Matt H

This scene introduces the antagonist (JB Hoyt) and takes place just after the initial confrontation between the protagonist (Lucian Swailes) and an outsider.

 

A few miles out, a siren could be heard blaring, cherries on and spinning; a brown police cruiser raced along in the dark. Sheriff Boyd Gates sat behind the wheel, studying the road ahead. A heavy scar on his cheek gave him the look of a villain though Boyd Gates was friendly as can be to most. Sitting shotgun was JB Hoyt. JB was an older man with grey, Confederate-style mutton chops on his jowls. He was dressed in an outfit befitting the host of a Wild West show: flashy, colorful, and ironed to perfection. On his right hand he wore two large, mean-looking rings that he constantly turned and slid up and down his fingers. Boyd listened intently as JB scolded the hooligan in the backseat. “I put you in the position you’re in, boy, so as to prevent problems for me. Tonight’s events prove otherwise.” JB turned back to Boyd, “Where were you?”

            The sheriff was quick to respond. “How you expectin’ me to control him?” Boyd motioned to the back seat where Sketchy smiled through greasy lips. Boyd attempted to say more, but JB raised his hand and stopped him. That alone was enough to quiet the sheriff; JB was clearly in charge here.

“Shut up! You do realize that you’re the police? You supposed to stop this sort of noise from happening.” Boyd shook his head and drove on towards Swailes’ farm, glaring at Sketchy in the rearview. “Sketchy” Chris Rawley was a 25-year-old, gun-toting, ugly piece of white trash, constantly wiping tobacco from his mouth with his sleeve. He broke with his characteristic ominous snicker. Sketchy was the opposite of a Southern gentleman, and his sly grin never left his face. Sketchy thought that because JB was his great-uncle, he had the run of the whole mountain. He did the old man’s dirty work and was within calling distance whenever JB needed something done behind the scenes. JB saw Boyd’s disgust with his younger cousin. “He does what he’s told, Boyd. Like you used to.”

“What does that supposed to mean, Uncle JB? I’m no child. I’m the sheriff of this county,” Boyd told him with conviction.

JB smiled. “You the sheriff of my county.” Boyd did not respond. This statement could not be argued. JB Hoyt held all the cards in Truett County. JB turned slightly to eye Sketchy in the back seat. The old man’s fury grew. “If you two wasn't my kin...”

            Sketchy groaned, “C’mon, Uncle JB, ain’t nobody gonna miss ‘em. Besides, he was fixin’ to kill Trig Williams. I warned him to back the -- off.” Then he muttered under his breath, “Christ, just a drunk old farmer.”

            JB turned his head and delivered a vicious, back-handed slap to the kid’s jaw. “Don’t you blaspheme around me.” Boyd was stunned how Sketchy ran his mouth. The kid knew how his uncle felt about respect, and what he did when crossed. It was almost as if Sketchy liked the pain. “I told you about that mouth, boy.”

Sketchy ran his tongue along his lip and tasted the blood. “Dang, JB. I keep forgettin’ bout them rings, though.” He grinned and showed the blood in his teeth.

JB looked over at Boyd, straightening the brass rings. He chuckled at Sketchy. He couldn’t help it. The kid was just plain funny…rude and nasty…but funny. “That boy is as stupid as the day is long.” To Sketchy, “I ain't got a problem with killing when it comes to business, but drunken knife fights in the tavern?” He looked from Boyd to Sketchy. “Now, you muss up again, and we gonna find us a length of rope and a tall tree, and you’ll be the one nobody misses.”

Sketchy hung his head, was serious for once. “Yessir.”

Boyd pulled the cruiser just past Swailes farm. Lucian’s truck was a little way beyond the drive, slightly damaged in what appeared to the sheriff to be a two-vehicle collision. Boyd turned off the siren but left the flashers on and exited the car. Just up the dirt road a bit was a sedan down in the ditch. A large, dark-haired man was beginning to regain consciousness in the middle of the road. The wide-shouldered, bare-chested Lucian Swailes squatted nearby, helping the fallen man into an upright position. Lucian looked up as the three men walked from the cruiser. Lucian secured a knot in the makeshift tourniquet on the man’s head and stood, poised, like a hunter presenting his latest kill. Boyd adjusted his gun belt and approached Lucian with JB and Sketchy just behind. JB noticed the out-of-town plates of the Cadillac. “You had you a little ordeal here, huh son?” JB asked Lucian. Sketchy, half tucking in his shirt, spat his chaw on the dirt road. He enjoyed no longer being the focus of JB Hoyt’s animus.

Boyd said nothing, only examined the damage to the Cadillac with his flashlight. He squatted near the seated, groaning man. JB walked closer too, Sketchy on his heels like an old hound dog. Boyd looked up and nodded to Lucian, a concerned look on his face. Sketchy leaned down nearly face-to-face with the dazed man and lifted the bloody tourniquet to get a closer look at the injury. He whistled, looked up at Lucian’s face. JB pulled Sketchy back to standing and moved him aside. “How’d this happen?” JB asked Lucian. “I know you ain’t got no gun, Mr. Pacifist.”

“Mr. What?” Sketchy was lost.

“It was his own pistol, JB. He fired on me… more than once.” Lucian shrugged and shook his head. He reached for the pistol stuffed in his waistline. He handed it to Boyd. “I reckon I might've killed the man had my girls been hurt.”

Sketchy, in his deep mountain drawl, exclaimed, “Dang, Lucian. You messed him up.” Lucian gave the kid a hard look. “What? I’m just sayin’.” Sketchy knew Lucian was no slouch.

            With a quick glare, JB warned Sketchy to shut his mouth and know his place. “Check for a wallet,” JB ordered the sheriff. Boyd dropped to a knee to search the man. He found it and slipped out a license. He struggled to read the ID, the only light coming from the blue flashers from the cruiser. “It’s out of state. Ohio. Name… Dominic Longo from Youngstown,” Boyd stood.

            JB reached for Longo’s identification. He studied it, then shot a glance at Longo before shaking his head at some unknown irony. JB let out an amused chortle. “By God,” was all he said, though his mind was filled with the nuances of this new hand he’d been dealt. It was JB’s habit to hold all his cards close to the chest, though it was apparent to most who knew him that he knew more than he ever led on. JB placed a hand on Lucian’s shoulder and walked with him back to his driveway. “Go see to your girls, son. We’ll clean up your mess.” Lucian didn’t know exactly what the old man meant by ‘clean up your mess’. He was understandably uneasy about the whole thing, but grateful to be done with the night’s chaos. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Let you know where we stand,” JB said. Lucian nodded and climbed into his truck.

He started the dually and turned around and into his driveway as the sheriff neared the open window. “Lucian, you got nothing to worry about. It’s obvious you was defending yourself.” Boyd patted Lucian on the shoulder. “I’ll talk to you later tonight when I know something, my friend.” Lucian nodded and pulled down the drive towards his farm.

            While the others were focused on Swailes, Sketchy looked down and noticed something that struck his fancy on the fat man’s finger: a silver ring with a ruby inlaid on the face. He glanced back at JB and Boyd. They stood talking as Lucian’s taillights disappeared down the long driveway. Sketchy reached down and slipped the band off the Italian’s finger. The man, blinded by the pain from his injuries, was either unaware or unable to protest. Sketchy dropped the bauble into his shirt pocket and spit a wad of tobacco at the man’s feet.

“Sketchy.” JB startled the disgusting young man.

“Sir?” Sketchy, wide-eyed, clueless, turned to his Uncle JB.

            “Good night, son, focus on the job at hand. Get Jon Boy’s wrecker to move this hunk of garbage out to Dew Creek Bridge. Don’t touch anything in the car until you get the say so.” Sketchy nodded and reached for his phone. JB turned to Boyd again. “Sheriff, rouse this fat Italian and get him in the back of your vehicle.” Boyd’s eyes revealed his uneasiness as JB laid out his plan. They needed to get this man to a hospital, collect evidence, at least, Gates knew. JB reached out and grabbed the Italian’s pistol from Boyd with his kerchief and walked to the cruiser. “I ain’t got all night,” he told them both. JB’s mind was made up. Though Lucian deserved to have this thing handled by the book, Sheriff Gates didn’t have the nerve to question his Uncle JB Hoyt.

 

 

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. 

 

A man fights for his land and his family as the encroaching local kingpin makes his final push to claim his prize.

 

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

 

Men like JB Hoyt view the world as their own, to be manipulated as they see fit. His eyes, cold and dark, everything in this world is his prey. JB’s Southern hospitality masks an ever-present desire for control, and the six-shooter on his hip hints at the ends he’d go to achieve it. For Hoyt, he’s always gotten what he wanted, except a successor. He sees that in the feared and respected Lucian Swailes, the number two who has always eluded him. Hoyt, forty years ruling Truett County with an iron fist, has grown his illegal operations with corruption and intimidation. His unassuming mountain lifestyle belies his reach. The last piece of the empire remains unfinished, and Hoyt knows winning Swailes’ allegiance, one way or another, is all that stands in his way.

 

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

 

Truett County

or

Then the Foothills Run Red

 

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT:

- Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why

Genre – Rural Noir

 

Comparable Works–

Bull Mountain (Bull Mountain, #1) by Brian Panowich

 

Clayton Burroughs comes from a long line of outlaws. For generations, the Burroughs clan has made its home on Bull Mountain in North Georgia, running shine, pot, and meth over six state lines, virtually untouched by the rule of law. To distance himself from his family’s criminal empire, Clayton took the job of sheriff in a neighboring community to keep what peace he can. But when a federal agent with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms shows up at Clayton’s office with a plan to shut down the mountain, his hidden agenda will pit brother against brother, test loyalties, and could lead Clayton down a path to self-destruction.

 

The Ranger by Ace Atkins

Northeast Mississippi, hill country, rugged and notorious for outlaws since the Civil War, where killings are as commonplace as in the Old West. To Quinn Colson, it's home -- but not the home he left when he went to Afghanistan.

Now an Army Ranger, he returns to a place overrun by corruption, and finds his uncle, the county sheriff, dead -- a suicide, he's told, but others whisper murder. In the days that follow, it will be up to Colson to discover the truth, not only about his uncle, but about his family, his friends, his town, and not least about himself. And once the truth is discovered, there is no turning back.

 

Why –

 

My work is similar to these two because of the gritty characters and rural settings, along with the intensity of righting wrongs and surviving crooked antagonists’ best plans to overpower and compromise the headstrong protagonists.

 

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound.

 

Logline:

A Georgia farmer with a military past struggling with the recent and past loss of family becomes tragically enmeshed in a decades old feud between the local kingpin and the Youngstown mafia.

 

Core Wound:

His father’s absence and the spiraling consequences of that loss.

 

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

file:///C:/Users/hamburg/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Lucian’s father, Barrett (Bear) Swailes left his family when Lucian was in his pre-teen years. Because of his abrupt departure, Lucian’s mother was forced to uproot their family from his childhood home in the foothills of the Appalachians in Truett County, Georgia to the metropolis of Atlanta. Without much information about his father’s work and past, except that he was a contracted bootlegger and heavy hand for JB Hoyt, the now kingpin of Truett County, Lucian struggles to reconcile his dad’s disappearance and JB’s current interest in getting Lucian to follow in his father’s footsteps as one of JB’s men. Lucian clearly doesn’t want any involvement in the crime syndicate JB and his boys have built in Truett County, but how close can Lucian get to the answers about his father’s disappearance if he doesn’t also get close to JB? Will he be putting his own family and farm at risk if he seeks the closure he so desperately needs?

Scenario:

Lucian stands in his apple orchard, grappling with the upcoming harvest and all it entails. As he’s considering the current state of his land and the pressure to pay the mortgage each month, in comes JB with an offer to make Lucian rich, and quickly. Lucian knows that JB is up to no good almost all of the time, and any entrance into Lucian’s life and farm could ultimately put both his homestead and his reputation at risk. However, he also firmly believes that JB holds the answers to his father’s disappearance and abandonment of his family. Heck, he doesn’t even know if his father is alive or dead. The only certainty is that JB is somehow involved, and Lucian needs an in to be able to dig deeper into Hoyt’s past and corruption. With the harvest pending, but money needed even sooner, Lucian must decide if JB’s offer to ensure his bills are paid is worth the risks involved.

 

Secondary Conflict –

While trying to find answers to his past and balance keeping his farm, Lucian resists JB’s pleas to become one of his leading men. However, a car accident, which results in the death of Pauly Longo’s (head of the Youngstown mafia) nephew (Dom), provides JB and his ringleaders an opportunity to force Lucian’s hand. JB and Boyd, the compromised town sheriff, threaten to leak Lucian’s name to the mafia as the one who caused the accident. Lucian knows Pauly’s name from his father’s past, and he is fully aware of what the Don will do to avenge the death of his nephew. Unwilling to play into JB and Boyd’s stratagems, Lucian tries to balance keeping the locals at bay while also fending off the mafia. Furst, Pauly’s cleaner, is sent to Truett County to sort out the mess, and Lucian has to rely on his instincts as a Marine and father to protect himself from both. 

Scenario:

Lucian returns to his farm after the accident, knowing full-well that the man driving the vehicle was alive when he left him and in the hands of Boyd. However, he has a sinking feeling that this accident is just the opportunity JB and Boyd need to finally get their claws in Lucian and ultimately control his life. The next day, Boyd stops by the farm and casually mentions that Dom didn’t make it and that JB wants to have a chat with Lucian about next steps. Lucian realizes he has no choice but to hear JB out. Later, Lucian if forced on a drive with JB to meet with Pauly Longo to discuss his nephew’s death. The usual mafia stereotypes are at this clandestine meeting, and Lucian’s presence at such an important sit down immediately implies his involvement in what is being spun as an intentional hit. Pauly is not amenable to the conditions that JB sets for reconciliation, and the meeting ends with the silent understanding that vengeance is on its way south. Now that he’s been seen with JB, Lucian is certain that Pauly will send anyone and everyone after him to get retribution. Now, Lucian is not only trying to fend off JB, but he’s apparently at war with the mafia.

 

 

file:///C:/Users/hamburg/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.jpg FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

 

The story is primarily set in Truett County, Georgia in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. During the day, the rolling hills, sometimes with a herd of Holstein cattle grazing on them, provide an idyllic backdrop for the story. However, when a heavy fog or storm rolls in, the gray blanket that envelops the mountaintops calls to the ancestral past and echoes the mystery that goes hand in hand with a geography so ancient. Mountain towns like Truett County feel the fervor of all four seasons: Winter can bring snow and cold that rivals that in the North, lending to a slowly perking spring with the air of new life all around. Doe and their fawns paired with wildflowers juxtapose the recently awakened beasts from their hibernation. Summer can be unbearably hot, sparse with rain, the perfect condition for dirt roads to spew up dust clouds the size of the mountains themselves when rusty trucks with loud mufflers go down them just a little too carelessly. One might easily see a tractor followed by a trailer bursting with bales as he would a luxury car occupied by tourists going down the road. Streams full that swell and recede with the weather seem to cut fields everywhere as well as run along the side of the main thoroughfares. Katydids, tree frogs and cicadas are the music of the night, and sunrise comes early. Fall is a time of great energy as every farmer is either doing his second, sometimes third, cutting of the year, or an array of crops are begging to be harvested. Main Street is decorated to match whatever the holiday of the season is: Storefronts quickly take down Christmas regalia, replaced by hearts and carnations for Valentine’s. Sidewalks follow a patriotic theme for most of the summer, beginning with Memorial Day and ending with Labor Day. The town loves parades and festivals, with the Harvest Festival signifying the true beginning of Autumn.

While the heart of the town and the sprawling farms surrounding it portray abundance, there are places on the outskirts that never seem to see the light of the sun. Trailers with overgrown vegetation, broken windows and lights, and cars on blocks serve as a reminder that not everyone in town has the means, or sometimes the desire, to be on the “inside.” The forests around, from a distance, seem silent and innocent. Yet, marijuana fields, shanty houses, and stills can be found if one dares to explore. The people in the town know of these places, but they also know that if they stay on the beaten path, trouble will leave them alone.