New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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Last reply by Steve Caldas, -
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FIRST CHAPTER: Antagonist introduced. Tone and sci-fi setting introduced. A tragedy sets in motion the Protag's emotional arc and the mystery of the book. CHAPTER 1 – DEEN’S DAD GOES MAD It’s a shame to be losing my mind on such a good night. As my ten-year-old son Deen hops carefully over the colorful reflections in a puddle, he looks up. I smile as his wondrous eyes track the multicolored glints that flutter around in the air like butterflies. Funny little balls of light, glints. Usually only yellow, green, and blue ones come out. But tonight, the air sparkles with the whole rainbow. Deen ignores my outstretched hand in …
Last reply by Brady Hart, -
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apprx. 500 words from Chapter 1: reveals protagonist; core wound -- she doesn't feel like she's good enough -- she did all the right things, guided by principles of integrity, hard work and service, and those bastards fired her, and now the antagonist (who looks like a good guy)) is coming in to throw her a lifeline, she's electrified by him, and he's the one she has to conquer -- or else. The attendant scanned the card, smiling as though he had been expecting her, handed her a pass, and said, “Guest of Mr. Garrett, I see.” He sounded impressed, pointed diagonally across the lobby to the elevator banks. “On the right, top floor.” “Thanks.” She to…
Last reply by Tiffany, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces main heroes on the deck of a flying ship in space, during an astral travel. This scene serves as a flashforward. The children-heroes travel to the main adventure place, into the dimension of the living people. There is much tension as they fight off negative entities. 1. A Day of Surprises. ‘Ouch!’Roserin winced. Something had hit her arm. She rubbed it to ease the pain and looked to her right. A copper pot with a long arm was now hovering, spinning like a top…
Last reply by Natalie Petraki, -
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May 27, 1905 The White House grounds were redolent with the scent of cherry blossoms, fresh-cut grass and something distinctly….mechanical. Alice Roosevelt wrinkled her nose. The pungent odor reminded her of kerosine. Alice trotted to the fence surrounding the property, peering through the iron bars. No motorcar accidents on H Street. Alice’s long-haired chihuahua, Leo, scurried over and dropped off a stick. Alice dutifully tossed it while checking her watch. Maggie would arrive soon to pick her up for tonight’s party. Too bad they were in Washington, D.C., instead of New York. Everyone in the Capitol stared at her like the prize cow at a state fair. Leo …
Last reply by James Holland, -
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CHAPTER 1 It was raining again. Shango could smell it in the hot air before he felt the droplets from the holes in the canvas roof. It was the acrid smell worming its way through the slits in the tent that had woken him in the first place, just like it always woke him when the wind changed direction. Despite his youth, he often wondered why it rained the way it did. Are the fields burning again? Or did they never stop? It had rained on and off for the better part of three months. Nearly as long as his refugee camp had stood. News had reached the camp just before the rains began that the fighting had cro…
Last reply by RolandH, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces antagonist, provides initial setting, establishes tone, introduces protagonists, and foreshadows the primary conflict. CHAPTER ONE. Everyone knows that just about everything in the U. S. is shipped by trucks, more than 10 billion tons of freight each year. Trucks are indispensable. Fruit, razor blades, computers, lumber, chickens. This is the linchpin of American commerce. Put another way, trucks move 72 per cent of the nation’s goods. But not everyone knows that trucks deliver all the U. S. nuclear bombs from the factory to the military! A person might drive past a convoy full of nukes just rolling along Interstate 95 at the pos…
Last reply by Christopher, -
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BENTLEY ROBINSON Brooklyn, New York June 13, 2024 A .45 caliber gun, pressed against his pregnant girlfriend's belly. Fear, rampantly running through his mind. His world, about to crumble in the blink of an eye. Unless he got his shit together - right here, right now. Bentley was panting from the emotional exhaustion. It was hard to fathom a more terrifying sight for a soon-to-be-father. Just getting back from a simple grocery run, he dropped every single bag when he opened the door. "Honey, I'm home..." facetiously echoed the tall, thin man holding the gun against Katalina's stomach, his voice booming with a grin. "At last, he arrives...t…
Last reply by Jake Coble, -
CSO Opening
by MKG- 0 replies
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Last reply by MKG, -
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Prologue: Berlin – Paris – Florence Nyima was having a bad day. Her research said that a door should be standing directly in front of her. Instead, there was a solid brick wall, an enormous guard named Rick, and a mean-looking pit bull. "Rick! Good to see you! I thought you were off on the weekends." Nyima said, trying her best to sound calm. "How are Katie and the twins?" "Um, they're good. Who – who are you again?" The guard replied as his hand slowly drifted toward his radio. "Janice King – from corporate – I'm sure Dave told you I'd be poking around." She lied, hoping her research had gotten that right at least. "Janice? Oh, sure. From corporat…
Last reply by Manuka Sourwood, -
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Chapter 1 Truth—a hurricane There is no hiding from it This is not my storm . . . Switch. He is now in a body of a military scientist. He feels her anxiety, her hands tremble as she tries to uplink to her shuttle, but the remoter doesn’t establish connection. The screen is frozen, she taps it––no use. She turns the remoter around to open the lower panel to see if the circuit board is somehow damaged from high humidity. Instead, she sees its serial number. Cold fear twists her guts––they gave her an old-issue remoter; it will never uplink. She starts running. She's running at the top of her speed, praying to get to her shuttle in time. She was so naïve, she …
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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~ prologue ~ The tightly-bound shackles left a ring of rust on her wrists. The pounding in her head felt as if a string of bombs were being set off in her head, the pounding almost drowned out the sounds of the unpleasant whispers surrounding her. Her legs and feet ached from having stood against a post for days on end, the common punishment for someone awaiting trial on the Skeltu planet. The woman wanted to cry in agony of the severity of her situation. She could feel the stares of the rest of her species piercing into her. Their gazes were sharp and cruel. She didn’t dare make eye contact, as she couldn’t bare the sight of distaste that everyone seemed to ha…
Last reply by Danielle Emefiele, -
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Shitcoin Secrets Chapter 1 It was a decade ago and I had just gotten out of a psychiatric facility. I had capitulated IRL — ate all of my fucked-up dog’s Phenobarbital in an effort to meet God and punch him in the face for the shitty hand he dealt me. Somehow, they brought me back from the flatline, although there are times, I wish they hadn’t. Seven rounds of electroshock therapy, an assortment of psych meds, and a month in the looney bin later they let me go. It was far from the first time, but it would be the last, unless there’s another all-encompassing meltdown looming in the distance. What made this particular suicidal sabbatical different from prior …
Last reply by QuintenHayley, -
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Delusions of Grandeur Chapter 1 It all seems too good to be true, this magical island called Palm Beach, more modern-day Atlantis or Xanadu than actual city, more dream than reality. It brings to mind a French impressionist painting reminiscent of Renoir or Monet, more an enchanting vision of color and blurred lines than some dry depiction of life as it is, an imagined work of art limited to all things beautiful, with any hint of ugliness glossed over in undulating strokes of cadmium yellow and cobalt blue. Merely crossing any of the short bridges spanning from the mainland to the barrier island you might just as well be crossing the entirety of the Atl…
Last reply by Tiffany, -
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The taxi driver from the Gare de Lyon was like one of those cheap rides for toddlers outside a supermarket which, for only a small coin, kept going long after the fun had worn off. Eve deposited her monosyllables into the conversation and the man spoke for minutes at a time, French that only made its way to Eve’s understanding in sly bursts, like mice creeping into a house in autumn. After a few minutes, she realized that he was a person who would talk with or without encouragement and was relieved to give up the chore of understanding him. Paris went by in a startling mix of the mundane and the spectacular. There were rows of rubbish bins and traffic and…
Last reply by Hope, -
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Chapter 1 Colony of Maryland Late August 1751 For the second time that day, Colonel Benjamin Tasker, Jr. saw a dark-skinned man in deerskin pants dash across the road and disappear in the trees a short distance ahead of him and Dancer, his gray stallion, while they traveled to Bel Air. Not so much a road, but more of a wide muddy path that cut through the wilderness, serving travelers from Annapolis to outlying settlements and estates. The man was shirtless and hawk feathers decorated his long black hair. An Indian, very likely a Piscataway. A sizable population of them still lingered more than a century after the landowners had established their presen…
Last reply by Melanie_Richardson, -
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Last reply by Preston, -
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The Inquisitor's Apprentice (Upmarket Historical Fiction WIP) CHAPTER ONE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone and foreshadows the primary conflict The rider pulled back on the reins and brought the donkey to a halt. He straightened his back and moaned softly, releasing the pain and tension of two days and nights without cease on the back of the plodding beast. Although his stomach growled in protest, the priest would allow neither soft bed nor hard bread to tempt him into delaying his voyage here. His two retainers rode silently behind him, their black robes absorbing the brutal heat of the Cordovan summer. In the distance he saw the long, hea…
Last reply by DeanCycon, -
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Of Aliens, Cannibals and Cowboys - Introduces protagonist, love interest, antagonist, setting, tone, and primary conflict Thad was nodding off in his PMcrusier as it moved along the sol-track at 270 Kicks. Going outside the Greenzone and seeing these jammed-together dull-drab-green CareRises always made him feel a little bit sick to the stomach and a little bit angry. All the worn-out, mean-spirited, poor human-kind: too hot to move around much, and with no idea how bad-off they really are. ‘It's fhaing 55C in the shade and hot enough to fry an egg on the back of your hand - who wouldn't be worn-out and mean puttin up with that kind of misery’ he unconsciously mouthe…
Last reply by Joe Floyd, -
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The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. John 10:10 Chapter One - The Chef To thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Shakespeare, Hamlet. A famous Chef once said to turn every disadvantage to your advantage. It was the same Chef that stood before me now at the entrance of Bodkin House Hotel, a 17th Century Coaching Inn and former 12th Century Priory in Petty France, on the edge of the Badminton Estate. We had just had a busy Sunday lunch service, and I was still hungover from the night before. I wondered if I was hallucinating or whether Gordon Ramsay was standing in recept…
Last reply by Lucy Falconer, -
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Killing The Game Michael Martin Crime drama, opening scene: Introduces protagonists, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary conflict. Chicago, Illinois. The Present. Friday had not been the best and that was before a squad car appeared behind me, electric blues ignited. Heart into chest. Being reasonably certain I hadn't broken any traffic laws, the squad probably meant one thing: Lieutenant Kinchloe wanted me. I had so hoped those days were over... Lieutenant Kinchloe was convinced I killed my wife. But he couldn't prove it. But man did he try. For me that meant hours being subjected to the type of mental torture that is legal …
Last reply by Michael M, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, setting, inciting incident and the antagonists (character & new setting). CHAPTER ONE Losing the house was bad but losing this smell would be unbearable. Sally nestled her face into the bunched fabric of Maria’s sweater. The bristly wool scratched against her cheek as she inhaled hints of jasmine and ginger into her lungs. She threw the sweater on and ran downstairs into Maria’s bedroom, a mausoleum for her scent. The rug, the bed, the blankets, all still saturated with the aroma of Maria’s life. She slammed open the dresser drawers and stuck her face into the folded clothes. Maria felt closer than ever. S…
Last reply by DomGerard, -
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- 198 views
OPENING SCENE—Introduces protagonist, antagonistic force, and backstory, as well as foreshadows upcoming events. CHAPTER 1 “We are going to have a summer we’ll never forget, I just know it girls!” Isabella gushed, with a hopeful smile that temporarily replaced the worry lines and sadness that had plagued her face for some time now. “I already know that’s true,” grumbled Cora. “I’ll never forget that you are taking away my phone and forcing me into an internet-free summer away from my friends. How can you do this to me, mom?!” “Please Cora, can’t you at least try to have a positive attitude for once? I simply …
Last reply by Kate Houser Snare, -
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- 197 views
Writing sample for NYC Pitch Conference 2023 Saying Goodbye to Ideas that No Longer Work.pdf
Last reply by Jackie Grennon Brooks, -
He’d been assigned as their group advisor from the start of her program. He was older than them by decades but his boyish cropped hair, lithe frame, the way he adjusted his glasses to sit just so on the bridge of his nose, the way he folded his sleeves up perfectly and fixed that tuft of hair with vanity, his quick wit, the way he used catchphrases from their generation in perfect tandem with paternal truisms…all made him a favorite with almost everyone. But of all these little things dwarfed in comparison to the way he yelled her name across the hallways. Waking up late that morning and being off schedule, not even having the time to get a quick bite to eat from th…
Last reply by unwritten,
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