Camille Adele Saffron faces the dangerous power figures of the Ancient city of St Augustine to find the murderer of the sister who betrayed her.
SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.
The first antagonistic force is Camille’s desperate love for the sister who her hurt her. She fights a daily battle between stubborn anger, and immense heartbreak. The harder she fights it the stronger the memories of love push her towards her hidden enemies. She both refuses to forget and refuses to forgive. The opposing emotions twist up what is real about how her sister died and how she imagines the events must have unfolded. Eventually leading her in the wrong direction again and again, until her time to choose a side runs out.
The second antagonist in the story is the plot twist:
The hidden antagonist is a young man energized by obsessions. He’s very good looking and creatively talented. He has no problem getting noticed but the women he wants seem to misunderstand his efforts to protect them. He knows Camille is eager to uncover the truth. And he’s doing his best to scare her out of St Augustine for her own good. If she can be helped to take the hint she may survive for a few more days. He’s well camouflaged but the more they spend time together the more Camille reminds him of Sophie. He falls in love again and the cycle begins once more
CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE
My working title is The Girl in the Beach House. Its simple but the best things in life are simple.
I believe this is a bestselling title that’ll pique interest.
Others I’m playing around with are The Good Girl. The Girl in the Waves.
DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLE
The novel which compares to mine, the closest, thought it isn’t an amateur sleuth fiction is My Sister’s Grave by Robert Dugoni. The premises are similar, in that both protagonists lose a sister and distrust law enforcements convictions of a prime suspect. Both uncover secrets in the process of solving the mystery.
The Second comparable will most definitely be Sister by Rosamund Lupton. This one is almost scary close.
From the summary posted on Amazon: “Tess has always been a free spirit, an artist who takes risks, while conservative Bee couldn’t be more different. Bee is used to watching out for her wayward sibling and is fiercely protective of Tess (and has always been a little stern about her antics). But then Tess is found dead, apparently by her own hand.”
Bee is certain that Tess didn’t commit suicide. Their family and the police accept the sad reality, but Bee feels sure that Tess has been murdered. Single-minded in her search for a killer, Bee moves into Tess's apartment and throws herself headlong into her sister's life--and all its secrets.
I mean the premise is almost the same as my novel except the relationship between my sisters has been a strained one for five years before the murder. Also the police know Sophie was murdered but are wrong about who did it, which is why the first comparable also fits.
FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.
After the famous sister who ruined Camille’s life is found dead on the shore of Anastasia Island, the failing psychology student battles a deadly host of powerful conspirators and discovers a secret obsession that could end her life.
SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.
Inner conflict and turmoil. All Camille wanted to do was hate her sister forever, but how she can morally go on drinking in the intoxicating emotions of anger when the woman has now been violently taken. Now the struggle is to forgive as any decent person is required to do once a family member is tragically killed. No matter what they did to you, no matter how scarred they left you. She has valid reason to be angry but was ripped from the route of processing the grief of losing her best friend to betrayal much too early. Now she must balance the left-over feelings of resentment as they overlap the physical grief of never having the chance to forgive Sophie face to face. There is guilt in this and an assumption of wrongness. Perhaps she should’ve forgiven a long time before the opportunity to have her friend back disappeared forever and perhaps, she was irrevocably broken before the chance came and went because she failed to do so in time. She wonders often if Sophie cheated her, or her stubborn heart forever cheated them both out of reconciliation and reunion
Secondary Conflict: Social family conflict: Camille is torn between desiring approval from her parents who tend to favor Sophie’s good girl façade and a true desire for justice for her sister which requires probing into Sophie’s true nature. This pits her against her family and the police who believe they’ve already caught the killer (a random druggie beach bum. The more Camille screams from the rooftops that Sophie was more villain than angel and had possibly wronged some deadly enemies, the more Camille alienates herself from the people she loves and scorned by police. There’s a scene in the story after Camille has visited the man accusing Sophia of murder to hear his tale. When her mother finds out about this, she berates Camille for entertaining lies about her dead sister. So not knowing that Camille followed a hunch based on inside knowledge into Sophie’s secret life her mother sees her pursuit of the details as a cruel vindictiveness
att.jpg Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend and be aggressive with it.
Truth is stranger than Florida. The best thing about setting this story in Florida is it adds a sense of believability without adding to an oversaturated setting where these types of stories usually take place. The story is ripe with celebrities, big business, corruptions, scandals and some sprinkling of drugs and tons of sexual misconduct. This could easily be set in Los Angeles but where’s the novelty in Hollyweird elements set in Hollyweird. This is also why I didn’t choose the city of Miami to set the story.
There are legends and myths in every city, but St Augustine is highly regarded as historically tumultuous. And where there is history, there is the creep factor of specters lingering. Think Louisiana. Tailing the bible-thumping south, gripped in swampy wilderness and unpredictable weather phenomena, St Augustine Florida has a little bit of everything. That versatility allows the story to transform from one genre to the next while still keeping its main form. St Augustine Florida as the nations oldest city is both frightening and beautiful. Much like Sophie. This place would have camouflaged her in a vibration that matched her own. Just what she needed.
The city itself is rich not just in its ghostly back drop but in the people who bravely live there. They belong. They are proud to belong to the coquina rock and colonial district. They don’t have a problem walking pass the torture museum for an ice cream cone and browsing the old cemetery for photos. Good thing Camille has the thick skin to blend right in.
The sky is open as it is everywhere but there something different here. The sky is sentient and heavy, it looks down on you, wondering what you’ll do next. This is inescapable exposure. Paranoia inducing. St Augustine is plotting against you, waiting for you to make a move so it can return with its own. Just as the ghost of settlers who made the town what it is, the city tries to soothe and distract you from your own hair prickling gut feeling. How? By laughing and dancing in merriment and silly, dizzying nonsense. The pirate at the bar holding a smart phone, the water mills attached to restaurants made of inside out houses in the quarters. A Clydesdale-drawn carriage tugging down a choked avenue or on the open street. The castle with cannon fire and the actors who ignite them. You must feel safe. But you don’t know for sure. Look up its Christmas! See the night of lights strung from house to bar to museum to bed and breakfast. Miles of thousands. Millions. Tens of millions and more. Like a starry night fallen to earth and painted gold. But remember that hotel shooting and the guy who fired that gun at the monk St George street or the kid who stalked and killed his classmate, or the girl who went missing after drinking from the fountain of youth and was never seen from again.
My point is St Augustine is enchanting, chilling and mysterious. Not to be trusted and so perfect.
New York Pitch and Algonkian Pre-event Assignments - 2022
in New York Write to Pitch 2023 and 2024
Posted
FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.
Camille Adele Saffron faces the dangerous power figures of the Ancient city of St Augustine to find the murderer of the sister who betrayed her.
SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.
The first antagonistic force is Camille’s desperate love for the sister who her hurt her. She fights a daily battle between stubborn anger, and immense heartbreak. The harder she fights it the stronger the memories of love push her towards her hidden enemies. She both refuses to forget and refuses to forgive. The opposing emotions twist up what is real about how her sister died and how she imagines the events must have unfolded. Eventually leading her in the wrong direction again and again, until her time to choose a side runs out.
The second antagonist in the story is the plot twist:
The hidden antagonist is a young man energized by obsessions. He’s very good looking and creatively talented. He has no problem getting noticed but the women he wants seem to misunderstand his efforts to protect them. He knows Camille is eager to uncover the truth. And he’s doing his best to scare her out of St Augustine for her own good. If she can be helped to take the hint she may survive for a few more days. He’s well camouflaged but the more they spend time together the more Camille reminds him of Sophie. He falls in love again and the cycle begins once more
CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE
My working title is The Girl in the Beach House. Its simple but the best things in life are simple.
I believe this is a bestselling title that’ll pique interest.
Others I’m playing around with are The Good Girl. The Girl in the Waves.
DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLE
The novel which compares to mine, the closest, thought it isn’t an amateur sleuth fiction is My Sister’s Grave by Robert Dugoni. The premises are similar, in that both protagonists lose a sister and distrust law enforcements convictions of a prime suspect. Both uncover secrets in the process of solving the mystery.
The Second comparable will most definitely be Sister by Rosamund Lupton. This one is almost scary close.
From the summary posted on Amazon: “Tess has always been a free spirit, an artist who takes risks, while conservative Bee couldn’t be more different. Bee is used to watching out for her wayward sibling and is fiercely protective of Tess (and has always been a little stern about her antics). But then Tess is found dead, apparently by her own hand.”
Bee is certain that Tess didn’t commit suicide. Their family and the police accept the sad reality, but Bee feels sure that Tess has been murdered. Single-minded in her search for a killer, Bee moves into Tess's apartment and throws herself headlong into her sister's life--and all its secrets.
I mean the premise is almost the same as my novel except the relationship between my sisters has been a strained one for five years before the murder. Also the police know Sophie was murdered but are wrong about who did it, which is why the first comparable also fits.
FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.
After the famous sister who ruined Camille’s life is found dead on the shore of Anastasia Island, the failing psychology student battles a deadly host of powerful conspirators and discovers a secret obsession that could end her life.
______________________________________________________
SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.
Inner conflict and turmoil. All Camille wanted to do was hate her sister forever, but how she can morally go on drinking in the intoxicating emotions of anger when the woman has now been violently taken. Now the struggle is to forgive as any decent person is required to do once a family member is tragically killed. No matter what they did to you, no matter how scarred they left you. She has valid reason to be angry but was ripped from the route of processing the grief of losing her best friend to betrayal much too early. Now she must balance the left-over feelings of resentment as they overlap the physical grief of never having the chance to forgive Sophie face to face. There is guilt in this and an assumption of wrongness. Perhaps she should’ve forgiven a long time before the opportunity to have her friend back disappeared forever and perhaps, she was irrevocably broken before the chance came and went because she failed to do so in time. She wonders often if Sophie cheated her, or her stubborn heart forever cheated them both out of reconciliation and reunion
Secondary Conflict: Social family conflict: Camille is torn between desiring approval from her parents who tend to favor Sophie’s good girl façade and a true desire for justice for her sister which requires probing into Sophie’s true nature. This pits her against her family and the police who believe they’ve already caught the killer (a random druggie beach bum. The more Camille screams from the rooftops that Sophie was more villain than angel and had possibly wronged some deadly enemies, the more Camille alienates herself from the people she loves and scorned by police. There’s a scene in the story after Camille has visited the man accusing Sophia of murder to hear his tale. When her mother finds out about this, she berates Camille for entertaining lies about her dead sister. So not knowing that Camille followed a hunch based on inside knowledge into Sophie’s secret life her mother sees her pursuit of the details as a cruel vindictiveness
att.jpg Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?
______________________________________________________
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend and be aggressive with it.
Truth is stranger than Florida. The best thing about setting this story in Florida is it adds a sense of believability without adding to an oversaturated setting where these types of stories usually take place. The story is ripe with celebrities, big business, corruptions, scandals and some sprinkling of drugs and tons of sexual misconduct. This could easily be set in Los Angeles but where’s the novelty in Hollyweird elements set in Hollyweird. This is also why I didn’t choose the city of Miami to set the story.
There are legends and myths in every city, but St Augustine is highly regarded as historically tumultuous. And where there is history, there is the creep factor of specters lingering. Think Louisiana. Tailing the bible-thumping south, gripped in swampy wilderness and unpredictable weather phenomena, St Augustine Florida has a little bit of everything. That versatility allows the story to transform from one genre to the next while still keeping its main form. St Augustine Florida as the nations oldest city is both frightening and beautiful. Much like Sophie. This place would have camouflaged her in a vibration that matched her own. Just what she needed.
The city itself is rich not just in its ghostly back drop but in the people who bravely live there. They belong. They are proud to belong to the coquina rock and colonial district. They don’t have a problem walking pass the torture museum for an ice cream cone and browsing the old cemetery for photos. Good thing Camille has the thick skin to blend right in.
The sky is open as it is everywhere but there something different here. The sky is sentient and heavy, it looks down on you, wondering what you’ll do next. This is inescapable exposure. Paranoia inducing. St Augustine is plotting against you, waiting for you to make a move so it can return with its own. Just as the ghost of settlers who made the town what it is, the city tries to soothe and distract you from your own hair prickling gut feeling. How? By laughing and dancing in merriment and silly, dizzying nonsense. The pirate at the bar holding a smart phone, the water mills attached to restaurants made of inside out houses in the quarters. A Clydesdale-drawn carriage tugging down a choked avenue or on the open street. The castle with cannon fire and the actors who ignite them. You must feel safe. But you don’t know for sure. Look up its Christmas! See the night of lights strung from house to bar to museum to bed and breakfast. Miles of thousands. Millions. Tens of millions and more. Like a starry night fallen to earth and painted gold. But remember that hotel shooting and the guy who fired that gun at the monk St George street or the kid who stalked and killed his classmate, or the girl who went missing after drinking from the fountain of youth and was never seen from again.
My point is St Augustine is enchanting, chilling and mysterious. Not to be trusted and so perfect.