Jeanie

Prologue. Introduce protagonist. Establish tone. Introduce concept of Emily Post books. PROLOGUE The world was destroyed by a fickle thirteen-year-old girl armed with only a cell phone and a social media account—Ellison’s world, that is, and like any good apocalypse it arrived unexpectedly on a beautiful Sunday afternoon with a delightful, little ding. Ellison’s nails were still wet when she heard it, so she carefully picked up her phone with the pads of her fingertips. Her best friend had posted a video titled Funniest Thing You Will Ever See. Ellison pressed play, preemptively smiling, Mae always sent the best videos, but she was confused when she saw herself fill her screen. It was a video of her from last night. As soon as she realized what it was, she started screaming. “Mom! Mom!” Ellison shrieked. “She posted it! She posted it! I can’t believe it!” Beth Brierley rushed through the door, carrying a basket of laundry. “Ellison, what is going on?” “Look!” Ellison thrust her phone at her mother, bashing her freshly painted nails in her haste. Beth dropped the laundry and grabbed the phone. “Ellison, what is this? Why are you running around in your bra and underwear? Where are you?” “It was last night! We played Truth or Dare at Mae’s house last night—like we always do! They dared me to run around the house, outside, dressed like that.” Ellison paced. She bit the edge of her thumbnail and grimaced as her teeth sank into the gummy lacquer. “Why did you let them tape it? Who is taping you?” “Mae! Mae recorded it! Mae POSTED it. She said it was the funniest thing you will ever see!” “Well, that’s ridiculous. This isn’t funny. It’s…” Ellison saw her mom’s eyes widen as her words fell away. “Oh, Ellison, you fell? “The grass was wet! It rained all day yesterday, remember? I went around the last corner and totally wiped out!” “Well, you hopped right up,” her mother said, unable to tear her eyes from the screen, “Oh, but,” she took a dramatic pause, “You’re so…muddy.” Ellison grabbed the phone back. “Oh God, it looks like I pooped my pants!” Heat radiated from her temples to her stomach as she watched her carefree, yesterday-self bound back into the house and disappear, laughing, wet and dirty. The video ended with the door closing behind her. Ellison and her mom stood in her room, silent. “What am I going to do?” She raked her fingers through her hair and felt the individual strands sticking and pulling against the wet polish. Damn it. Still wet! Ellison ripped her hands down to survey the damage. Each nail was now scarred with a maze of deep, thin trenches. “Did she just send it just to you?” her mom asked. “Just ask her not to send it to anyone else.” Ellison’s eyes filled with a hope that was soon dashed, as her phone began to ding and ding and ding. Ding. Nice tighty whities Ding. Poopsie Daisie Ding. 7.2. Nice form. Totally missed the landing. “Oh, mom, it’s Gabe from gymnastics camp! Hot Gabe. Oh my God, he saw it! What am I going to do?” Ellison was apoplectic. Ding. I thought she had a better body. That was from a girl Ellison barely knew from school and now fervently hated. “Why would Mae do this?” Her voice broke as she asked, looking helplessly at her mother. “Is there any chance it was an accident?” “An accident? It’s edited! She set it to music!” “Just call her and ask her to take it down.” “It doesn’t work like that mom.” She heard her snarky, indignant tone, but couldn’t change it. Ellison watched her mother walk over to the overflowing bookcase in the corner of her room. She could feel “the speech” coming. “Oh, mom, please. I don’t want to hear about THE BOOKS.” “I think that this might be the most perfect moment to hear about THE BOOKS, especially since you recently decided to run around half-naked with an audience and a camera crew.” Her mother gave her a withering look and then turned her attention back to the bookshelves. Two years ago, Beth Brierley joined Ancestry.com and was delighted to learn that she was a not-too-distant descendant of the manners maven herself, Emily Post. The revelation had quickly been followed by the purchase of several of the phenom’s biographies, as well as all the Etiquette books Ms. Post, and anyone related to her, had ever published. Her mother tapped her nail across several thick spines, hunting for a particular title. “You may not know this, but Emily Post was at the center of a very public scandal when she was in her early thirties. Her husband was a terrible cheat and when his secret was discovered, he was blackmailed. This type of blackmailing was somewhat common practice then, but Emily’s husband decided he wouldn’t pay. Instead, he reported the blackmailer. The trial was the talk of the town for weeks. Emily was humiliated. Do you know what she did?” “Wrote some rules around the right way to attend a trial.” Beth laughed. “No. She held her head high. She dressed exquisitely. She wore red—hats, feathers, shoes, nail polish. And then, when the trial was over, she divorced her no-good husband and became the preeminent authority on how to handle even the most uncomfortable social situations—and a bunch of other stuff.” "Yes—I know—the forks, the thank you notes, and the no white after Labor Day, which isn’t even a thing anymore, mom.” “I know it’s not now...but back in the early 1900s, it WAS a thing. Only the rich could afford a light, white-colored summer wardrobe—most people couldn’t—and wearing it after Labor Day was considered rubbing it in. But this rule was unspoken, so the newly rich and the people who wanted to socialize with the newly rich didn’t know it. So, these poor people, who just didn’t KNOW any better, would wear white after Labor Day and they would be ridiculed.” “And, so, she wrote the books,” Ellison said, making a large sweeping motion with her arm, as she’d also heard that line a million times. “Yes,” her mom smiled. “And so, she wrote the books.” “People don’t think like that anymore, mom.” “Only a sociopath would have no regard for someone’s feelings, for the rights and wrongs in society…that is literally the definition of a sociopath.” “Mom, I’m in middle school. We’re all sociopaths.” “You’re not. Because you KNOW better.” Ellison smiled the tiniest smile. “So, what are we going to do about this?” her mom asked, nudging the phone. The image of herself slipping and falling on the grass, in her bra and underwear, flashed through her mind. “Oh God,” Ellison moaned. “My stomach is cramping. I can’t believe this is my life right now.” She curled into the fetal position on her bed, as her phone dinged again. Beth sat down next to her. “What do you want to do?” “Is boarding school an option? Maybe an Amish community where there’s no cell phone service.” “Is that what you really want to do? You’re allergic to horses.” Ellison sat up. “I never thought I’d ask this, but what does the book say?” “I thought you’d never ask,” Beth replied, as she flipped through the thick etiquette tome. “Am I looking for social media humiliation?” “Is that in there?” “Something like it. Here it is. When it comes to social posts, one big component of etiquette has to do with making sure you have people’s permission before you post an image of them or tag them. … If you are upset by a post that’s gone up, by all means reach out to the friend or family member who posted it. ‘Zephyr, I had a ton of fun Friday, but would you please take down the photo of me by the pool? I’m not comfortable with pics of me in a bathing suit being online—even among friends.’” Ellison hated to admit it, but that response made sense. She and Mae had been best friends since kindergarten. Of course, she should reach out to her. Ellison picked up the phone and sent Mae a message, “Mae, I had so much fun last night, but would you please take down the video of me running around the house? I’m not comfortable with pics of me in my bra and underwear being online. Thx!” “Honey, I’m proud of you. I’m sure Mae will take it down.” Beth tapped Ellison on the leg, picked up the laundry basket and walked out of the room. Ellison sat back on her pillows and felt better. Everything was manageable with the right response. She took a deep breath. Her phone dinged. “People LOVE this video and you look great! Stop worrying about what other people think! (heart emoji)” Ellison was stunned. Mae wasn’t going to take it down. That took a minute to absorb. Mae wasn’t going to take it down. Asked and answered. Polite request denied by her oldest friend in the world. She stared down at her ruined nails and began to pick at the polish. Tiny piece by tiny piece of pink pulled away as she attempted to make sense of what had just happened. How could she go to school now that everyone she knew and more she didn’t had seen her like that? If she wanted that video down, she was going to have to do something about it. Amidst all the unknown, there were two things about which Ellison was absolutely certain. For the rest of her life, she would always remember this moment when she saw the color of Pink BIG nail polish, so she would never wear it again and her long-lost relative—Emily Post—and her mom—were wrong. A knowledge of etiquette won’t save anyone anymore.

The Act of Story Statement Ellison must navigate the tricky social situations at a new job to keep her career, and heart, intact. Antagonist—200 words or less John Collins—morally inept and overly moussed senior VP at iLumen. He is responsible for driving the plot in the following ways. 1. Entangles Ellison in a romantic triangle with himself and her company-appointed mentor Tessa Winslow on Ellison’s first day on the job. 2. Despite Ellison’s protest, he chooses to pursue Ellison and dump Tessa, putting the two women at odds with one another, making Ellison’s daily life at iLumen challenging with his constant unwanted attention. 3. The women decide to team up and hatch a revenge plot against him. This plot grows to include more and more women throughout the company who use the power of suggestion, gaslighting, and weaponize classic etiquette practices to undo him. 4. He created a terrible product, with a significant design flaw, and Ellison faces the impossible task of successfully launching it. 5. Ellison learns he’s been embezzling from iLumen through a fictional design consultant, Donovan Bradley, who is responsible for the problematic look and feel of the product. Breakout Title: Emily Post’s Guide to Saving Lives and Losing Lovers Genre: Women’s fiction/comedy of manners Comparable: 2 comparable…and why 1. Emily Post’s Etiquette (which I recently learned is the second most stolen book from libraries, after the Bible.) meets a comedy of manners—Legally Blonde, Bridget Jones’ Diary, or Jane Austen books. 2. Julie & Julia by Julie Powell. A modern-day person dives into an iconic work and takes a humorous look at how it impacts their life and the lessons they learn. Hook Line On her first day at a new job, a young woman becomes the unwitting third wheel in her boss’s affair, will the rules of Emily Post’s Etiquette help her save her career, her heart, and her self-respect? Primary Conflict: Exacting subtle revenge on John Collins until he is broke, humiliated, and alone in the parking lot. Other Matters of Conflict—Interpersonal/Inner personal 1. Inner Personal—Ellison still feels the effects of a revenge she exacted on a friend years ago. She still feels an incredible amount of guilt and remorse for how she handled that situation. 2. Inner Personal—She doesn’t dive into new friends. Because of her previous experiences, Ellison harbors distrust among women and it takes her a long time to drop her guard and welcome someone in as a true friend. 3. Inner Personal—Over the course of the story, the way she views the Emily Post edicts changes. At first, they are tools to help her manipulate people to get what she wants—with varying degrees of success. Then she realizes they are more powerful at enabling her to navigate the crazy and unusual she faces, and still like oneself in the morning. 4. Inner Personal—She tries with varying degrees of success to be both more truthful and more tactful in her responses, identifying her inability to balance these two qualities as the problem that springboarded this whole initial situation. Example—When Ellison first learns that Tessa and John are romantically involved, she lies to Tessa and camouflages John’s dinner invitation as a business dinner, although he has made other intentions clear, because she doesn’t want to hurt Tessa’s feelings. (All tact, no truth). At the “business” dinner, she unleashes a torrent of truth on John (no tact) which he ignores to both her and his detriment. As the story progresses, she attempts to balance truth and tact better. 5. Secondary Conflict—Relationship with Tessa. This is a complicated relationship. It begins with Ellison lying to her. Then they decide to unite for a common goal—destroying John Collins, although neither trusts the other. The relationship evolves bumpily and culminates in a deep, lasting friendship, when they prove their friendship to each other by their actions. Example: Ellison gets a final revenge on John, while Tessa is incapacitated. Ellison learns that Tessa has been carrying around anger for the man who destroyed Ellison. 6. Secondary Conflict—Ellison wants to succeed at her job, but she faces obstacles that continually threaten that end goal. 7. Secondary Conflict—Ellison falls for the iLumen Lothario Ames Randall. She falls for him. They sleep together. He dumps her. She has to deal with it in the public arena of iLumen. Then he becomes her boss and the team prepares to move to London to launch the Cleo internationally. 8. Secondary Conflict—Ellison meets Roan Tyler—a beloved chef/owner from Chicago. She doesn’t want to fall for him, but she does. He wants to move the relationship to the next level…which can’t happen if she moves to London…what will she choose? Setting Scene by Scene: The book is anchored in the advice of Emily Post. Every chapter begins with a rule taken from Etiquette, from either her original 1920s work or the recently released Centennial edition. Much of the action revolves around Ellison attempting to follow, or flip, this good advice to deal with difficult situations. Settings 1. PROLOGUE—Ellison’s childhood bedroom. Special surprise—Her best friend posted a video of her running around nearly naked at a sleepover. It goes viral. 2. iLumen—large corporate campus next to a goose-infested lake. a. Surprise: Ellison gets into a car accident with a goose. Meets John Collins. b. Surprise: Ellison realizes the product she has to promote has an odd look. c. Surprise: Weaponizing edits of good manners—holding doors for him, 3. Manayunk—upwardly mobile neighborhood in Philadelphia. Ellison’s apartment. 4. Tuck’s dive bar—this becomes Ellison’s safe space—with the wise bartender, the rowdy regular Ricky Mickey 5. Tessa’s backyard—complete with a pool and encased in roses. 6. Romantic Italian restaurant—where the business meeting/dinner date occurs. 7. Ellison and Tessa get stuck in an elevator. 8. Party at Ames Randall’s loft. 9. Des Moines airport bar—Last Call 10. Bon Moi Dumpling Den 11. RSVP and the World of Chocolate Event in Chicago