Write to Pitch 2024 - December

[Tomas F. Diaz]

1. Story Statement - To regain lost honor and place in the tribe.

2.  Antagonist - Zolk - He seeks to eradicate the Silverbacks because he sees them as monsters and feral beasts. He wants to be famous and celebrated for his deeds, but he is brutal and violent, more feared than loved. To Zolk the Silverbacks are no more than mindless animals, savages that threaten the Ozar way of life. He thinks that eliminating them will make him a hero to the other Ozars who he has riled up with lies he tells of Silverback cruelty. He tells others that his scars are from torture when they were caused by his attacks against Silverbacks. He has a deep hatred for the Silverbacks; started in his youth by his participation in the Silverbacks imprisonment and only grew as he did. He tries to manipulate other Ozars but is neither charismatic or likable enough to succeed. When this fails, he falls back on violence, forcibly removing those who stand in his way. Using these methods and fueled by his loathing he propagates that the Silverbacks are a disease and the only cure is killing them all.  

3. Breakout Title - Omega (preferred), D.O.G.S., Hero

4. Comparable - Redwall, because the characters are humanoid creatures trying to survive an apocalyptical event. Game of Thrones because it is a dark and gritty story, unpredictable who will survive or parish in a harsh world.   

5. Hook Line - Terrabyss, his sister, and his friends are made Omega. They must liberate the commune of Thessaul to regain their status among the tribe. The odds are not in their favor; can four Maulers defeat a garrison of twelve Ozars?

6. Other Matters of Conflict - Terrabyss is concerned about putting the lives of his sister and friends in jeopardy. This leads him to make rash and irrational decisions, making them all suffer while he leans what it takes to become a leader. 

       a. A severe injury to a close friend brings disagreement among them on how they should proceed. Terrabyss must learn             to accept the advice of others and learn to trust his own instincts.

7. Setting - Omega takes place in the Green Wall, a forest on the planet of Sarm. The Green Wall is massive and spans half a continent, containing multiple biomes within its boarders. It is primarily made of varying types of evergreen trees but it is also the only place where the sequoias grow. Their trunks are as thick as hills and their tips stand taller than mountains. The forest is misty from fog that rolls in from the coast and rises from the heavily dewy landscape. It is constantly assaulted by powerful storms of lightning, rain, and snow and can be particularly humid in the summer. It is full of life, from the different Taur clans animals like mammals, birds, insects, and fish as well as the monsters of varying danger and size. While some Taur clans, like the Silverbacks, don't like to disturb nature and do not even build homes, while others have entire cities built in clearings, trees, and below ground. The forest is also home to many ley lines which mages use to tap into the magic of the planet, but the world resists being altered from its natural state. The ley lines are living and feed off both decay and growth depending on the line. Above the Green Wall, the night sky is the Silverback portal to the afterlife and their ancestors, but also holds dangerous phantoms and the truth of what exist beyond the mortal realm.

 

[M David Schafer]

THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Asa must overcome his resentment for his homeland to save a wounded American spy while protecting his family of choice and the best damn drag bar in Africa from the Nazi hunting her.

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

 

Rolf von Werra’s favorite drink was propaganda, and it led to him coming of age in the German trenches of the Western Front. The war peeled away his friends, youth and his health, leaving the hardened zeal of a patriot wronged by his leaders. After the war he joined the Sturmabteilung, and the Nights of Long Knifes and Broken Glass became bloody releases of the resentment smoldering just below his surface.

 After the Reishstag fire, von Werra found an outlet for his nationalistic fervor in the Gestapo. There, he could filter through the sinners and the saints, plucking out Germany’s enemies from within. The work was a salve for his soul, and Once he a certain spy caught his attention he would track her to ends of the earth if he had to. Not because she was important, because she wasn’t, but because catching her was the only way to ease the burning in his soul.

 CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE
 

I’ve been writing under the title, LET US POSSESS ONE WORLD, because on a literal level it references the world my two gay men have created for themselves in 1940 Tangier. It’s from a John Donne poem, and Hemmingway used  Donne’s “For Whom the Bell Tolls,” as the title for his book about the Spanish Civil war, and that was one of the things I wanted to reference with this book.

Since this assignment however, I’ve started to consider HOW WE BEAR THE LIGHT because it’s a quote from James Baldwin where he’s talking about how we find the light in darkness and that light is love. He’s saying it’s how we live with that love that defines our lives. Also, Baldwin is a black, gay writer, and since I’m a gay man writing about an interracial couple he feels like a more appropriate reference.

Finally, I’ve been toying with the idea of something very declarative like THE MAGICIAN, THE NAZI AND THE DRAG QUEEN because it literally tells people what the book is about.

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

 

The Keeper of Hidden Books by Madeline Martin: Like my book, she focuses on the power of art, of being seen in the face of Nazi fascism. (2023)

The Curse of Pietro Houdini by Derek Miller: It’s a world war II heist story that focus on art, and Drag and music are art forms same as paintings and sculpture. (2024)

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT 

A drag queen in Tangier still reeling from the carnage of the Spanish civil war must hide a wounded American spy from a Nazi while protecting his found family of queers, refugees and alcoholics.

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

Lady Josephine is unapologetically bold, but when he wipes away the makeup Asa is a scarred veteran who takes power from his partner, Leo when he discovers a wounded woman in the back of club his instinct is to save her, once he finds out she’s being hunted by the Nazis it sparks his patriotism.

###

             “Asa?” Javi said, feigning surprise. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, comrade.”

               Javi was an attractive man, with acorn-colored skin, dark hair, and a scar on his chin Leo couldn’t stop from admiring him a little bit.

               “Yeah, comrade, sure,” Asa said, watching the bar tender shake their cocktails. “That happens when you get banned from my club.”

               “I didn’t think it was a total ban,” he said with a devilish smile. “I thought it was more of a suggestion.”

               “I don’t remember stuttering,” Asa said.

               Leo retrieved their drinks and nestled into Asa, sliding his shoulder underneath Asa’s armpit and nuzzling into his chest.

               “Cute,” Javi said. “Anyway, we could use a man with your experience. We could use both of you in all honesty.”

               Leo didn’t say anything as Asa wrapped his arm around him.

               “War is a racket,” Asa said. “We fought for Spain’s freedom once, and it didn’t work out so well, for us, or the Spanish. I can’t imagine the free French fairing any better.”

               “Tell me you don’t care that the fascists aren’t wrapping their fingers around the neck of Europe,” Javi said. “They’re bombing London now, killing civilians by the hundreds. Once England falls, and they will, you’re going to find the ground shrinking under your feet.

               It was Asa’s turn to take his time with his drink.

               “Do you remember those conversations we’d have at night? When it was just the two of us awake in the trenches,” Asa said. “I remember you asked me what I wanted to be after the war, and my answer was always the same, ‘Happy.’”

               He squeezed Leo tight.

               “I am happy, and I am free,” Asa said. “I haven’t abandoned the cause. I’ve just abandoned lost causes.”

               “I liked you better when you were optimistic,” Javi said before turning his attention to Leo. “What about you? We could use a few good medics.”

                Leo smirked and nuzzled Asa’s chest before saying, “You like war. I like men.”

                Javi snorted a short deriding huff.

                “I don’t like war any more than you two do. I fucking hate it, but we don’t get to choose if it comes to us or not,” Javi said. “The Strait of Gibraltar will not protect you once England falls. There’s going to come a day that you wished you joined the fight while it still mattered.”

               Before Leo could speak Asa struck again.

               “Believe me when I say this, I’m happier than I’ve ever been,” he said. “I’ll take my chances with the tides of war. Wait long enough and they’ll turn against Germany.”

 

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

 

 

Club Ballyhoo: For centuries Tangier was the red-light district of the Med, a port that collected expats, sailors and gay men looking to enjoy their sins in an affordable, beautiful city full of cheap drugs and cheap men. Ballyhoo sits on a steep street lined with stucco walled buildings with a café on street level and a night club above.

The club, and the restaurant is a port in the storm as the Nazi’s clobber London and tighten their grip on Europe. The staff is an ad hoc family of queers, alcoholics and bastards clinging to each other as the world changes around them. French food in the brasserie and drag shows upstairs, it’s less of a business some days and more of a dysfunctional family.

Marseille: The city is bursting like over-proofed bread as refugees desperate to escape the Nazis flood into the city. The most desired route is a ship bound to Portugal, England or America while others brave the Pyrenees and the Spanish authorities to reach Lisbon. Madeline has made the Hotel de California her base of operation, a small French hotel with a quick nod to Americana.

The city is a plump ghost of its former self; still trying to go through the motions of pre-occupation life while moving through the days without plan or purpose

Gibraltar: “The Rock” is both teaming with life and a ghost town at the same time. The small civilian population was evacuated as military personal moved in to protect England’s most valuable port in the Med. The war is still young and the Brits are just now boring the tunnels where it will house its military population for the duration of the war. Paranoia of the Italians and the Germans run high as the Vichy French look to the fortress as a ripe target to avenge the lost of their fleet at Dakar.

 

[Laura Legan]

Hello! I'm looking forward to meeting you all in person!

Here is the breakdown of my Light Comedic Romantic Suspense. 

 

1.      STORY STATEMENT:

Kat’s fight to be free from the Mafia and the FBI for a chance at love.

 2.      SKETCH THE ANTAGONIST:

FBI agent Eric Shepard is the face of Kat’s troubles. His relentless hunt for her, front and center, eclipses mob boss Carlo Calabrese until the very end, only because Eric finds her first.

Eric, raised by a single mom, and abandoned by a father he doesn’t remember, is consequently hardwired his sense of responsibility to provide for and protect his mom. Eric then graduates from the Ivy League and is established in his career when his mom is tragically murdered by her new boyfriend who then disappears. Eric leaves the lucrative world of money management, to track down the man who killed his mom and any others like him. His mom’s murder creates a crack within his moral compass. Eric’s stop-at-nothing attitude continues, but now includes breaking the rules if necessary.

Katherine Sharpe isn’t the traditional target of FBI’s Most Wanted List. As a victim of her father’s bad decisions, Kat has the power to help Eric lure and catch Carlo, who is as bad as they come and smarter than most.

3.      CREATE A BREAKOUT TITLE:  

 See Kat Run

4.      LIST TWO COMPARABLES:

Finally Mine by Lucy Score and See Kat Run are written in similar tempo. Kat, the protagonist of See Kat Run, and Gloria, the protagonist of Finally Mine, both begin freshly out of long-term relationships. Scared of what the future will look like, the protagonists have to muster up the courage to move forward while managing all the challenges of the plot. As the stories progress, Kat and Gloria are forced to rebuild their self-identity, overcome past traumas, and learn to trust again as romance arises. In the end, they are both confident enough to choose their own path, refusing to let their pasts define them. By confronting their trauma head-on, Kat and Gloria are the heroes in their own stories and for the men they love.

 Bride or Die by Madison Score also has the feel of See Kat Run. Kat, protagonist of See Kat Run and Claire, protagonist of Bride or Die are both coping with broken engagements and dealing with the emotional aftermath, leaving them questioning their past and future. Struggling to balance personal and professional life, both protagonists are forced to confront their fears and trust their instincts to protect their lives, and new romantic relationship from an outside threat. Both stories test the protagonists’ resilience and determination to come out unharmed on the other side. Kat and Claire’s personal growth is what saves themselves in the end, along with the men they love.

5.      WRITE A HOOK LINE:

Just as Kat’s relationship with her best friend Jack turns to more, she has to escape the Mafia and the FBI who are holding her responsible for her father’s debt.

6.      MULTI-LEVEL CONFLICT:

PROTAGONIST INNER CONFLICT: Kat, as a young girl, was the sole survivor of a Mafia attack on her family. Her father’s enemies wanted to make an example of him, and his whole family would pay. Now after years of living under her guardian’s protection and receiving expert advice, which has kept her alive, but she is constantly looking over her shoulder. The men who tried to kill her and the FBI all want what her father stole which is now in Katherine’s possession.

PROTAGONIST SECONDARY CONFLICT: Kat’s best friend and love interest Jack Prescott has a contentious relationship with his estranged father, John Prescott. John Prescott, unbeknownst to Jack, is Kat’s secret advisor since her parents’ tragic accident. He is the sole reason she’s still alive today. If Jack were to learn of the close, almost parental relationship she has with his own father, it could end their relationship entirely.

7.      SET THE SCENE:

See Kat Run starts in beautiful Chagrin Valley, Ohio. The quiet town of Chagrin is booming with tree-lined streets, century homes, community and old-fashioned Americana. The last place you’d think to find a nice woman on the FBI’s most wanted list and the ideal location for Kat to sustain her hidden in plain sight lifestyle. The setting then moves to their friend’s well-appointed lake house on Lake Chautauqua in upstate New York. A remote lake house on the edge of the water, a comforting and secluded retreat- until the group starts to question his mysterious accident.  They come to realize it wasn’t an accident and this get away weekend isn’t a vacation at all.

 

[Brianna Hall]

1. Story Statement: In the midst of an impoverished city and without her mother to guide her, Bernadette must discover the strength to find her own place of refuge and break free from generational patters.  

2. Antagonistic Force: Time and space, the loss of Bernadette's mother and the idea that her mother left her. The generational effects of toxic relationships and being confronted with understanding what has been keeping her mother from her. 

3. Breakout title: Philadelphia is Full of Ghosts 
    Other options: Mother Nature’s Daughter , The Daughter of None

4. Genre: Upmarket Fiction, Comparable Novels:  The Moonshiner’s Daughter by Donna Everhardt , The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards. My book is comparable to The Moonshiner's Daughter because of the emphasis on the natural world, the coming-of-age narrative, and the theme of longing for one's mother and being desperate to find her. My book is comparable to The Memory Keeper's Daughter because both books illustrate the unbreakable bond of motherhood, even through death, secrets, and loneliness. 

5.  Hook with Conflict and Core Wound: It isn’t until a chance encounter with a beguiling stranger that the pieces of Bernadette’s life start to come into focus. What emerges over the course of an evening is the portrait of a family, the indelible, fierce bond between mother and child, and one girl’s fight to be free from generational trauma.

6. Inner Conflict & Hypothetical Scenario: 

Bernadette's childhood was anything but conventional. While her father drank and raged against the world, her free-spirited mother introduced Bernadette to the beauty of nature. She teaches Bernadette the power of the natural world, its ability to provide solace, and even to heal. But the day Bernadette’s beloved mother leaves, the refuge she provided slips away and soon so do her letters.  

Scene that demonstrates Bernadette's pain and longing for her mother: 

To my right there were houses on generous yards but not nearly as impressive as the houses neighboring Noelle’s. A wooden fence covered in moss lined the right-hand side of the road. According to my phone, the train station was a twenty-minute walk away. As I continued to walk my heart rate slowed to a normal pace. I looked around to see if there was anyone out in their yards, but I saw no one, only a few lights turned on in the windows. It was peaceful walking down the road, the only noise was my own footsteps and the uniformed singing of the crickets. I noticed a firefly blinking a few feet in front of me, then another one, and another. My mother used to take me to catch fireflies in Fairmount Park. I would bring a mason jar and catch so many that the jar would light up like a lamp in the darkness of the outdoors. Ever since she left, there came certain moments, flashes of recollection, where I missed my mother with a pain so sharp it is truly unspeakable. And I still struggle now to find the words to articulate such a pain. For what is more painful, more unnatural, than losing your mother as a child? And as the fireflies lit up around me, with each pulse of light my heart throbbed.

 

Secondary Conflict and Hypothetical Scenario : 

Since the departure of her mother, the world no longer makes sense until the day Bernadette meets Johnny. Charming and attractive Johnny becomes Bernadette’s first love, but soon their relationship grows darker.  In the midst of an impoverished city that offers little to girls and women, Bernadette discovers, much like her friends, they have unknowingly followed in their mother’s footsteps. Without her mother to guide her, Bernadette must discover the strength to find her own place of refuge.

Scene that demonstrates secondary conflict: 

The rage boiled inside me. For a moment I had a flashback to Aaron’s face, him standing over me, sneering, saying I don’t know what you think you saw. 

“What I think I saw?” I scoffed. “You’re a scumbag, Johnny.” I jerked my shoulder out of his grasp and began to tug my shoes on. When I stood back up, Johnny was in front of the door.

         “I’m leaving. Get out of the way.” I blinked my eyes rapidly to stop the tears from coming. I could not cry in front of him. If I did it would make me look weak.

         “I’m not moving until you talk to me. You haven’t even told me what’s wrong!”

I realized, in that moment, with a startling clarity, I was afraid of him. As he stood before me blocking my only way of leaving, he possessed all the frightfulness of a strange, grown man. The circles under his eyes were dark from his night of drinking. Suddenly, he reminded me of my father with his unshaven face and his swollen, sallow eyes. This must have been how my mother felt. The one thing she must have known clearly was that she had to leave I closed my eyes. I tried to imagine I was somewhere else. The beach perhaps, or the woods, or standing in an open meadow, the breeze gentle against my face, or perhaps that is not the wind, perhaps those are my mother’s fingers.

         “Open your eyes and tell me what the fuck is wrong!” Johnny’s hands tightened around my shoulders, and he shook me. 

His grasp was painful, digging into my shoulders, but I was determined not to let it show. “Who is Jenna King,” I asked as stony as I could muster.

Johnny scrunched his face into a look of confusion, but I could see through it easily. “She’s just a friend. Some random girl from my class. What are you even upset about?”

         I scoffed. My body felt so hot it was as if I could feel the blood rushing to different parts, like my chest and my temples and my hands. “Get out of my way.”

         “I’m not moving until you explain to me what you're upset about. You’re not even making any sense.”

   I tried to push him away, but I couldn't. 

         “Stop!” He yelled. “You’re being crazy. Maybe you’re just in your head, seeing things that aren’t there. Have you ever thought of that? Maybe you’re just trapped in your own fucked up head.”

 

7. Setting in Detail: Bernadette is born in a poor neighborhood in Philadelphia. The row houses are disheveled with chipping paint and rusty fences hanging off the hinges. When Bernadette is very young, her whimsical and nature-loving mother takes her often to Fairmount Park to roam in the meadow and sit under the great Oak trees. Her mother often told her tales about Mother Nature, and even after her mother leaves, the natural world seems to have a special pull on Bernadette. She remembers her mother telling her how to find omens in the night sky. Snowflakes are filled with memory and meaning and shadows lurk in the darkness of the Winter. Although this story takes place in the depth of an impoverished city, there is a strong description of the natural world. 

Bernadette attends an affluent public high school in the suburbs by boundary hopping (lying about her address). She’s determined to start a new life for herself there amongst her wealthy peers. However, she can’t shake where she is really from or the strangeness of the natural world which she inherited from her mother. Bernadette’s best friend from high school, Noelle, lives in a stone mansion with a pool. Bernadette has never seen a house so big. On the other hand, Johnny, Bernadette’s boyfriend, lives in a less than affluent part of the suburbs that borders the train tracks. Johnny soon moves to a local community college where Bernadette often stays with him.

 

 

 

[Steve Caldas]

THE AQUINAS PROPHECY

By Stephen J. Caldas

7 assignments... 

1.     Story Statement:

In the face of constant harassment and death threats, historian Paul Boudreaux tries to track down a prophecy written by Saint Thomas Aquinas which apparently foretold the end of Catholicism. But a sexually twisted cardinal is hell-bent on finding the prophecy first and destroying it—along with Paul.

 

2.     Antagonists:

Cardinal Luciano Pocolo, known in whispers as the “Dark Cardinal,” is the extremely ambitious and sexually demented head of the Vatican office charged with protecting and defending Catholic doctrine. Pocolo is intent on finding and destroying the legendary “Aquinas Prophecy,” whose message, if revealed, could undercut the very foundations of Catholicism. He will stop at nothing, including murder, to accomplish his goals.

Reverend Edmond Drucker is a fiery televangelist and anti-abortion crusader who heads the 5,000 strong Bible Tabernacle Assembly in Middleton, Louisiana. His daughter Sharon, who is a Biblical languages expert, is the accountant for Drucker’s national television empire. Sharon teams up with the protagonist Paul Boudreaux to validate a missing fragment of Ecclesiastes discovered beneath a French monastery, which seems to endorse abortion. She becomes romantically entangled with Paul, prompting her father to attack Paul from the pulpit and orchestrates a campaign of protest and harassment against him. Sharon begins to question the fanatical fundamentalism of her father, prompting a falling out with him that only increases Reverend Drucker’s desire to crush Paul by any means possible.

A third major antagonist is Colonel Prichard, leader of a violent antisemitic, white-supremacist group also headquartered in Middleton. Enraged that the author of the Ecclesiastes fragment identified as a black man, he targets Paul as well as his Jewish mentor at NYU (David Goldenberg), for death.

 

3.     Breakout Title:

The Aquinas Prophecy

 

4.      Genre and Comparables:

Genre: Thriller

Comps: “The Da Vinci Code” by Dan Brown; “The Latinist” by Mark Prins; “The Cloisters” by Katy Hays; “The Messiah Matrix” by Kenneth John Atchity; “The Conclave” by Robert Harris

5.      Hook line:

A disillusioned former novitiate for the Catholic priesthood abandons his faith to become a history professor who embarks on a quest to discover the legendary “Aquinas Prophecy” which foretells the end of Catholicism, unleashing angry forces bent on destroying him before he can accomplish his goal.

6.     Conditions of the inner conflict of my protagonist:

Paul Boudreaux is a middle-aged Cajun Louisianan who, along with his three siblings, was raised by a violent, drunken father and fanatically religious Catholic mother. Paul was deeply traumatized as a young boy who witnessed his older gay teenage brother, Tim, designated by the mother for the priesthood, blow his brains out around the family dinner table. The mother then passed the mantel to the bookish Paul who subconsciously assumed the collective family guilt and prepared for a life in the priesthood.  But ultimately disillusioned by his fucked-up family, its twisted religious beliefs, and Catholicism in general, Paul flees from the seminary in New Orleans and heads to New York where he obtains a PhD in history from NYU.

A secondary internal conflict relates to Paul’s having to return to ruby-red Louisiana once he’s obtained his doctorate: accepting the only academic position he’s been offered at a small university in a rural, conservatively religious corner of the state. His graduate assistant, Sharon, is an evangelical Christian who works for her fiery televangelist father. In spite of the tension between Paul and Sharon over their opposing religious viewpoints, the two become romantically entangled as they research the provenance of a long, lost manuscript that may be a missing piece of Ecclesiastes which provoked an apocalyptic prophecy by its translator Saint Thomas Aquinas.

7.     Settings:

The settings are in urban, deep-blue, progressive New York City, rural, ruby-red, deeply conservative Louisiana, Paris, Rome, Los Angeles, and Israel. Within Louisiana, one setting is in the piney woods of the predominantly Anglo-Saxon Protestant north, while the other is in the lowland bayou country of the predominantly French Catholic south. The protagonist Paul has marinated in the liberal values of NYC as he obtained his PhD within the secular atmosphere of free-thinking academia, but must return to the fanatically conservative religious environment of his youth. The jarring juxtaposition of the two main American settings reflects the deep geographic and spiritual/political divisions currently tearing the country (and in the novel, the protagonist) apart.

[Shawn Puncochar]

Here are my answers. Really looking forward to this conference:

1) Story Statement:

In 1981 New York City, 14-year-old Lilly is left to navigate life on her own, grappling with a whirlwind of chaos that threatens to upend her world. Her parents’ reckless decisions only add to her growing sense of helplessness, making her feel like a hostage to circumstances beyond her control. But everything takes an even darker turn when she becomes a real-life hostage after her wayward biological father unexpectedly appears and kidnaps her.  It’s a shocking, life-altering twist that changes everything she thought she knew about trust, family, and survival.

 

2) Antagonist:

Lilly’s dad, Jerry, pops in and out of her life with all the predictability of a game of Whack-a-Mole. He’s inconsistent in his communication, his love, and his follow-through. He weaves elaborate stories of gifts that never materialize, vacations they never take, and visits that remain figments of his imagination. For Lilly, each broken promise feels like a blow, yet she keeps returning, hoping this time will be different. He seems oblivious as he continuously wounds his daughter with drunken phone calls and emotional manipulation, creating a simmering anger inside of her. He uses his charm to reel her back into his web as he continuously tries to turn her against her mom and stepdad. She learns to ignore the crater she feels when he goes away and the constant feeling that she doesn’t matter enough. Despite everything, there’s something intoxicating about him. Jerry is devilishly handsome, with a personality that makes her want to believe anything he says. He zips around in his sleek black Corvette, travels to exotic destinations, and has a Playboy Bunny girlfriend that only adds to his larger-than-life persona. People can’t help but gravitate toward him—his booming laugh and endless jokes earning him the nickname “Captain Fun.” Unfortunately for Lilly, the fun ends where the heartache begins. All hell breaks loose when Jerry takes his antics to a shocking extreme. In a scheme that blurs the lines between impulsiveness and cruelty, he kidnaps Lilly from under her grandmother’s nose, whisks her onto a plane bound for California, and effectively holds her for ransom (or maybe just to traumatize her mom; Lilly’s not quite sure which). Through it all, Lilly comes to understand the painful reality of their relationship. Jerry’s life might be a rollercoaster, thrilling and dangerous, but she’s tired of being a passenger, powerless against the twists and drops. This life-altering event finally opens her eyes to the devastating toll her father’s love—or lack of it—has taken on her.

 

3) Breakout Title:

1. 80s Baby
2. They Never Even Asked Me
3. Can Anyone Hear Me?

 

4) Genre and Approaching Comps:

Genre: Young Adult

Comps: 

A) Eleanor & Park, Rainbow Rowell

--Both set in 1980s, similar themes, challenges of being young in the midst of family dysfunction, personal struggles like isolation and bullying 

--Both have abuse in their lives by father/stepfather

--Resilient female protagonist

--Eleanor has Park as her confidant, Lilly has her grandmother and a 56-year-old train conductor, Murphy

--Style: character driven storytelling, emotional strains, relatable details

--Characters speaking: casual voice that directly addresses the reader. Helps build a strong relationship. 

--Emotional vulnerability, exploring internal feelings with conflicts

--Vivid imagery in writing, small details that bring things to life

--Highlight what’s left unsaid in relationships

--Processing through their worlds through introspection

The Summer of Bad Ideas, Kira Stokes

--Both feature protagonists with complicated relationships with their fathers

--Bad decision making and emotionally distant parents

--Feeling torn between family members

--Desire for stability

--Family tension and emotional disruption

--The impact of unpredictable parental behavior

--The feeling of being out of control and unprepared for impact of family decisions

--Both show protagonist’s journey of figuring out who they are in relation to their family

 

5) Hook/Log Line:

Lilly struggles to find her place amidst the turmoil of her parents' decisions and relentless bullying at school. But when her estranged father's shocking scheme turns her life upside down, she must confront her deepest fears, build resilience, and reevaluate her understanding of family, abuse, and her own identity.

 

6A) The Conditions for the Inner Conflict Your Protagonist Will Have:

Lilly struggles to make sense of her biological father’s erratic behavior. During their phone calls, he showers her with affection, calling her “Baby,” spinning tales of his adventures and making grand plans for their future together. But his love is as unreliable as it is intoxicating. Promised birthday gifts never arrive, and dream trips are never planned. She tells herself she’s used to the disappointment—until he takes it to a devastating new level: after spending hours excitedly plotting for her to move in with him in California, he blindsides her by telling her mom and stepdad that he doesn’t actually want her after all.

6B) Sketch a Hypothetical Scenario for the "Secondary Conflict" Involving the Social Environment

Lilly is desperate to fit in at her new school, but it feels like everyone hates her from the moment she arrives. Despite her best efforts to stay invisible, she becomes the target of relentless mockery and ridicule. Things go from bad to worse when the school bully singles her out, turning her life into a daily nightmare. Just when she thinks she’s reached her breaking point, her heart soars at the sight of a love note from Tony—the hottest guy in school and her secret crush—only to discover it was all a cruel, calculated joke.

 

7) Setting:

--1981 New York City: a gritty, dirty, and dangerous city that’s no place for 14-year-old Lilly to be out alone in the dark. Dirty cabs with creepy drivers, streets lined with garbage, and a gritty and wild Times Square being terrorized by a serial killer. The local deli and newsstand all provide the neighborhood of Lilly’s life. Central Park, an oasis in the middle of the city during the day, is a dark and terrifying abyss that swallows people alive.

--Tarrytown: where Lilly’s parents bought a house without telling her. Tarrytown is dull and beige, devoid of anything loud, crazy, or interesting like NYC. 

--Lilly’s new home: It looks like a house from a television show, where perfect parents raise perfect kids, and there’s lots of laughing, big family dinners, and board games (the complete opposite of Lilly's family). A big kitchen with fancy new, white appliances and cabinets that perfectly match the ceramic tile countertops. Everything is painted pea green and cream with beige wall-to-wall carpets. 

--Lilly’s new school:  An ugly, intimidating red brick building perched at the top of a hill. It looks like an inescapable prison, its imposing walls stretching out. The frames of the windows look like bars, and the stone steps seem like they lead to a place where happiness isn't an option.

 

 

 

[butlerhouses]

Happy Thanksgiving from John Farrington! Here are assignments #1-7, all compiled together.

Algonkin assignments 1-7.docx

[Donna E]

•  

 

[Powell]

Story Statement: Captain Sam Ashe is an alcoholic army officer who suffers from post-traumatic amnesia. Just before a wild Saint Patrick’s Day party he is ordered sober. If he disobeys he will face a discharge from the army and lose the last remaining vestige of his masculinity. This pushes him to deep self-reflection where his memories of the battle, the truth of what actually happened, finally return.

Antagonist: Lt Colonel DeBeers, the super-soldier and commander of Captain Sam Ashe, is a perfect physical specimen. Yet he's a bully like those that have tormented Sam his whole life. Sam is blamed for a helicopter crash in a battle two years ago that killed one of Lt Colonel DeBeers's best friends and he resents Sam for this. It's the Colonel's order to force Sam into sobriety that sets the story in motion and eventually drives Sam to confront his dichotomous relationships with sexuality, alcohol, his brother, and himself while Sam tries to avoid the Colonel throughout the day.

Working Title: Sin is a Good Man's Brother

Other Options: Love Thyself as Thy Brother or A Drink to Remember

Comps:

Billy Flynn's Long Halftime Walk by Ben Fountain. It also a literary fiction novel about the military and the main part of the story also takes place with soldiers stateside in the US. It likewise utilizes flashbacks to the war, the driving force of the novel, to reveal information previously withheld.

Wonder Boys by Michael Chabon. It is also a character study of a man in a crossroads of his life during a frenetic weekend of drunkenness, fights, and love triangles.

To be honest I struggle with finding adequate comps and I could use help with this

 

Logline: An alcoholic army helicopter pilot with amnesia and survivors guilt from a battle in Afghanistan two years ago is ordered to remain sober during a wild Saint Patrick’s Day party in Savannah. If he fails he will lose his career and the last vestige of his self-worth.

 

Inner Conflict of the protagonist: Sam Ashe has never felt like a real man. He was bullied his entire life, was never nurtured by his mother, and has always lived in the shadow of his older (perfect) brother. He joined the military to prove his masculinity. But in Afghanistan he was blamed for an accident in a battle that cost one man's life and crippled his brother. Ravaged with survivor's guilt he has developed an alcohol problem and now risked being kicked out of the army if he can't stay sober.

 

Excerpt:

 

Fifteen years old and skulking in the dark I leer at our family’s desktop computer. Hearing a creek I yank my pants up to my waist and turn off the monitor. The old cuckoo clock above the door gongs midnight and I’m still alone. When my heartbeat settles I restart the screen and unzip my pants. The naked woman in the video entices me while servicing the man in bed with her. I’ve never done this before and don’t know if I am doing it right. The guys at wrestling practice talk about porn and I play along as if I know what they were talking about. And for years I’ve listened to Rian’s exploits. Last night he bragged how he ‘busted a nut’ in his girlfriend’s mouth. I don’t really know what that means and don’t even know how to kiss a girl. With no hair on my balls still waiting on my growth spurt, the mere act of showering naked in the locker room in front of other boys is terrifying. I can’t imagine my tiny body exposed to a girl, much less would I know what to do with her.

As the man penetrates the woman my body tingles and my hips thrust into my hand until I go rigid. Unprepared for the sensation I moan with euphoria and sink into the chair with a feeling of contentment and success. I am capable. Finally I am growing up. Delight lures me into a daze.

“Oh, dear Lord Jesus.”

I startle awake and turn to see Mom in the doorway in a night gown, hands over her mouth.  “It’s not what you think.”

She snatches the wide leather belt hanging by the cabinets underneath a small wooden sign which reads, The Lord’s Wrath.

“No, Mom. It’s normal.”

The belt whacks across my shoulder.

“Mom, please.”

The next strike aims for my crotch but I shield my shriveled penis and slide into the fetal position on the floor. More lashes redden my arms and slap my thighs. “Stop crying. You’re old enough to defile yourself, you’re old enough to take your punishment.” The belt hums through the air like a lightsaber and tears pour on the floor. “How did I raise such a sinner?”

“Mom?” Rian shouts as he dashes into the room. “What are you doing?” Already like a full grown man he snatches her and spins her away.

“Your brother is disgusting.”

Rian pulls up my pants. “It’s okay Sammy. You’re alright. I got you. Let’s go back to the room and talk.”

“You are grounded, forever.”

 

Secondary Conflict: Sam Ashe is in love with his crippled brother's wife. Pushed away by the brother she has developed feelings for Sam. Sam must decide whether to follow his heart or his self-damning moral compass calibrated by his strict Christian upbringing.

 

Excerpt:

I trudge into the den where a slight odor of shit and disinfectant lingers from my brother’s episode two nights ago. The TV displays CNN on mute. It reports the number of military deaths in Afghanistan and Iraq and Syria over the images of military funerals across the country. “I wish you would have come earlier,” says Libby walking in behind me. “We need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing happened.”

“Don’t be distant. Not you too.”

“Look, I couldn’t come. You know I have guests in town.”

“Why are you even friends with them? They’re so crude.”

“I don’t know. Habit. I’ve known them ten years.”

“Sammy,” Rian calls. “Is that you?” Outside, he’s squished in his seat as if he had no bones, the wheelchair his exoskeleton. His dented head and unnatural hairline and scarred face props against a cushion. He appears asleep but I know he’s awake staring at the sun-rays filtering through the Sweetgum trees.

“Maybe we can talk later,” I whisper to Libby as I push open the twangy screen door. “Hey big man. How are you?”

 

Other secondary conflict: Sam struggles to regain his lost memories from the battle, which the reader experiences through flashbacks. Eventually he will uncover what actually happened that night.

 

 

Setting: The novel takes place over two days simultaneously. One day in a wild Saint Patricks Day weekend in Savannah, Georgia where everyone is drunk but Sam has to remain sober. And the other flashbacks to a  night in Afghanistan where a battle goes horribly wrong leading to deaths and the crippling injury of Sam's brother, which Sam is blamed for.

[tulipopera]

 

 Assignment one 

 

In Aliquippa, Mae Brehany is the protagonist. As she prepares to graduate high school and contemplates what to do next Mae decides the only way forward is bringing her father to justice. After he left her family when Mae was in elementary school her mother slid into a debilitating depression she never quite recovered from. While leaving Mae and younger brother Cap to reach for the peanut butter and jelly in the pantry she would lay in bed and stare out the windows for hours. Her mother’s untimely death confirms Mae’s desire and she sets out on a road trip that she thinks is to find her father and make him face the wake of his departure. 

 

Assignment Two

 

In Mae’s first person narrative her father is the antagonist. First, he left the family when Mae was still in elementary school. This ultimately death led to her mother’s spiraling depression prior to her terminal illness. Mae’s father is more often presented in the novel as a non-present character. He is presented through her memories and the impact he had on others. Ultimately he was a person unable to sit with hard things, unable to sit with his own shame and the difficulties of raising two young children-  one severely autistic with a wife who struggled with a mood disorder and left. Ultimately Mae wrote her father off early for herself but can’t let go of what he did to her mother. Mae’s goal in life from a young age is to capture her mother’s attention, as her mother drifts into a deeper depression after her father leaves, this makes him the ultimate enemy as her mother becomes less accessible prior to dying. Mae’s father is also somehow very elusive. First he moves from the first address she finds for him leading her on a further chase across the country, eluding her a second time and extending the setting for the novel across the entire country. However we realize as the audience that while Mae focuses all her anger on her father perhaps her mother, Caroline, is the real antagonist for Mae, forever making her work for crumbs of attention and raising her brother alone. 

 

Assignment Three 

 

Aliquippa

How long is impossible 

In the air around you

 

Assignment Four 

 

The astonishing color of after by Emily X.R. Pan for incorporating young adult genre and contemporary fiction with magical realism. 

 

Jandy Nelson - When the world tips over 

 

A history of love Nicole Krauss - Nicole Krauss for the honest first person narrative and simplistic childlike way of dealing with grief and loss. 

 

Assignment Five 

 

After graduating high school Mae Brehany can’t think of any way to move on with her life except avenging her dead mom by finding her deadbeat dad and forcing him to face what he left behind. 

 

Assignment 6 

Primary conflict: 

The large conflict exists between the core wound Mae has from the abandonment of her father and the neglect of her mother. She has taken on the core wound of her mother’s abandonment to confront her father and her mind; this is the core conflict. To find her father and bring him to justice through forcing him to face his shame at leaving them and what it did to them. However, the true conflict is hidden from her until the end when she realizes her core wound goes even deeper and deals with why her mother could not see beyond her own depression to give her and her brother what they need. It addresses her resentment at her mother’s inability to rise out of her depression and realizing that this is not actually Mae’s fault, or perhaps, even her father’s. And yet, it is one that can be forgiven. At the end of the novel Mae realizes that her father has already been brought to justice by the cruel vagaries of illness and she no longer needs to be the hammer that confronts him. She stands up having crossed the country to realize that neight her father’s leaving nor her mother’s depression were her fault. That the responsibility to avenge her mother was not her own. She can now move on with her life as a young adult acknowledging these truths. (of course this may be a lesson she has to learn again and again in her life. It’s one she feels victorious of at the end) 

 

Secondary conflict 

 

There are multiple secondary conflicts throughout the book as Mae goes across the country and meets many characters that force her to see new aspects of herself. First she has to leave her younger brother Cap who she has been in a codependent relationship with as his primary caregiver since she was young. She develops her first crush on a girl. She has sex for the first time (with a boy). She attempts to deliver a hitchhiker from her abusive boyfriend only to drop her off when the girl wants to go back.  She finds and adopts a new dog and then has to care for him after he is bitten by a rattlesnake.  She meets her father’s sister and she forces her to try to see her father’s story from another perspective.

Perhaps the largest of the secondary conflicts is Mae’s relationship with her childhood friend Dylan who has had a crush on Mae since they were kids and who Mae has yet to acknowledge that she may also have feelings for. 

 

Setting

 

As a road trip novel the setting is varied and changing. It starts out in the small run down blue collar city of Aliquippa, Pennsylvania which causes Mae to ruminate on the nature of roots and how shallow many people in Aliquippa’s relationship with their own roots are compared to the native people that lived on the land before them. The name of Aliquippa is a good jumping off point to these ruminations as it is named after the native queen who met George Washington and about whom much is speculated but little actually known. 

The setting then shifts to the midwest as Mae attempts to find her father only to realize he moved some years before to the west coast. This changes the setting yet again as she goes through the prairie and stays there for a time before romping through the desert to combat wildlife and finally ending up on the verdant shores of Washington State, in another blue collar small town,  for her final showdown with herself. In each setting Mae has some interaction with the animals and vegetation of the place. 

Perhaps one of my final settings to write is one I’ve spent a lot of time in and that’s long term care. I know many people would put this as one of their least favorite places to go and live. And I get it I don’t want to live in a long term care facility as many of them exist in the US at this point either and yet they are verdant grounds for people confronting their lifelong demons, saying the most inane and vulnerable things to strangers and in the case of Mae’s story is where she meets her father’s father and realizes he knows who she is and that her father is in deed living in the facility as well. ‘

Of course the care and the road and I-80 itself is the setting. The thing I loved thinking about I-80 as I was writing was that unlike other highways that cross the US, I-80 actually began outwest and returned east. Which is ultimately perhaps going to be the second part of Mae’s journey which I am open to writing as a sequel. 

[LoriLarson]

Hi. There is a lot of flux happening with structure and content based on the epiphanies I'm experiencing as we go into this...

Write to Pitch Pre-Event Assignments 1.pdf