New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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Chapter 1 – Camp Pontchartrain Fear nibbled with sharp teeth on the edges of my soul as I scanned Camp Pontchartrain’s dining hall, looking for the bully who would surely notice me. Fortunately for me, the bullies were currently targeting the art students, a group of girls silently weeping with their heads lowered. Thankfully, they left the Techies, technology kids like me, alone . . . for now. I ran my fingers through my brown, curly hair, a self-soothing thing I did when I was nervous, which was a constant state of existence for me. Choosing a corner table, I set my tray down, then checked the seat for the all-too-familiar packets of ketchup or mus…
Last reply by ProductionBlues, -
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Sorry, posted this chapter twice
Last reply by Mark Cheverton, -
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Opening Pages Panic City by Scott Brooks The first goggles were large, obvious, and people asked questions. A little while later, they tried something that looked like a motorcycle helmet, which also drew attention, but remained a fan favorite of certain players who chose to play on electric scooters or skateboards and who also no doubt enjoyed regular fly-bys past the uncertain law enforcement of New York City. Maybe there were other iterations of goggles, visors, as well as the headphones and gloves; you’re unlikely to meet anyone who will admit to knowing much of anything about a game called Panic City and the people who played it. The next goggle…
Last reply by Scott Brooks, -
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BLOOD OF THE BELLFLOWER: THE TRACE HUNTER (Hild's perspective: Leading male protagonist) CHAPTER ONE Hild still couldn’t comprehend why they were hunting him - a young indentured servant, glorified horse hostler, and fence mender. Nonetheless, his parlous escape from the obscure mining village had flared an uproar with the Segaeta guards. Now, he lay stunned and spread eagle in the hot sand, breathing heavily and blinking against a sticky trickle of blood from his brow bone. Three things tumbled through his mind: First, this new life of running and fighting was unsustainable. Second, Razzia was somewhere – on a horse – being h…
Last reply by Laura Neibaur, -
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TWO WORLDS MERGING TO FORM THE ONE Neom City, Saudi Arabia October 2, 2030 He was not armed heavily – that could not be risked with the security drones programmed for firearms or direct-energy caps. The kill would have to be Old World – swift and by the blade. The assassin was dressed for the occasion – in formal white; he’d be a face in the crowd, a presumed participantin the regional wealth ofthe Greatest Show On Earth. Ishmael’s orders were simple:eliminate the great Infidel, MX Leon, enemy to both the people and the state, not to mention to Allah himself. The devil Leon was a creature beyond the sands, possessed of magic and technology …
Last reply by Liora Yoael, -
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Seven Assignments.docx
Last reply by Lynn McCall, -
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LWH Opening.docx
Last reply by Lynn McCall, -
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BENTLEY ROBINSON Brooklyn, New York June 13, 2024 A .45 caliber gun, pressed against his pregnant girlfriend's belly. Fear, rampantly running through his mind. His world, about to crumble in the blink of an eye. Unless he got his shit together - right here, right now. Bentley was panting from the emotional exhaustion. It was hard to fathom a more terrifying sight for a soon-to-be-father. Just getting back from a simple grocery run, he dropped every single bag when he opened the door. "Honey, I'm home..." facetiously echoed the tall, thin man holding the gun against Katalina's stomach, his voice booming with a grin. "At last, he arrives...t…
Last reply by Jake Coble, -
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MARKERS UNKNOWN, Speculative Fiction Thriller Opening Pages—Introduces protagonist, antagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary crisis and conflict. ONE Present Time. Colorado Springs Police Station. South Interrogation Room. That bastard cuffed me to the table and left the room, but we both know my petty theft isn’t what the FBI is after. In the harsh overhead lighting, I pull hard against the restraints in a continuous succession of aggressive tugs until I draw my own blood. The minute the warm, wet sensation meets the cold air of this unwelcoming environment, I cease all fighting. This is what I was after—not freedom, blood. …
Last reply by O.E. Soderberg, -
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Opening Chapter - Introduce protagonists in present timeline and inciting incident 1 Gina October 2015, Colorado Springs, Colorado On the sixth-month anniversary of Mom’s death, I make more crème caramel than Mamie and I can eat. She and I sit side by side in her kitchen, three ramekins filled to the brim on the Formica table. A whiff of vanilla lingers on my fingers from slicing the sticky bean lengthwise and scraping the seeds out to add to the milk and cream, like Mom taught me. Mamie’s white hair is wispy and pinned up in a loose chignon. “I’ll start.” She says, and slips a spoon into the pale, yellow custard. A warm, syrupy odor wafts in…
Last reply by Cynthia Anderson, -
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Writing sample for NYC Pitch Conference 2023 Saying Goodbye to Ideas that No Longer Work.pdf
Last reply by Jackie Grennon Brooks, -
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REBELRY- YA Science Fiction, American Royals meets Divergent Opening chapter - introduces main character, setting, tone, inciting incident CHAPTER 1 Summoned “. . . though we have toiled and emerged from the War victorious, now our labor truly begins. Today we grant our oppressors an amnesty they have not earned. We shall not exact vengeance, but they will learn to follow and serve. With wisdom, mercy, and compassion, we will build a magnificent world and show our oppressors that we can create paradise on Earth. And so, let it be shouted in every street, the Age of Man is no more. For I proclaim to you, the Age of …
Last reply by Sharilyn, -
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THE BELLS OF ATHERTON Chapter 1 The sun was setting over Atherton, North Carolina when Patrick Bell turned onto Seacrest Drive and headed for home. As the large oceanfront house he shared with his wife, Pamela, came into view, he reminded himself how lucky he was to live there. His life in Atherton was a huge step up from the way he'd been raised and he never took it for granted. He'd felt like the luckiest guy in the world since marrying Pamela six years earlier. They had moved to Atherton shortly after the wedding. It was a small town, a fisherman's paradise on the Carolina coast. He smiled as he pulled into the driveway, brought his silver sedan to an abrupt st…
Last reply by Malekeh, -
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Into the Breach - Chapter 1 Genre: Sci-Fi Space Opera Lieutenant Gabriel Halfast just happened to notice a single pixel glowing on the scopes. He had been leaning over the shoulder of the radar operator, helping her to retune one of the antennae. At first he thought the pixel had gone bad and flicked his finger against the screen. “What is that?” he asked. The pixel hadn’t disappeared despite his insistent taps. Radio Operator Olliver swatted Halfast’s finger away from her screen. “It can’t be a ship,” she said. “There’s no signal, no emissions-- wait--” She twisted some knobs to refocus the sensing equipment. One pixel became many as the…
Last reply by Jonah Schrowang, -
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Chapter 1 Truth—a hurricane There is no hiding from it This is not my storm . . . Switch. He is now in a body of a military scientist. He feels her anxiety, her hands tremble as she tries to uplink to her shuttle, but the remoter doesn’t establish connection. The screen is frozen, she taps it––no use. She turns the remoter around to open the lower panel to see if the circuit board is somehow damaged from high humidity. Instead, she sees its serial number. Cold fear twists her guts––they gave her an old-issue remoter; it will never uplink. She starts running. She's running at the top of her speed, praying to get to her shuttle in time. She was so naïve, she …
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Scene 1 Terra hoisted the heavy red gasoline canister to her lips and took a swig. “The only thing that ran out of gas is your bullshit story,” she said, her sparkling black eyes trained on him. The young man cuffed to the barbed-wire cattle fence dripped with sweat, despite the fact that clouds had been blocking the sun for the past few hours. He looked ridiculous out here, Terra thought, with his pristine white hoodie and his high wave of stiff slicked-back hair. The hardy foliage and rugged black bark of the massive ebony tree behind him added to the absurdity. Its olive leaves danced in the wind that seemed to be picking up as the afternoon kicked in.…
Last reply by Zona, -
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Of Aliens, Cannibals and Cowboys - Introduces protagonist, love interest, antagonist, setting, tone, and primary conflict Thad was nodding off in his PMcrusier as it moved along the sol-track at 270 Kicks. Going outside the Greenzone and seeing these jammed-together dull-drab-green CareRises always made him feel a little bit sick to the stomach and a little bit angry. All the worn-out, mean-spirited, poor human-kind: too hot to move around much, and with no idea how bad-off they really are. ‘It's fhaing 55C in the shade and hot enough to fry an egg on the back of your hand - who wouldn't be worn-out and mean puttin up with that kind of misery’ he unconsciously mouthe…
Last reply by Joe Floyd, -
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Opening Scene/Chapter One: Introduction of protagonist, setting, tone, and primary conflict - son has been hauled to jail in the middle of the night, and his mother is, essentially, lost Chapter 1: I want him to know how sorry I am. I want to beg his forgiveness. For all I didn’t understand, for all I never knew, for all I still have to learn. But the police have him and I can’t reach him. My baby. My child. My son. Why am I hesitating to say it? To use the most obvious description? Because I generally gloss it over, try to act like it doesn’t matter - why make everyone uncomfortable and bring it up? But it does matter. It is important. So here it …
Last reply by Lea, -
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Opening scene/Chapter 1 of A Break in the Sky - Introduces our protagonist, the tone of the novel, and context as to why the protagonist may be on the run. This scene also includes the inciting incident at the end of the chapter that derails our protagonist's life and drives the novel. There is a brief prologue that precedes this chapter but does not include our protagonist, so I thought this a better sample to use for the purpose of this post. Chapter One “If you leave, you’ll lose everyone here. Everything. Your home. Aren’t you afraid of that? Aren’t you afraid of losing it all? Losing me?” “Don’t forget, we are doing unforgivable things.” …
Last reply by MeganDaniels, -
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Last reply by Steve Caldas, -
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The day Paul Boudreaux feared would never come was here at last. “D-day.” Dissertation defense. The last agonizing step in his long and arduous quest toward obtaining the highest prize in academia, the much-coveted Doctor of Philosophy. The PH fuckin’D. Paul, the only Louisianan in the turn-of-the-century New York University conference room, squirmed uncomfortably on the hard wooden chair across the table from the five-person committee arrayed like a firing squad in front of him. He was struggling to answer the tricky question just hurled at him by crusty Professor Jim Langley. “Gangly Langley,” as the doctoral students referred to the chair of the histo…
Last reply by Steve Caldas, -
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Last reply by Preston, -
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Dragon Nightmare? Only two more centuries. I’m never going to make it. Quarter to midnight, six hours left. Kay Linda Taylor worried she wasn’t going to make it and then jumped when her mother came to check on her. Angrily she said, “Why are you up? You don’t have to worry about me, I can worry about myself. It’s my own fault I have to cram for this history test.” “You and Mary had fun taking care of Grandpop, before he died. There is more to life than A’s,” her mother said. “If you’re Mary, and are rich with a legacy, there is. But not me. If I want to go to an Ivy league school I have to get As. All As. But you wouldn’t understand because you don’t underst…
Last reply by K LMHS Turner, -
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FIRST CHAPTER: Antagonist introduced. Tone and sci-fi setting introduced. A tragedy sets in motion the Protag's emotional arc and the mystery of the book. CHAPTER 1 – DEEN’S DAD GOES MAD It’s a shame to be losing my mind on such a good night. As my ten-year-old son Deen hops carefully over the colorful reflections in a puddle, he looks up. I smile as his wondrous eyes track the multicolored glints that flutter around in the air like butterflies. Funny little balls of light, glints. Usually only yellow, green, and blue ones come out. But tonight, the air sparkles with the whole rainbow. Deen ignores my outstretched hand in …
Last reply by Brady Hart, -
*Opening Scene: Introduces the protagonist, establishes primary conflict, setting, tone, and briefly introduces an important secondary character. Chapter 1: Day 0, Saturday Night Declan I’m pretty sure I just died. Or I am dead. Either way, no one noticed. I’m not even sure I noticed. Here’s what I got: I remember leaving the gym just after 8:30 pm. Our school was going nuts in the stands because the star forward, Derek, twisted his ankle minutes before the close of the first half. And if he was down, I was up. No one wanted to see that, especially me. While our school’s version of LeBron rolled on the floor,…
Last reply by Courtney McColl,
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