Andrea H

Opening scene: introduces protagonist, foreshadows primary conflict, introduces a core setting protagonist will return to later in the story (childhood home)

Note: This is the beginning of my manuscript, which doesn't contain dialogue. I can post other parts of my book that contain dialogue if that is helpful. 

Every now and then, my father would just show up at our house. The night before I left for Ohio was one of those times. I hadn’t talked to him in months at that point, but I was only half-surprised to see him. Grandma must have told him I’d be leaving the next day. His hair was grayer than when I last saw him and he’d gained weight – I remember Mom once telling me that he always put on weight when he was manic. There were stains on his blue polo, I wasn’t sure if it was coffee or car oil, but that probably meant his girlfriend kicked him out again and he was back living in Grandma’s basement. I never asked him to come in when he showed up like that. Rather, I’d always step outside with no shoes on, hoping he would get the hint that I couldn’t talk for long. We chatted for a few minutes like old acquaintances, both trying not to think about the old hurts too much. Before he left, he gave me some cash and told me how proud he was that I decided to go into journalism. It was something he always wanted to do himself had things gone a little differently. He offered to drive me to the airport the next day, but I just shook my head, “I’m good, Mom is gonna drive me.” Before he left, he gave me a hug and I could tell he was genuinely proud. I’ve been thinking about that day a lot, how I would have spent a couple minutes more standing outside my house with him would I have known it would be one of the last times I’d ever see him.

To be completely honest, I didn’t give too much thought to Dad’s emotional state that night. Once I closed the door behind him, I complained to my mom why she told him I was home and without waiting for an answer, went back to my room to pack my things. As I stuffed my suitcase with clothes and farewell gifts, all I could think about was the new life I was about to start the next morning – a journey of self-discovery that would start with a nearly 15 hours plane ride to a town in the middle of America most people didn’t even know existed. It sounded like a good idea when I applied for the scholarship six months ago, but now the thought of leaving home for a year made my heart feel heavy. For a moment, I thought about changing plans and staying at home, but part of me knew there was no turning back now. I barely slept that night. Too many thoughts about the what ifs. Plus, I had never been to the Midwest before, and there was a real chance I might hate Bowling Green.

Before we left for the airport the next morning, I turned around one last time to look around our house, part of me fearing that I would forget the familiar smells and sights. I could tell Mom was holding back tears as she told me it was time to leave. It broke my heart looking at her, knowing it was too late now to make up for a past we’d never shared. 

Act of story statement

Over the course of fifteen years, the protagonist--a young woman from Austria--builds a home in the U.S. and confronts her truth and childhood trauma, eventually allowing her to claim her voice and identity as a queer woman. 

The antagonist

Over the course of the book, we learn about several antagonists in the main character’s past, including childhood bullies and a narcissistic, neglectful mother who is fighting her own demons. The protagonist has internalized those voices and it is now up to her to break free from her past and to overcome her crippling anxiety. As she undertakes the journey of overcoming her past, she is finally able to claim space in the world.

Conjuring your breakout title

• Option 1: Late bloomer: A queer woman’s journey towards claiming her voice

• Option 2: All the places we call home

Deciding your genre and approaching comparables

I’ve been struggling for several years to settle on a genre. My manuscript started out as a novel inspired by true events before evolving into short stories. More recently, I’ve come to realize that I was trying to hide my own story behind fiction, and that the only way to claim my truth is to tell my authentic story. My manuscript has evolved into a memoir, which is inspired by Jeanette Walls’ The Glass Castle and Mary Karr’s work.

Core wound and the primary conflict

My manuscript is a story of overcoming trauma, about coming to terms with one’s past to find a home in oneself. It’s also a story about forgiveness and breaking free from generational trauma and family expectations. Another conflict arises out of the social stigmas and barriers that continue to prevent queer people from taking up space in the world.

Other matters of conflict

Scenario #1

Hugging and kissing my mom and sister goodbye, something inside of me told me it was not too late to turn around and go home. Maybe taking another stab at trying to fit in wasn’t the worst of ideas? Part of me just wanted to stay in the “comfort” of my small town of 25,000 souls. 25,000 souls that all pretty much looked the same and led predicable lives. With a familiarity about it that didn’t make me face my true self. A town that made me feel out of place, but never quite enough to make me wonder if there was a different place somewhere I might fit in.

No one would be upset if I went home now and acted like nothing ever happened. A lot of people probably kind of expected that anyway since I had never been good at following through with things. But deep down inside of me I knew it was time to leave. Time to leave for the first real adventure in my life and to find my real self hiding somewhere inside of me. This feeling finally dragged me through security, and to my gate to Detroit. I sobbed like a baby as I boarded the flight, but I knew there was no way back to my old life now. Bowling Green, Ohio probably isn’t the first place you would think of when setting out on a journey for self-discovery, but I knew it was where my journey would begin.

Scenario #2

I knew the next step would be hard, but I had a sense that there was no way back now. Life was too short for some of us and I had to stop lying to myself. I’d be leaving the next day, so I had a night to explore the city by myself. I found a cheap hotel near the train station, and after I dropped off my bags, I took the subway back to the city all the way to Canal Street. I kept walking until I reached the water, the night so chilly I could feel my lungs filling up with cold air with every breath.

I watched the sun go down over the frozen Hudson and walked back to Greenwich Village. My heart was racing as I looked for the place I had secretly searched for online earlier that day – a place that women went to meet other women just like them. After I found the street the bar was on, I was debating in my head about whether I should go in, but there was no going back now. There was no line, just the name of the place and a rainbow flag in the window giving it away as the place I was searching for. I took a deep breath. The only thing standing between me and my new life now was a weathered red door.

The incredible importance of setting

At the beginning of the book, the protagonist leaves small-town Austria for an exchange year in Bowling Green, Ohio. Being away from her familiar surroundings and meeting queer people for the very first time in her life gives the protagonist the courage to come out. Over the course of the book, she moves to San Francisco and Washington D.C. As the protagonist experiences her own inner transformation and comes to terms with her own identity, the reader also witnesses the country undergoing a significant time of social change for queer people. However, before fully claiming her space in the world, the protagonist has to take an unexpected journey to her hometown for her estranged father’s funeral. This journey allows the protagonist to come to a place of forgiveness and to finally claim her voice.