Write to Pitch - March 2025

[Julio]

1.      Story Statement

One man’s noble obsession pits him against a powerful, corrupt group whose business is threatened by his efforts.

 

 2.      Antagonist

Austin Hollow runs a group that profits from hurricane relief and reconstruction. He sees Dylan Caddell’s noble efforts to weaken hurricanes as a threat to his lucrative business. Austin sees everything through the lens of money and power. To Austin, life is a struggle between the strong and the weak, and all methods to succeed are fair game. He judges everyone who thinks differently as idealistic fools. Austin’s lowly beginnings drive him to win at all costs. He is not about to let this do-gooder Dylan interfere with his business. Austin will apply every kind of pressure, including violence and corruption, to protect his vile business.  

 

 3.      Title

To Ride the Curled Cloud (a reference to a line from Shakespeare’s The Tempest)

The Thieving Wind

 Eyewall

 

4.      Comparables

Books:

A.G. Riddle's Quantum Radio - This techno-thriller has suspense and action elements similar to my book. Riddle's books have more hard science included than mine. My book, I believe, has just enough tech explanations/narrative to allow the reader to accept the premise and enjoy the story.

Lincoln Child’s Chrysalis  –  Another high concept, techno-thriller with suspense and action elements. A good “beach read” which is what I am going for with my book.   

 

Movies:

Twister – This story follows an estranged husband and wife as they combat tornados, putting their lives at risk.

Geostorm – This story has weather being manipulated for noble reasons, but things turn dark as a group takes the program over to use it as a weapon.

 

5.      Hook Line

One man’s obsession to combat hurricanes, fueled from the pain and guilt of losing his mother in a storm as a child, pits him against a powerful group that profits from hurricane devastation that is determined to stop him from ruining their lucrative but vile business.

 

6.      Inner Conflicts

Dylan has long had to deal with the death of his mother in a devastating storm as a ten-year-old child. He thinks he could have done more to help her. He has had to live with that guilt into his adulthood. Will his guilt and obsession for revenge make him take risks too great for him to handle?

Dylan is wary of relationships with women he thinks may only be interested in him due to his business success. When he meets Alicia, the investigative reporter covering his story, he must overcome his trepidations or risk losing a woman he has come to have feelings for.

 

7.      Setting

The story is set in Miami. Many scenes showcase Miami. From Vizcaya, the elegant Renaissance Estate where Dylan and Alicia (romantic interest) first meet, to chase scenes in South Beach, to the Hurricane Center where Oliver Hawkins (henchman) runs the center and is allied with the villain Austin Hollow. Many of the most dramatic scenes occur during flights on Dylan’s C-130 plane, The Tempest, as they fly into the eye of several storms.

[David Wollover]

1. Write your story statement.

A young man matures throughout his struggles for personal freedom from the tyrannical grasp of multiple oppressors amid events driven by deadly power players.

2. Less than 200 words, sketch antagonist as their background, ways they react to world about them, their goals.

Asaker al-Baqadin, possessing a disturbed mentality forged in the fires of macabre family tragedy, embodies a sinister drive for revenge.  He leaves behind destruction through his relentless struggle to weaponize a synthetic nanobot that terrifyingly disrupts genetics controlling the human mind.  
A younger Asaker became passionate and competent with weapons and martial skills.  He reacts to obstacles as existential threats provoking aggressive response.  He knows his greatest challenge among many that he must overcome is Konen Windstone holding in his memory Asaker’s secret plans to build a genetic assault weapon.  He must hunt down the elusive Konen before he realizes the consequences of his knowledge.
Asaker’s character arc includes after he realizes his weapon’s effect he concludes it his duty to cleanse the world of many bad people, and why shouldn’t he be paid to do so?
Anecdote (optional?): “Asaker mused there was the matter of the man who had driven his father's reckless greed and his family’s murder.  Andross Gastos, of the most evil Napoleron Banque Nationale, living lavishly on Allée Lecouvreur Reclus, in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.  Asaker knew he would look down that shadow as he made it far darker than Gastos could dream possible.”  

3. Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

MetaMentum Series:

Book One – Origins:  Konen Windstone's Betrayal Within Shadows of Power
Book Two – Forging Will:  Konen Windstone’s Broken Path into New Warrior Culture
Book Three – Diffusion:  A Fragile Freedom Amid the Hunt for Konen
Book Four – Convergence:  Konen’s Clashes with Asaker

MetaMentum as a multi book series title reflects a philosophical depth to a sustained narrative story drive.  The ‘Meta’ element suggests a higher perspective, exploring larger forces and themes shaping character arcs as well as shared destinies.  ‘Mentum’ reflects driving forces propelling intertwined journeys of the ensemble cast — wherever each character’s personal arc influences or impacts others, often in life altering ways.  MetaMentum embodies the interconnectedness of their struggles and where their individual momentum collides with the broader, uncontrollable forces shaping their world.

Alternative Titles (completed manuscripts):

Book One:  Konen Windstone: Betrayal and Exploitation
Book Two: Konen Windstone: The Broken Path

Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

Genre: is an Action-Thriller shaped by regularly appearing advanced technology that helps characters drive story in varying fashions.  The comparables aspect of the utilized technology is drawn from the author’s  knowledge of story-friendly advanced technology.
• Comparables:  A loose high concept comparison may be made as ‘The struggles and capabilities of Jason Bourne meet the ensemble and cross-cutting episodic elements of a modern day Game of Thrones (GOT).  
• Konen Windstone’s personal journey from slavery to gladiator to finally attaining a new and unfamiliar freedom loosely parallels Jason Bourne's character arc.  Both individuals struggle to discover who they really are while they rely on their advanced skills that have been partially attained through externally-effected physical alteration.
• Metamentum utilizes plot elements of GOT for both protagonist and antagonist arc progression in how John Truby defines his cross-cutting story structure element.  Similar to GOT, MetaMentum’s geopolitical intrigue involving powerful and driven characters such as  Konen's father Tecumseh and his close ally Marctane Bodine; Asaker al-Baqadin and his tech wizard Sami Shah; Colonel Gerisimov, his son Petor, nephew Mannikko Tazmanakos, and accomplice Nastya Dubrushkinova; Roman and Katarana Titanov, As well as the strong alpha female Markresha van Reethrum, harbor strong motivations and are not adverse to whatever level of conflict they deem necessary.
• MetaMentum is a further comparables' hybrid that deliberately draws upon story elements, albeit only where they can find an authentically-organic home, from other stories such as 24 (where Sami crosses Asaker in a manner similar to where in 24 (Season 3) Michael Amador deliberately crosses Stephen Saunders); and Traffic (where Katarana Titanov undergoes a Helena Ayala (Catherine Zeta-Jones) type renaissance to replace her husband in leading their respective dangerous enterprises).  Like it's comparables, Metamentum has multiple (at least three firmly established) potent female characters who have no need for men to perform as alpha story engines with rising intensity as story persists.

I did an experiment to ask ChatGPT to compare the  uploaded MetaMentum manuscript with GOT.  Following is its 100% unedited reply: "The multi-threaded, cross-cutting nature of MetaMentum, similar to Game of Thrones, features multiple powerful factions vying for influence, with shifting alliances and a large ensemble cast of characters. However, MetaMentum is more action-driven and takes place in a modern-day or near-future setting, where technology plays a significant role in shaping the characters' abilities and the story’s progression.  Like Game of Thrones, MetaMentum presents morally complex characters with intricate motivations, but it diverges by focusing more on technological advances and the personal journey for freedom, as seen in Konen's transformation. While GOT is steeped in medieval politics and family dynamics, MetaMentum is rooted in the modern era, where geopolitics intersect with cutting-edge tech and advanced warfare."

5 . Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above.

Konen Windstone, a long captive slave commando, must overcome the traumas from his past and escape to freedom from the tyrannical martial circumstances that Asaker imposed upon him throughout his formative teen years.  When Konen accidently learns Asaker’s dangerous secrets, he becomes a serious threat for as long as a desperate Asaker is unable to end his life.  Konen’s boy-to-man journey for freedom begins when he unexpectedly transitions from Asaker’s slave commando to Colonel Gerisimov’s ‘strategic’ prisoner in a Russian mining camp North of the Arctic Circle.  Konen’s transition is set in motion where he becomes the unwitting linchpin to a power play between Asaker versus a powerful Imam, as well as simultaneously between Colonel Gerisimov in violent opposition to his military and mafia competitors for greater trans-national crime power.  Konen’s bloodied face appears in a viral YouTube video that directly triggers both Asaker and Gerisimov to gain significant material rewards while it also enables Konen’s father, Tecumseh, to discover his long lost son is still alive.  Konen’s quest for freedom and vanquishing inner demons remains unfulfilled until he becomes forced to confront Asaker, the man who had for too long held him captive both physically and psychologically.

6-A:  Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

INNER CONFLICT: The trigger for Konen Windstone’s major inner conflict was when slave traders kidnapped him at age six from his parents in Morocco, during the infamous ‘Agadir Tornado of Souls’ terrorist attacks.  Asaker acquired Konen and relentlessly worked to brainwash him throughout his continuous training as one of many slave commandos who together executed mercenary operations for Asaker’s profit.  Konen maintained a convincing fallacious pretense of devout fealty as his conflicted life of impersonating submission to the persistent religious indoctrination in order to stay alive.

6-B: Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

EXTERNAL CONFLICT: Konen had a difficult time accepting that only fifteen minutes before the mission commenced, Hassan warned him exactly how he would be responsible for taking direct action in the event that the sea became punishing enough to weaken any of the boys into a state of unacceptable risk.  He warned Konen that anyone in danger of either straggling too far behind, or even panic, would compromise the mission and thus Konen must shove and hold their head under the water, without remorse, for the sake of mercy and stealth.  
Konen’s eyes jerked over to the sudden seven-foot eruption in the water, but it was too late to warn Amir of the whitecap that had quickly soared beyond his peripheral vision to blindside him, collapsing onto his face, and leaving him gagging for spasmodic gulps of air.  
Konen recalled Jihadi lore that danger had an affinity for the weakest.  Had they remained in their Zodiacs longer, Amir might have had a chance.  But in this cold rough water, this long, made Konen regret Hassan had approved the skinny boy for this mission.  
His stare drifted left to Amir’s older brother, Jamal, glancing at Amir between his own laborious strokes.  Despite the scant light, Konen could see the worry deeply etched into Jamal’s young face.  
Konen now realized Jamal lied to him when he had asked if Amir was fit enough to join the mission.  Asaker forbade outside doctors into the madrassa, for fear of them witnessing the harsh methods that he had recklessly applied to ‘properly train’ some of the more stubborn boys.  Over the last few days, Jamal his his anguish as well as hid Amir from the others even though his vomiting expelled more grotesquely after each meal.  
Konen now regretted not stepping out of his hidden vantage point the day before, and intervening when he overheard Jamal arguing with Amir.  Jamal had told him to stop discarding his rations and eat them instead, but Amir argued back saying that if he stopped eating just for one more day it would stop his sickness and improve the color in his face so that he would appear to Hassan to be fit enough for the mission.  
Now Konen painfully witnessed, moment by moment, how Amir’s swimming gradually appeared weaker, until the choppy sea started pushing him backward, and nearly stopping his forward progress.  
Konen looked over to his left and saw a grimacing Jamal anxiously watching Amir obviously struggling to keep his arms moving through the water.  As Konen closed in on Amir, he was amazed to watch Jamal turn and swim further away from his brother.  
That left Konen to be the first to hear Amir’s pained breathing growing shriller.  Konen drifted himself close enough to see Amir struggling to draw air into his lungs, his quick shallow gasps signaling he was failing to get enough air.  Konen winced at Jamal to see if he realized the trouble that his brother was in, when he abruptly turned back to the sound of Amir’s asynchronous breaths slowing into a faint whisper.  Konen suppressed his gasp at Amir’s deep grimace reflecting the seizure that completely halted his breathing.  Konen became terrified at the young boy’s face expressing a horror similar to the atrocity he would recall forever on Memet, the boy who Asaker Abu al-Baqadin had burned alive last year to set a disciplinary example.
Konen jolted at how suddenly the cold fog reverberated Amir’s gagging cry that sputtered a petite froth of his combined dwindling air and acrid water out from his lungs.  Konen saw the other boys around him startled at the sudden guttural broadcast.  They all turned heads to find who risked exposing their pre-dawn attack on the Serdyukov, the Mistral-class amphibious assault ship that France had provisioned under Russian command to transport its expeditionary forces to its secretly planned point of assault.  
Seeing Amir plunge helplessly beneath the surface, Konen knew that Hassan would insist on him pushing and keeping his head under to drown him as silently and quickly as possible.  But witnessing so closely how horribly the boy was about to die spiked a surge of adrenaline in Konen.  He spun behind Amir and thrust out his arm to seize his wet suit’s rear collar, yanking his limping head out of the swirling water.  As soon as Konen saw Amir’s gagging face clear the water, he had to duck away from his angry clawing hands back over his shoulder and barely missing Konen’s eyes.  
Konen saw Hassan approaching from over Amir’s left shoulder, glaring at him, and baring his thick teeth in a ferocious anger.  
“Release him Konen, God summons him.”
Konen deliberately tightened his chest muscles to fight off the shaking sensation pressing outward from his gut, and the consequent stuttering.  
“My Hassan, we shall let Amir drown?”
Konen watched Hassan’s eyes ratchet larger into a frenzied glare.  He cringed at Hassan’s hoarsely whispered warning.  
“I declare God requires him now!  Of all my warriors, I would never expect it to be you Konen -- to set this wretched blasphemy upon our Imam's sacred mission and our path, say I, your path to Heaven!”
Feeling boxed in with intimidation, Konen broke his gaze from Hassan and faced Amir, who he still held buoyant; however, now he froze at seeing that Amir had suddenly ceased all struggling.  Konen already feeling the cold water, shuddered a lifeless chill from seeing Amir's eyes lock into his with a trans-humanly glow out of his agony from the lethal brine that had displaced nearly all the essential air from his lungs.  With such a sudden cold fright that quickly made the water around him feel disturbingly warm, Konen abandoned his grasp of the boy.  
Turning away, he swam not daring to look back, but winced at hearing Amir’s final gurgle as a vanishing echo blanketed under the low fog concealing their approach to their target.  Konen steeled his eyes amid the salt spray to fight back the tears.  
He suddenly felt his shoulder stinging from Jamal’s hard open palm strike.  
“Konen, you should have pressed his head into the water.  What if you exposed our mission?”
Rubbing the punch out of his shoulder, Konen had never in his life felt so incredulous.  
“He was your brother Jamal.  Why did you fail to take responsibility for your family?”
Konen floated face-to-face with Jamal, seeing his eyes burst wide and his mouth grimace in agony before compensating into a rage that unsheathed his rubber-handled knife.  Jamal raised his hand-length grey steel blade high over his head and lunged down at Konen.  
“You blasphemer…unworthy of Jihad…unworthy of the Imam!”
Amid a splash loud enough to turn heads, Konen whipped his hand to block and seize Jamal’s wrist, torquing it back into the arm to release the knife into the deep water.  Before the blade sank a meter, Konen swept Jamal aside with his lean powerful forearm.  
Hassan hissed at them both.
”Silence!  Another moment of your drivel and you both die here.”
Konen flashed a wide-eyed warning to Jamal, before he swam on.  
“Stop pretending your wrist hurts.  You would know it if I wanted to hit you hard.”

7th Assignment: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

7-A.  Immersed in the Black Sea The opening scene finds Konen, one of our protagonists.
It became more difficult for Konen to ignore the aching sensation from the chilly sea threatening to cramp his upper legs.  The 30 kilograms of tactical assault gear awkwardly swaying across his upper back weighed on every stroke as he swam strong into the outer reaches of the coastal tide turbulence.  He cursed under his laboring breath they should have rowed longer inside their inflatable Zodiac boats before immersing themselves in this aggravating water.  Here where the very deep sea met the shallow shelf it became choppy enough for whitecaps that suddenly sprang up hissing like a cobra to spit burning salt into his eyes.  
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7-B.  Georgian Port of Batumi, Waters Edge of the Heavy Ships Pier:  
Konen shuddered from the winds swiftly swirling out from the alpine air mass cascading down the Caucasus highlands that made each minute feel colder than the last.  He watched the plummeting chill forge part of the sea mist into crystals that settled into a dull glaze all around him.  Each aching minute relentlessly grated into Kirov.  It became harder to balance himself in his cramped kneeling position on the prickly iron skin of the 100 year old pier.  He felt the rough metal drawing out his dwindling body heat.  His lips and nostrils burned from the slimy brine splashing into his face each time another gust burst over the beaten down sea wall.  Repeatedly, Kirov felt each breaker’s splash crystallize to an ice skin on his legs and feet that began to feel like it insulated him from the frigid air, until the next breaker splattered him once again before retreating to the sea.  His wrists pulsed raw from the taut plastic clasps cinching them behind his back and his ankles scraped into the chains pulled tight around them on one end with the other end clasped to an ancient iron ring welded into the dock.
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7-C.  Vorkuta - Russia, North of the Arctic Circle
The greater visibility of daybreak only intensified Konen’s dread.  He stared at the fanning dawn rays neatly painting their deep purple aura to sharpen the naked ridge masking the horizon.  Now soft lavender beams probed between the plump clouds retreating from the southward advancing pressure of crisp Arctic air.  To Konen, the distant rays felt warmer than his surrounding atmosphere.  It chilled him to watch how the reckless SPETZNAZ, shoved each other into the profuse flames crackling out from their dazzling bonfire.
The SPETZNAZ came to Shestaki for only one thing; live adversary combat training.  Once each month Shestaki guards escorted selected "puppets" to the wide shallow lake within walking distance.  The Vorkuta-garrisoned SPETZNAZ maintained their tradition of fighting their puppets while in a natural body of water; and the colder it was then the better it would deaden the staggering effects of the vodka drunk long into last night.  And they would find the water cold enough, as well as Konen, to their liking come sunrise. 

---END---

[madhavik]

Hi Madhavi here. Here is my submission. Looking forward to the feedback. Thank you

1.       Story statement -what's the mission of your protagonist? The goal? 

Some stories must be told.  They represent the truth and are the testament of the times we live in.  They are the stories of inner battles of human beings who try to fight against all odds to live every day.  The book is a collection of short stories on existential agonies of people in both America and India. These are stories of wounded souls of the western world looking through a kaleidoscope and stories of the lost hiding souls of the eastern world watching them through a magnifying glass. 

2.       sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story

Antagonistic forces in each story are different.

In America, they are the unplanned wars, immigrants' fears, misunderstood religion, confused sexual orientation, untimely love, sudden divorce, cultural shock, Autism with social anxiety, hunger and Anorexia, MENSA intellectual loneliness etc.,

While in India,  the antagonist forces are the rigid traditions,  interreligious marriages, under the table corruption,  color discrimination,  fake religious gurus, overambitious parents, dowry harrassment, male dominance, body shaming, power politics etc.,

3.       Title of the book : 

a.       Broken strings make beautiful music

b.       Melodious Blues from broken strings

c.       Life sans color, Laughter sans joy, music sans melody

 

4.       Develop two smart comparable for your novel. 

a.       Genre is literary fiction

b.       There are stories of immigrants as in Jhumpa lahiri “Name sake”, there are realistic characters in the novel with all their flaws as in Aravind Adiga’s “White Tiger” and the story narration is in the lines of “Broom of the System” by David Foster Wallace.

 

5.       write your own hook line (logline).

A young student from India must navigate through the melting pot of America meeting many wounded souls on the way while on his return to India, he has to blend  with shrinking souls hiding life in a tight fist.

6. sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have.  Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment.

Inner conflict for protagonist - core wound – Each story has its own inner conflict – the core wound

·        For a soldier it is the death of his dear friend to road side bombs

·       For a Mexican cook  the stress of being caught and sent home

·       For  a bright spell bee champion untimely love and teenage pregnancy

·       For a middle eastern man in witness protection the fear of being recognized

·       For a professor in theology the clash between his professional beliefs and personal love for his overly religious wife

·       For an orphan child in India being rejected by prospective parents

·       For a Hindu Muslim couple, love caught between religious fights

·       For a rape victim, holding on to the child of the enemy in her tummy

·       For a bright poor engineering student, the deadly cancer disease

 

2.         secondary conflict is the social environment

·       The soldier dealing with war has to also deal with loss of a limb and not be able to hold his new born daughter

·       A  Mexican cook not only deals with immigration issues but also feels the pain of being away from his sister and parents when he gets arrested

·       For the spell bee champion it is not only teenage pregnancy that bothers her, it is also the emotional struggle with her over ambitious Indian parents who were terribly disappointed by her pregnancy

·       Hindu muslim couple not only have to deal with their inner battles because of different customs and traditions but also must deal with societal pressure from family, friends and even strangers

·       Rape victim has to deal with her inner struggle of learning to love the child within her after being impregnated by a man who abused and raped her but also deal with the society treating her like a outcast

All the characters have both primary and secondary conflicts.

·        

7.       sketch out your setting in detail.

For each story , settings is different

 

a.       For the soldier it is Afghanistan, Iran

b.       For a spell bee champion, it is a first generation Indian household living in Usa

c.       For a Mexican cook it is Mexico and all the countries he crossed to enter America

d.       For Hindu Muslim couple it is a small town in India with lot of temples and mosques.

 

 

[madhavik]

Madhavi and SriMyna's Children's book - Looking forward to the feedback. Thank you

1.       Story statement 

Maya, a naughty little girl from heaven learns magic spells from God and plays pranks on the creator. When she was sent to earth, she tries to change the way of the world using her own unique sense of self-taught morality creating both meaning and chaos to the modern world while navigating through the normal school life

2.       sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. 

Antagonistic forces are girls and boys in her class who were judgmental, snotty and did not become friends with her as she was different, chubby and brown

 

3.       Title of the book 

a.       True friendships do not need magic cupcakes

b.       Smile, share, listen and laugh to make good friends

c.       Maya makes friends

4.       Develop two smart comparable for your novel. 

a.       Genre is children’s books

The book is the first book in the series about a little naughty girl Maya who learns magic spells in heaven and uses them while living on this earth.  The first book is similar to “My way of making friends” by Elizabeth  cole,  The series is similar to a little girl using magic  to change the way of the world like the books “Its raining bats and frogs” by Rebecca Colby or “Marigold Star” by Elise Primavera or “Love sugar Magic ” by Anna Meriano

5.       write your own hook line (logline) 

A naughty child from heaven must find her way to the hearts of her classmates who are judgmental, snotty and are not interested in friendship with Maya who is different, chubby and brown.

6.       sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have.  Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. 

1.       Inner conflict for protagonist - core wound

·       When her classmates were not interested in friendship with Maya, she feels lonely and lost and must find a way to make friends

2.         secondary conflict is the social environment

·       Naughty Maya always used magic at her whim and fancy to change the way things existed in the world and she had to learn to control the use of magic

 

7.      sketch out your setting in detail. 

In the beginning of the book the setting is heaven, then it is earth and as it progresses the setting of the book is  Maya’s school

[Peggi]

One: To move towards her lifelong desire of being in a same-sex relationship, the protagonist must untangle her religious beliefs from a mental health disorder that, together, keep her trapped within a heterosexual marriage.

Two: The protagonist and antagonist are the same character who is locked in a back and forth over the freedom to fulfill her lifelong desire. In me vs. myself, the antagonist is personified in patterns of anxiety and evangelical certainty. I fight my own entrenched religious fundamentalist beliefs and layers of distorted thinking that keep me in a state of fear and a miserable heterosexual marriage.

Three: 

What the Third Eye Sees: A Foray into the Forbidden

Certain Beliefs: Unraveling the Anxiety in Fundamentalism and the Fundamentalism in Sexuality

Certain Uncertainty: The Magic of Overcoming Distorted Thinking

Four: HIJAB BUTCH BLUES by Lamya H. Written from a Muslim perspective, the author dissects traditional stories of the Quran in the way I use the Christian spiritual practice of lectio divina. Both of us reinterpret what we have been taught to renegotiate the binary character of God. We come to a new understanding of ourselves and integrate our sexuality and feminist beliefs into our faith. Although the root causes differ, Lamya H and I both struggle to be vulnerable and are lonely souls in search of the authentic connection that isn’t available to us through romantic heterosexual relationships. Primary differences between our stories make them unique to each other. First, I chose my fundamentalist faith as an adult and built my marriage and parenting on its tenets, whereas Lamya was raised steeped in the teachings of the Quran. Also, because I came of age in an era that obscured the gay landscape, I lacked an understanding of my sexuality until I was middle-aged and already married to a man. Lamya, however, understands this when she is in her late teens and unmarried. Further, the layered themes in our stories are different. Lamya writes of the difficulties of being a Muslim immigrant near the time of 9-11 while I include the complex layer of an anxiety disorder.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE by therapist and writer Lori Gottlieb. Gottlieb’s memoir follows a chronology much like mine. The plot is anchored in the therapy sessions of the main characters. As readers sit on the couches with Gottlieb’s clients, so they sit with me in my story. Both stories present mirrors to readers and enjoin them in a process of self-examination, but my story is told from the client’s perspective rather than the therapist’s. Further, my story is broader in scope as it captures life outside of therapy.

LIVING, LOVING, and LEAVING the WHITE EVANGELICAL CHURCH by Sarah McCammon. Evidenced by its rapid rise to the New York Times bestseller list, this memoir reflects the appetite for books about the evangelical world across a broad readership. The book, which is part memoir and part investigative journalism, addresses evangelical cultural issues of her childhood, including sexuality, women’s roles, and other dogmatic religious teachings. While I speak to many of the same issues, I, in stark contrast, could be the parent in her story because I raised my children much like she was raised. Another difference is my emphasis on the patterns of dualistic thought produced by a fundamentalist worldview; patterns that were kept in place by a need for certainty and reassurance. In addition, McCammon is not a lesbian.

Five: After years of battling an anxiety disorder, a health event propels a 60-year-old evangelical woman into the therapy that springs her from traps of distorted thinking and frees her to choose her authentic sexuality.

Six: Early spiritual and supernatural experiences of “hearing” God nurtured the belief that every choice or decision is either the right one or the wrong one, and that making wrong choices will result in displeasing God or tragedy. Overcoming binary thinking means foregoing religious teachings and the need for certainty.

When therapy uncovers a childhood trauma of sexual assault, the embraces that as the cause of her same-sex attraction, but only tells her husband about the assault. As she tries to extricate herself from the marriage, he holds on to the idea that she can be healed from the assault’s wounds, forcing them both into a cycle of guilt and reprieve.

Seven: The story is anchored in therapy sessions in two different offices, but flashbacks take the protagonist out of those places into other primary settings of her home, neighborhood, inside churches, and the bar at a local grocery store. Scene is enhanced by the behavioral details of the actors, such as jangling keys, slamming doors, picking up lettuce off of a plate, and looking down at the floor.

[Nancy Ricottone]

First Assignment - Story Statement

Mia Romano must learn to break free from the comfort of familiarity and trust herself enough to embrace something new—something real—with Will, all while navigating the resurfacing of her past and the uncertainty of her future.

Second Assignment - Antagonist: Hudson

Just as Mia finally begins something real with Will—something unlike anything she’s ever known—Hudson returns to New Jersey in July, upending everything. He’s back from medical school, returning to the life he left behind, including the girl he cheated with. But now that Mia is happy, now that she’s moved on, he decides it’s time to reappear.

Hudson isn’t outright malicious, but he’s selfish. He’s spent years believing Mia would always be there, always forgiving, always his. And for a long time, she was. Their relationship had been built on routine, a cycle of comfort that she never questioned—until now. Will is different. He’s older, more mature, and refuses to play games. He wants Mia, but will he wait around while she wavers between the past and the future?

As Hudson tries to pull her back into their old patterns, Will challenges her to face what she truly wants. With his sister’s wedding approaching in August and his own decision about staying in New York looming, Mia is running out of time. She must finally break free of the past and choose: the boy she once loved or the man who’s showing her what love is supposed to be.

Third Assignment - Breakout Title

See You Later – This title is a reflection of Mia and Will’s ongoing connection, capturing the way they always say "see you later" to one another, a phrase that becomes a symbol of their bond. It’s more than just a casual farewell; it’s a promise they share, a way to stay connected despite the uncertainties of their journey together. Their repeated use of "see you later" is both playful and meaningful, embodying their growing relationship and the quiet hope that their paths will always cross again, no matter what comes next.

What’s Meant for Mia – Emphasizes Mia’s journey of self-discovery, as she figures out what truly belongs in her life, both in love and in her career. This title encapsulates the emotional evolution Mia undergoes as she navigates the complexities of her relationships and begins to trust in what the universe has in store for her.

You Deserve More Than You Think – A title inspired by Will’s belief in Mia, representing his gentle persistence and her transformation throughout the story. It highlights the core of their relationship, as Mia learns to embrace love in a way she never had before, recognizing that she deserves more than the hurt she’s experienced.

Fourth Assignment - Develop two smart comparables for your novel. Who compares to you? And why?

1. Meghan Brandy’s Say You Swear – My book shares a loose take on the love triangle dynamic from Say You Swear, but it’s more playful and less intense. While Say You Swear has a deeper, more serious edge, my novel injects a fun and lighter atmosphere into the narrative. The dynamic between Mia, Hudson, and Will is more about personal growth and timing rather than an all-consuming love triangle. Will’s character is inspired by Noah Riley, but he brings a fun, easy-going vibe to the mix while still being emotionally supportive, unlike the more intense tone in Say You Swear.

2. Emily Henry's Book Lovers and Happy Place – My book shares similarities with Emily Henry’s Book Lovers and Happy Place, blending romance with personal growth in a setting that feels both relatable and heartwarming. While Henry’s novels balance heartfelt moments with humor, my story does the same but with a lighter, more playful tone. The emotional layers are there, but they’re mixed with enough charm and wit to make it a fun, enjoyable read. Like Henry's characters, mine go through challenges in love, but with plenty of joy and humor in the journey.

Fifth Assignment - Hook Line

Hook Line:
Mia Romano, a young financial analyst reeling from the heartbreak of her high school sweetheart Hudson’s affair, unexpectedly meets Will, a charming stranger at a hotel before her company’s holiday party. She’s drawn to him in a way she can’t ignore. However, she soon discovers that Will is a Vice President at her company’s California office and will be joining the NYC team. As Hudson desperately tries to win her back, Mia finds herself torn between her painful past and her undeniable connection with Will, forcing her to confront her fears and learn to trust love again. Despite her initial guilt over moving on, Mia realizes Will is mature, kind, and the man she’s been missing in her life. However, as Mia begins to open her heart to Will, Hudson returns, trying to re enter her life and complicating her newfound happiness. Torn between the past and the future, Mia must find the strength to move forward with Will and leave behind the man who no longer deserves her.

Core Wound:
Mia’s core wound is rooted in the guilt she feels over her attraction to Will after Hudson’s betrayal. Despite the deep connection she shares with Will, she struggles with the feeling that she’s doing something wrong by letting go of her past. But as Will proves himself to be a man who is emotionally mature and steady, Mia begins to push aside her guilt and fears. Her journey becomes one of self-discovery, as she navigates the pull of her past with Hudson and the promise of a healthier, more fulfilling future with Will.

Sixth Assignment - Matters of Conflict

Inner Conflict:

Mia’s internal struggle stems from the anxieties she feels about moving forward after her relationship with Hudson. She feels guilty for even considering a relationship with someone new, unsure if it’s the right thing to do. Despite these feelings, her best friend, Amelia, constantly reminds her not to be scared of embracing new possibilities. As Mia grows closer to Will, she starts pushing past her fears and allowing herself to experience something real. Will’s steady, mature demeanor helps break down her emotional walls, making her feel safe and valued in a way Hudson never did. But just when Mia starts feeling comfortable in her new chapter, Hudson reappears, throwing her into turmoil. She’s forced to confront the fear of leaving the past behind and embracing her future, uncertain whether she’s ready to fully trust herself again.

Secondary Conflict:

Mia’s secondary conflict revolves around the professional challenges she faces as her relationship with Will develops. As an analyst in the New York office, she feels the weight of their differences in seniority—Will is a Vice President, and she’s much lower on the corporate ladder. She’s nervous about how their budding relationship could affect their dynamic at work, particularly how it might be perceived by their colleagues. The office environment is filled with whispers, especially since Will is considered very attractive, and the women at the company are often vocal about their admiration for him. Mia tries to keep things professional, denying the connection between them, but people begin to notice the subtle changes in their interactions. The pressure mounts as Mia tries to navigate her feelings for Will while managing the risk of office gossip and maintaining her reputation in the company. While navigating all of her emotions, the concern that people might think poorly of her because of her relationship with Will only adds to her growing anxieties.

 

Seventh Assignment - Story Settings - sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it. 

Mia’s NJ Home - Mia’s family home in New Jersey holds memories of her past with Hudson—the last time she saw him, when he tried to act like everything was okay, despite the cracks in their relationship. The house, warm and filled with the bustle of family life, serves as a reminder of what once was and what has since changed. Mia’s family home in New Jersey is a place where Sunday dinners are a cherished tradition, a time when everyone gathers around the table to share laughter, stories, and, of course, an abundance of homemade food. The kitchen smells of roasted meats, simmering sauces, and freshly baked bread as her aunts and uncles bustle around, preparing their specialties. Her cousins, always full of energy, run through the house, while her grandparents sit at the head of the table, telling stories of the past with a touch of nostalgia in their voices.

 

Mia’s Car - When she drove to Amelia to tell her how Hudson cheated on her. Her car is her sanctuary, a small personal space where she can think through the mess of her emotions. 

 

NYC Streets - The streets of New York City are where Mia feels a surge of inspiration, a sense of possibility that’s hard to find anywhere else. There’s an electric energy in the air, a pulse that drives her forward as she walks through the bustling streets. The city is alive with movement—people rushing by, the sounds of honking taxis, the hum of conversation, and the clatter of coffee cups in cafés. Mia loves the anonymity of the crowds, the way she can blend in yet feel completely connected to the vibrant pulse of the city.

 

Hotel - Where she and Amelia stayed the night before the extravagant Christmas party, a quiet retreat away from the rush of the city. The sleek, modern lobby with its polished floors and chic décor sets the tone for a night of luxury and escape, a brief respite from the whirlwind of emotions Mia is processing.

The front desk, checking in, where Mia first meets Will—a moment that would become the catalyst for something she couldn’t yet comprehend. His charm and effortless smile were enough to stir something inside her, but she didn’t know then how much this encounter would come to mean. The hotel felt almost like a world apart, a place where the outside worries faded into the background.

That first night, unable to sleep, Mia finds herself drawn to the complimentary beverage bar. The soft lighting, the quiet hum of the space, offers her a moment of peace amid the chaos of her thoughts. It’s there that she spent a moment with Will, connecting with him, before knowing that he would be working with her in the future. They built a bond, before knowing they’d be professional together in the future. 

The hotel hallway becomes a poignant setting once again after the Christmas party. In a quiet, unexpected moment, Mia and Will share a kiss, a moment of connection that feels both exhilarating and overwhelming. Yet it’s cut short, interrupted by a call she overhears that Amelia and Hudson are in, desperate to pull her back into the past, leaving Mia torn between the comfort of the familiar and the pull of something new and uncertain. The hotel, in all its elegance, becomes the backdrop to some of Mia’s most intimate moments—memories she’ll hold onto, but also ones she’s trying to move forward from.

Christmas Party - The extravagant Christmas party is a turning point for Mia. There, she realizes Will isn’t just a stranger from the hotel—he works at Eastend Investments too and is about to transfer to the NYC office. The moment shifts their dynamic, making their growing attraction even harder to ignore. Amid the festive chaos, they share brief but meaningful exchanges that make Mia question what this connection might mean.

NYC Taxi - The taxi rides are brief but frequent moments throughout the book, offering Mia and Will small, intimate pockets of time to connect. 

Office - The office is sleek, fast-paced, and filled with the pressure of career-driven ambition. Mia works hard to prove herself in this high-stakes environment, but she's also acutely aware of the complex power dynamics, especially with Will. His daily coffee deliveries and his subtle gestures make her happy entering the office and look forward to her daily routine. She finds comfort in her big office and the opportunities it represents, but she also has to navigate her feelings for Will while maintaining professionalism.

 

Jersey Shore Beach - The Jersey Shore beach offers Mia a moment of peace and reflection during Memorial Day weekend. It’s here she tries to clear her head and focus on her future, only to be interrupted by Hudson’s friend, Mark, who mentions that Hudson plans to return in July, throwing her emotional clarity into turmoil.

 

Mia and Amelia’s Apartment - Mia and Amelia’s cozy two-bedroom apartment is their sanctuary—a place filled with laughter, late-night conversations, and the comfort of true friendship. It’s here that Mia can process her internal struggles, confide in Amelia, and seek guidance. The apartment becomes her safe haven, a spot where she can reset and recharge after the pressures of her personal and professional life. It’s a true testament to their shared girlhood and unwavering support for one another.

 

Will’s Apartment - Will’s apartment is a stark contrast to Mia’s cozy, modest space—luxurious, modern, and impeccably designed. The first time Mia spends the night there is after drunkenly texting him, an impulsive move that leads to an unexpected, yet intimate, connection. The apartment feels like a glimpse into Will’s world, one that’s different from the life Mia knows. It’s sophisticated and sleek, with expansive windows that offer a breathtaking view of the city. Later, Mia finds herself spending a rainy day there, the sound of the rain against the windows adding a peaceful, almost surreal quality to the moment. As she sits in the lavish surroundings, Mia grapples with the growing complexities of her feelings for Will and the life she’s now entering.

 

Pizzeria - The pizzeria is where Mia and Will find a bit of normalcy and comfort. After their post-Christmas party pizzeria encounter, it becomes a place they visit often. Will shares his favorite pizza slices with Mia, and it quickly turns into a sweet ritual between them. 

 

Restaurant by the Brooklyn Bridge - Located with breathtaking views of the Brooklyn Bridge, this upscale restaurant is the perfect setting for Mia and Will’s first date. The romance and elegance of the place set the tone for their deepening connection, creating a moment of intimacy and excitement that Mia can’t ignore.

 

Will’s Car - Will’s car serves as a quiet, intimate space where Mia and Will share personal moments. Whether they’re heading to Brooklyn or off to Rhode Island for Will’s sister’s wedding, the car is where they can truly connect, away from the distractions of the city and the complexities of their work lives. It becomes a place where Mia can open up more than she might otherwise.

 

Rhode Island - The serene environment of Will’s family home in Rhode Island sets the stage for a wedding that brings Mia closer to Will’s world. The elegance and warmth of the wedding contrast with the storm of emotions Mia feels as she navigates her feelings for Will. Surrounded by family, Mia is forced to confront her emotions and question what her future could look like with Will in it.

 

Christina and Enzo’s Apartment - Christina and Enzo’s apartment is a welcoming, family-centered space where Mia feels a sense of connection outside her own family. Their Sunday dinners, filled with food, laughter, and close relationships, remind Mia of her own family traditions. It’s during these meals that Mia begins to reflect on love and relationships, with Enzo’s stories sparking deep thoughts about what she truly wants in her own life.

What makes these settings so interesting is that they aren’t just places—they’re reflections of Mia’s journey, her emotions, and the choices she’s struggling to make. Every space she moves through carries meaning, whether it’s tethering her to the past or pushing her toward something new.

There’s a contrast woven throughout the book: familiarity vs. change, comfort vs. uncertainty. Mia’s New Jersey home is warm, loud, and full of tradition, but it’s also a place where Hudson’s presence lingers, making her question whether she’s really moved on. Meanwhile, New York City is electric and full of possibility, a place where she can get lost but also discover something entirely new—especially when it comes to Will.

Some settings are big and cinematic, like the Christmas party, the wedding in Rhode Island, or the restaurant by the Brooklyn Bridge—places that make her relationship with Will feel larger than life, almost unreal. But then there are the quiet, intimate spaces—a hotel hallway, a late-night pizzeria, the inside of a taxi, the privacy of Will’s car or apartment—where emotions build in a way that feels even more intense. These are the moments where Mia and Will are forced into proximity, where their connection deepens even before either of them fully realizes it.

And then there’s the office—where Mia is supposed to be focused on her career, but Will is there every day, making it impossible to ignore what’s growing between them. Even the Jersey Shore, which should be an escape, becomes a reminder that her past is never as far away as she thinks.

All of these places matter because they shape Mia’s decisions, pull her in different directions, and make the love triangle even more emotionally charged. The settings aren’t just where things happen—they are the story.

[Saborna Roychowdhury]

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. 

How do you commit to a man who frightens you, mystifies you, challenges you to go places you dare not go, carry out secret activities your parents do not approve?  Are your convictions strong enough to travel with him to places unknown, face incredible odds and endure great hardships? Or are you going to run from him, and find shelter in another man’s arms who offers you wealth and security? And even if you do that, will your former lover stop nagging you, judging you and disparaging your every choice? Does the burden of feeling he infused in you ever pass, or does it continue to haunt you even after you get married and promise your husband never to look back?

What if your former lover’s life is in danger? Do you keep your promise? Or go behind your husband’s back and take a great risk to save him?

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

 

Bristi grows up in an ordinary middle-class family in Kolkata, India. The walls of her family’s apartment reek of mediocrity, compromise, and stunted ambitions. Her father is a failed artist who constantly feels sorry for himself and resents anyone with money.  His meager wages can’t always pay for the family expenses and her mother is forced to borrow money from her rich uncle.

To Bristi, her uncle is not a benefactor but a tyrant who never misses an opportunity to insult her family.  Her uncle’s snobberies are as resolute as everything else about him. He believes that he and his wife are “better people”—people who are successful, wealthy and familiar with the ways of high-society. His wealth is his is the proof of his righteousness. To her uncle, Bristi’s social activism and social work is a colossal waste of time.

Bristi never feels gratitude for the money and items she receives from her uncle and aunt. She doesn’t want their pity or their handouts. She wants to escape this uncle’s grip over her life and constant interference from his wife. She wants to give her parents a comfortable life where they are respected. Her feelings toward her uncle rise into something that can only be called hate.  

Bristi seeks freedom from these humiliating circumstances. It is from this deep source of frustration that her love for a classmate at college, Rudra, is generated.

 

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

 

(1)    A War Against Love

(2)    The Fire Within

(3)    The Secrets We Keep

 

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: - Read this NWOE article on comparables then return here.

- Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

(1) Megha Majumdar’s, “A Burning”

 Very similar to my novel. “A Burning” is concretely about contemporary India—its rising Hindu nationalism and persecution of Muslims, its suppression of dissent, its social inequities and renewed sectarian violence—it also reflects the current moment domestically, in ways that feel urgent and obvious: the uprising against police brutality, the vulnerability of marginalized groups, the structural racism built into the texture of everyday life.

(2) “Quarterlife” by Devika Rege (2024)

Quarterlife is a groundbreaking portrait of a nation on the cusp of a new age. A group of young people converge in Mumbai after an election brings the divisive Bharat Party to power: Naren, a jaded Wall Street consultant lured home by the promise of “better days,” is accompanied by Amanda, a restless New Englander eager to live her ideals through a social impact fellowship in a slum. Meanwhile, Naren’s brother Rohit, the charismatic talent scout, sets out to explore his roots in the countryside and falls in with the fiery young men that drive the Hindu nationalist machine. As they each come to grips with the new India, their journeys coalesce into a riveting milieu characterized by brutal debates and desires as fraught as they are compulsive.

 

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

Logline: The narrator, a young Indian woman named Bristi, must constantly choose between success and morality, between what she once wanted to be and what she has become and between two men who have their own perceptions of where the country is headed.

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT

THE FLAME TREE, is set in the dystopian totalitarian future Kolkara when a popular and divisive leader is elected to the top office, promising a new age of economic growth and stability in the country.  A few years after his election, hatred and violence against minorities have spread like an epidemic. Bristi's boyfriend doesn't want to stand by as a silent bystander  as communal tensions, lynching, attacks on women and lower caste become commonplace. He wants to take care of the vulnerable and bring justice to the people who are wronged.  Bristi is in love with him but throughout the book we see her struggles with her own convictions and her own morality. Perhaps she is not strong enough to follow him in these risky propositions? 

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Trigger is Bristi's grandmother's death.

Bristi’s grandmother constantly nags her to settle down and get married to a decent man. Bristi's family wants her to stay away from Rudra who runs an NGO. One day, her grandmother suffers a massive heart attack. After the funeral, Bristi spends all her time in her grandmother’s room. She feels great inner turmoil.

Reaction: Bristi makes up her mind and accepts a marriage proposal from Samrat

She feels guilty for not keeping her grandmother’s last wish. She makes up her mind to distance herself from Rudra. When a wealthy, successful man named Samrat proposes to her, she agrees to marry him.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

 

This novel is set in Kolkata, and it’s a place most American readers have never been. I want them to see it through my narrator's eyes. I want the readers to experience everything – from the sights, sounds, smells of the streets, to the different neighborhoods, markets, and temples.

In the first few chapters I describe Bristi's tiny flat and her urban neighborhood.  In the very beginning, I give a lengthy description that tells the reader, the unfamiliar Western reader, what this place looks like. Is it like a house or an apartment? How big is this place? What can you see from the window and balcony? Why does Bristi live in this tiny place? 

I describe Bristi's room, tiny kitchen and Grandma's prayer room.

In later chapters, I describe Bristi's neighborhood and her college struggle.

I would like to add more description of the city itself. How big it is, how it is divided into different neighborhoods. How does the city setting differ from Sabir's village? Are the Hindu and Muslim neighborhood different? Do people cross these neighborhood lines?

I want to add descriptions of Muslim slums where people struggle to get basic provisions.

 

 

 

 

 

[bellaamar]

THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

 

Haluna must infiltrate the evil Khan’s court and save her kidnapped sister. 

 

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

 

Berke Khan was always jealous of his bearer ‘magical’ siblings. After making a deal with a deity of the underworld, Berke Khan gains soul-sucking shadows. After usurping the throne, he takes Haluna’s sister after killing her tribe because of her mysterious golden light that stops his shadows. Berke Khan will do anything to keep his power and grow it. People are puppets to him, he has tried to make Prince Ariq as cold and ruthless as him. He wants people broken to control them better. Believes he has been chosen by a god. 

At the palace there are people who seem like friends but maybe foes like the dowager empress who takes Haluna under her wing. Some foes who could be friends. A place where the monsters were silk. Further on there are higher deities who have plans for the mortals they toy with. The people without power could die therefore everyone is power hungry. 

 

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

 

Strings of Gods 

The Shaman Queen 

The Khan’s Curse

 

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

 

The Cruel Prince - Holly Black. - Similar in that it takes the morally grey power hungry court with the enemies to lovers aspect of Cardan and Jude. Except that my book is set in a world inspired by the mongol empire with shamanic magic system. 

 

The Poppy War - Similar setting of shamans and asian inspired world. Haluna is also a strong character but she is there to save her sister not to become powerful. 

 

The Alchemy of Souls - korean drama on netflix - similar in that Haluna is undercover inside the palace trying to take things apart. Set in a magical asian inspired world. 

 

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT

After dark magic wipes out her tribe and the ruthless Khan takes her sister, a young woman must infiltrate his court to rescue her—but a cunning prince threatens to unravel her plans.

 

sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

 

She is traumatised by losing her tribe. She is in survival mode and will stop at nothing to save her last family member. There will be a lot of turmoil to be able to infiltrate the court under other pretences and not show that she hates them so much. There is conflict in that she will start to feel like she has allies there, sometimes she doesn’t like doing the evil deeds to bring down the Khan’s court from the inside. There is a little bit of beginning to like the palace and not wanting to hurt certain people but at the same time she wants to for her sister. (For example, becoming loyal to the empress dowager. Or closer to the Prince.) 

 

She and the empress dowager forge a letter and she must use the Khan’s left hand man’s stamp to seal it to frame him. There is a lot of guilt she feels in having a hand in succeeding and having him be murdered for it. She feels a bit like she is becoming too much like them. It is worse when she finds out that he was actually not loyal to the Khan. For every evil action she must do she justifies by saying she is doing this for her sister. 

 

There is also a moment where she and the empress dowager have to kill one of the maids to protect themselves and she feels very guilty that she would kill another woman who also betrayed them to help her own sister and Haluna is killing them to do the same thing. 

 

Secondary Conflict

 

The secondary conflict is the budding romance that is happening between Haluna and the Prince - the Khan’s nephew and right hand man. He is just as ruthless and cruel yet she begins to see a different side of him from him saving her on a certain mission and close encounters. There is a lot of attraction happening between them. The other conflict within this is the empress dowager and the Prince also have a secret intimate relationship, therefore he is completely off bounds for Haluna. But this doesn’t stop the growing feelings. 

 

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

 

The whole book is set in an empire that is based off the mongol empire during its height. However there is magic - originally the shamans could let deities powers into their body to do their bidding. But they made it possible to have bearers- who are born with magic and not need deities to enter them. Then most shamans were rounded up and killed. 

 

The story begins with Haluna and her sister in the beautiful steppes in the north surrounded by mountains of the old deities. With a beautiful river, Haluna and her sister race through the grasslands until they discover their herd is decapitated. They try to warn the others however the shadows that are soul sucking kill their entire tribe as Haluna and Buyan escape into the forest. There a golden light saves them. 

 

Haluna awakens with Buyan no where to be found and Hanbazar - disgraced prince saves her and they go to his camp in the north. It is surrounded by breathtaking mongolian inspired countryside. There she trains with him and friends. 

 

After visiting a big monastery - built on the old lands of shamanic magic. They discover more abut the golden light. 

 

Back at the camp they do a ritual to find out Buyan has been taken by the Khan. 

 

Haluna leaves to join the competition (based on mongolian nadaam) to select warriors - set near the capital in the steppes. She is selected. 

 

Haluna travels to the grand capital city of the empire (based on the medieval city Cambulac - modern day beijing). It is a truly magical city with a palace grounds the size of a city of itself. Much of the story then is set inside the palace - Key scenes include looking at dungeons for her sister witnessing a break out. 

A lavish banquet scene when Haluna is first introduced to Prince Ariq and gets into an altercation that leads to him ‘training’ her to make a mockery out of her. Haluna and Yuree plan ways to bring down the kheshig elder - the khan’s hound. 

Haluna joins Ariq to the deity mountains near them - they end up in a magical forest that moves around. Inside they almost get killed by a magical creature and Ariq saves them. 

Back at the palace things continue to heat up - Oyuna is brought there (one of Hanbazar’s friends). Haluna then eventually gets betrayed in the vault. 

She is then in the worst part of the dungeons - hitting rock bottom. 

They take her outside of the city to do a ritual. 

Her soul travels to the underworld - where she spends a lot of time with the deity Rakusses. Then she travels to the ‘heavens’ and gets her full shaman powers and comes back to the real world. 

She is reunited with her sister and they escape, however she also wakes up in a different body.

[Lesley]

1 Story Statement 

 

Bree must learn to navigate her new and unexpected life in New York, even though she is overwhelmed by the pace of the huge city. 

2  Antagonist In Story 

The antagonist in my work is Kat, first cousin of my MC, Bree. Bree and Kat grew up together in a small town in Northern Michigan, both working in their family’s uniform factory. Eventually Kat moved to New York to start a successful clothing line based on her family’s designs. Ten years later, with her marriage and career are suffering, she expects Bree to step in to take over her company while she figures out what to do. Bree is furious at Kat’s expectation that she should disrupt her life to help Kat mend hers.  

Bree is also still resentful that Kat has never apologized for the terrifying prank she played on Bree the night they graduated from high school. 

3 Title Options 

HIDING OUT AT 76TH & BROADWAY 

WHEN I WAS A NEW YORKER 

 

Question 4 Comps 

Something Blue by Emily Giffin 

The Heart Principle by Helen Hoang 

 

Both books deal with unexpected events for MC’s relationships, forcing them to make new choices in their lives. 

 

5 Core Wound 

When Bree moves to New York to help her cousin, she is immediately overwhelmed by the huge city and wants to return home, but she knows that life there has changed in a way she never imagined. 

 

6 Inner Conflict 

 

Bree has always been jealous of her cousin Kat. Much of her resentment comes because she feels Kat and her father have a bond that she herself could never build with him. While Bree understands her dad had no choice but to step in to help raise Kat and her brother after their own dad died, she feels it was to the detriment of her relationship with him. 

 

Bree has never fully gotten over the terrifying prank Kat and her boyfriend played on her the night of their high school graduation. Even worse, in the ten years since, Kat has never apologized or taken full accountability. So when Kat suddenly asks her to come to NYC to temporarily take over her business, she’s reminded again of her anger at what she views as Kat’s refusal to acknowledge her trauma from that night. Bree’s also miserable in NYC, a city that intimidates and overwhelms her. 

 

Bree is embarrassed that everyone in her small town makes jokes about her on again off again relationship she’s had with her boyfriend since they met in fifth grade.  

 

7 Setting 

Setting is a practically a character in this story. Bree goes from the safety and security of the small Northern Michigan town where she and her family know everybody. She’s miserable in NYC, intimidated and lonely in this huge city that she never want to come to, least of all to help her estranged cousin. The contrast of the two places is crucial in defining Bree's situation.