Write to Pitch - March 2025

[EditorAdmin]

Introduction to Pre-event Assignments 

The below seven assignments are vital to reaching an understanding of specific and critical core elements that go into the creation of a commercially viable genre novel or narrative non-fiction. Of course, there is more to it than this, as you will see, but here we have a good primer that assures we're literally all on the same page before the event begins.

You may return here as many times as you need to edit your topic post (login and click "edit"). Pay special attention to antagonists, setting, conflict and core wound hooks.

And btw, quiet novels do not sell. Keep that in mind and be aggressive with your work.

Michael Neff

Algonkian Conference Director

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THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Before you begin to consider or rewrite your story premise, you must develop a simple "story statement." In other words, what's the mission of your protagonist? The goal? What must be done?

What must this person create? Save? Restore? Accomplish? Defeat?... Defy the dictator of the city and her bury brother’s body (ANTIGONE)? Struggle for control over the asylum (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST)? Do whatever it takes to recover lost love (THE GREAT GATSBY)? Save the farm and live to tell the story (COLD MOUNTAIN)? Find the wizard and a way home to Kansas (WIZARD OF OZ)? Note that all of these are books with strong antagonists who drive the plot line (see also "Core Wounds and Conflict Lines" below).

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. 

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THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

(Photo : Javert from "Les Misérables")

What are the odds of you having your manuscript published if the overall story and narrative fail to meet publisher demands for sufficient suspense, character concern, and conflict? Answer: none. You might therefore ask, what major factor makes for a quiet and dull manuscript brimming with insipid characters and a story that cascades from chapter to chapter with tens of thousands of words, all of them combining irresistibly to produce an audible thudding sound in the mind like a mallet hitting a side of cold beef? Answer: the unwillingness or inability of the writer to create a suitable antagonist who stirs and spices the plot hash.

Let's make it clear what we're talking about.

By "antagonist" we specifically refer to an actual fictional character, an embodiment of certain traits and motivations who plays a significant role in catalyzing and energizing plot line(s), or at bare minimum, in assisting to evolve the protagonist's character arc (and by default the story itself) by igniting complication(s) the protagonist, and possibly other characters, must face and solve (or fail to solve).

CONTINUE READING ENTIRE ARTICLE AT NWOE THEN RETURN HERE.

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

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CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

What is your breakout title? How important is a great title before you even become published? Very important! Quite often, agents and editors will get a feel for a work and even sense the marketing potential just from a title. A title has the ability to attract and condition the reader's attention. It can be magical or thud like a bag of wet chalk, so choose carefully. A poor title sends the clear message that what comes after will also be of poor quality.

Go to Amazon.Com and research a good share of titles in your genre, come up with options, write them down and let them simmer for at least 24 hours. Consider character or place names, settings, or a "label" that describes a major character, like THE ENGLISH PATIENT or THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST. Consider also images, objects, or metaphors in the novel that might help create a title, or perhaps a quotation from another source (poetry, the Bible, etc.) that thematically represents your story. Or how about a title that summarizes the whole story: THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES, HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP, etc.

Keep in mind that the difference between a mediocre title and a great title is the difference between THE DEAD GIRL'S SKELETON and THE LOVELY BONES, between TIME TO LOVE THAT CHOLERA and LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA between STRANGERS FROM WITHIN (Golding's original title) and LORD OF THE FLIES, between BEING LIGHT AND UNBEARABLE and THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

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DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

Did you know that a high percentage of new novel writers don't fully understand their genre, much less comprehend comparables? When informing professionals about the nuances of your novel, whether by query letter or oral pitch, you must know your genre first, and provide smart comparables second. In other words, you need to transcend just a simple statement of genre (literary, mystery, thriller, romance, science fiction, etc.) by identifying and relating your novel more specifically to each publisher's or agent's area of expertise, and you accomplish this by wisely comparing your novel to contemporary published novels they will most likely recognize and appreciate--and it usually doesn't take more than two good comps to make your point.

Agents and publishing house editors always want to know the comps. There is more than one reason for this. First, it helps them understand your readership, and thus how to position your work for the market. Secondly, it demonstrates up front that you are a professional who understands your contemporary market, not just the classics. Very important! And finally, it serves as a tool to enable them to pitch your novel to the decision-makers in the business.

Most likely you will need to research your comps. If you're not sure how to begin, go to Amazon.Com, type in the title of a novel you believe very similar to yours, choose it, then scroll down the page to see Amazon's list of "Readers Also Bought This" and begin your search that way. Keep in mind that before you begin, you should know enough about your own novel to make the comparison in the first place!

By the way, beware of using comparables by overly popular and classic authors. If you compare your work to classic authors like H.G. Wells and Gabriel Marquez in the same breath you will risk being declared insane. If you compare your work to huge contemporary authors like Nick Hornby or Jodi Picoult or Nora Ephron or Dan Brown or J.K. Rowling, and so forth, you will not be laughed at, but you will also not be taken seriously since thousands of others compare their work to the same writers. Best to use two rising stars in your genre. If you can't do this, use only one classic or popular author and combine with a rising star. Choose carefully!

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: - Read this NWOE article on comparables then return here.

- Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

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CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT 

Conflict, tension, complication, drama--all basically related, and all going a long way to keeping the reader's eyes fixated on your story. These days, serving up a big manuscript of quiet is a sure path to damnation. You need tension on the page at all times, and the best way to accomplish this is to create conflict and complications in the plot and narrative. Consider "conflict" divided into three parts, all of which you MUST have present in the novel. First part, the primary dramatic conflict which drives through the work from beginning to end, from first major plot point to final reversal, and finally resolving with an important climax. Next, secondary conflicts or complications that take various social forms - anything from a vigorous love subplot to family issues to turmoil with fellow characters. Finally, those various inner conflicts and core wounds all important characters must endure and resolve as the story moves forward.

But now, back to the PRIMARY DRAMATIC CONFLICT. If you've taken care to consider your story description and your hook line, you should be able to identify your main conflict(s). Let's look at some basic information regarding the history of conflict in storytelling. Conflict was first described in ancient Greek literature as the agon, or central contest in tragedy. According to Aristotle, in order to hold the interest, the hero must have a single conflict. The agon, or act of conflict, involves the protagonist (the "first fighter" or "hero") and the antagonist corresponding to the villain (whatever form that takes). The outcome of the contest cannot be known in advance, and, according to later drama critics such as Plutarch, the hero's struggle should be ennobling. Is that always true these days? Not always, but let's move on.

Even in contemporary, non-dramatic literature, critics have observed that the agon is the central unit of the plot. The easier it is for the protagonist to triumph, the less value there is in the drama. In internal and external conflict alike, the antagonist must act upon the protagonist and must seem at first to overmatch him or her. The above defines classic drama that creates conflict with real stakes. You see it everywhere, to one degree or another, from classic contemporary westerns like THE SAVAGE BREED to a time-tested novel as literary as THE GREAT GATSBY. And of course, you need to have conflict or complications in nonfiction also, in some form, or you have a story that is too quiet.

For examples let's return to the story descriptions and create some HOOK LINES. Let's don't forget to consider the "core wound" of the protagonist. Please read this article at NWOE then return here.

• The Hand of Fatima by Ildefonso Falcones
• A young Moor torn between Islam and Christianity, scorned and tormented by both, struggles to bridge the two faiths by seeking common ground in the very nature of God.
• Summer's Sisters by Judy Blume
• After sharing a magical summer with a friend, a young woman must confront her friend's betrayal of her with the man she loved.
• The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud
• As an apprentice mage seeks revenge on an elder magician who humiliated him, he unleashes a powerful Djinn who joins the mage to confront a danger that threatens their entire world.

Note that it is fairly easy to ascertain the stakes in each case above: a young woman's love and friendship, the entire world, and harmony between opposed religions. If you cannot make the stakes clear, the odds are you don't have any. Also, is the core wound obvious or implied?

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

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OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

As noted above, consider "conflict" divided into three parts, all of which you should ideally have present. First, the primary conflict which drives through the core of the work from beginning to end and which zeniths with an important climax (falling action and denouement to follow). Next, secondary conflicts or complications which can take various social forms (anything from a vigorous love subplot to family issues to turmoil with fellow characters). Finally, those inner conflicts the major characters must endure and resolve. You must note the inner personal conflicts elsewhere in this profile, but make certain to note any important interpersonal conflicts within this particular category."

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

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THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

When considering your novel, whether taking place in a contemporary urban world or on a distant magical planet in Andromeda, you must first sketch the best overall setting and sub-settings for your story. Consider: the more unique and intriguing (or quirky) your setting, the more easily you're able to create energetic scenes, narrative, and overall story. A great setting maximizes opportunities for interesting characters, circumstances, and complications, and therefore makes your writing life so much easier. Imagination is truly your best friend when it comes to writing competitive fiction, and nothing provides a stronger foundation than a great setting. One of the best selling contemporary novels, THE HUNGER GAMES, is driven by the circumstances of the setting, and the characters are a product of that unique environment, the plot also.

But even if you're not writing SF/F, the choice of setting is just as important, perhaps even more so. If you must place your upmarket story in a sleepy little town in Maine winter, then choose a setting within that town that maximizes opportunities for verve and conflict, for example, a bed and breakfast stocked to the ceiling with odd characters who combine to create comical, suspenseful, dangerous or difficult complications or subplot reversals that the bewildered and sympathetic protagonist must endure and resolve while he or she is perhaps engaged in a bigger plot line: restarting an old love affair, reuniting with a family member, starting a new business, etc. And don't forget that non-gratuitous sex goes a long way, especially for American readers.

CONTINUE TO READ THIS ARTICLE THEN RETURN.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

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Below are several links to part of an article or whole articles that we feel are the most valuable for memoir writers.

We have reviewed these and agree 110%.

MEMOIR WRITING - CHOOSE A SPECIFIC EVENT (good general primer)

How to Write a Memoir That People Care About | NY Book Editors

NYBOOKEDITORS.COM

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Are you thinking of writing a memoir but you're stuck? We've got the remedy. Check out our beginner's guide on writing an epic and engaging memoir.

MEMOIR MUST INCLUDE TRANSCENDENCE

Writing Memoir? Include Transcendence - Memoir coach and author Marion Roach

MARIONROACH.COM

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MEMOIR REQUIRES TRANSCENDENCE. Something has to happen. Or shift. Someone has to change a little. Or grow. It’s the bare hack minimum of memoir.

WRITE IT LIKE A NOVEL

How to Write a Powerful Memoir in 5 Simple Steps

JERRYJENKINS.COM

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When it comes to writing a memoir, there are 5 things you need to focus on. If you do, your powerful story will have the best chance of impacting others.

MEMOIR ANECDOTES - HOW TO MAKE THEM SHINE

How to Write an Anecdote That Makes Your Nonfiction Come Alive

JERRYJENKINS.COM

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Knowing how to write an anecdote lets you utilize the power of story with your nonfiction and engage your reader from the first page.

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[berenberg]

1. Write your story statement.

Trick the gods to save the magic and the world.

2. In 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

Dr. Javier Sanchez is a physicist from Los Alamos National Laboratory. Twenty-five years ago, he led an experiment that secretly was a method for him to gain supernatural powers. The experiment ended in an accident, killing several people. Now, Dr. Sanchez believes he has fixed the problems, but things again go wrong. Another accident displaces technology with magic within a 150 mile radius. The effect is unstable, though, and it will eventually destroy Northern New Mexico.

Only a survivor of the original accident can stabilize the project, because of powers gained from the combination of the two accidents. Those survivors include Dr. Sanchez himself, and Violet, who was a student research assistant for the original experiment. The stabilization process, however, will kill whoever performs it.

Dr. Sanchez tries to bring Violet back to Los Alamos. He works covertly, sending out various magical and non-magical proxies to retrieve Violet. Ultimately, he sets up a government operation that captures Violet and brings her to Los Alamos. He fakes his own death, adopts a disguise, and inserts himself into Violet’s team, all to make sure she succeeds in stabilizing the experiment. Dr. Sanchez’s true role is not revealed until the end.

3. Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

• Violet: As one result of the inciting incident, the protagonist’s hair turns bright purple. She chooses the name Violet, in part as a way to embrace her transformed self, and in part to hide her identity from enemies she has made in the course of her career, now that the protections she has come to expect from society no longer exist.
• The Enchanted Zone: The region where magic has displaced technology is called the enchanted zone by its denizens.
• Land of Enchantment: The state nickname for New Mexico, with an obvious relationship to “the enchanted zone.” I prefer this for the series title, but it would also work as the title for the first book in the series.

4. Develop two smart comparables for your novel. Who compares to you? And why?

The Wren in the Holly Library by K.A. Linde: Magic and monsters have entered the real world. The protagonist is a young woman who must learn how to use her newly-developed magical powers to protect and rescue the ones she loves. Other powerful forces want to use her for their own ends.

The Book of Doors by Gareth Brown: Takes place in the modern world. Magical books, known only to a few, give the possessor a magical power, one power per book such as the ability to walk through any door in the world just by thinking about it. The protagonist stumbles upon the title book, putting herself and her friends in danger, but also giving her the power to fight against those who want to use the books for evil.

5. Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound.

A single mother must rescue her children from government conspirators after an incident in Los Alamos causes all technology more complex than a bicycle to stop functioning and brings the myths and folktales of Northern New Mexico to life.

6. Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Before the inciting incident (“the enchantment”), Violet was an attorney who sued predators – stalkers, guys who made deepfake videos, that kind of thing. The enchantment transformed Northern New Mexico, replacing physics with magic. It also physically transformed many of the people within the covered area (“the enchanted zone”).

Post-enchantment, Violet now looks like a deepfake image the latest defendant had made of her. As she sees it, it’s like all the predators she ever went after got their revenge on her all at once. She worries that she is no longer the same person. Those worries are perhaps confirmed when she discovers that she has also gained magical powers, but those powers sometimes cause her to lose control of her emotions and her actions.

For example, Violet ends up traveling with a man (Caleb) more than twenty years her junior. Violet sees he has a crush on her. Although she is flattered, and finds it cute, she is not interested. When Caleb breaks his arm, Violet uses her newfound powers to heal him. Powers she barely understands. As a side effect, Violet’s emotions become entangled with Caleb’s, and suddenly Caleb’s feelings become mutual. For the next several scenes, Violet struggles to separate her own emotions back out while also having to deal with the physical urges the entanglement has created.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

Early in the story, Violet encounters La Llorona, a ghost from Spanish folklore. According to legend, La Llorona caught her husband with his mistress, then drowned her children and herself in the Santa Fe River out of spite. Now she wanders the riverside, seeking her children . . . or those of others.

When Violet comes across La Llorona, the ghost enters her mind and makes Violet think she has killed her own children. The memories fade after Violet wakes up, but they recur every time she sleeps, worse every time. The nightmares start to bleed over into the waking world, putting Violet’s real children in danger.

Violet eventually finds La Llorona, and they have a final showdown. “This ends here,” says La Llorona. “Yes,” says Violet, “but I’m the one who ends it.”

Violet turns the tables and enters La Llorona’s memories, but what she finds surprises her. Rather than fighting and destroying the ghost, as she expected to do, Violet releases her from a curse. This ties into the inner conflict by helping Violet see that her transformation was superficial. She ended up helping La Llorona, in the same way she helped her clients pre-enchantment. Underneath the new cover, Violet is the same person she has always been.

7. Sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story?

The story takes place in real-world settings of Northern New Mexico. In fact, the manuscript is divided into six parts, covering Violet’s journey from start to end. Those parts are:

• One: Santa Fe, primarily the historical Plaza area.
• Two: Pueblo Country, covering the Native American Pueblos along the I-25 corridor from Santa Fe to Albuquerque.
• Three: Albuquerque, including the foothills of the Sandia Mountains and the arroyo that runs from the foothills (where Violet’s home is located) down to the Rio Grande.
• Four: Rio Grande, covering various locations along the river, from Los Lunas south of Albuquerque to Bernalillo north of the city.
• Five: Jemez Mountains, the volcanic range that lies to the west between Albuquerque and Santa Fe.
• Six: Los Alamos, home to the National Laboratory and site of the story’s climax.

These settings bring in details that both locals and visitors will recognize, and they also provide a variety of supernatural elements.

For example, the story starts at the Santa Fe Plaza. Violet encounters her first supernatural creatures there, based on stories from the Spanish Inquisition in New Mexico. She finds temporary refuge in the historic cathedral at one end of the Plaza, but she is soon chased off because of the superstitious fears of other refugees. She is attacked by the ghost La Llorona along the Santa Fe River, which is a frequent location for many of the traditional La Llorona stories. She is then swept away in a river flood caused by a monsoon rain storm. (After I wrote that scene, I happened to get caught in a storm near the same location and took videos of the resulting flood.)

As another example, Violet makes it to her home along Arroyo del Oso (Bear Canyon) in the Albuquerque foothills. She evades capture by an Army contingent with the help of the spirit bear that the arroyo is named after. The bear carries her along the arroyo on its way to the Rio Grande. When the arroyo is channeled through a tunnel under a business district, they are attacked by a monster Violet first ran into in Santa Fe. They make it through, then pass by the city’s Balloon Fiesta Park on the way to the Rio Grande. The bear leaves Violet at a sanctuary farm, which is situated in a real-life agricultural area. The farm is too close to the river, though, and Violet must flee when La Llorona shows up again.

[Emerson Ormond]

(I could not get the copied text to un-bold)

Story Statement: A young girl must harness the war god’s power and lead her country’s dwindling army to victory.

 

Antagonist Sketch: The Commander

The Commander is the fearless leader of Carran’s military. He is unwilling to accept defeat or weakness in his army, even with the diminishing numbers of soldiers and surging attacks of the enemy. Together with the monarch, he is persistent on winning the war despite victory being so out of reach. The man is teeming with hubris, arrogance, and misogyny. Based out of the country’s singular surviving garrison, he trains his soldiers to follow his example and hold their own in battles with enemy numbers far surpassing their own. 

Fayre is everything he hopes to gain for his army and everything he despises. The Commander is hell-bent on victory and power, but unwilling to praise or recognize Fayre for her progeny or salvific powers. In his denial that a small peasant girl could be what his country needs for victory, he becomes his army’s worst enemy. He is callous toward her and others, and has little patience for her weakness. For the calculated, formidable man that he is, he makes rash decisions regarding Fayre which cost him dearly.  

 

Breakout Titles: 

An Army of Sword Lilies: Sword lilies have a symbolic meaning in the story. Shown to Fayre when she was a young girl by her Mari, she has always known them to represent the loss of an innocent life. Many characters come to be known as “sword lilies” as they pass in the trilogy, leading off with Merek, a young crippled boy who was killed in war. 

The Masked Progeny: Fayre is the descendant of Falak, the revered god of war. Yet, for both the Commander’s revulsion to a young girl being his country’s salvation, and the fear that if Fayre is discovered by enemy powers as the fulfillment of the prophecy to Carran’s victory, she is disguised as a male servant-at-arms, and made to wear the mask that all slaves do in her society, mirorring Vale, goddess of servitude. 

 

Genre and Comparables: 

Leigh Bardugo’s Shadow and Bone: Both novels immerse the reader into a world ravaged by war but filled with the hope of redemption by a girl who must learn to harness her powers to save her country.

Sabaa Tahir’s An Ember in the Ashes: Both are set in fictional medieval worlds that bring readers into the hardships of war and slavery, begging the question: is victory and power worth the lives of those who suffer to obtain it?

 

Core Wound and Primary Conflict:

(Two options… undecided)

Logline 1: In an attempt to protect her crippled friend from the horrors of the war front, a young girl is discovered to be the progeny of the war god, and must brave the world of men and war to lead her country’s dwindling army to victory.

Logline 2: Discovered to be the progeny of the war god with the power to bring down armies, a young peasant girl is forced to brave the world of men and war and lead her country’s soldiers to victory.

 

Two levels of conflict:

INNER CONFLICT: Fayre battles herself, and the war god’s power growing inside her. While she desires strength and the capability to win the war so that she can return home and protect her family and Merek, she is horrified at the idea of bloodshed. With every opponent she strikes down, she feels a chasm growing between who she once was and the killer she is becoming. Fayre understands that the enemy soldiers she battles wanted no more part in this war than she. She agonizes over every attack, and the lives of innocents that will end by her hands. 

Hypothetical: Fayre is told by the Commander on an overseas journey to Aerilon borders that the only way to protect Terrin and her family back home from harm, she must fight and lead her army to victory, cutting down all in her path. As the boat surges onto Aerilon sands, she is in turmoil over every enemy she will have to kill, even though she knows Falak will give her the power to do so. She aims to “wound, not kill,” but her wish is futile in the chaos of the battlefield, and she starts to see herself as a cold-hearted murderer, believing her family back home would surely turn away from her after what she has become. 

 

SECONDARY CONFLICT: In order to prevent Terrin from discovering Fayre’s true sex, she must keep her distance from him even when her own heart–and his charm–betrays her. His goodness shines in stark contrast to the rest of her detachment’s cruelty, and his willingness to help her makes it difficult for her to push him away. 

Hypothetical: After a particularly brutal training session where Fayre took a number of beatings from fellow soldiers who disdain the slaves, Terrin insists on helping her to dress her wounds. During this moment, he discovers who she truly is without her mask, and is insist that he help her and get to know her more. Later that night, when Terrin approaches with his usual compassion, she feels she must push him away to prevent him from further harm if it were found out her secret had spread. He asks her for her true name and expresses his desire to aid her, and, although everything inside her urges against it, shows him unkindness and impatience to push him away. 

 

Setting Sketch: 

The story takes place in Carran, a fictional medieval country that has face severe devastation in the Great War, a war between three nations over borders which took place prior to the book’s starting point. War persists, between Carran and the enemy country of Aerilon, even as Carran is struggling to hold up their defenses. 

Due to the strain placed on Carran’s military, an enlistment was enacted forcing all males to begin training at the garrison at the age of six, and to fight as soldiers when they age until wartime ceases. Carran’s monarch is power hungry and unwilling to succumb to Aerilon’s power, however, so the hopes for the battle ending any time soon is futile. 

With all the men at war, the women are left in the villages to run businesses, carry out the agriculture and trade, and instruct the children. They worship a unique set of deities and (for the purposes of this story) the focus gods are Isolde, goddess of wisdom, Falak, god of war, and Vale, goddess of servtitude. Vale is depicted as a small girl who wears a cloth over the lower half of her face to represent her silence in submission. Any prisoner of war, convicted criminal, or disabled person is said to be “disowned” by the gods themselves and destined to live a life as a “Vale” slave, serving in silence and submission. Now that the country is in so much war debt, many male Vale slaves have gone to the frontlines to serve or fight there. 

 

Opening Scenes: 

 

Fayre’s village: Fayre lives in a peasant cotton-farming village. Although poor, the community gets along well and the women support each other. She lives with her Mari, an elderly woman who adopted several girls orphaned from the war, including Fayre. The women divide the work in the cotton fields, sewing tunics and preparing food as a monthly taxation to the war effort. The soldiers that come to collect the tax each month cruel and demanded, loathed by the community. “Night raiders” are only ever mentioned, but come to raid the villages and rape the women in order to keep population numbers rising with all the men at the war front. 

 

Merek’s Ravine:  Merek’s ravine lays right outside the cotton village. In the warmer months, it is Merek’s (a crippled young boy whom Fayre is hiding away) home, where he hides away from the soldiers who raid the villages and come for taxation purposes. This is Fayre’s “home away from home.” It adds an element of excitement in her life, but also produces a lot of anxiety as she constantly wonders if the hiding spot will be discovered and Merek taken to live life as a slave or–gods forbid–a soldier. 

 

“Cormorant” Garrison: Nicknamed for its shape like the face of a cormorant bird jutting into the Ariat sea, the peninsula holds the army’s strongest–and sole–garrison. This is where all the boys disappear from the villages to for training, where the soldiers are housed and prepare for incoming attacks or are shipped out for an attack on Aerilon lines. The garrison is a buzz of energy and excitement entirely different from what Fayre is used to; teeming with males trained in the art of war, the society at the garrison glorifies killing and strength, even amid shrinking food rations, the improper ratio of armor and weaponry to men, and the fear of continued enemy attacks. 

 

Aerilon’s main city: The enemy city is walled in and heavily protected. Once inside, Terrin and his friends notice a stark difference between Aerilon’s cities and their own: men and women together, family units are whole, and there isn’t a draft ripping six-year-old boys from their mother’s arms. The war has still certainly caused devastation, with a draft requiring many males to serve in the war, but there is still the hope of a whole society within Aerilon’s city borders.

[Andrew]

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.

A father’s death forces his son to choose between good and evil.

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

The reader is provided with competing narratives. First, after the death of his father Jacob Johnson developed a maniacal drive to provide for and protect his mother. That drive made his choice between morality and personal advancement complicated. In junior high Jacob was humiliated by the school bully, Mikey. After the beating, Jacob found sexually explicit information, that if exposed, would destroy Mikey’s tough guy reputation. Jacob struggled with whether or not to disclose the information. 

In college Jacob discovered his roommate assaulting a girl. The roommate, who was wealthy, told Jacob not to pursue the matter and if he did, he would implicate him. Jacob reluctantly agreed. Later, Jacob was to be named CEO of Carrington Enterprises. He was confronted by someone, from his past, who discovered Jacob had used deception and omission to attain success. Jacob’s choice was to give up the power he spent his life acquiring or return to the values he learned as a child. 

The second option, Bacchus, formerly enslaved, and murdered for escaping, it was said, visited young men without parents. His voice was accompanied by pain in the tongue during critical decisions. 

 Jacob heard a voice and experienced pain during every critical decision.

 

Create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

The Death of Jacob Johnson: The day Jacob Johnson’s father died his life’s trajectory altered. The boy who learned his father died in church changed through being bullied in junior high school, the love he found in college, and his ascension to CEO of Carrington Enterprises. His death was not a natural one, but one of mind, body, and spirit. 

Dreams: Jacob is visited by his father shortly after his death and is told to only trust Deacon Rose. This is central to the book in that it opens the door to the supernatural. Jacob is also visited two additional times in his dreams to preview events to come. Metaphorically, most of the characters in the book have aspirational dreams. Jacob dreams of protecting and providing for his mother. Deacon Rose dreams of helping Jacob deal with this voice, Eleanor Barber dreams of one last adventure before she retires, and Katie, his mother, dreams of her son going to college and becoming a businessperson.

Jacob’s Voice: After Jacob is bullied in junior high, he hears a voice that makes his tongue feel pain. This voice appears during crucial decision points in the novel. It is that same voice that encourages him to make decisions that while in his best interest conflict with what he knows is morally acceptable.

 

Develop two smart comparables for your novel. Who compares to you? And why?

Trust by Hernan Diaz: Both books deal with the essence of truth. Trust is concerned with the accuracy of perceptions, power, and who tells the story. The Death of Jacob Johnson is concerned with perceptions, power, and belief. Most characters believe in God but have trouble believing in a more sinister power at work in their lives. The narrative itself, like Trust, offers the reader options on what version of the truth is accurate.

Pet Cemetery by Stephen King: In this book, the author used the third person omniscient to build suspense and set a sense of dread for the reader. The Death of Jacob Johnson is told from the third-person omniscient point of view as well as from other character's points of view. Finally, the horror elements are present in both novels.

 

Write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound.

A young boy’s father died shortly before his tenth birthday, in the aftermath, the boy propelled himself to a successful life which culminated in him becoming CEO of Carrington Enterprises, or is his ascension the result of Bacchus, a demon formerly enslaved who spoke to children without parents, who guided his steps, leaving everyone in his path homeless, hurt, or dead. 

 

Sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Before the inciting incident, Jacob’s life was filled with the love of his parents and his church family. He was taught the biblical principles of morality and to choose good over evil. His father’s death altered this trajectory. Without a father, Jacob sought the comfort of father figures. His want to take care of and provide for his mother became the driving force of his life which complicated his decision-making ability. His major decisions had an added layer of complexity due to the sharp pain he felt in his tongue and a voice that encouraged him to make the wrong choices. Would he choose the decision that was morally, right? Or would he choose the decision that allowed him to attain higher status and higher advancement to meet his goals? 

For example, Jacob attended the prestigious Hilderbrant University. Graduating from Hilderbrant meant connections, a great career, and lifelong friendships as long as one was able to maintain those relationships. While there, Jacob attended the most exclusive fraternity party on campus. Jacob was invited as his girlfriend’s (Megan) plus one. His roommate Dan also attended. Later that night Jacob found Dan sexually assaulting a female attendee. Jacob physically restrained Dan and called the police. The cops instructed Jacob to leave.

The next few scenes Jacob grappled with what he had seen. He decided not to tell his girlfriend, but instead, he would confront Dan. The next day Jacob told Dan to turn himself in. He expressed how disgusted he was with him and that if Dan didn’t turn himself in Jacob would do it for him. Dan realized Jacob was serious and offered him a choice. First, to forget what he saw. His second choice was more of a threat. Dan insinuated that because Jacob was black it would be more believable that he assaulted the girl. He informed Jacob of his parent’s wealth, resources, and deep relationships with the campus police. Jacob, who had devoted much of his early life to position himself so that he could attend a college like Hilderbrant felt pain in his tongue and heard a voice as he weighed the pros and cons.

 

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

Ricky Johnson, Jacob’s father, visited him in a dream the night of his death. He told Jacob to only trust Deacon Rose because something was coming after him. Jacob told this to Deacon Rose, who at first had a hard time believing that he could be of help, but as time progressed Deacon Rose believed he could be of use. Jacob explained to Deacon Rose that he heard a voice, and his tongue hurt during certain situations. Deacon Rose told the boy to pray, but he also went to the library to research ghost narratives. While there, he interacted with an old friend Eleanor Barber, who is also a friend of the Johnson family. 

She informed him that Franklin Roosevelt’s administration led a project to memorialize the ghost narratives of all living formerly enslaved people. Eleanor sent for all of the volumes for Bobby to read through. During his research, he found the name Bacchus, an enslaved person who was murdered for trying to escape with his daughter. The text stated “Reports reveal their tongues would turn black-during the episodes. Interviewees stated the only way to rid oneself of the presence was to—”, someone had deliberately removed the page from the book. Eleanor Barber stated, “It looks like the volume has been tampered with.” Bobby, a World War II veteran, who walked with a wobble and lost an eye during the war became determined to find out what happened. He needed to determine what the missing page said so that he could fulfill what Ricky Johnson told Jacob in the dream. Deacon Rose wanted to protect Jacob from whatever or whoever it was talking to him.

 

Sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story?

The book is divided into three acts and each act has a distinctive setting.

Act I took place in Charlotte, NC from the years 1986-1994. The set pieces include Trinity Resurrection Baptist Church where Jacob learns of his father’s passing, the Johnson home, where friends and family congregate, and Englehart Junior High School where Mikey, the school bully intimidates Jacob. One of the key settings is Deacon Rose’s front yard. This is where he teaches Jacob how to play chess, where Jacob reveals that he hears a voice, and where Deacon Rose decides that he will help him. The final set piece is a small library off of Beattis Ford Rd where Deacon Rose and Eleanor Barber do their research.

Act II was more expansive as the setting of Hilderbrant University came into focus. Jacob spent time at his girlfriend Megan’s apartment and then at a fraternity house he was warned in a dream not to attend. The setting then shifts briefly from Charlotte to Cape Cod as Jacob and Megan introduce each other to their families. While in Charlotte Jacob is confronted by Mikey, who bullied him during junior high. A mysterious place called The Fortress is introduced where Mr. Carrington, head of Carrington Enterprises, is a member of a secretive organization. Jacob and Megan move to Charlotte so he can take a job at Carrington Enterprises. They have an apartment together that is a place of love until Jacob’s drive for success in the name of taking care of his mother is too much for Megan to take.

Act III took place where the story began, in Charlotte, NC. The story has narrowed. This time Jacob’s perspective of the city is different. Deacon Rose has died, and Jacob has purchased a lavish home on Lake Norman. The library Elanor Barber once loved now was a shell of itself. She decided to retire and at that retirement party, she received a call that set her off for one last adventure. Back at Jacob’s lakeside home, he built a guest house for his mother to live in. He outfitted the room in her favorite color, pink, and had so many roses sent to the house that it was scented with citrus and mint. 

Embedded in each act is a dream sequence. Jacob was visited three times. The setting of the dreams took on aspects of the real world which frightened Jacob. For instance, in his first dream, the setting foreshadowed a home Deacon Rose visited where he learned about the spirit Bacchus. 

Each set piece showed Jacob’s transformation. His world narrowed as his stature increased. As a young man, he was surrounded by loved ones and an older mentor. In college he created a network of friends and found love, but as his thirst for power and success increased his world narrowed. By the time he bought the lake home Megan was gone. He had no friends. His only mentor was Mr. Carrington who does not seem to have his best interests at heart.