New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces the antagonist, protagonist, the protag’s new love interest, the contemporary setting, tone, and the primary conflict. Another anniversary. Eight years. On any other Saturday, Emily would pull her boots on and gather kindling. She’d snap a hundred branches, then come inside and light a match under all the wood. With the kitchen radio on, she’d bake something, scones or a coffee cake, all while Neil slept. But today, they were already up. No fire to start. No bread to bake. Keeping with tradition, they left their phones on the kitchen counter. They rode Neil’s red Harley, a model from the 80s that he kept in prist…
Last reply by Lisa771, -
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Opening scene: introduces the protagonist and antagonist, establishes the setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict. Aren’t we a pair, Amber Ray? Mom and Dad must be so proud of their long-lost daughters. You, moldering in the grave, and, as for me, a murderous whore. Yes, I might as well be buried right next to you unless they come for me. Please come for me, I think, clasping my hands tightly as if I’m praying to Jesus Christ himself. Until then, I’ll wait, but not patiently, not in this nut house. So, I spin around in the swivel chair, clinging to my book of Edgar Allan Poe’s best works. Creeping in my head since I sat down is …
Last reply by SE Reynolds, -
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Opening Scene - Introduces setting, protagonist, sidekick, and love interest. Identifies protagonist's job, which leads to main conflict. I hurry along the busy Manhattan street, weaving in and out of the other commuters, while I wait for the familiar voice to sound in my ear, and wish with every step that I wore the shorter heels made for running. The buildings tower on either side of me, blocking the outside world, and creating the unique universe that is New York. Normally, I love the lively buzz and crowds of the city. New York is the only place I know where you can blend in by standing out, making it easier to hide in plain si…
Last reply by Amanda, -
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This is actually the third scene, occurring after a montage of the city of Bologna (scene 1) and several women hobnobbing in 1300 AD about the exhumation and burning of Saint Guglielma. (This is a dual timeline narrative) This third scene introduces the relationship between the modern-day protagonist and her lover in Bologna; establishes basic character outlines/occupations -- “Congratulations,” Amanda said, lifting a glass of the house red wine to Serafina. "On booking your first ever event. May there be many more to come." The remaining liter of wine sat, mostly full, on their small, square table. They were seated outdoors, and the evening October air was…
Last reply by Alexandra Syrah, -
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I don’t remember what it I was like when I was 19. I know that things felt easier. I was happier. Mundane tasks like brushing my teeth or finding a matching pair of socks didn’t feel like an exhaustive chore back then. The hope and curiosity that I had then is like a fading memory now. I know it existed but I don’t remember how it sat in my body. Nor do I remember how I was able to feel relaxed because of it and not in a constant state of disarray and panic. In the 12 years since then, hope has become naive and delusional. Everything was lighter when I was 19— back before it all went awry. I have never had any real interest in suicide. As painful as life was, I…
Last reply by Marcel P, -
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Prologue – The Sunday Vinyl Project (a nonfiction memoir) May 13, 1987. My husband and I are going through the last of midterms this week. After this, it’s paper writing time. The list of chores is endless, and life goes on spinning us slowly in our tracks. To hesitate, to slow down for only a moment, would be to miss much of life’s experiences. If we could only capture some of the precious times with our children and with each other and place them in a looking glass for tomorrow. The best we can capture are two-dimensional images of a time, a person, an event... There is a piece missing that makes my heart ache in viewing the past, the spirit of that time. Captu…
Last reply by DomGerard, -
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1 Marquette, MI The destination is a hardship. The agenda cries out with despair. But in this disquieting season of fear, one must learn to overcome adversity. The remote enclave on Lake Superior would not normally be considered central by anyone, except perhaps the hardy upper-Midwest university students and ship captains that patronize its frigid shores. Unexpectedly in these last few years, Marquette’s isolated geography and access have become desirable. A largely unforeseen and unwanted calling card. Landowners and homebuilders, real estate agents and restaurant owners are rushing to keep up with demand. On this Tuesday morning, the…
Last reply by John Stafford, -
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Introduces narrator and main protagonist/antagonist. Introduces one of several settings. Introduces thematic elements. Alludes to forthcoming plot points and reveals "Act Zero" setup. Includes dialogue. Chapter I: Clotho. It’ll be mid-morning in my clapboard piece-of-crap house in God’s own Blue Ridge mountains and I’ll have a hangover that could kill a cat, and not even just a regular cat but a bobcat maybe or whatever an ocelot is. It may occur to me (as so frequently it does) that I am for all intents and purposes out of food, which dilemma has been caused not by insufficient funds but by a general lack of gumption to get off my gangly bum and go to the grocery s…
Last reply by Molly Morse, -
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He regarded his plush surroundings through the haze of his standard weekday hangover. Duff was a music journalist by trade, and of a type that was vanishing into extinction. Which was to say he drank frequently and well, was friendly enough with his weed dealer to have read and offered notes on his screenplay, wore a full mustache, and possessed an encyclopedic knowledge of rock music and its forebear, rhythm and blues. He was sitting gingerly in a beautifully upholstered chair with blue and cream stripes in a suite at the Waldorf Astoria, his husky 6’3’’ frame threatening the collapse of the beautiful piece of furniture and his self-esteem at any moment. H…
Last reply by Mike Wackenreuter, -
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Opening Scene: status quo before inciting incident, establishes tone, introduces antagonist, foreshadows conflict I sit back, grab some toilet paper and prepare myself mentally for the clean-up. That’s when I hear him coming into the house. I call him Tony. He doesn’t deserve a title. Doesn’t even care I stopped calling him ‘dad’. It’s always the door announcing his arrival, signaling me to become less. I shrink to be less annoying and have less opinions as he becomes more. He is more in control, more intimidating, more angry. It seems wrong. At seventeen, I haven’t figured out how to fix it. Maybe to become so less I become invisibl…
Last reply by Geraldine Donaher, -
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These are the opening pages of my historical fiction novel, which centers around a young woman who has a job offer in China on the eve of the pandemic, and is writing about her grandfather's life in the Underground to understand her own decision to move abroad. It introduces one of the main characters and the primary conflict, as well as one of the primary settings (Philadelphia). CHAPTER ONE January 2020 In a city of 25 million people, I was alone. The Pearl Tower pierced the foggy skyline in a monochromatic crimson that hypnotized me into walking away from the piano bar where I’d been headed. I braced myself against the unobstructed wind and crossed the…
Last reply by eursell44, -
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My novel is about a heartbroken, modern-day science teacher who is wooed by a man who claims to be Shakespeare. 1 Joy looks up at the autumn sky and sees a sign: a white “H” within a bright green square, a logo that reminds her of summer vacations. “Who knew we had a Holiday Inn?” she says to Fredrico. “Who cares?” She could change the subject to something more relevant to him—like the spa facilities at the new Ritz Carlton, or his resemblance to a 1970’s George Harrison—but instead of working that hard, she lets the conversation drop. The restaurant is just a few blocks from his West Village apar…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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The Hollow Tree stands at the end of Rotten Row. It looks like an ordinary tree to almost everyone who wanders past its twisting bark. There are details, like the deep trenches running along its spine and the way the leaves turn translucent in certain slants of light, but it takes time to notice those, and people on Rotten Row seem to be in quite a hurry. It looked like any old tree to Conor as well. At least until last Tuesday. He didn’t want to go to school that morning – or any morning as of late. He held a cup of tea to his forehead, feigning fever. He attempted loud coughing, wearing his shirt inside out to demonstrate his general sense of disarray, and …
Last reply by JuliaMay82, -
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Prologue 13 Years Ago 7:08 PM Liz Liz hated sunsets. And the late September sky was already awash in bruised hues, outlining rows of gnarled apple trees against the slash of dark horizon. She knew most people enjoyed the colorful blurring of day into night, but those same people had clearly never hunted—or been hunted—by dragons before. They were deadliest at dusk, when mottled dragon scales became nearly invisible in the riot of color. Somehow, creatures with wingspans larger than most commercial aircrafts were rendered almost undetectable. Liz was hot beneath her fatigues; sweat pooling at the base of her spine as she lay flat, prop…
Last reply by alloradannon, -
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Below is the opening scene. It introduces the protagonist, antagonist, primary conflict, and setting. Travis Lynch is back in town, but I don’t know it yet. I’m naïve, a younger sister par excellence. I learned to swim when Yvette told me that the lifeguard would spank me if I didn’t jump in the pool. I believed in the Tooth Fairy even in the face of my classmates’ denials, and when I caught my dad putting a coin under my pillow, I reasoned that the real Tooth Fairy had gotten sick. I showed up at the ninth grade Halloween dance dressed as a playing card, believing one of the cool girls in my class when she said we could go as a pair of aces. I was the only one…
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
First Pages, Chapter 1.docx
Last reply by Marianne Taylor, -
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The opening scene introduces the protagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict: Chapter 1: Dear Dreamer Is this what it feels like to be catatonic? I was sitting on my living room couch, staring out the window but I might as well have been staring into outer space. I was completely numb. Am I in shock? Yes, this feels like shock. After what seemed like hours, my mind slowly started revving up, doing mental olympics. It was trying to assess the situation and come up with a solution. But there wasn’t one, of course. Or at least one I wanted to admit. This wasn’t the first time I had fallen after taking a leap of faith. I had done it once …
Last reply by Claire Uncapher, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduces protagonist, provides hints of core wound, and foreshadows the coming conflict. THEN I’m laughing at the dinner table. My jeans sport green grass stains on the knees. Norkie, my favorite fuzzy stuffed bear with the worn out I heart NY t-shirt, sits in my lap. He got his name because when we moved to New York; I called it New Nork. I don’t remember but both my daddy’s laugh when they tell me the story of how I wanted a cow but was happy with Norkie. I look back at the meaty lasagna dripping with cheese and sauce half-eaten on my plate. It tastes good, but I really want to eat one of the warm oatmeal raisin cookies that I can see…
Last reply by GwenBFresh, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces the voice of the omniscient narrator, sets tone for novel, introduces protagonist and hints at the beginnings of her internal conflict. Chapter 1: Hooks It is a place of staggering beauty, this place tucked away in the middle of nowhere at the heart of the Middle Kingdom. The land is rich with the darkest of soil and, at the right time of year, the hills are thickly carpeted with greenery so bold that the land seems to cry with life. However, for the men and women who dot this landscape with their hard-fought lives, knowledge of the land’s capriciousness in delivering good fortune renders the image less vibrant. In between the fiel…
Last reply by Radha Chaddah, -
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LIV January 2007. She knew the power of making an entrance. Oversized sunglasses, skewed beret, black cape coat, shopping bags in both hands. So Livi. That moment, standing at the door of the dark bar, the sun haloing her, said it all. The hostess looked up. “Oh, I’m just here for tea. You do serve tea at the bar of the Russian Tea Room?” “Yes, Madam. Please come in.” Liv entered, eyes feasting on every morsal: the lush red carpet, the dark green walls framed in glistening gold, swooping firebirds and shiny samovars adorning them. Leather stools lined the bar like bright cherry lollipops. Oh yes, this will do just fine. The restaurant …
Last reply by LIsa Orban, -
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Opening Scene - Introduces the protagonist and setting, establishes core wounds Sooner or Later You can run on for a long time, Run on, duckin’ and dodgin’, Run on for a long time, Sooner or later God Almighty’s gonna cut you down. — Traditional American Gospel Mrs. Evelyn Doherty had a standing appointment with Madame Theresa every Wednesday at one-thirty PM. She was a faithful client and never missed a scheduled reading, unless she was on vacation or unwell, which rarely happened. “Are you ready, Evelyn?” Madame Theresa asked in a tentative, encouraging voice, one finger resting patiently on…
Last reply by Matthew Schwab, -
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Hello! Thanks for reading the first scene of The Cleveland Phoenix, a science fiction/adventure manuscript. The chapter below introduces the protagonist, the antagonist, and the primary conflict of the novel, as well as the setting and tone. Chapter 1: Dortollen Licorice Star Year 2722 – Shaula System – Fifteen Years Ago Cassander of Arkan didn’t believe the Vikaanians. The human’s face bunched to one side, skeptical. Watching the time, he raised an eyebrow behind his portable oxygen generator–a black fabric mask cradling a translator insert and a long, clear tube running to a palm-sized box in the pocket of his jacket. The box clicked every few seconds…
Last reply by Erica Vanstone, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces protagonist, protagonist's wound, hidden magical world, and an important secondary character; plus ends with inciting incident. A burst of magic hung in limbo. No more than a bolt of spellbound energy, it had more in common with the wind than anything of substance; however, it vibrated with the urgency of a message needing to be delivered. Imbued with a tiny bit of magic, the missive was protected. Only the intended recipient could accept it. Yet, it still attracted attention. The wrong kind. The dark kind. Success required swift delivery. The magic hummed, zeroing in on the Veil’s opaque wall. It focused on on…
Last reply by Ann Kimbrough, -
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Cars gathered in the Saint Jude’s parking lot. Cars with Saint Christopher medals and pine air fresheners swaying in unison—cars with crank windows and dirty ashtrays, Turtle Waxed sedans in from the suburbs and garages of their very own, a car with one red door and Bondo over the left rear fender. The gentle widows, the steadfast, the devout, the terrified of dying, the good wives clutching handbags in the passenger seats, the ones who were brought up to do the right thing. One after another, they surfed the derelict potholes, exhaust pipes scraping the asphalt. Then came the hearse, jostling the dead, and the bagpipe player (he drove a Lexus.) The news van was no surpri…
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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This first scene of the novel introduces the protagonists, one of the secondary conflicts, as well as some foreshadowing of larger events to come. ONE A harsh chemical stench assaulted Skye as she left her bedroom. Her hands trailed across the golden flocking of the floral-patterned wallpaper as she tried to pinpoint the source of the smell. An odor similar to those in an art studio, but more subtle and with a hint of flowers, led her down the hall to the bathroom. A sigh escaped Skye’s lips as she opened the bathroom door. One word described this room: minuscule. The sink stood to the right of the door, with the tub to the left. Directly acr…
Last reply by JJ Long,
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