New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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The excerpt below is the novel’s second scene, introducing the main character, Ursula, and her predicament. The previous (first) scene is set in an ambulance that is taking Ursula’s mother, Marilyn, to the hospital. She is dying of cancer. The year is 1971. Ursula and the sailor sat at a picnic table on the upper terrace of the Surf ‘n Sand Lounge, looking down at the nearly empty boardwalk. Children weren’t allowed here, but it was a Tuesday afternoon, mid-September. The waitress had taken a long look at the sailor with Ursula in tow and shrugged. It was her first table in over an hour. Ursula looked around the terrace. She had often stood…
Last reply by Rae Strickland, -
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Jenna wakes in the middle of the night and discovers her husband is gone. His bed is empty, she notices it immediately as she shuffles to the bathroom in the dark, the strange velvety texture of the hotel carpet against her bare soles causing an unpleasant shiver in her molars. She assumes she’s woken from the resonant thud of him walking past her bed. Hotel floors always reverberate in that particular way, as if their bones are hollow or a secret cobwebbed chamber exists between each floor. But he’s neither in the marble-everything bathroom nor the adjacent toilet closet. She assumes he must be in his bed; the rumpled sheets and the darkness have merely …
Last reply by Janine Cross, -
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The sample pages include a brief foreword and the opening scene, which introduces the protagonist, primary conflict, tone, and setting. It also foreshadows the pending conflict with the antagonist. Foreword: Ida Pfeiffer should not require any introduction, but sadly, this intrepid explorer’s legacy has been lost. In a time when unaccompanied women did not travel, Frau Pfeiffer became the first woman to circumnavigate the world alone, not once but twice, by 1855. Very few figures in the entire history of mankind can claim to have squeezed more from life than Ida managed in just 15 years. Her travels spanned 170,000 miles during an era where vast frontiers …
Last reply by Ben Henderson, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduces protagonist, provides hints of core wound, and foreshadows the coming conflict. THEN I’m laughing at the dinner table. My jeans sport green grass stains on the knees. Norkie, my favorite fuzzy stuffed bear with the worn out I heart NY t-shirt, sits in my lap. He got his name because when we moved to New York; I called it New Nork. I don’t remember but both my daddy’s laugh when they tell me the story of how I wanted a cow but was happy with Norkie. I look back at the meaty lasagna dripping with cheese and sauce half-eaten on my plate. It tastes good, but I really want to eat one of the warm oatmeal raisin cookies that I can see…
Last reply by GwenBFresh, -
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All day Chae was excited about her eighth birthday, but she couldn’t figure out why her mother wouldn’t look at her. She thought it might have been the rain. The autumn had brought sheets of it to Shanghai, and from the moment she woke, her mother had instructed her to stay inside so she wouldn’t track water onto the floor. It was dark now. For hours, the door to their apartment had remained locked, keeping the quiet in, and keeping the quiet out. Chae played with a doll as she sat across the table from her mother. A ribbon held her inky hair in place, save for a few strands that tickled her forehead, which had started losing its summer bronze. The doll was dirt…
Last reply by Rockwell Sands, -
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Hello, this is my YA novel, Max and the Spracketts. I worked on two novels for my MA, which i completed this year. Morrigan's Curse/Feathered Heart is one and this is the other. Both are complete--although I am making minor structural edits to both in light of some stuff I've been reading on here-- hahahha CHAPTER ONE Max Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world. (Roald Dahl, Matilda) The snow fell in thick curtains around him, the houses twinkling with warm Christmas lights and the skinny streetlamps glowing with misty orbs. He had no idea it was so late—he’d not missed a train in five years, and he wasn’t missing this o…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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The opening scene introduces the protagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict: Chapter 1: Dear Dreamer Is this what it feels like to be catatonic? I was sitting on my living room couch, staring out the window but I might as well have been staring into outer space. I was completely numb. Am I in shock? Yes, this feels like shock. After what seemed like hours, my mind slowly started revving up, doing mental olympics. It was trying to assess the situation and come up with a solution. But there wasn’t one, of course. Or at least one I wanted to admit. This wasn’t the first time I had fallen after taking a leap of faith. I had done it once …
Last reply by Claire Uncapher, -
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Once again, it’s morning in America. And bells ring out across our vast nation once more. The citizens of our country praised Reagan for a reason. Years earlier, he asked his team to win one for the Gipper. And Notre Dame became epitomized in the record books. They even put Miami in their place in ‘88; resulting in the famed Catholics vs Convicts contest. I know what you’re thinking; how does this relate with me? Or with baseball? Nothing necessarily. You’ll need to forgive me. I sound like a chatterbox most of the time. If there’s anything you can take away from me, know I try to be more of a listener than a talker. Just bear with me and maybe you won’t becom…
Last reply by James Dour, -
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Scene: states the family and depression as the antagonists, conflicted as how to break away and overcome; taking place between Southern California and Ohio. When an X becomes a check The thing of depression, in this, these far deeper dredges than those of your run-of-the-mill San Diego blues, of what I wrote in Lights at the end of the tunnel, is that I never had a choice. Or a chance. Raised by two joyless, egotistical co-dependents whose only semblance of happiness came from the child, I was not provided the adequate tools to experience anything other. As such, my life, this life, has been nothing but one unending quest to find. An epic jo…
Last reply by Dylan Night, -
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This piece is from Chapter 6 and it introduces the inner conflict of the protagonist when presented with the primary conflict of a 3000 mile flying challenge presented by the antagonist. In the aviation business, there are two types of people: those of integrity and complete rascals. Brave souls of high honor stand next to snake oil salesmen, with no population between the two. Flying produces Pulitzer Prize winners, war heroes and drug runners. Pilots are gossips, and I had heard a lot about Harry Forrest: the stint in federal prison, the airport that burned down, the lawsuits, the mechanics who came and went like the change of the seasons.…
Last reply by S Robert Williams, -
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Opening Scene to introduce the setting, protagonist, tone, and primary conflict. Antwerp, Belgium April 1941 Jacob Eichelberg clutched heavy black-out drapes from his third-floor flat and peered through a sliver onto the lightless city of Antwerp. A dark gray blanket of night, like an inky shroud of nothingness, hovered overhead. He scanned the sky and listened for hunting Allied bombers. Part of him wished to hear the droning buzz of those pregnant planes. Though it would send his family scrambling for the basement, he imagined the laden bellies of those warbirds opening up and letting loose their whistling offspring. Who knows? They might just find…
Last reply by Chad Ellenburg, -
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Sorry, posted this chapter twice
Last reply by Mark Cheverton, -
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How a Boy Could Be.docx
Last reply by Jen Parker, -
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These are the opening pages of my historical fiction novel, which centers around a young woman who has a job offer in China on the eve of the pandemic, and is writing about her grandfather's life in the Underground to understand her own decision to move abroad. It introduces one of the main characters and the primary conflict, as well as one of the primary settings (Philadelphia). CHAPTER ONE January 2020 In a city of 25 million people, I was alone. The Pearl Tower pierced the foggy skyline in a monochromatic crimson that hypnotized me into walking away from the piano bar where I’d been headed. I braced myself against the unobstructed wind and crossed the…
Last reply by eursell44, -
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SORIN Something about the sunrise in Elvenspear could make even the most worried person in the world feel like everything was right with it. And Sorin could hardly deny the view. The expanse yawned on, the capital city before him, with shimmering buildings where the sunrays danced on their glass windows, bathing the streets below in a shower of orange, red and gold. Sorin came up here sometimes as it was a place of refuge when nightmares sent him straight out of bed in a cold sweat. The same dream, over and over again. But by the time he was out of bed and walking, he couldn’t even remember the details. Only the fear that lingered, the anxiety that…
Last reply by Jack Weaver, -
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Opening Chapter: (Future Timeline) Introduces the protagonist, setting, and hints at the primary conflict. April 13th, 2129 – New York Daniel sat in the small waiting room of the law offices of Perez & Collins. He was exhausted and emotionally drained from his father's passing nearly a week ago. While Oliver's death was not a surprise, it did not change how tough it was on Daniel to not have his father around. He was very close with his father and his absence had created a void in his life that had seemingly been filled with various tasks necessitated by his passing. On top of the normal paperwork, the setting up of his funeral, and the toll of processing t…
Last reply by Nick Tussing, -
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first 6 pages introduces tone, protagonist, reveals the antagonist. This excerpt sets the stage for primary conflict and showcases dialogue. Chapter 1| A Day To Remember The temperature on the island was cold, and it continued to rain. Today was when the next generation of the Five Kingdoms would graduate from being learners of our kingdoms to members of the New Watchers. Today was also the day I became Queen. The ceremony for me to be Queen was unexpected, but my mom found it more straightforward if I had it on the same day as my graduation. To her, it was killing two birds with one stone. I couldn’t help but think about my papa being there to see me become a…
Last reply by Frantz charles, -
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My first three pages introduce the protagonist, a side character, a minion of the antagonist, and grounds in setting and place. You get the main plot and sympathy for the MC and SC, plus an intro to the emotional side plot. 1. Amalia and Clara drove to Sunday church service together that morning as they had for a year now. Amalia in a black linen dress with a lovely interlocking pattern of embroidered white flowers at the cuffs and bodice. Clara wore a gray sweater dress and a black crepe shrug. They both had on dark sunglasses, and not because they wanted to hide from anyone. The Nevada sun punished even the godly. They didn’t speak, parking and then walking to…
Last reply by Becky Bosshart, -
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Apocalypse That year, everyone believed in numerology. Our calendars were conveniently marked with the exact date of Armageddon: December 31st, 1999. It was a year of impending digital apocalypse. Even the disbelievers among us prayed that nothing would get lost in the translation of time to the strange new language of zeros and ones. All of us expecting our computers to detonate at the appointed hour like time bombs. The same year the South African son of a polygamous infidel passed his thorny crown even as it still dripped with the blood of Apartheid. It was a year of ancient land cracked…
Last reply by Tifffany, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduce gritty tone, protagonist, antagonists, setting juxtaposition, and foreshadows primary conflict. Episode 1: Uncle He was pocket-sized, with a needle mustache and a paper face. He didn’t look like a biker, but his colors were showing. He walked in, throwing two fat duffels to the floor. “Twenty-two hundred a pound.” His voice was gravelly—too big for his little body. He took a seat at the table, kicked a muddy boot in front of him, then leaned back with his fingers linked across his chest. “There’s twenty there.” He nodded at the bags. I glanced at them, then Rolo’s washed-out face. I’d never seen him so white. This was…
Last reply by Kari, -
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Early scene that introduces primary conflict and teases protagonist’s background. It follows opening chapter in which protagonist is arrested while committing what was to be his final burglary. The room was dim and small and tucked away on an empty floor of a commercial building in the Garment district: no windows, a battered metal table, three straight-backed chairs. The walls were bare and the wood-planked floor littered with cigarette butts. A tired-looking man with dark hair slumped sideways in one of the chairs, his wrist handcuffed to the leg of the table. Purvis sat down heavily across from the prisoner and dug a key out of his pocket. He handed it to Rh…
Last reply by Ken Jautz, -
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1 Marquette, MI The destination is a hardship. The agenda cries out with despair. But in this disquieting season of fear, one must learn to overcome adversity. The remote enclave on Lake Superior would not normally be considered central by anyone, except perhaps the hardy upper-Midwest university students and ship captains that patronize its frigid shores. Unexpectedly in these last few years, Marquette’s isolated geography and access have become desirable. A largely unforeseen and unwanted calling card. Landowners and homebuilders, real estate agents and restaurant owners are rushing to keep up with demand. On this Tuesday morning, the…
Last reply by John Stafford, -
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This is actually the third scene, occurring after a montage of the city of Bologna (scene 1) and several women hobnobbing in 1300 AD about the exhumation and burning of Saint Guglielma. (This is a dual timeline narrative) This third scene introduces the relationship between the modern-day protagonist and her lover in Bologna; establishes basic character outlines/occupations -- “Congratulations,” Amanda said, lifting a glass of the house red wine to Serafina. "On booking your first ever event. May there be many more to come." The remaining liter of wine sat, mostly full, on their small, square table. They were seated outdoors, and the evening October air was…
Last reply by Alexandra Syrah, -
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Opening Scene: status quo before inciting incident, establishes tone, introduces antagonist, foreshadows conflict I sit back, grab some toilet paper and prepare myself mentally for the clean-up. That’s when I hear him coming into the house. I call him Tony. He doesn’t deserve a title. Doesn’t even care I stopped calling him ‘dad’. It’s always the door announcing his arrival, signaling me to become less. I shrink to be less annoying and have less opinions as he becomes more. He is more in control, more intimidating, more angry. It seems wrong. At seventeen, I haven’t figured out how to fix it. Maybe to become so less I become invisibl…
Last reply by Geraldine Donaher, -
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This is the opening scene (first four pages) of Chapter 1; it introduces the protagonist (one version of her, Jen), her setting, and her conflict. Chapter 1. Jen, January, 2017. What a fucking nightmare of a day, Jen thought, glancing out her office window at the D.C. streetlights and the sloth-like traffic. Her stomach rumbled; she had worked past dinnertime again, and being hungry made her an irritable bitch. But food wouldn’t erase the fact that the worst asshole in history had been inaugurated today. She’d had trouble concentrating on her immigration caseload—which had now expanded to an impossible seventy cases— knowing what was happening just two miles …
Last reply by Jill Martin,
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