crossed my fingers on both hands and went for it. “Please please can I go to New York City with you guys?” I asked. “We could see the Statue of Liberty. I read all about it online. It’s 305 feet tall if you count the pedestal it stands on.” I knew they would like that I threw in the exact measurement. They always approved when I used my laptop for educational things instead of just playing video games. “I promise we’ll take you …
Last reply by Lesley Hershman, -
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CHAPTER 1 I didn’t officially exist until I was nearly thirteen. The State of Oregon marked this achievement via a document inscribed “Delayed Certificate of Birth” across the top. We were all born during the Vietnam war, and Mom and Dad weren’t about to let The Man know, so it was just the two of them bringing us into this world. Dad had no medical experience, and later I wondered what would have happened if something had gone terribly wrong. But nothing did, not at first anyway. My brother was born on the road. Mom was about to give birth in their red 1957 International TravelAll but then decided that’s where she drew the line, making my dad stop at the neares…
Last reply by Chloe Johnson, -
HANGOVERS FROM KARMA Chapter One: Ouster September 29, 2015. The evening was crimson, shadowing the earth in a cosmic twilight and shaping the water, the skies, and Aria invisible. In this opaque guise, Aria envisages strangling the two voices inside her head with no one to witness them dead. A few minutes earlier ……. In a world of seven billion people, she sneaked into the Village Marina to elope from the horror posted on the front door of her High Ranch, the content that stripped off her dignity. She looks up and sees shades of grey blending with the orange sky; her eyes adjust to the warm darkness as she focuses on ripples of white foam whirlpo…
Last reply by poonam sikand, -
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Saguaro Blooms First Pages-Algonkian.docx
Last reply by KimM, -
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The first chapter is below, which introduces the protagonist and her world on a very bad day. Up to Here Marza had had it up to fucking here. Here not being just the chin or forehead, the traditional places one has it fucking up to, but all the way up through the fucking roof. She’d had it with her job. She’d had it with her boss. She’d had it with her horrifying ex-husband and their bratty kid. She’d had it with the cat she adopted that was forever shitting in her shoes. She’d had it with having to explain to people that her name was not Martha or Marcia Penn, but Marza Penn after the dumb-fuck almond confection that her dumb-fuck parents thought was “just oh so …
Last reply by katherinemf, -
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Introduces antagonistic force, setting, tone & foreshadows a key conflict. Chapter 1 Philadelphia, October 4, 1779, Revolution Gone Awry: William Penn founded his colony in 1682, and named its capital using the Greek words, “philos,” friendly love, and “adelphos,” brother. It was the “City of Brotherly Love,” and, as Quakers friends were quick to add, “Sisterly Affection.” But Philadelphia had been anything but benevolent since Hannah Arnold had arrived last year. And, once again, it had turned deadly. She’d just witnessed an attempted assault on the Society Hill home of a Declaration of Independence signer. She peered down from City Tavern’s rooftop throug…
Last reply by Kathleen Yanity, -
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The Hollow Tree stands at the end of Rotten Row. It looks like an ordinary tree to almost everyone who wanders past its twisting bark. There are details, like the deep trenches running along its spine and the way the leaves turn translucent in certain slants of light, but it takes time to notice those, and people on Rotten Row seem to be in quite a hurry. It looked like any old tree to Conor as well. At least until last Tuesday. He didn’t want to go to school that morning – or any morning as of late. He held a cup of tea to his forehead, feigning fever. He attempted loud coughing, wearing his shirt inside out to demonstrate his general sense of disarray, and …
Last reply by JuliaMay82, -
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This first scene of the novel introduces the protagonists, one of the secondary conflicts, as well as some foreshadowing of larger events to come. ONE A harsh chemical stench assaulted Skye as she left her bedroom. Her hands trailed across the golden flocking of the floral-patterned wallpaper as she tried to pinpoint the source of the smell. An odor similar to those in an art studio, but more subtle and with a hint of flowers, led her down the hall to the bathroom. A sigh escaped Skye’s lips as she opened the bathroom door. One word described this room: minuscule. The sink stood to the right of the door, with the tub to the left. Directly acr…
Last reply by JJ Long, -
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Chapter 1 Knowing that today would be one of Willow Glen Animal Shelter’s busiest of the year, Felicity Davis had skipped last night’s Fourth of July fireworks and gone to bed early. Even before her alarm buzzed, she jumped out of bed, causing her dog, Wilson, a Pyrenees mix, and her tabby cat, Jasmine, to rouse and leap from the bed. Felicity wanted to get to the shelter well before it opened and people started calling in with lost pet reports, so she breezed through her morning routine. “Sorry our walk is going to be short,” she apologized to Wilson as they went only once around the block. “We’ll take a longer one tonight.” Normall…
Last reply by Jennifer Ericson, -
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I had seen you around campus. I never expected you to notice me, a nerdy first-year purposely blending into the background, but Zephyr is a small school. I would see you in the food hall or walking across the quad. Once, you opened a door for me and a group of girls from my dorm, your chivalry on display as the gaggle giggled our way out the door of the library’s extended late-night hours. We had wrapped up our Intro to Psych group project by 9:30, plenty of time to get a good night’s sleep; you and a friend were heading in for the late shift, textbooks under your arms. I would have been almost grateful, and a little relieved, to have gone unnoticed. My photo in the …
Last reply by Mandy Jo, -
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Opening portion of the opening scene -- meant to establish the tone, setting (both physical, magical, and social), and protagonist The problem with rumor, Arren thought from the shadow of the alley, was not that it lied. The problem with rumor was that it sometimes told the truth. Arren knew she should be out looking for sure scores, not watching a man across the muddy street, armed with a cheap sword and flintlock, try not to fall asleep. She’d not made a decent score in weeks, and her coin was almost gone. But if rumor was telling the truth, a very rich merchant had just done something very stupid with a very large amount of his coin. If she was ever goin…
Last reply by kcraybould, -
First Pages, Chapter 1.docx
Last reply by Marianne Taylor, -
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Chapter Two: introduces PROTAGONIST - an overprotective mother who feels guilty for not being home as much as she’d like, and later in the story, is not above lying to her son to protect him from scary realities of the world. This follows the opening chapter from the ANTAGONIST POV - a creepy slightly disturbed 15-year-old girl. It sets up a fear connection between Mother and Son. First the son will be afraid of “Patty”, a girl he’s never met, and years later, the mother will be after she meets her in person. I'm using chapter 2 as my writing sample, since most of the chapters are in Protagonist POV anyway. EXCERPT: Vivian heard the yell from her son’s bedroom.…
Last reply by Ron91710, -
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Opening scene: introduces primary conflict, setting, protagonist, and tone First, I want to say I’m sorry. Not for shooting Ethel—that was an accident. And not for showing up at City Hall with a gun—I promise I wasn’t going to hurt anyone. I was just trying to help. But people are hurting right now, and to those who think I made things worse: I’m sorry. Some people are calling me a white savior. Others are saying I was pushed over the edge by the election. Those are both partly true, I guess, but neither of them is the whole truth. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to save anyone except myself. You may never understand why I did what I did. But I bet …
Last reply by Ktoohill, -
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Spindt Assignment 2 Dialogue.docx
Last reply by JazzyLady, -
OPENING SCENE (CHAPTER 1): Intros protagonist and antagonist in a re-imagining of a familiar realm populated with new characters setting up potential conflict... Akin to night overtaking the setting sun, a steady tint of brightness accents the dark void of infinite space. The vast mirage of a seemingly transparent floor canvas yields a landscape encompassing structures built from materials so refined, the human mind would not be able to articulate if asked. Standing with an upward gaze at a conversation taking place on a high-rise tower is a human-like being, fair mannered in expression, though imposing in stature. Unable to hear the dialogue of said conversation, th…
Last reply by Joe Belcastro, -
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Updated via workshop
Last reply by Allie, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces main heroes on the deck of a flying ship in space, during an astral travel. This scene serves as a flashforward. The children-heroes travel to the main adventure place, into the dimension of the living people. There is much tension as they fight off negative entities. 1. A Day of Surprises. ‘Ouch!’Roserin winced. Something had hit her arm. She rubbed it to ease the pain and looked to her right. A copper pot with a long arm was now hovering, spinning like a top…
Last reply by Natalie Petraki, -
Opening scene (flashback) introduces protagonist and initial traumatic event: The kid picked up a 2x4 and took a swing at my head. Like spikes on a medieval mace, three huge nails protruded from the end of the board. I leapt back as the crude weapon barely missed my nose. This was supposed to be a fistfight. At least, that’s what my six-year-old brain thought. A solid ring of grade-school boys surrounded me and my attacker. They shouted like a crowd of spectators at a Roman coliseum, eager for first blood. I took a quick glance to the side and saw a couple of the bigger kids holding back my brother, Mark, who was attempting to rush to my aid. Mark was three…
Last reply by Scott Fleuter, -
HAMMERED STEEL CRIMSON FIRE – is two stories. One within the other. The true story of Brian Boru’s life from insignificant orphan to the only True and Rightful High King of Ireland, united in peace – book-ended, as you watch over Geoffrey of Monmouth’s shoulder, as he steals Brian’s life – His dreams, deeds, and glory; to fabricate a Hero for King Henry Ist – King Arthur of England. HAMMERED STEEL AND CRIMSON FIRE ~ 6 Book Series The Life of Brian Boru …
Last reply by ConnieWhitmer, -
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Last reply by J. Cochran, -
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Opening Scene- Establishes setting, protagonist, antagonist, and primary and secondary conflicts. CHAPTER 1 “Only one in forty are venomous.” The murmured reminder did nothing to banish the trickle of bright adrenaline down my nerves as the breakers began their telltale frothing beneath the water’s surface. I should have felt badly for skipping my voice session, but I was too sated on the sand’s warmth and a full belly to much care. Strands of hair coaxed on the sea’s winds floated across my copper cheeks, and I did not bother to restrain their path over slitted eyes which watched the ebb of the surf- waiting. The coiling of my stomach had lit…
Last reply by Melissa Mohalla,
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