Write to Pitch 2024 - December

[Chief Editor]

Introduction to Pre-event Assignments 

The below seven assignments are vital to reaching an understanding of specific and critical core elements that go into the creation of a commercially viable genre novel or narrative non-fiction. Of course, there is more to it than this, as you will see, but here we have a good primer that assures we're literally all on the same page before the event begins.

You may return here as many times as you need to edit your topic post (login and click "edit"). Pay special attention to antagonists, setting, conflict and core wound hooks.

And btw, quiet novels do not sell. Keep that in mind and be aggressive with your work.

Michael Neff

Algonkian Conference Director

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After you've registered and logged in, create your reply to this topic (button top right). Please utilize only one reply for all of your responses so the forum topic will not become cluttered. Also, strongly suggest typing up your "reply" in a separate file then copying it over to your post before submitting. Not a good idea to lose what you've done!

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THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Before you begin to consider or rewrite your story premise, you must develop a simple "story statement." In other words, what's the mission of your protagonist? The goal? What must be done?

What must this person create? Save? Restore? Accomplish? Defeat?... Defy the dictator of the city and her bury brother’s body (ANTIGONE)? Struggle for control over the asylum (ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST)? Do whatever it takes to recover lost love (THE GREAT GATSBY)? Save the farm and live to tell the story (COLD MOUNTAIN)? Find the wizard and a way home to Kansas (WIZARD OF OZ)? Note that all of these are books with strong antagonists who drive the plot line (see also "Core Wounds and Conflict Lines" below).

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. 

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THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

(Photo : Javert from "Les Misérables")

What are the odds of you having your manuscript published if the overall story and narrative fail to meet publisher demands for sufficient suspense, character concern, and conflict? Answer: none. You might therefore ask, what major factor makes for a quiet and dull manuscript brimming with insipid characters and a story that cascades from chapter to chapter with tens of thousands of words, all of them combining irresistibly to produce an audible thudding sound in the mind like a mallet hitting a side of cold beef? Answer: the unwillingness or inability of the writer to create a suitable antagonist who stirs and spices the plot hash.

Let's make it clear what we're talking about.

By "antagonist" we specifically refer to an actual fictional character, an embodiment of certain traits and motivations who plays a significant role in catalyzing and energizing plot line(s), or at bare minimum, in assisting to evolve the protagonist's character arc (and by default the story itself) by igniting complication(s) the protagonist, and possibly other characters, must face and solve (or fail to solve).

CONTINUE READING ENTIRE ARTICLE AT NWOE THEN RETURN HERE.

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

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CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

What is your breakout title? How important is a great title before you even become published? Very important! Quite often, agents and editors will get a feel for a work and even sense the marketing potential just from a title. A title has the ability to attract and condition the reader's attention. It can be magical or thud like a bag of wet chalk, so choose carefully. A poor title sends the clear message that what comes after will also be of poor quality.

Go to Amazon.Com and research a good share of titles in your genre, come up with options, write them down and let them simmer for at least 24 hours. Consider character or place names, settings, or a "label" that describes a major character, like THE ENGLISH PATIENT or THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST. Consider also images, objects, or metaphors in the novel that might help create a title, or perhaps a quotation from another source (poetry, the Bible, etc.) that thematically represents your story. Or how about a title that summarizes the whole story: THE MARTIAN CHRONICLES, HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS, THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP, etc.

Keep in mind that the difference between a mediocre title and a great title is the difference between THE DEAD GIRL'S SKELETON and THE LOVELY BONES, between TIME TO LOVE THAT CHOLERA and LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA between STRANGERS FROM WITHIN (Golding's original title) and LORD OF THE FLIES, between BEING LIGHT AND UNBEARABLE and THE UNBEARABLE LIGHTNESS OF BEING.

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

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DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

Did you know that a high percentage of new novel writers don't fully understand their genre, much less comprehend comparables? When informing professionals about the nuances of your novel, whether by query letter or oral pitch, you must know your genre first, and provide smart comparables second. In other words, you need to transcend just a simple statement of genre (literary, mystery, thriller, romance, science fiction, etc.) by identifying and relating your novel more specifically to each publisher's or agent's area of expertise, and you accomplish this by wisely comparing your novel to contemporary published novels they will most likely recognize and appreciate--and it usually doesn't take more than two good comps to make your point.

Agents and publishing house editors always want to know the comps. There is more than one reason for this. First, it helps them understand your readership, and thus how to position your work for the market. Secondly, it demonstrates up front that you are a professional who understands your contemporary market, not just the classics. Very important! And finally, it serves as a tool to enable them to pitch your novel to the decision-makers in the business.

Most likely you will need to research your comps. If you're not sure how to begin, go to Amazon.Com, type in the title of a novel you believe very similar to yours, choose it, then scroll down the page to see Amazon's list of "Readers Also Bought This" and begin your search that way. Keep in mind that before you begin, you should know enough about your own novel to make the comparison in the first place!

By the way, beware of using comparables by overly popular and classic authors. If you compare your work to classic authors like H.G. Wells and Gabriel Marquez in the same breath you will risk being declared insane. If you compare your work to huge contemporary authors like Nick Hornby or Jodi Picoult or Nora Ephron or Dan Brown or J.K. Rowling, and so forth, you will not be laughed at, but you will also not be taken seriously since thousands of others compare their work to the same writers. Best to use two rising stars in your genre. If you can't do this, use only one classic or popular author and combine with a rising star. Choose carefully!

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: - Read this NWOE article on comparables then return here.

- Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

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CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT 

Conflict, tension, complication, drama--all basically related, and all going a long way to keeping the reader's eyes fixated on your story. These days, serving up a big manuscript of quiet is a sure path to damnation. You need tension on the page at all times, and the best way to accomplish this is to create conflict and complications in the plot and narrative. Consider "conflict" divided into three parts, all of which you MUST have present in the novel. First part, the primary dramatic conflict which drives through the work from beginning to end, from first major plot point to final reversal, and finally resolving with an important climax. Next, secondary conflicts or complications that take various social forms - anything from a vigorous love subplot to family issues to turmoil with fellow characters. Finally, those various inner conflicts and core wounds all important characters must endure and resolve as the story moves forward.

But now, back to the PRIMARY DRAMATIC CONFLICT. If you've taken care to consider your story description and your hook line, you should be able to identify your main conflict(s). Let's look at some basic information regarding the history of conflict in storytelling. Conflict was first described in ancient Greek literature as the agon, or central contest in tragedy. According to Aristotle, in order to hold the interest, the hero must have a single conflict. The agon, or act of conflict, involves the protagonist (the "first fighter" or "hero") and the antagonist corresponding to the villain (whatever form that takes). The outcome of the contest cannot be known in advance, and, according to later drama critics such as Plutarch, the hero's struggle should be ennobling. Is that always true these days? Not always, but let's move on.

Even in contemporary, non-dramatic literature, critics have observed that the agon is the central unit of the plot. The easier it is for the protagonist to triumph, the less value there is in the drama. In internal and external conflict alike, the antagonist must act upon the protagonist and must seem at first to overmatch him or her. The above defines classic drama that creates conflict with real stakes. You see it everywhere, to one degree or another, from classic contemporary westerns like THE SAVAGE BREED to a time-tested novel as literary as THE GREAT GATSBY. And of course, you need to have conflict or complications in nonfiction also, in some form, or you have a story that is too quiet.

For examples let's return to the story descriptions and create some HOOK LINES. Let's don't forget to consider the "core wound" of the protagonist. Please read this article at NWOE then return here.

• The Hand of Fatima by Ildefonso Falcones
• A young Moor torn between Islam and Christianity, scorned and tormented by both, struggles to bridge the two faiths by seeking common ground in the very nature of God.
• Summer's Sisters by Judy Blume
• After sharing a magical summer with a friend, a young woman must confront her friend's betrayal of her with the man she loved.
• The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud
• As an apprentice mage seeks revenge on an elder magician who humiliated him, he unleashes a powerful Djinn who joins the mage to confront a danger that threatens their entire world.

Note that it is fairly easy to ascertain the stakes in each case above: a young woman's love and friendship, the entire world, and harmony between opposed religions. If you cannot make the stakes clear, the odds are you don't have any. Also, is the core wound obvious or implied?

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

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OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

As noted above, consider "conflict" divided into three parts, all of which you should ideally have present. First, the primary conflict which drives through the core of the work from beginning to end and which zeniths with an important climax (falling action and denouement to follow). Next, secondary conflicts or complications which can take various social forms (anything from a vigorous love subplot to family issues to turmoil with fellow characters). Finally, those inner conflicts the major characters must endure and resolve. You must note the inner personal conflicts elsewhere in this profile, but make certain to note any important interpersonal conflicts within this particular category."

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

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THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

When considering your novel, whether taking place in a contemporary urban world or on a distant magical planet in Andromeda, you must first sketch the best overall setting and sub-settings for your story. Consider: the more unique and intriguing (or quirky) your setting, the more easily you're able to create energetic scenes, narrative, and overall story. A great setting maximizes opportunities for interesting characters, circumstances, and complications, and therefore makes your writing life so much easier. Imagination is truly your best friend when it comes to writing competitive fiction, and nothing provides a stronger foundation than a great setting. One of the best selling contemporary novels, THE HUNGER GAMES, is driven by the circumstances of the setting, and the characters are a product of that unique environment, the plot also.

But even if you're not writing SF/F, the choice of setting is just as important, perhaps even more so. If you must place your upmarket story in a sleepy little town in Maine winter, then choose a setting within that town that maximizes opportunities for verve and conflict, for example, a bed and breakfast stocked to the ceiling with odd characters who combine to create comical, suspenseful, dangerous or difficult complications or subplot reversals that the bewildered and sympathetic protagonist must endure and resolve while he or she is perhaps engaged in a bigger plot line: restarting an old love affair, reuniting with a family member, starting a new business, etc. And don't forget that non-gratuitous sex goes a long way, especially for American readers.

CONTINUE TO READ THIS ARTICLE THEN RETURN.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

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Below are several links to part of an article or whole articles that we feel are the most valuable for memoir writers.

We have reviewed these and agree 110%.

MEMOIR WRITING - CHOOSE A SPECIFIC EVENT (good general primer)

How to Write a Memoir That People Care About | NY Book Editors

NYBOOKEDITORS.COM

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Are you thinking of writing a memoir but you're stuck? We've got the remedy. Check out our beginner's guide on writing an epic and engaging memoir.

MEMOIR MUST INCLUDE TRANSCENDENCE

Writing Memoir? Include Transcendence - Memoir coach and author Marion Roach

MARIONROACH.COM

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MEMOIR REQUIRES TRANSCENDENCE. Something has to happen. Or shift. Someone has to change a little. Or grow. It’s the bare hack minimum of memoir.

WRITE IT LIKE A NOVEL

How to Write a Powerful Memoir in 5 Simple Steps

JERRYJENKINS.COM

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When it comes to writing a memoir, there are 5 things you need to focus on. If you do, your powerful story will have the best chance of impacting others.

MEMOIR ANECDOTES - HOW TO MAKE THEM SHINE

How to Write an Anecdote That Makes Your Nonfiction Come Alive

JERRYJENKINS.COM

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Knowing how to write an anecdote lets you utilize the power of story with your nonfiction and engage your reader from the first page.

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[Barbara Boughton]

Attached please find my answers to the pre-conference seven exercises.

Write to Pitch exercises.docx

[BridgetteP]

Hi! Here are my responses to the exercises for my YA sci-fi coming-of-age novel. This was fun!

-Bridgette Portman

 

#1.  STORY STATEMENT

17-year-old Auria Jones, the first human born on Mars, must prove herself resilient and capable enough to achieve her lifelong dream--going to Earth.
 

#2.  THE ANTAGONIST

There are several antagonists in the novel, but the primary one is Auria’s mother, Kasmira Jones. Kasmira, a celebrated astronaut, explorer, and microbiologist, made history as the first woman to give birth on Mars. Suffice it to say, it's a lot to live up to. She holds authority over Auria not only as her mother, but also as Chairwoman of the Martian colony’s Command Council. When Auria asks for permission to leave Mars for Earth, Kasmira flat-out refuses, insisting that Auria is too young to make such a life-altering decision and also that she lacks the emotional and psychological fortitude to handle the trip there and the adjustment to life on Earth. This, of course, only pushes Auria to want to prove her mother wrong.

Deep down, Kasmira loves her daughter, but the two have a dysfunctional relationship. Kasmira conceals her emotions and is not demonstrative with her affection, which leads Auria to believe she is cold and uncaring. Having drawn the wrong lesson from her husband’s death by suicide, and unconsciously repressing her own feelings of guilt, Kasmira prefers to quench and stifle negative feelings rather than openly express them. This puts her on a collision course with her daughter when Auria develops depression. Ultimately, I see Kasmira as an exaggerated reflection of many real-world parents who struggle to connect emotionally with their children, and who unwittingly enable the perpetuation of generational trauma.

 

#3.  TITLES

My working title is A Girl between Worlds. I think it captures the novel's premise and tone. Originally, I had titled it I Was a Teenage Martian, which I liked but felt too humorous. 

Other possibilities:

Dreams of Green and Blue

A World All of Dust

Where the Stars Never Twinkle

 

#4. COMPARABLES

In searching for comps, I have been looking specifically for YA sci-fi novels with female protagonists, racially and ethnically diverse characters, LGBTQ+ representation, and themes of mental health, friendship, and a little romance. I've found several recent books with these elements, including:

The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow (2020) -- This novel features a 17-year-old girl on a futuristic, dystopian Earth ruled by alien creatures who prohibit emotional expression. Themes include mental health (the protagonist grapples with anxiety), friendship, and romance, and the cast of characters is inclusive and diverse.

The Weight of the Stars by K. Ancrum (2019) -- This is a novel about a friendship (and blossoming romance) between two teenage girls, one of whose mother is a space explorer. The protagonist, like Auria, dreams of space travel while feeling constrained by her circumstances. In addition to themes of mental health, this one also feels appropriate because of the centrality of the mother/daughter relationship.

 

#5. HOOK

Plagued by depression following her father’s death, a teenage girl born and raised on Mars must convince her strict, judgmental mother to let her move to Earth.
 

#6. INNER CONFLICT

Auria's major inner conflict is with her depression, which she describes as "dust storms" in her mind. While some of her feelings are due to situational factors, it comes out late in the novel that a large proportion of it may be genetic -- her father, who was also prone to depression, died by suicide when Auria was a child. Auria has good and bad days; at her worst, she finds it a struggle to get up in the morning and concentrate on school and work, and she is overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness, self-doubt, and anxiety about the future. Convinced that going to Earth is the only way she will ever find lasting happiness, Auria's inner journey over the course of the novel is toward greater self-insight and the realization that healing and joy are possible, even on Mars.

Auria's depressive episodes are often triggered by situations where she feels inadequate or at fault for something. In the following scene, she has just crashed a rover, and while she is all right physically, her thoughts spiral into darkness.

Shani feels guilty for encouraging me to drive, even though I insist it wasn’t her fault. Dr. Greene apologies for not keeping us under closer watch, but it wasn’t their fault, either. It was no one’s but mine, and the guilt and shame settle into the pit of my stomach like an icy rock. It physically hurts.

As I lie on my bunk, my ankle wrapped in a soft bandage, I stare at the message I’d been composing for Ryan. I can’t bring myself to finish it. I think about how I’m going to break the news to him that I won’t be coming to Earth. The thought of never seeing him in person, never having a real conversation with him, makes my eyes sting with tears again.

“Ria?” The voice comes from above me. It’s Shani.

I shut my digipad and pretend to be asleep, but I’m far from it. The dust clouds on the horizon might have dissipated, but they’re in my head now and I can’t get them out.

My mother was right. I couldn’t do this.

I’ll be on Mars forever.

The cruel voice inside me is crowing. Too bad the crash didn’t kill you.

I can sense my thoughts orbiting around that darkest place, that hollowness at the center of the storm, and it terrifies me. But I don’t have the strength to fight anymore. It hurts so much that I have to do something, though I don’t know what.

In terms of secondary conflicts, a major one is between Ria and her mother. Ria wishes to go to Earth, but her mother, Kasmira, refuses to allow her to leave Mars. In the course of their first argument in the novel, some deep-seated grievances come out:

“I’m strong, Mom.” It’s true. I’m as physically fit as anyone at the Base; I’ve spent an hour in the gym every sol since I was a kid. We all have to, to keep our hearts and other muscles strong in the lower gravity. “And I could exercise even more on the way to Earth. There’s artificial gravity in the Ferry, right? For the people coming here, it’s decreased little by little so they get used to it. Why couldn’t the same be done in reverse for me?”

But my mother is a wall of steel. “What about your immune system? You’ve had no exposure to terrestrial bacteria and viruses. You would have to live in a bubble.”

“Like I don’t already?”

“This is absurd, Auria. The answer is no.”

I’m running through my list of arguments and coming to the bottom of the page. “If I can’t adjust…I could always come back.”

“The next flight window wouldn’t be for months.”

“I…but maybe—”

“Go to bed now, Auria.”

I stay rooted to the spot. “Did you try to stop her too?”

“Who?”

“Grannie Pacie.”

For a moment, something flickers in my mother’s eyes, something softer, something wounded. “Yes. Of course I did. The whole Council did. She’s made up her mind; there’s no stopping her when she’s set on something. But Grannie Pacie is an adult. You’re a child.”

A child.

My cheeks heat up. Something ugly and bitter is swelling inside me. I grit my teeth against the words that want to come out, but I can’t hold them back. “So you won’t let me go to Earth because you’re afraid it might hurt me? Might even kill me?”

She raises an eyebrow, but she nods.

The rest of my words hiss out, hot as steam. “You didn’t have any problem with that when you decided to conceive me.”

My mother stares, and I can tell for a moment that I’ve truly stunned her. Her face is like a shield cracked by a meteorite. Her mouth even falls open. But then she snaps it shut, and her eyes turn to ice. I almost feel sorry I said it, but any chance I’m going to take it back fizzles out with her next words. “And I suppose you’d rather I hadn’t made that choice? Is your life here so difficult, Auria? So onerous and terrible and unfair that you’d rather not be alive at all?”

I open my mouth, but my words evaporate. I don’t want to tell her the truth: that sometimes I’ve thought just that. Especially on the days when the dust clouds take over my mind.
 

#7. SETTING

Harmonia Base:  The major setting for the novel is an underground human settlement located near the edge of Hellas Basin in Mars’s southern hemisphere. Outside is an expanse of red dust, boulders, craters, and ravines under a butterscotch sky. It's a world of frigid temperatures, dangerous radiation, and thin, unbreathable air—not at all fit for human life. The base, which was built inside ancient lava tubes, offers shielding from radiation and maintains a constant temperature and air pressure for the approximately 300 Martian settlers who live here. Tunnels radiate outward from a central meeting chamber, the Hub. In addition to habitation pods for each family, the base contains exercise and recreational facilities, research labs, a nursery, classrooms, fish ponds, and the Green Tubes, where fruit trees and vegetables grow under artificial lighting. The latter is Auria’s special haven, as it reminds her of Earth:

If I close my eyes, I can pretend on I’m Earth. That’s easy to do here in the Green Tubes. The air is damp and sweet like a first kiss, heavy with the scent of soil and worms and snails and ripening tomatoes. Somewhere past the ten meters of rock and dirt above my head, I know the sky is a sickly yellow, but I can imagine it’s a brilliant blue. I’m by a lake somewhere, on a hot summer day, and I’m dressed only in a bathing suit. The breeze ruffles my hair. I’m at peace. I’m calm. I’m happy.

The insular nature of Harmonia Base makes it difficult for Auria to find privacy, which helps intensify the interpersonal conflict throughout the story. (When you can't escape from someone, you're forced to deal with them.) The frequent dust storms that sweep over the Martian surface and keep everyone underground are also a nice metaphor for Auria's depressive episodes.

Ultimi Camp:  Several chapters take place at a research facility near Mars’s South Pole. This small camp, surrounded by rugged frozen plains and glaciers of carbon dioxide ice, is even more isolated and insular than the main base. It's here that Auria reaches one of her lowest emotional points in the novel, though she also begins to feel the sparks of a romantic relationship with another character, Siddharth. In one scene, it snows--a rarity for Mars--and the two of them are united by their fascination and joy upon discovering this.

The Lander:  Near the climax of the novel, Auria is on a spacecraft about to head for Earth, but not through her own will--she's been kidnapped. The lander is a small capsule, bare and devoid of anything she might use to escape her captor. Outside the window she can see the curve of Mars. From this vantage point, Auria realizes how much she loves her home planet and the people on it, and the view gives her the motivation she needs to try to fight back.

Filling the window before me is the curvature of Mars.

For a moment it feels unreal. It’s like a painting. The sun is rising, making the horizon look like a rusty red brush stroke with a thin limb of blue. I can see faint wisps of clouds spackling the deserts and valleys and craters. It’s a thousand shades of red and brown and copper. I’m reminded of my flight in the Barsoom, but this is different. I can see everything at once. The dark area below us must be Hellas Basin. Harmonia Base is there, somewhere in the midst of it, obscured by the night and too small to see from this distance. Everyone I’ve ever known and loved—truly loved—is there.

It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

My gaze drifts upward to the blackness of space. That blackness is infinitely deep and cold. The stars do nothing to warm it. It’s endless. It’s pitiless. It’s not where I belong.

And I’ll be damned if I let Myles drag me into it.

[Matt Curry]

Hello everyone, it is nice to meet you all. Below are my part 1 exercises:

 

Story Statement: Eddie does not have good mental health, and needs to change.

 

Antagonist: The main antagonist of my manuscript is, strangely, also the protagonist. Eddie struggles with the dark triad of anxiety, depression, and OCD. While Eddie understands that his mental health is not in good shape, and needs to figure out a way to become better, he is constantly sabotaging himself by reverting to his “old ways,” to the point where it is now threatening to push him over the edge.

 

Potential Manuscript Titles

·                     High Climber

·                     So Far, So Good, So What?

·                     Melt all Your Memories

 

Comparable Titles

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera- Silvera’s novel does several things really well that have inspired me when writing my own manuscript. First of all, Silvera does a great job at not only highlighting mental health struggles among young boys, he also provides a lot of great insight into OCD, a disorder that still has a lot of misconceptions around it. While many stories highlight the “compulsions,” or what most outside observers see, Silvera also sheds light on the “obsessions,” or what’s going on inside. Furthermore, History Is All You Left Me does a great job at alternating between past and present narratives, something that I feel is vital for telling a story focused on mental health. I seek to build off of History Is All You Left Me by expanding the focus beyond how young adults struggle with mental health, and also look at how “new” adults deal with mental health issues.

Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig- Matt Haig’s hybrid novel/memoir (I’ve seen it called both so I’m not really sure what to classify it as) does a great job at showing the reader many of the unglamorous aspects of mental illness, and how it not only affects the individual, but also the people around them. Budling off of this, another thing that I think Haig (and Silvera) does really well is avoiding the narrative pitfall of trying to frame mental illness as some kind of “hidden superpower” that the protagonist just needs to cultivate in order for them to live their best life, which a lot of fiction books tend to rely on. While Haig’s ultimate message is about accepting one’s mental illness, he still recognizes that mental illness -in his case, depression- can be a heavy burden, and that it is not something that can merely be switched on or off when it’s most convenient. While Reasons to Stay Alive is not the only nonfiction book about mental illness to take this approach (The Man Who Couldn't Stop by David Adam is another great book that does this), to repeat, I think framing mental illness as some kind of secret benefit in a lot of fiction nowadays is getting kind of trite.

 

**One aspect that I feel is lacking with both books is that the protagonists are presented as unfortunate victims of circumstance. While this certainly does not diminish their struggles with mental health issues, I would like to add a bit of nuance to the conversation around men’s mental health and ask at what point does one stop being a “victim” and become more of a “perpetrator?” **

 

Hook: How much of your past are you really willing to confront?

 

CORE WOUND: More than anything else, Eddie wants to be “normal,” and constantly feels like he has to make up for lost time.

 

Secondary Conflict: Per the recommendation of his therapist, Eddie goes on antidepressants. While they seem to be helping, partway through the story, he has a falling out with his therapist and he quits his meds cold turkey, believing he is “taking back control of his life,” but in actuality this causes him to spiral into a vicious cycle of psychosis.

 

How dare that fucking therapist make me relive that shit. It’s all part of her grand scheme, to humiliate me, and try and make me realize how big of a loser I’m supposed to be. That's the problem with these people: every time they see a problem, they have to turn it into a disease. They make me feel like there’s something wrong with me, that I’m the one who’s fucked up, and they give me all these bullshit pills so I’ll be hooked and Big Pharma can stay rich.

I grabbed my bottle of Lexapro and threw it into the garbage. Can’t stay hooked if I can’t keep taking their pills.

I felt empowered. For the first time, I was the one taking control of my own destiny. Fuck Dr. Sullivan and her therapy horseshit. I don’t have OCD. I’ve never had it. I’m just reacting naturally, but people like her want me to feel ashamed. Emasculated.

 

This not only causes Eddie’s mental issues to get cranked up all the way to eleven, but he also experiences heightened paranoia, believing that everyone he encounters is plotting against him in some way, causing him to self-isolate even more than he already does and become a kind of hikikomori. At this point, the only thing Eddie wishes to do is ruminate on all of the mistakes that he has made throughout his life, which not only takes a toll on his mental health, but his physical health as well.

Every interaction, every trip, every movement now had to be meticulously planned. If I was going to class, I had to think about the exact route I took in order to not be seen. If I was in the history department building, I had to time how long I was going to be there so that when I left, there would be practically nobody out and about. If I had to drive somewhere, I made sure that I took the route that would not go directly through campus.

The grocery store might as well not have existed at this point. Almost all of my meals were ordered out. I used UberEats or DoorDash most of the time, too. The extra fee justified having as little human interaction as possible.

The only thing that I seemed to enjoy was browsing my phone. I would scroll through Facebook or watch stupid YouTube videos for hours on end, neither activity producing any sort of value. Whenever I wasn’t in class, I encapsulated myself in my bedroom.

 

 

Setting: The manuscript takes place in two periods in time: “Present Eddie” and “Past Eddie.” Present Eddie does not like the current situation he is in. He loathes his on-campus apartment not only because it is so austere, but because he feels like he is “stranded” from his parents’ house back home, which is where he feels much happier. As the story progresses, and Eddie goes to more therapy sessions, the reader is given more and more snapshots of “Past Eddie,” specifically two sequences as an undergrad (one where Eddie is at school, and one where Eddie is studying abroad), and even as far back as high school. Past Eddie is not as jaded and is even willing to take risks and be more “himself,” however this sometimes leads him to hurt the ones he most cares about, which he still harbors a lot of guilt over in the present day. Later on in the story, as Eddie suffers the effects of not taking his meds, the lines between Past Eddie and Present Eddie get blurred, to the point where he starts hallucinating.

[Katie C]

Hi! Here are my answers to the exercises!

THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

Katerina must rescue her kidnapped brother and avoid being caught by the king

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT

King Vladimir, the current King of Reih, is the antagonist. King Vladimir’s goal is to conquer the entire continent of Veseria because he believes if a country does not conquer then it becomes easily conquerable. He is a calm, manipulative, and calculating man. He understands people’s motivations very well and uses them to his advantage. He is like a snake waiting to strike, patient and observant, then lethal. 

He grew up the black swan of the family, the heir to a great and honorable king. In an attempt to live up to his father’s image, he became an ambitious and cruel teenager, finding control through fear and manipulation to be more successful than honor and kindness. He was then ostracized by his father because of his dark ambition, disinherited, and exiled. However, ten years later he returned with an army, slaughtered his family, and took Reih. 

After his success, he was then told by the gods that one child would be his greatest weapon or his downfall, Katerina. He recognized Katerina as the child and instated her as his personal assassin and spy. He uses both fear and manipulation to control her and keep her loyal. 

 

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE

The House of Hands

The King’s Hand

The King’s Shadow
 

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES

Mary E. Pearson

• Both the Remnant Chronicles and the Dance of Thieves Series are similar in the way they handle the politics of a kingdom. The protagonist, a young woman with little interest in politics, suddenly finds her way to the front of it all, whether it's due to orders from her sovereign or fleeing her responsibilities as princess. 

Sarah J. Mass

• SJM’s Throne of Glass series is similar in setting, a medieval-esque continent in the midst of division. The protagonist is a young woman raised as an assassin, similar to my protagonist, and spends much of the series working through the trauma of her past and forging towards a better version of herself. The antagonist is a corrupt king, trying to take control of the continent, much like my own antagonist. 

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT 

After her brother is kidnapped and she fails to save him, Katerina deserts her position as the King's assassin and makes the dangerous trek across the continent to find him. 

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS

To find her brother, Katerina must leave everything she’s ever known behind and step into a world she’s never experienced before. Behind the castle walls, she’s been able to push away thinking about the consequences of her assassinations and missions, disconnecting herself from her actions. However, her journey across the continent forces her to confront the devastation she had a role in unleashing across the continent and opens up the well of guilt, anger, and sadness she’s been pushing down for years.

For example, there is one scene where she meets a girl her age forced to flee Dalaria, a country under the king’s control, after her village is burned to the ground on the king’s orders. Katerina realizes that she could have easily been assigned to burn this girl’s village herself back when she served the king and knows she would have followed through on the order to protect herself. She then has to grapple with the guilt of that realization, resulting in a panic attack.  

The secondary conflict is a romantic conflict. When Katerina meets Azrin, a forger’s apprentice, in the city on her way to escaping, she is guarded and on-edge. She only lets him accompany her on her journey north after he saves her life. She is very wary to trust him at first due to her past experiences with men. He seems to be the complete opposite, very open and very trusting. She doesn’t want to trust him by revealing her identity and he grows frustrated with her unwillingness to open up and tell him who she is. The conflict then increases after she learns her father was the one that killed his parents. This secret she is keeping keeps her from acting on her romantic feelings for him and she inevitably shuts him out. In the end, he discovers the truth and leaves her near the end of the journey, feeling betrayed and hurt by her lies, and she is once again alone. 

One specific scenario in the book is when she steals a pair of horses from her father’s men and refuses to tell Azrin where she found them. He then begs her to let him in and says he would understand no matter who she is. She grows defensive and invalidates his own hardships in life by saying he could never understand and that he would leave the second he knew the truth. Azrin then tells her that if she keeps herself so guarded all the time, she will eventually end up alone.
 

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING

Fahviel -  Fahviel is a bustling medieval-esque city. It’s the capital of the country of Reih and the largest city in the country. It’s split into three districts, the Crown, where the royalty and wealthy live, the Working District, where the working class resides, and finally the Crag, the slums of the city. Fahviel was once the largest and most illustrious city on the continent, but the recent war has since driven away most of its travelers and increased the wealth gap substantially. The city used to be a melting pot of different cultures, festivals, and traditions from all across the continent, however, as King Vladimir continues to conquer the continent, much of these cultures and festivities have been outlawed in the city. Once the gem of the Western World, Fahviel has now fallen to the corrupt politicians and the rats. 

The House of Hands - The House of Hands is a large manor in the heart of a Fahviel’s Crown district that houses the king’s elite army, the Hands. The manor is a tall, slender, ebony house with a large gold balcony engraved with the House’s emblem. Inside the House lives a few hundred of the country's most dangerous and powerful assassins, spies, engineers, and soldiers. The members eat, train, and sleep in the House. It’s a place teeming with competition, ruthlessness, and action.

Cazik’s Eye - Cazik’s Eye is a small stretch of streets in the Crag that have become home to Fahviel’s darker dealings. Along these streets, you’ll find brothels, gambling houses, and any other illegal business or service one might’ve needed in medieval times. Cazik’s Eye, named after the trickster god, Cazik, is run by several different crimelords. The crimelords govern themselves and keep the debauchery from leaking into the rest of the city, so the king chooses to turn a blind eye. However, travelers unlucky enough to accidentally find themselves in Cazik’s Eye are likely to lose their valuables, if they are lucky enough to even get out. 

Havenshire - Havenshire is the second largest city in Fahviel, however it is far below it in size and splendor. It’s located in the northern part of the country and has, since the war, become a refugee city for those fleeing from Dalarian. That being said, the people of Reih who live in Havenshire hardly enjoy the new influx of foreigners and are often hostile towards people from other parts of the continent. 

Chestwood - Chestwood is a small Reihian mining town near the border of Reih and Dalaria. It’s a peaceful, quiet town, full of friendly and trusting people, quite the contrary to Fahviel. It’s snow-covered most of the year because of its proximity to the Stag Mountains. It’s the last town before the dangerous mountain terrain of western Dalaria.

Dalaria - Dalaria is a peaceful, northern country that has recently been conquered by the Kingdom of Reih. Its people are spiritual and passive people, who rely heavily on community and tradition. There are several different regions of Dalaria, including the coastal region, the Icelands, the Stag Mountains, and the Tundra. Each part of Dalaria has its own version of traditions and type of people/community. There have been several uprisings from the Dalarian people over the years since King Vladimir conquered the country and even a structured rebellion that has been forming. King Vladimir has been retaliating in recent months by having his soldiers burn every village with ties to the rebellion. Because of this, many of the Dalarian people remained split on whether or not they support the rebellion, and it has led to communities and even families being torn apart over the conflict. 

The Stag Mountains and Agar Peak - The Stag Mountain Range is the largest mountain range on the continent. It has treacherous, rocky, and icy terrain that remains covered in snow nearly year-round. Most of the communities who lived in these mountains have since left due to harsh weather and superstition. Agar Peak is the tallest peak in this mountain range and is said to be home to the gods. The legend of Agar Peak says it once used to be a popular pilgrimage site for Dalarians, but once the gods disappeared however, the peak became hostile and haunted. The Dalarians have heard stories of men going mad at the base of the peak and having horrible, terrifying visions. Therefore, this area is heavily avoided. Because the area is abandoned, there are several ruins of old villages and pilgrimage sites that once existed around the peak. 

Drugaur - Drugar is an abandoned village in the heart of the Stag Mountains near Agar Peak. It is an ancient village made of entirely black stone with a large, tall castle embedded into the mountain side. It is the current site of the rebellion. The castle has a dark and violent history that is uncovered throughout the series.

[Nan Schmid]

Hi everyone, here is my attempt to complete the 7 assignments.

#1.  STORY STATEMENT
 
A hardened war reporter suffering from PTSD after her friend is killed in Afghanistan returns to New York to find she’s inherited his dog. She is forced to take a leave from work and heads to her cabin in Maine. Along the way, she and the dog witness the murder of a mother wolf, and unbeknownst to her, the dog rescues her pups. Setting off a new kind of war in the small town where a brutal land developer takes aim at her, the dog, and the pups and vows to protect his land by all means possible, including killing them.

#2. The ANTAGONIST
 
James Stanford is a land developer in Maine with several other projects scattered throughout the country. But Maine is his generational home, and his name carries a lot of prestige.  Receiving the bulk of his money from his family, he has strived to make a name for himself but has never achieved the same status as his father. This is what drives him, to make his mark while he still can. As an avid lifelong hunter who’s been to every big game hunting resort in the world, chasing certificates for killing all kinds of wild animals, he decides to bring that kind of resort to Maine, but now with exotic animals. These kinds of animals will bring in huge sums of money from hunters wanting to kill a baboon for fifteen thousand or an old lion for twenty-five thousand, and the list goes on. He will make his resort the premier destiny for big game hunters.

But he can’t do this alone, so he solicits the Governor of Maine and a Fish & Wildlife agent to help him with promises of big money.  He also promises the town that he will revive their declining little village and give them jobs and prosperity. But with the unwelcome arrival of endangered wolves in the area, this could easily ruin his plans.  Because he’s not going through the proper channels to bring the exotic animals to the resort. So, he devises a relationship with the Governor and cuts her in on the resort to delist wolves from the Endangered Species Act to be added to his kill list for the certificate.

 However, with a reporter on the scene making her opinions and facts heard cannot be tolerated on any level, so he must get the town to turn against her and the wolf population. This is a man without a soul and without a thought as to how his actions would affect or harm another person, place, or animal.

#3.  TITLES

The title is THE LANGUAGE OF WOLVES.
Which within the story is relevant to the journey Joey goes on to free the wolf pups.

In the past, I have titled it:

Open Season,  Little Wars Everywhere, and Learning The Language Of Wolves.

#4. COMPARABLE

Gorillas in the Mist, by Dr. Dian Fossey, a book published two years before her death, is Fossey's account of her scientific study and love of the gorillas at Karisoke Research Center and prior career. It was adapted into a 1988 film of the same name.

Marley & Me by John Grogan, is the heartwarming and unforgettable story of a family and the wondrously neurotic dog who taught them what really matters in life.
 

Three Billboards From Ebbing Missouri, By Martin McDonagh

McDonagh said that the story was inspired by a true incident and his desire to create strong female characters. He said it took him about ten years to decide to make it fiction, based on a couple of actual billboards. about a mother’s murdered daughter

 I picked these books because my book is based on my screenplay, and at the heart of these books and movies, the main character, who is also a woman in my story, learns valuable life lessons from her inherited dog, the wolf pups and the nature of the deep connection of the animal world.

#5. HOOK

 Joey, a former foster kid who is as tough as she is flawed, discovers that it doesn’t matter who you're born to but who you choose along the way,  and a family of rag-tag misfits from all walks of life suits her perfectly and teaches her how to accept them and herself warts and all.

#6. INNER CONFLICT

Joey’s inner conflict comes from her screwed-up childhood, bouncing from one foster home to another, many times in abusive and horrible situations.  Every situation she was in was beyond her control because kids have no power, especially a kid no one wanted. She has never felt grounded to anything or anyone except for her reporting. That’s because she won a contest as a teenager by writing an article for a newspaper in the Bronx about what it’s really like to be a foster kid, which led to getting a scholarship to college. In that article, she knew exactly what to write to tug at the heartstrings of the judges. But now she writes only the facts of a story so she never has to deal with the emotion of a story, especially her own.

She keeps her emotions buried, and at a distance, but on her last assignment, while embedded with an Army battalion in Afghanistan, things changed when she met a fresh-faced young kid named Bobby “ Kentucky “ Jones, who, like her, grew up in the foster care system. That is not as common as one would think, considering how many kids are in it, and it’s just as big of a mess in Kentucky as it is in New York City. He became like the little brother she never knew she wanted. And then it happened: he was killed right in front of her. One of her favorite things about her friendship with Kentucky is the fact that they both ended up in the middle of a war zone because that’s all either of them has ever known. But at some point, everyone will go through a war, real or personal, and the one thing Joey does like about herself is that she knows she can survive anything.

Moments before the bombing, she had sent her file to her boss, it was a long file of her new story that probably allowed the enemy to track them and send that bomb that killed Kentucky and maimed other soldiers, including the man she cares for like no other man she’s ever known, Captain Taye Morris. He is an unconventional but by-the-book military man and not a likely romantic partner for Joey, as she tends to like a rule-breaker like herself. She is riddled with guilt and hates herself for having these emotions, for letting herself care for these two men. How has she not learned this lesson after everything she’s been through, so she will do what she always does: drink the pain down, become numb, and not allow herself to care. Put herself in harmful situations so she can feel more pain by punishing herself. Everyone leaves or dies in the end, and they feel that continual loss is never worth the small moments of joy or the fleeting feeling of love and acceptance they might bring.  She’s in her forties and knows better than to let her guard down.

But then Birdie, Kentucky’s dog, shows up. She knows Kentucky put this plan in place to haunt her in the case of his death and maybe to do something more to force her to care.  Well, fuck him, she’s not falling for this shit ever again. She will work herself into an early grave first. That is her salvation and redemption, her work. But how can she do her job, to report the facts when she can’t admit the truth to herself about what happened in Afghanistan. She’s a liar and a fraud, and she feels that to her very core. But she will put up a strong front showing the world the exact opposite.

When she’s forced to take a mental health break, it turns her world upside down. What will she do, who will she be without it?  This is what she will have to find out, and with the unlikely help of a dog and two wolf pups, not to mention Captain Taye Morris and a few new friends. Hopefully, her deep feeling of worthlessness will fade into the distance if she can get this one thing right and get the pups back with their pack and to freedom. Freeing herself from her own pain.

#8. SETTINGS

My settings are pretty straightforward. The dirt brown desert in Afghanistan with an Army battalion in the middle of the war.

Then, the Lower East Side of Manhattan and then the beautiful mountains of Maine with its jagged rock with the tall pine trees shooting up toward the sky.
Also, the Canadian border on the top of a mountain.

 

[Tim McDonald]

Good evening everyone! Here is my 7 Assignments List.

1. Story Statement

Aiden Eyler, a serial killer who preys on the wicked, must bring down the Church of Nephilius before its nefarious plan for the complete psychological domination of God City comes to fruition.

2. The Antagonist

The Church of Nephilius, born out of a great lie, commands the ultimate servitude and sacrifice from its followers with the aim of ultimate world domination and Gravemaker, the mastermind who who created The Brotherhood, a faction of the Church that kills wantonly any and all who oppose its teachings, is a man bent on power and power alone. His goal is to lead the Church into the future as the controlling force for all human activities.

3. Titles

A. God City: The Flood

or;

B. The Second Flood

4. Comps & Genre

A. The Children of Men by P.D. James

B. The Memory Police by Yoko Ogawa

C. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

 

5. Hook - Core Wound & Primary Conflict

After suffering the grave emotional changes in transforming from an atheistic journalist to a believing serial killer known as The Flood, Aiden must sacrifice his life as he knows it to confront the tyrannical Church of Nephilius and save his girlfriend from its clutches whilst maneuvering around the police who are doggedly hunting him.

6. Inner Conflict

A. Aiden Eyler is an atheist, but he wasn’t always one. After his parents died, he was taken to a Catholic orphanage to be raised by Father Dodson with other orphanage boys. The devastating events that occurred there took Aiden onto a path of complete abandonment of God. As a journalist, Aiden has recently won a prestigious award for articles he wrote against the Church of Nephilius, the fastest growing faith in the country. But, Aiden has been sleepwalking of late and having strange dreams wherein he hears the distinct voice of God calling for him to change, to become something impossible—a serial killer for God who targets the wicked. Aiden struggles with what he believes is being asked of him, let alone by an entity he has forgotten about. His entire life changes as he ventures down this new path. And when he discovers the Church’s terrible plan to psychological dominate the city, the country and finally, the world, Aiden struggles with the knowing he has to bring down the Church, the very Church of which his girlfriend’s family are members.

 

B. A secondary conflict that Aiden fears is his relationship with his girlfriend, Aurora. Whilst Aiden is trying to hide his new life, he knows ultimately that he cannot forever live this life in secret. He fears his girlfriend finding out what’s he done, what he’s doing. He fears the police are after him and will eventually find him. What then? What would God’s plan be for him then? Aiden fears this unknown and unknowable future.

 

7. Setting

A. God City is a fictional city that is in seemingly in perpetual darkness, bombarded by rain and the elements. And yet it’s the focal hub for the Church of Nephilius, for a political stage that sets policy for millions of people, a hub for the arts as it is the Hollywood of the region. The city if filled with the famous and the rich and powerful are drawn there. Water symbolizes much throughout the novel and none more so than in New Eridu, God City.

 

B. The Ranch - A estate in the nearby mountains of God City used by the Church of Nephilius to train its Brotherhood warriors in combat. The Church finds the City’s unwanted, those that would not be missed if missing, and uses them as fodder to train their Brotherhood applicants. To kill without question is an important aspect of The Brotherhood, and the ranch is the perfect out-of-the-way place to train. 

[Gretchen Jaeger]

1. Story statement:

A twist of fate lands police administrative assistant Eva Brandt at the scene of a double murder, upending the safe life she has built since escaping the extremist sect led by her wealthy, charismatic father ten years ago. 

 2. The antagonist:

 Eva’s powerful father Walter Brandt is tired of having to secretly undermine Eva’s struggle to build a life outside his far-right sect, Tannenberg. He considers Eva--despite being female--the best equipped of his 3 children to take over leadership of the cult. Walter inherited control from his own father, and building a blood dynasty is of paramount importance to him, but his older son vanished and he considers his younger son inferior. 

Until now, Walter has considered Eva’s past disloyalty unforgivable, but her position just inside the murder investigation gives her opportunity to eliminate Walter’s enemy, Sergeant Ron Croft, a supposed member of Tannenberg who, Walter knows, is in fact working undercover, investigating the money laundering scheme Walter runs through wineries owned by primary murder suspect, dissolute inebriate Ken Furey.

Walter plots to return Eva to his control, using every tool in his malignant narcissist’s playbook to gaslight and manipulate her into killing Croft while promising protection from consequences once she does. Playing on Eva’s internal struggle against her upbringing, he explains how and why Croft murdered the original two helpless, innocent victims and destroyed Eva’s life as part of the coverup. 

3. Possible titles 

TANNENBERG

THE JEWEL WASP

TWO WOLVES

4. Comps: Psychological suspense

When I began searching for comps (I confess to not having done this before now), these were the plot/theme elements I looked for: 

-       the corrosive influence of a charismatic/narcissistic “leader”

-       a protagonist struggling against past secrets/shames that play upon the present

-       questions of conscience, ethics, and morality...and an antagonist who makes a seductive case against them

-       a beautiful but changing setting that belies ugliness/evil beneath the surface and where disparate worlds/people collide

Most of the books/articles/studies I’ve read that tick the majority of these boxes (except the last one) are nonfiction. While obviously I would not compare myself to these writers, these novels come to mind:

1. THE GOD OF THE WOODS by Liz Moore

2. THE SILENT PATIENT by Alex Michaelides

3. THE SECRET HISTORY by Donna Tartt  (After beginning this exercise, I found this title as an example in the materials sent to us, so I went for two more. But I’d still consider this a comp, a “crime novel” in which solving the crime is not the primary focus)

5. Logline

Police administrative assistant Eva Brandt strives to help solve a double murder in California wine country, despite every clue forcing her back into the clutches of her dangerous father and the powerful cult of fear, lies, and paranoia he has built.

6. Two levels of conflict: (apologies if you intended that we simply summarize the scenes—I tried to keep them short)

A. Inner conflict. In this scene, we first see Eva’s struggle to free herself from her past, in the moment she discovers the murder weapon:

I started down the vine row closest to the house. After about ten yards, I stopped. It took me a moment to register the knife embedded in the trunk of an ancient grapevine--the dried blood smeared across the smooth metal shaft was the same color as the bark. 

 “Sir?”

The word caught in my throat. It wasn’t just any knife. I’d learned to use one like it, years ago. It carried a feeling, long-forgotten: the warm sense of safety, of belonging, I’d felt as a child when first shown the secret cache of lethal weapons at Tannenberg. Staring at that bloody hilt jutting from gnarled wood, I was eight years old again, my father’s arms wrapped around me from behind. Hold it like this. Now, if you release the latch that keeps the knife pressed against the compressed coil...

...the blade would rocket at 40mph toward any threat within twenty feet. Ballistic knives were nothing more than a hollow handle inside an exterior grip and a mechanism--compressed air, a CO2 capsule, or a spring—that shot the blade out of the grip like a bullet. They had been illegal in California since the 1980s, and their banned status meant a certain subset of the population took special pride in owning them--a subset I knew well, into which I’d been born. Little Eva Brandt: pale blond hair, eyes a slightly disappointing leaf green rather than a clear sky blue, skin so white rushing blood vessels betrayed every fear, every secret shame. Named for the woman who stayed loyal to Hitler unto death.

“Sir!”

Berger turned. Croft did, too. At first, they both looked annoyed at the interruption, but I guess my face said enough. The next thing I knew, they were beside me.

B. Secondary conflict: Eva’s struggle to make friends—to trust others (in this case, and at this point unknown to her, with the actual murderer):

[Dierdre] said, with a new sparkle in her eye, “I wonder if all gay couples are as fussy as Nick and Terry. They’re very proud of their hollyhocks.”

We’d reached her car. “I’m sure there are as many types of gay couples as there are straight couples.”

I deflated as the sparkle left her eye. Christ almighty, this was why I couldn’t make friends. I hadn’t meant to sound judgmental. 

She reached for the door. “Sorry. Obviously, there are. That was my upbringing talking. God, I hate it when I sound like my father.”

“Couldn’t be as bad as when I sound like mine.”

 She paused, her hand on the handle of her Escalade, and said, “The truth is, I feel guilty about Heather. I mean, innocence dies. That happens to all of us, but I tried to keep certain things from her, and I think she’s known about Ken’s affairs all along. That’s why it’s so hard for her to grow up. She never experienced the innocence of childhood, so she keeps trying to go back, reconcile everything in her head and her heart, start over.”

“Don’t we all.”

She pulled the door open. “I shouldn’t have made that joke about Nick and Terry. It was cheap. I appreciate you calling me on it. That’s what friends do. Make each other better.”

And then she gave me a hug. A quick, unthinking hug, the sort of embrace I imagined was common between normal people, but it was all I could do to lift an arm, reciprocate, not stand there like I was carved from marble.

She threw me a smile and a wave as she drove off, and I sunk to a seat against the stone wall as the sun went down, nursing my wine, letting the heat from the last sunrays soak into my face. The world felt peaceful all of a sudden, hushed under a sky like melted rainbow sherbet. I skipped dinner and fell asleep early to the smell of leather and chestnut, hints of maple and cayenne. My grandfather’s tobacco. 

He would not have blamed me for my mother’s death. I felt so sure of it, I slept well for the first time in memory. 

7. The setting—Sonoma County, California

I wanted a physically beautiful setting, one that might lull the reader a bit, provide a hint of peace, when in reality there is a strong “outsider” (murder victims Chloe Adams and Saoirse Quinn) vs “insider” (Eva, Croft, Detective Berger) dynamic in an area unusual for the fact that among insiders, the very wealthy and the very poor interact on a personal level. There is also a large immigrant vineyard worker population, providing scapegoats (Luis Delgado, murder suspect #2) for those who might be looking for such (Croft?). For the same reasons, the Tannenberg compound is depicted as an idyllic five-star spa, not Ruby Ridge.

[Stephanie Perry Moore]

Hello! Below are my answers to the exercises for my YA speculative coming-of-age novel. Looking forward to meeting you all!

-Stephanie Perry Moore

 

1) STORY STATEMENT

Seventeen-year-old Skye Blue, pulled into a magical family chronicle, must survive the lives of her ancestors and return to mend herself—and a community fractured by violence.

 

2) THE ANTAGONIST 

Sweetness—Skye's boyfriend, whose charm and charisma drew her in but conceal a darker reality. Raised in a rough neighborhood with few resources, Sweetness has always admired Skye's more stable, affluent background. Yet, instead of feeling uplifted by her, he feels belittled and resentful, viewing Skye's family and potential as constant reminders of what he believes he can never have. His jealousy twists into a possessive need to keep her close, convinced that controlling her will balance the disparity he feels.

Sweetness is verbally abusive, belittling Skye’s dreams and academic efforts to make her question her worth and discourage her from leaving. His life is steeped in dangerous affiliations, leading a gang that makes him more threatening. He perceives Skye’s independence and ambitions as personal slights against him, responding with intimidation and manipulation, fueled by both fear of losing her and his need to maintain control. Driven by his own insecurities, Sweetness becomes an anchor pulling Skye deeper into his world. His ultimate goal is to possess and restrict her, keeping her as a symbol of his success. However, in doing so, he becomes the force that Skye must ultimately break free from to find her own strength and freedom.

 

“With a gun cocked in his mouth, he had to back down!”

“What?” I blinked, gripping the steering wheel tighter as Sweetness, my rugged, gangbanger boyfriend, repeated himself through the car’s speaker. His voice was low, almost amused, like he wasn’t talking about something terrifying.

Sweetness. He lived up to his name—dark chocolate skin, smooth and irresistible. Girls joked he was better than a box of candy. At 5′8″, just a touch taller than me, his confidence commanded attention. His energy—wild, unpredictable—wrapped around me like a storm. His reckless laughter and fast living had me hooked, but lately, it felt more like a noose tightening around my neck.

“Dang, dummy. You even listenin’, Skye?” Sweetness’s voice cracked like thunder, jolting me from my thoughts.

I pulled my mom’s car into a spot at Tea Time, a cozy, upscale restaurant in Covington, Georgia. This place—this moment—was my refuge. Normally, I couldn’t wait to sit across from my grandmother and unravel the knots in my life. Today, though, the weight on my shoulders felt too heavy to unload.

“I was saying, I had a dream last night,” Sweetness continued. “This dude tried to holla at you, so I put my piece in his mouth to shut him up.”

My stomach twisted. I couldn’t do this with him. He was mean. He was crazy, but so was I for staying with him.

It wasn’t just the draining week at my private school, with fake friends and haters dragging me down. It wasn’t just the sleepless nights haunted by a recurring nightmare. It was the suffocating possessiveness in Sweetness’ voice—like my life was his to control. And now, he was fantasizing about violence over something that didn’t even happen.

A beep interrupted him—Jessie, my best friend, calling. Relief washed over me.

“I gotta go. Jessie’s calling, and I’m here. Can’t keep Grandma waiting,” I said, my voice strained but firm.

“Cool,” Sweetness replied, his tone lightening. “Swing by after. We can Netflix and chill like last night.”

I sighed, pressing the button to switch calls, still tripping that he called me dummy and wondering if I’d ever feel the same tug toward him again.

 

3) TITLE CHOICES

Here are three breakout title options, each reflecting Skye’s journey of legacy, inner strength, and the challenges she faces:

 

When Time Comes – This title reflects the pivotal moments Skye encounters, where she must rise to challenges and decide her path, echoing the legacy she inherits.

Chains of Legacy – This title hints at Skye’s journey to confront and honor her family’s past, as she learns from ancestral struggles to shape her own freedom and identity.

Echoes of Freedom – A powerful nod to Skye’s experiences of both historical and present-day struggles, as she hears and learns from the echoes of her ancestors to find her own voice and courage.

 

These titles evoke Skye’s evolving relationship with her heritage and her determination to break through constraints in her life. 

  

4) GENRE AND COMPARABLES

Here are strong comparables for my YA novel, When Time Comes, that help convey its themes, genre blend, and target readership effectively:

 

A Song Below Water by Bethany C. Morrow (2020) – Like When Time Comes, this YA novel centers on Black female characters discovering their identities and histories, with Morrow’s story weaving fantasy and social themes. A Song Below Water combines magical elements with real-world issues, much like Skye’s journey through time to learn from her ancestors while confronting modern struggles. This connection illustrates Skye’s world of layered realities, where her heritage provides insight and empowerment to navigate her life.

Kindred by Octavia Butler (1979) – While originally an adult novel, Kindred has inspired YA audiences and even adaptations due to its profound impact. This novel offers a similar combination of time travel, ancestral legacy, and the confronting of historical injustices, making it an ideal comp for When Time Comes. Skye’s experience parallels Butler’s heroine as she learns firsthand from her ancestors’ challenges, drawing strength and perspective to change her present reality.

The Light in Hidden Places by Sharon Cameron (2020) – This popular YA historical novel explores the bravery of a young girl standing up to violence and oppression in Nazi-occupied Poland. Like Skye, the protagonist grapples with life-and-death stakes while drawing strength from her moral compass and connections with others. Cameron’s novel demonstrates how historical legacy and personal bravery converge, resonating with Skye’s mission to confront and mend her community’s conflicts.

The Davenports by Krystal Marquis (2023) – This historical YA novel follows a young Black woman in early 20th-century Chicago, balancing family expectations and societal constraints. Like When Time Comes, it explores complex identity, family legacy, and navigating expectations. Though different in era, The Davenports shares themes of self-discovery and the strength to confront the past for a better future, aligning well with Skye’s journey.

 

These comparisons capture the tone, cultural depth, and mix of speculative and historical elements in When Time Comes, while also showing how it fits into the YA landscape for contemporary readers.

 

5) HOOK LINE AND CORE WOUND  

Hook Line: 

Struggling between private school alienation and a toxic relationship, seventeen-year-old Skye Blue is pulled into a magical family chronicle, where ancestral lessons push her to confront her fears—or risk being trapped in a cycle of violence.

 

Core Wound: 

Skye struggles with a deep-seated fear of inadequacy and failure, believing that she will never live up to her friends and family’s expectations or her own dreams, a belief compounded by the pressures of her boyfriend’s manipulations and the societal limitations placed on her by being a black girl in a majority white school. This internal wound propels her on a journey through time, teaching her that survival, courage, and freedom are attainable only by facing her fears and embracing her inner strength.

 

6) CONFLICT AND ENVIRONMENT

Inner Conflict:

Skye’s insecurities stem from feeling like she doesn’t fully belong anywhere—not in the affluent world of her private school and not in the turbulent neighborhood where she lives. Struggling with the weight of her identity as a young Black woman, she’s caught between wanting to break free from the toxic relationship with Sweetness and her fear of the unknown without him. Skye dreams of making an impact, of bridging divides and standing for something bigger, yet she doubts if she’s strong enough to step into that role. The violence and challenges in her world shake her resolve, and she’s often left questioning her self-worth and ability to act.

 

Hypothetical Scenario: 

After the gang shootout where Zion steps in and is critically injured saving her, Skye is shaken by his selflessness. Zion, who is mixed-race and embodies a quiet strength, fearlessly acted to protect her in a way that she’s never felt able to do for herself. Returning home, she’s haunted by the image of him lying in blood and thinks of her own hesitance to leave Sweetness despite his control over her. Later, as she reads the family chronicle, she sees the bravery of her ancestors who faced down adversity for freedom and justice. These reflections make Skye question if she could ever do the same in her time—could she stand up like Zion did for her, or like her ancestors did in the face of injustice?

 

Within seconds, the air exploded with gunfire.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

The hill was alive with chaos. The Bricks scattered, shouting. Bullets zipped past me, but I was frozen in fear. Two guys dropped in front of me, one’s head blown open. Everywhere, Bricks fell, moaning, crying, cursing. They called for their mothers or God.

“Skye, get down!” Sweetness hollered, his voice echoing like a shout across a battlefield.

Suddenly, a tall guy—over six feet—charged toward me. He tackled me, shielding me with his body. My head hit the pavement, and my vision blurred. I tried to grab my pounding head, but my arms were pinned beneath him.

I struggled to focus. His almond-shell skin and straight hair that curled at the tips caught my eye. He weighed at least 200 pounds. Who was this guy? His grey-blue eyes stared at me, full of concern, but he didn’t speak.

“I’m okay,” I whispered, winded from the impact. I was about to tell him to get off when I felt warm, wet liquid seeping through my clothes. Blood. It surged from his side where a bullet had torn through him. 

Desperate, I twisted and squirmed, finally managing to push him off. I yanked off his shoes, grabbed his socks, and pressed them against the wound. But it was too late—the socks were soaked, and the life had already drained from his eyes.

The gunfire stopped, and the Lincoln peeled away, its passengers laughing. Sweetness ran to me, grabbing my bloody hand, trying to pull me up.

“No!” I cried. “I can’t leave him! He saved my life!”

“My boys ’bout to get Clad. Come on, girl. Let’s go!” Sweetness yanked me up, half carrying me as we moved away. But I didn’t want to leave the stranger who had saved me. His life couldn’t just be forgotten. I glanced back at his lifeless body and saw a tattoo on his arm: Zion Hill.

“Thank you, Zion Hill,” I whispered, tears streaming down my face. His body lay there, lifeless and blood soaked.

 

Social Environment:

Skye’s social conflict is rooted in feeling like she doesn’t belong fully in either world she inhabits or in the ones she time-travels to. At her private school, she’s seen as an outsider among wealthy white students who leave her out because she is not “one of them.” With Sweetness, she’s treated as a liability rather than an equal, and his gang sees her as an outsider who will never truly be part of their world. In contrast, when she time-travels, she encounters Zion, who moves with confidence and intelligence, bridging gaps and standing up for what he believes in. His ability to fit in without conforming inspires Skye, making her wonder if she should follow his example in the present day and stand up for herself, despite the pressure and rejection from both sides.

 

Hypothetical Scenario:

After returning from 1780, Skye learns about another gang fight brewing and wrestles with whether she should try to intervene. Drawing on her experience with Zion’s strength and the resolve of her ancestors, she decides to try to prevent another confrontation by urging the gangs toward a truce. Her emotional appeal surprisingly reaches the gang members, convincing them to hold off on violence temporarily. However, when the police arrive, tension flares, and an argument with Gooch ends in him being shot. Skye is horrified, realizing that despite her best efforts, the cycle of violence extends beyond her influence.

  

7) SETTINGS

Setting of When Time Comes

Skye’s journey unfolds in Covington, Georgia, where contrasting environments sharpen her sense of belonging and courage. From her safe but unsettling bedroom to the gritty reality of Sweetness’ world, and on through time itself, these settings reflect the internal and external challenges Skye faces as she uncovers her heritage and finds her own strength.

 

Contemporary Settings:

• Her Home & Bedroom: Skye’s bedroom is a cozy refuge with a mix of upscale decor—string lights, soft blankets, and family mementos. This sanctuary becomes a space of fear and transformation when the family chronicle begins pulling her into the past. The bed shakes, lights flicker, and the room’s warmth fades, replaced by an ominous energy that marks the start of each time-travel experience, mirroring Skye’s own shift from safety to uncertainty as she delves into her family’s history.
• Grandmother’s Hospital Room: In contrast to Skye’s dynamic bedroom, GG’s hospital room is cool and calming, with pale blue walls, dim lighting, and the rhythmic beeping of monitors. Despite its clinical feel, the room is where Skye finds comfort, receiving guidance and life lessons from her grandmother. Here, Skye’s love for GG merges with a growing understanding of her family’s legacy, fueling her desire to honor her heritage and face her fears.
• Tea Time Café: The Victorian tea house, Tea Time, in downtown Covington is a nostalgic escape for Skye and GG. Decorated with floral wallpaper, delicate china, and old-world charm, it’s a place of warmth where they can be themselves. As Skye’s conversations with GG become more intense, this setting shifts from a quaint refuge to a space where family secrets are unearthed, adding depth and tension to their relationship.
• Her Private School: Skye’s exclusive, predominantly white private school is pristine and immaculately kept, with manicured lawns and polished buildings. But behind this orderly facade, Skye feels judged and alienated. Her background, race, and financial status place her on the periphery, making this setting a battleground for her insecurities and sense of self-worth. She struggles to fit in, feeling like an outsider among classmates who subtly exclude her, amplifying her inner conflict.
• Sweetness’ Neighborhood: A gritty contrast to Skye’s suburban life, Sweetness’ neighborhood is defined by graffiti-covered buildings, dilapidated apartments, and a pervasive sense of desolation. This area represents the social and emotional risks Skye takes by staying in her relationship with Sweetness. It’s a backdrop for gang conflicts, volatile interactions, and moments of physical danger, underscoring the tension between her desire for stability and the turmoil Sweetness brings into her life.

 

We pulled up to Sweetness’ apartment complex. Graffiti covered the building, slurs and symbols sprayed like part of the architecture. The landscape was dead—just patches of beige stubble. One side of the complex was a crumbling building used as a crack house, addicts shuffling in and out like zombies. The other side was a burnt-out, windowless shell that attracted squatters and crime. Everything screamed decay, as if waiting for a bulldozer to put it out of its misery.

 

Historical and Magical Sub-settings Through Time Travel:

• 1780 Savannah Slave Auction Dock: Skye arrives in a chaotic, humid slave market where auctioneers shout and enslaved people are treated as commodities. Here, she encounters Zion, whose resilience and quiet strength spark her admiration. This setting forces Skye to confront the brutal realities of her ancestors’ past, helping her understand the strength it took for them to endure, survive, and hope.

 

Moments later, I stood in complete stillness and silence. No wind whipping around; no wings flapping. I opened my eyes. Instead of my bedroom, I found myself in the middle of a dusty, sunbaked road stretching through a small, worn town. The buildings on either side were rough-hewn, with weathered wood that had turned gray under the relentless sun, and each bore a large, faded sign announcing its purpose. There was a bank with iron-barred windows, a small grocery store with barrels of goods by the door, a saloon with swinging doors barely hanging on their hinges, and a millinery shop that left me wondering, What the heck was a millinery shop?

The air was thick and dry, tinged with the earthy scent of hay, animal sweat, and the faint, metallic whiff of horse tack. People dressed in plain, faded clothes walked along the street, moving between buildings or standing beside their horses and buggies. But the entire town appeared frozen in time. Horses with bridles dangling, mid-neigh with heads thrown back; dust clouds kicked up by wheels and hooves hung suspended in the air like delicate, brown fog. A flag that had been waving in the breeze outside the saloon was caught in an upswing, locked in place.

An eerie silence clung to the air, intensifying the stillness. It felt as though I’d stepped into a painting or a story paused at the turn of a page. Clutching my feathers tightly, I called out, “What am I supposed to do?” My voice sounded hollow against the motionless scene, and though I hoped someone somewhere could hear me, there was no answer—only silence, as if the world of 1780 itself was waiting.

 

• 1850 Underground Railroad Stop in the Woods: Hidden in the shadows of dense Georgia forests, Skye experiences a hideout used by the Underground Railroad. The earthy smells and secluded quiet contrast with the constant threat of capture. Zion’s confidence in navigating this world inspires Skye, revealing to her that bravery often requires stepping outside her comfort zone.
• 1958 Plantation and Bus Stop during Jim Crow: Skye lands in the segregated South, experiencing the sharp divide between the white plantation and the humble quarters for Black workers. Witnessing Rosa Parks’ defiance at a bus stop gives Skye a firsthand view of courage in the face of injustice, while Zion’s unwavering stand for his beliefs challenges her to embody similar strength in her own time.
• The Magical River Escape: Each time Skye’s journey becomes too dangerous, she finds herself at a magical river, an ethereal haven where eclectic guides—an eagle, a horse, and a lioness—help her regroup, survive, and recharge. This serene yet mystical setting, with shimmering waters and dense trees cloaked in mist, symbolizes Skye’s subconscious, where she taps into newfound courage and determination. Each guide offers her a life lesson, showing her paths forward while helping her understand the strength she carries within.

 

Each setting in When Time Comes is integral to Skye’s growth. From the safety of her bedroom to the dangers of Sweetness’ world and the harrowing historical landscapes of her ancestors’ lives, each place propels her toward self-discovery. Through these environments, she learns to embody the courage of her ancestors, embracing her family legacy while forging her own path forward.

 

[JackDumonde]

1.    First Assignment (Story Statement)

A 24-year-old traveller from London, driven by a lifelong obsession for the American Dream, ventures to America only to face rootlessness, lost dreams and a battle over the very soul of the nation.

 

2.    Second Assignment (Antagonist)

Richard Diamond and Roberto Tárrega embody two antagonistic forces that erode the American ideal, each profoundly impacting Sam Rockwell’s journey. Diamond, a successful billionaire, embodies capitalist greed. He sets his sights on acquiring Jim Whittaker’s pristine expanse of wilderness; a land which comes to symbolize Jim’s unsellable soul of rugged independence and connection to the untamed world. Jim’s remote home soon becomes a battleground between his values against Diamond’s unremitting thirst for power and his belief in civilisation’s supremacy. When Jim refuses Diamond’s offers, Diamond unleashes violence to achieve victory. This act reveals the darker side of the American ideal when ambition and overwhelming power crushes integrity.

Although Sam never directly encounters Roberto Tárrega, the preacher’s parallel narrative has important implications for the novel’s themes. Tárrega, a former convict turned religious leader, offers cryptic promises of salvation to a migrant caravan travelling through Guatemala and Mexico towards the American border. However, his presence soon undermines the migrants’ vision for freedom. As they face adversity, Tárrega sows seeds of doubt, steering the migrants toward a more militant path. His blend of faith and violence contrasts the migrant’s hope for a peaceful future.

 

3.    Third Assignment (Working Title)

My current working title is The American Call. I’ve picked this because it captures a deep and instinctual pull toward the American Dream, shaped by worldwide popular culture and other modes of cultural transmission. Much like Jack London’s Call of the Wild, my title suggests a primal, almost inescapable desire to pursue an idealized American dream.
Other titles could include

•    Year 24 

•    Samuel Rockwell

 

4.    Fourth Assignment (Comps)

I am writing in the genre of contemporary literary fiction with travel, social realism and elements of magical realism. 

Comparable titles to my novel include Mohsin Hamid’s The Reluctant Fundamentalist and Americana by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. In his novel, Hamid explores the tension between personal identity and Americanisation through Changez, his protagonist. Changez’s life in America delves into the disillusionment of the American Dream. Whilst he starts off with a successful career, Changez becomes dissatisfied with American culture and reflects on the faults of its vaulted ideals. In my novel, Sam Rockwell similarly confronts destructive tendencies arising from this same ideal, embodied by Richard Diamond’s greed and the rootlessness of a capitalist society. This forces him to question the values he once sought in America. Both stories reflect a sense of betrayal, not just by a nation, but by the very ideals this nation supposedly offers to the world. 

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's novel also explores personal identity and aspirations in the context of the American Dream. Adichie critiques the way in which American ideals are sold to the world as gilded promises when they are actually bound up with less savoury realities. As with Adichie's novel, mine critiques the American ideal through foreign born characters like Sam Rockwell and the migrants who join the caravan hoping for a better life in America. It delves into how the American Dream distorts people’s hopes for a better life with unrealisable promises.

 

5.    Fifth Assignment (Hook)

A young man searching for freedom, Sam Rockwell travels to America, but becomes entangled in a ferocious struggle between a stubborn woodsman defending his land and a ruthless billionaire seeking to claim it. 

 

6.    Sixth Assignment (Inner Conflict)

Sam Rockwell’s inner conflict stems from his strong conviction in the American Dream, always admiring its purported greatness from afar and is driven to claim his own place within it. He arrives in America with a firm belief in this dream, but as he immerses himself in its harsh realities, his dream fractures. This confrontation with reality not only takes place with cruel and power-hungry characters, but when Sam explores California’s dilapidated cities. 

An example of this discontent over California’s fabled cities is highlighted in this following scene when Sam encounters the grim reality of San Francisco for the first time:

“Think of Frisco as vintage” Max often explained, striding out of the pub on the last day they chatted in London. “Locals call it Frisco. You’ll like its skyscrapers. All of them glisten even if the city’s limping off a long-dead repute. And,” he smirked, “it stinks of urinated cheese.”

The bus took longer than expected after getting caught up in a tailback outside the Bay Area. After dark, it stopped by a metal fence in San Jose for one or two passengers to disembark. Oakland also had a rundown feel. There was a dimly lit supermarket at the end of a parking lot filled with scattered trollies. In one corner, an elderly man tried heaving open the store’s heavy doors. Sam noticed a huddle of hooded teenagers watching him, loitering under a liquor advert as they gazed at the poor man struggling hopelessly. But their attention was diverted to the bus driving past and they looked especially threatening as the whites of their eyes appeared to scan the passengers within. They swiftly evaporated into shadows along with the ruins of Oakland as Sam crossed the Bay Bridge toward the many lights rising from the final city of the West. Yerba Buena Island connected the bridge in two parts to hold up the headlights streaming towards San Francisco. There was a smaller island further away with a ruin barely perceptible on its mount. Behind its decaying stone, covered by walls of cloud, stretched the Golden Gate Bridge. The magnificent horizon dissipated to concrete as Sam stepped out the Megabus and sniffed a urinated stench over Townsend.

“Ergh” he grimaced as tangy urine filtered down his throat. “Argh…” and he coughed again. “Max was right.”

“That’s a Frisco welcome” a passenger laughed at his facial contortions, manically grinning as she carried a black guitar case. “Oh, and avoid that alleyway” she pointed down a labyrinth with drug dealers leaning on ensembles of bins.

San Francisco had far more people wandering its streets than Los Angeles. As he searched for his hostel, Sam counted hundreds of unkempt bodies staggering down paths opened-mouthed and muddled. He shuddered at one woman lying in a doorway like a corpse as she gripped a hole-ridden American flag. He saw syringes by her feet as her wrinkled face clattered its skull, following Sam’s movements and never rising to his eyes as she fixated her gaze onto the skyscrapers and a hologram dancing on top of the great glass tower. A man in rags howled as he hurtled through an alleyway before slipping and whacking his head on the ground, rolling in urine near piles of trash. A passing suit quickened his pace after seeing him fall. This smartly-dressed man seemed frightened and Sam noticed him clasping tight something in his pockets as more huddles emerged. Ascending over the shadows of this crumbling beauty, above gutters and scuttling puddles, skyscrapers soared into the night like tombstones stamping on all the life gasping beneath their ominous splendour. 

All was quiet in these submerged realms until suddenly, abruptly and with terrible screams, the nerve ends of a civilisation erupted in flashing glory, crowds and never-ending honks reflecting its misery and wealth down the glossy sheen panes at this epicentre of an empire spreading into all four corners of the human mind. The AMC IMAX glowed its blue hues across crowds sweeping over neon sidewalks serenaded by buskers, bums and thousands bombarding down avenues; a ceaseless mass jiving as they swung off roadsides and sung in the depths of their sobbing souls all the weeping jazz pummelled by these syringe strewn streets no longer even bothering to hide arms in flex trying to find veins on withered biceps. Down these swarming roads, long sharp needles whizzed brains at these ends of a final generation levitating intellects into diseased illuminations. Bums with burnt crack pipes smiled their few grimy teeth in heavenly ecstasy. Pedestrians stared down at these slouched heads of heroine happiness, seemingly nonplussed but unanimously disgusted.  

 

The secondary conflict involves Roberto Tárrega and the migrant caravan . This parallel narrative particularly focuses on Enrique Balam's family and the growing influence of Tárrega over some of its members. As Enrique’s family and other migrants’ journey northward, Tárrega’s mysterious presence stirs divisions. The conflict between Tárrega’s influence and Enrique Balam’s family mirrors the broader exploration of idealism and disillusionment in the novel. As Sam wrestles with the complexities of the American Dream in his own journey, Tárrega’s presence challenges Enrique and his family with profound troubles that complicates their path to America.

7.    Seventh Assignment (Setting)

At the heart of this story is a narration of travel. My writing attempts to capture the variation of the numerous settings where my novel takes place. I want the reader to travel along with the characters of this story. 

The setting takes place between two parallel story arcs. The first focuses on Sam Rockwell’s journey through California’s major cities and its northern wilderness. Los Angeles and San Francisco act as the backdrop for his initial journey. They are tumultuous concrete jungles of glistening skyscrapers and grinding poverty. Sun-kissed palm trees line the beaches of Venice and Santa Monica. Whilst its immediate vicinity is a desolate expanse of syringes and urban neglect, the tranquillity of Venice is ruptured at night for volcanic parties. The novel follows a group of travellers who journey towards a nightclub as Los Angeles is obliterated by fast cars, endless crime, sexual energy and narcotics. San Francisco contrasts this sexualised and celebrity energy with desolation. The city is filled with stenches of decay, crumbling avenues and broken souls. It symbolises the ruin of a great city which appears beautiful for afar, but morbidly ill at closer perspective. San Francisco embodies the decay of the American Dream. 

The other major setting for this first story arc takes place in the northern Californian wilderness and contrasts the brutality of civilisation. It is a world of mountains and forests teeming with secretive beasts. The woodsman who occupies this wild is part of its forests whilst the billionaire who seeks to bring the wilderness under his remorseless domain embodies civilisation and money. 

The second story arc takes place in Honduras, Guatemala and Mexico as it follows a migrant caravan towards the American border. It journeys through the lush jungles and slum cities of Central America, marching up great highways. Important scenes take place in colonial churches, on rivers guarded by military police and under the stars in deserts. The beauty of this natural world is contrasted to the chaos of America’s cities until the caravan finally reaches Tijuana at the American border. These scenes are always changing location, giving the reader a sense of immense wonder at the world, but also permanent unease at constantly new locations and the ceaseless movement of migrants across the unknown. 
 

[Emil Buchman]

Please find attached my draft of the first seven assignments.

Emil Buchman

Write_to_Pitch_7_Assgignments.docx

[Kate Kiefer Lee]

Hello! I look forward to meeting you all. Please see my responses below (upmarket women's fiction).

1. STORY STATEMENT

A former journalist investigates the death of her husband, a famous baseball player caught up in a steroid scandal, because she’s determined to correct the record on what happened the night he died.

2. ANTAGONIST

Mickey Shaw enters the story as a sympathetic character who helps Maggie after her husband Pete’s death, and later becomes a love interest. Maggie falls for him easily because he reminds her of Pete, and she is desperate to put her life back together. Their relationship becomes a source of tension as she questions whether Mickey was involved in her husband’s scandal and he discourages her from investigating the accident. 

When she discovers that he was driving the car that killed Pete, Mickey appears to be an evil villain who killed her husband, fled the scene, and then seduced her. As After his confession, it becomes clear that he is more of a moral antagonist who was driven by fear—he panicked and fled the scene because he was drunk, and then guilt—he checked on Maggie because he was genuinely worried about her, and eventually love—he didn’t intend to fall in love with Maggie and got out of his depth. The tension persists after the confession when Mickey turns himself in and goes to trial. The prosecution asks Maggie to make a victim impact statement, and even though she will never forgive Mickey, the decision is difficult for her.

3. BREAKOUT TITLE

My working title is Lot of Life Left. This is a phrase that appears a few times in the story: Early in the story, Mickey returns Pete’s baseball glove to Maggie and says it had a lot of life left. Later in the story, Maggie includes the line in Pete’s obituary that goes viral, and titles her memoir Lot of Life Left.

4. COMPS

Elin Hilderbrand The Five-Star Weekend: This book is also a women’s fiction drama in which a woman discovers her independence after the death of her husband. The fluid and accessible writing style is also similar. 

Catherine Newman We All Want Impossible Things: The story also explores a complicated marriage and a strong female friendship. It is a sad story with a hopeful ending, and the characters have a sense of humor amidst tragedy. 

5. HOOK/LOGLINE

When a former journalist investigates the death of her husband, a famous baseball player caught up in a steroid scandal, she’s pushed to the limit of how far she would go to make her family whole again.

6. INNER CONFLICT

Primary conflict: When Maggie’s baseball star husband dies in a single-car accident, the police believe it was a suicide due to his history with addiction and depression. Maggie is convinced he did not take his own life and determined to prove it. She can't move on with her life and pursue another romantic relationship until she finds out what really happened the night of the accident.

Secondary conflict: Maggie enters a relationship with the antagonist, Pete’s former trainer Mickey. She is conflicted about this relationship on a number of levels—he was her husband’s good friend, she doesn’t love him as much as she loved Pete, and she questions whether he was involved in the steroid scandal that ruined Pete’s career. Because he is scared she will find out what happened the night of the accident, he pulls away when she begins investigating it, which creates more tension. The tension continues to build until she discovers that Mickey was driving the car when Pete died. After that climax, the conflict continues when he turns himself in and she has to decide whether to make a victim impact statement on behalf of the prosecution. 

7. SETTING

The story is set in Atlanta, GA and moves between several locations:

Maggie and Pete’s home, an old Victorian house in the city that Maggie and Pete renovated after they were married. During the renovation, they had the exterior of the house painted a rich dark green called “Secret Garden,” and that became their new home’s nickname. In the opening scene: “Their six bedroom Victorian house—the dream house they had purchased and renovated the year before—had turned into a war room. Their long oak dining table was peppered with laptops, and PR people wearing earbuds paced around the house shouting about ‘exclusives’ and’“impressions’ and ‘influencer strategies.’” Maggie is in this house during a number of important moments, including when she finds out Pete died. She sees blue lights flashing through the windows and falls to the floor in the entryway, while her kids are sleeping upstairs. She can hear the whir of their white noise machines and picture the glow of the nightlights. 

Pete’s therapist Ethan’s office, and specifically the waiting room, where Maggie spends a lot of time. It is a small bungalow converted into an office with two therapy rooms in what used to be bedrooms. The waiting area looks like a picture from a magazine, the floor covered in vintage Turkish rugs, warm light coming from table lamps, and scented candles burning throughout the room. 

Pete’s rehab center, a facility called Brighter Days. It looks to Maggie like a five-star resort, with floor-to-ceiling windows showing off a beautiful garden and lake, a juice bar, a yoga studio, and everyone who works there wearing a yellow polo shirt with a little white outline of a sun rising over the pocket. The only part of the center Maggie doesn’t like is Pete’s room, a small square room with a twin bed and an ensuite bathroom he can barely turn around in. The walls are painted light gray, and there are stretched canvas prints on the wall that look like stock photos of peaceful scenes: generic mountain range, generic waterfall, generic beach. Maggie notices that the canvas prints aren’t framed as a safety precaution. 

[HDNelson]

Here are my "seven short assignments" answers for my Romantic Thiller.

1.     WRITE YOUR STORY STATEMENT: A death-defying fire forces Moira Vanderbilt to reboot her desolate life with Chase Wilder, while her gaslighting ex attempts both kidnapping and murder to claim a seat at the table of an international crime syndicate.

2.     SKETCH THE ANTAGONIST: Dean Jensen has long held a deep-seated belief in the antiquated rigid gender roles placing women subserviently at a man’s beck and call. The modern movement towards equality has only angered him more as women begin to infiltrate a job he holds as being distinctly masculine, and the need to hide his prehistoric mindset chafes at his desire to dominate. So much so that he’s willing to resort to blackmail via non-consensual recording of s*xual encounters to assert his will and secure his own career climb. When he learns of an organization that claims to want men in the seat of power, he’s all in to gain entrance into a literal boys’ club, and their assertion that dominance sometimes requires violence is right up his alley. Seeing this as his ticket to real power, Dean is willing to use his misogynistic values to con any woman into any situation to gain the power he craves, even if that means catfishing, gaslighting, kidnapping, or even murder.

3.     CREATE A BREAK-OUT TITLE:  

-  Red Flags (my current working title and a phrase the antagonist uses against the FMC)

-   Gaslight (the antagonist's personality, AND a nod to the arson that plays a nice ‘hidden character’ role) 

-   Consumed (hints at fire and a solid nod to the romance elements since the book has several open-door spicy scenes).

4.     LIST TWO COMPARABLES: 

-  Verity by Colleen Hoover – In the same psychological vibe as the antagonistic catatonic wife, my antagonist is running on the strings of a hidden larger villain, and there are just enough red herrings to have my FMC and her love interest MMC shadowboxing as they are strung along by the villainous wizard behind the curtain.

-  The Golden Couple by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen – The dual plot approach is what puts this thriller in the same mindset as mine. Red Flags has the plot of the FMC rebuilding her life, learning to trust and love again, and starting a life….then there is the plot where the villain isn’t the villain but is merely a puppet of a much larger entity that has ties to the FMC, her love interest MMC, the antagonist, and even the small town itself.

5.     WRITE A HOOK LINE: Rescued from a fire meant to kill her, a destitute Moira is forced to trust a man who wants to give her everything while running from a man who wants to take it all away, and all without realizing the two men are connected.

6.     MULTI-LEVEL CONFLICT

 - PROTAGONIST INNER CONFLICT: Moira’s foster-kid background drives her to be independent to a fault. Never trusting that she can depend on anyone other than herself, this belief is deepened by Dean Jensen’s deep-fake catfishing. 

 - PROTAGONIST SECONDARY CONFLICT: The Chase feels so protective of Moira that he proposes a marriage of convenience to offer protection and the resources she desperately needs. But the forced proximity and insta-family only adds to Moira’s struggle w/dependence, a flaw that puts her life at risk during one of the rising-climax scenes and causes strife between her and the Chase. 

7.     SET THE SCENE: The book is set in an idyllic small town in upstate NY with all the New England trappings one would expect (gilmore-esque town square, scenic drives with seasonal leaf colors, mountain foothills and lake properties, and an 'everyone knows everyone' vibe). The town is so small that the MMC, Chase Wilder, is one of three brothers who are each in a branch of the emergency services and who are well-known, well-loved, and well-reputed around town. This is a direct juxtaposition to orphaned FMC Moira, who is a stranger to town with no family, no friends, no job, and a potential stalker who means her harm.

[Jennifer Wiz]

Hi Writer Friends- so nice to meet you. Here are my 7:

Best, Jennifer

 

Answers to submit Pre assignment work.docx

[Jennifer Wiz]

[Lindsey]

Hello, I’m trying to decide which book I should focus on during the workshop/conference. Can you please let me know which one you think is stronger? 

BOOK #1: Here are my responses for my amateur sleuth mystery:

STORY STATEMENT

Wendy, a 22-year-old college student in Paris, must solve the mystery of the murdered woman in her building in order to bring clarity to her own mother’s murder and also to stop a killer who might be targeting her next. 

ANTAGONIST

Wendy’s father is an alcoholic living in Kansas. Wendy had been living with him until she decided to go to Paris for a year, her grandmother’s dying wish. Her father misses Wendy and wants her to come home, mostly to help him with the family business and to take care of the house, something that she’s been helping out with since she was a child and her mother died. He doesn’t like when Wendy talks back to him–it reminds him of her mother–and he will do whatever he can to get back control over the situation, and Wendy.

Matilde’s husband, the husband of the murdered woman, reminds Wendy of her own father. He likes to drink, is impulsive and angry, especially when he feels like he’s losing control. Wendy can see that he also has a daughter who reminds her of herself when she is young and Wendy is worried that if she can’t bring the father to justice, that the daughter will end up just like her: afraid, anxious, and loyal to a father who does not deserve it.

BREAKOUT TITLE

WENDY BRAVO: TO CATCH A KILLER
IN THE SHADOWS OF PARIS
THE ACCIDENTAL SPY IN PARIS

GENRE AND COMPS

Genre: Amateur sleuth mystery
THE MAID - socially awkward protagonist 
FINLAY DONOVAN IS KILLING IT - inventive protagonist with disguises, humor

HOOK/LOGLINE
Having lost her mother when she was a child, a young woman must learn to trust new friends in order to solve the mystery of the murdered woman in her Parisian apartment building. 

INNER CONFLICT

Wendy has social anxiety and has a hard time connecting with people around her, preferring to slip into her imagination and the films that she loves. She is torn between the loyalty–and fear–she feels towards her father and the unconditional love she feels for her mother, who died in her childhood from a car crash, or so she’s been told. When a woman who reminds her of her mother goes missing in her building, Wendy is compelled to find out what happened to her, even though she is afraid of the truth. 

Depending on newfound friends in Paris requires Wendy to go outside of her comfort zone and trust new people. She often slips into her fantasy world, and excuses, to avoid them, but eventually, she has to depend on them in order to stay out of trouble, solve the case, and stay alive.  

SETTING

Wendy is in Paris for a year of studies at the Sorbonne. Being a student, she is forced to do group projects with her classmates. She also takes French language classes that require her to interact with other older students, one of who becomes her lawyer later on. The setting for the story is the city of Paris–walking by the Seine, meeting with classmates in Jardin de Luxembourg, cafe rendezvous, going undercover to a chocolate shop, accidentally buying spy supplies in a sex shop, and a gala at the Musee D’Orsay. Another big part of the setting is the apartment building where Wendy lives and the woman goes missing. The building has strange things about it, for example the toilet is out in the hall, which forces Wendy to interact with neighbors. She’s also able to see into the apartment building across the street, which helps her to fulfill a spy mission given to her by one of her classmates. 
____________________________________________________

BOOK #2: Here are my responses for my domestic suspense thriller:

STORY STATEMENT

New bride Sienna, 26, must escape from her abusive husband on their honeymoon in Hawaii. 

ANTAGONIST

Oliver Blake is on his honeymoon in Hawaii with his wife Sienna. He likes her because she’s pretty, she’s smart, she makes him look good, and mostly, because she listens to him when he teaches her how to do things. It makes him feel good about himself, and important, which he certainly hasn’t always felt growing up, or recently, when he made a big mistake with Bitcoin investing, something that he hasn’t told Sienna about yet.

When Sienna talks back or questions him, it makes him feel uncontrollably angry and it makes him do things that he doesn’t understand–he doesn’t remember it, but he hurts her. On his honeymoon, he’s hoping to solve his Bitcoin debt problem while also keeping Sienna in line, shaping her into the kind of wife he wants her to be, or else, he just might have to replace her.

BREAKOUT TITLE

ON THE ROCKS
LIES IN PARADISE
GETAWAY
ESCAPE FOR TWO

GENRE AND COMPS

Genre: Domestic suspense thriller
THE WIFE BETWEEN US - dual-POV with a wife and a new potential partner
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS - nightmarish vacation with new spouse

HOOK/LOGLINE

A young woman on her honeymoon must figure out how to escape her abusive husband while staying alive and rebuilding her self-esteem. 

INNER CONFLICT

When Sienna is reunited with Oliver after she pushes him off the cliff, she feels compelled to go along with his scheme because she’s worried he will turn her into the police or that he will kill her. She also still has low self-esteem from their years of relationship that make her unsure if she is worthy of better treatment. Therefore, when Oliver returns and tells Sienna that she has to obey him, she does, worrying that she’ll lose her life, in one way or another, if she doesn’t.

Another issue is Sienna’s budding relationship with another man on the island that still makes her question if she’s worthy to be taken care of, especially considering her past relationship with Oliver and everything that has gone on between them. She’s being treated nicely now, but she doesn’t trust it. 

SETTING

This story takes place in Maui over the course of two weeks. There’s a dingy hotel where Oliver takes his new bride, to her disappointment. There’s also a fancy resort next door where they go to dine and hang out by the pool, attend a timeshare meeting, and go to a luau, before getting kicked out for not being residents of the resort. Later after Sienna pushes Oliver off a cliff, she goes back to the resort and meets Kai, a young man who works there and they quickly form a flirtationship. Other settings include the beach, the unrelenting waves of the ocean, the Garden of Eden, where Sienna pushes Oliver off a cliff, the town of Lahaina, and the Forbidden Island where it all comes to a head. The setting in the story is the paradise which is beautiful yet dangerous, and juxtaposes against the marriage which looks good from the outside, yet is rotten within. 
 

[J. Stewart Dixon]

11-11-24 

read em both- great stuff

 

 

[Heather Wolesky]

1. Story Statement

Kathleen Madison wants to bubble wrap her teenage children. After her husband Michael dies in a car accident, she must set her own grief aside as she alone parents her kids through their loss. When rumors of Michael’s infidelity surface, she must keep the story out of the press to protect her kids from scandal.  She must decide she is strong enough to live alone for the first time in her life.  But she must also learn that going it alone isn’t brave, and asking for help isn’t admitting defeat.  Finally, when a past love returns to her life, asking for a second chance, she must recover her self confidence and decide she is worthy of love and happiness.

2.  Antagonist

His own political career over, former Governor Mike Madison has hitched onto his son’s coattails and plans to ride them all the way to the White House.  But when his son Michael dies in a tragic accident, Mike sees his lifestyle slipping away.  Without his son in the U.S. Senate, he will lose access, and access is power.  His solution is to manipulate his grieving daughter-in-law. Convince her that his son was never faithful.  That the pregnant staffer who died in the accident was actually Michael’s lover, and that Michael planned to leave Kathleen and her children.

Mike tells Kathleen the only way to keep the press from running the story is to give them a better one: Kathleen running for Michael’s senate seat.

When Kathleen declines, prioritizing caring for her children, Mike sets into motion a course of events that bring pain and scrutiny on Kathleen and the children.  But when Mike’s lies are discovered, he loses his home, his money, and his marriage.

3.  Title ideas

EVERY DAY WITHOUT YOU

AFTERCARE

4. Comps

Evvie Blake Starts Over by Linda Holmes

The Last Love Note by Emma Grey

Everything After by Jill Santopolo

Slow Dance by Rainbow Rowell

5.  Logline

As she works through her grief after the death of her husband, a middle-aged mother must recover her self-confidence to believe she is worthy of a second chance at love and happiness.

6.  Conflicts

1) Kathleen’s first love, Ethan, broke up with her the same day she found out her mother was dying, twenty-five years ago. He was also her best friend, and her emotions over the loss of her mother are forever entwined with her feeling that Ethan abandoned her. It left her feeling unworthy. Until six months later, when she met Michael. Michael made her feel like she was enough. She was his entire universe.

When Michael—now a U.S. senator—dies, his father tells Kathleen that Michael was involved in multiple affairs and planned to leave her for another woman, with whom he was having a baby.

This causes an emotional regression for Kathleen. If Michael was never actually faithful, then her old assumption must be true: Kathleen is unworthy of love.

Kathleen desperately wants this rumor to be false—not only because it would devastate her children, but also because she wants to believe she is worthy of love—and capable of recognizing love when it’s real. She wants to believe she can be the center of someone else’s universe.

In the end, Kathleen finds a note from Michael that makes it clear his father has been lying. Kathleen finds the strength to confront her manipulative father-in-law, rather than cower and remain in the background of her life.

2) Ethan, Kathleen’s first love, returns to her life after Michael’s death, asking for a second chance. Kathleen doesn’t trust Ethan. Moreover, Ethan is famous now, and Kathleen worries that dating him would increase the chances her children are the focus of tabloid reporters.  Her primary concern is protecting her children, particularly from the press.

In the end, Kathleen learns that the breakup with Ethan, twenty-five years earlier, was based on a misunderstanding. He never intended to break up with her, he regrets that he wasn’t there for her when she lost her mom, and her feelings of abandonment and unworthiness were misplaced.

7.  Setting

Kathleen and her children live in the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri. They live in a residential neighborhood with estate lots, so they are acres away from their neighbors. Kathleen has embraced a quiet life in the shadows of her U.S. senator husband and has raised her children in the same community where she grew up.

Kathleen’s family lives nearby and is integral to her healing. Her father remarried after her mother died, and his second wife is a retired clinical social worker. She ultimately convinces Kathleen to seek therapy to help her deal with her grief.

Continuing to live in the home she shared with Michael is difficult for Kathleen. Especially after her daughter moves away to college. The house seems emptier with each change. And she sees Michael everywhere. But it is equally difficult to imagine living somewhere else.

The setting—the familiarity of her hometown and the proximity to her family—limits Kathleen at a point when she might consider moving away. At the end of the story, Kathleen’s dad makes sure she understands he would never want her to stay in Kansas City just for him, and he encourages her to prioritize her own happiness, even if that means pursuing a new life somewhere else.

Kathleen’s oldest child, Anna, moves away to college during the first half of the novel. She attends school at New York University, 1,000 miles away from Kathleen, but in the same city where Ethan lives. When Kathleen and her son, Will, visit Anna, they cross paths with Ethan. In fact, Anna and Will use Anna’s proximity (and Ethan’s kind offer to be an emergency contact in the city) to push Kathleen and Ethan together.

In the epilogue, we see that Will has moved to North Carolina for college and Kathleen has moved to New Jersey—near Anna, but not so close she is smothering her. She’s also near Ethan, but with enough space to be self sufficient before she commits to a life shared with someone else.

Kathleen’s life in Kansas City is not small, per se, but it isn’t bold in the way it could be. Her move to New Jersey shows her own journey to be closer to the spotlight.

 

[Donna E]

I have to say these exercises in developing the important aspects of our manuscripts has been eye opening--and so very helpful!

[Dante Tropea]

Story Statement

 

By the spring of 1960, Hank has become the Good American he was raised to be and chose to be.  But day by day, year by year, the city he covers as a journalist for the Pittsburgh Press is challenging his perspective of what it means to be both good and an American.  Ollie, a woman bartender he meets in a gritty part of the changing city causes his conflicting understanding of who he is in the world around him to take on an urgency in his thoughts and his actions.  While he was growing up among the elite of Pittsburgh steel, she was struggling with her family for food in a Latvian ghetto and eventually fighting for survival in a concentration camp. 

Young and self-willed, but with very different pasts, they share a pride in being part of an American steelmaking city, while also a false hope her crumbling urban neighborhood in the city is their protective space.  Foremost, they sometimes share, sometimes battle against a love for one another that alters them to the core of their identity, transforming what brings their lives happiness and purpose.

 

 

The Antagonist

 

Olga “Ollie” Salesman sets all the rigging and lets out all her own sail, and anyone who wants to sail beside her must steer a course she sets, even if she obliges them with small tilts of the direction along the way.  She grew up in the oppression of a ghetto and then a concentration camp prior to being brought to 1950’s America.  Her wounds are her memory of human cruelty and her own wantonness for food for years combined with her shock of materialism that creates in her a puritan distain for most of the people around her. 

Life is the gratification of the senses by sex and flavorful comfort food that is pleasing to taste and to her stomach.  Sex is a pleasure to her skin and an act of conquest carried out with mutual fun and a level of kindness, but she aims for little more.  Yet, she is not perfect in her aims.  She continues to find in her an emotional empathy getting in the way, causing unexpected turns of course to those who are drawn in by her allure and free-spirited personality.  Her character is powerful but not predictable, and therefore is at times destructive. 

 

 

Title

 

THE LION’S FEAST

CITY OF STEEL AND DUST

THE NEWSMAN

 

 

Genre & Comparable

 

Historic Fiction

Taylor Jenkins Reid’s novels share a relationship focused narrative involving characters in sexual relationships that are forced to deal with unfaithfulness in themselves and in those they love.  These tensions are central to Maybe in Another Life, and After I do.  Like Hank, the protagonists in these novels are seeking to be trustworthy and kind, but still acting in ways that are at times very hurtful to those closest to them.  Reid’s Daisy Jones and the Six has a historical setting at its beginning similar to The Lion’s Feast in both time and space as well as the tension of unfaithful love among the main characters, even though the frame is substantially different.

Philip Roth’s novel Indignation and The Lion’s Feast share both a similar time period in American history and a strong and wounded antagonist that drives much of the action and internal strife in the main character.  The novels portray a protected but fearful America and a broader, more dangerous America beyond.  Also like many of Roth’s novels, sex is one of the central actions driving the two main relationships in The Lion’s Feast.  Though not often fleshed out in detail in the novel, nothing makes any sense without its importance to both the protagonist and the antagonist.

If one wanted to line up novels on their shelf by time period in American history, and had all three of these books, they would put Indignation on their left, The Lion’s Feast in the middle, and Daisy Jones and the Six on their right.  Together they show the ending of an outwardly clean-cut and conformed America in the 1950’s through to the much more shaggy and outwardly chaotic and sometimes “lost” America of the 1970’s, with The Lion’s Feast covering the early 1960’s.  Regardless of these rapid social changes, the struggles and pleasures of the characters’ intimate relationships share a similarity in all three.  These novels all deal broadly with the internal strife human relationships cause us, and the cost verses reward of commitment and pleasure.  More comparatively, they deal with unfaithfulness and the impact of deep-set hurts caused by others prior to the relationships central to the novels within connective American times and places.

 

 

Logline

 

Their love story begins as the age of Industrial America is ending.  In a city made by steel and coal, a Holocaust survivor and a Sottish “blueblood” of the Pittsburgh elite sometimes share and sometimes battle with all their might against an awaking of who they are and what they want out of life.

 

 

Conflict: Primary & Secondary

 

Henry Wood’s conflicting love for Ollie and Anna drive the narrative forward, from the phone call in 2016 that begins the frame of the novel, to the closing moments on the final page.  He strives to reconcile himself, resign himself, and reinspire himself at different times in the novel to these two women he cherishes in very different ways.  His conflict is foremost internal, in his discovery of what kind of man he is or what kind of man he should be, how to respond to these two women who are eager for his time, what kindness is, and what integrity a man can have while lying straight-faced to his wife he claims to respect and believes he loves.  He is conflicted by the pleasure he finds, and the lack of guilt or destruction his actions cause him.  He is in conflict over what life is supposed to be about. 

Wood is in conflict with a city still segregated by race and class.  He is in conflict with a government that continues to demand more and more of him for the cause of fighting communism.  He is in conflict with a police department that often acts under the principle: the end justifies the means.  He is in conflict with his boss over the political slant of the paper.  His is even in conflict with the paper he works for over the way he wears his hair.  Henry Wood’s smooth words, natural smile, and White, upper-crust background have gained for him his ability to be in conflict with nearly his entire world, but still accepted by it.  He is among those who have a disproportionate share of the city’s wealth and position, but he wants more.  He wants to build upon his successes and expand his life’s greatest pleasures.  All his conflicts stem from these two burning and active passions within him.  His conflicts are evidences of his desire in action, and he is very much a man of action in the early 1960’s.

 

 

Setting

 

The setting is a gritty, sooty industrial city: humid in the summer heat of the Ohio Valley, coal dust covered snow and slush in winter, often overcast from the moisture off Lake Erie in the spring and autumn.  It is a cityscape of steel, brick, and stone, and also of blooming spring flowers and lush green parks shaded by old deciduous trees.  The hum of steel making and coke burning, the orange glow of the forges, the rumbling of the carts on the old brick streets amid the fabrication shops, the forceful chugging of the loaded trains pulling out of the mills are some of the distinct features of the city that have provided the steel for the United States of America to win the Second World War.  A population of Southern Blacks, Eastern Europeans, and well-established Scottish American families dwell in the valley of the three rivers and on the heights.  The setting is the press and information gathering and writing focused newsroom in this industrial city.  It is the out-of-town outdoor park where class and race mix, the street parties in the ethnically and racially segregated urban neighborhoods under lights strung on brick streets between brick flats.  It is the scene of a murder in a dim lit parking lot and back hall.  It is the manicured lawns and shrubs in the neighborhoods on the heights that look over it all.  It is the crumbling old neighborhood juke joint where music is played to be danced to, and the sweaty dancers dance to feel release, to feel free from all the city inflicts them with while giving them also what they want—or not.

[Bri LeClerc]

Write to Pitch Seven Assignments:

Hi! Below please find my responses for my upmarket women’s fiction novel - The Emerald Cut. Thank you so much! - Bri LeClerc

 

1. STORY STATEMENT:

Find the missing ten-carat diamond ring in Vermont before the family funeral, and discover one's self along the way. 

 

2. ANTAGONIST:

Frances Pine is the story's antagonist - she is the reason the diamond ring is missing. She is Bennett (Ben) Walsh’s ex-girlfriend from college. Ben is Susie Scottsmen’s brother (our protagonist). When we first meet Frances, five years in the past, she is strong-willed and independent. She looks like Wednesday Adams or Aubrey Plaza with shoulder-length black hair and a resting bitch face. When she arrives at Lansone College for her sophomore spring semester, she is guarded and only focused on her art. We learn that she doesn’t have any intention of making new friends after falling victim to a mean-girl prank at her last school. But a few weeks into the semester, she meets Ben and the two quickly fall in love. She lets her guard down, makes friends, and becomes popular - only to have it all ripped away during the last few weeks of junior year - reminding her why she should have never let anyone close into her life. 

Back in the present: Frances, Susie, and Ben must all confront their biggest mistakes as they reunite in Vermont before the Walsch family funeral. We learn that Frances suffered much more during those final weeks at school (and in the five years since) than anyone could have guessed. Through the story’s twists and turns, we see that the guilt Frances has carried from her mistakes has forced her to carve out a life away from everyone she has ever loved. And really, the only thing she has ever wanted is Ben.

 

3. TITLE OPTIONS:

The Emerald Cut

The Missing Stone

The Lost Diamond

Lost Love

 

4. COMPARABLE TITLES:

Every Summer After by Carley Fortune. This novel is a contemporary romance that follows the story of Percy and Sam, two adolescents who spend their summers growing up at the same lake together - fall in love - and then break-up, forcing them not to speak for years until they meet back at the lake for Sam’s mother’s funeral. The story is similar to Ben and Frances’ story - told in the style of rotating chapters from past to present - it shares the suspense of meeting again after years of being apart and the details of how and why the couple fall in and out of love. The story’s call to action is also similar as both books begin with the news of a death and how, in the days leading up to the funeral, the character’s deepest secrets must finally be revealed. 

 

One Italian Summer, by Rebecca Serle is an upmarket women’s fiction novel that reminded me of Susie, my protagonist's story. In One Italian Summer, a young woman is at her mother’s funeral and is completely lost in life, unsure what to do next. The protagonist must go to Italy in order to find herself, and along the way she meets her mother - thirty years in the past. This story’s tone is written in a similar style to mine and I liked how the protagonist must go on a “hero’s journey” of her own. Susie must also embark on a journey as she leaves her children to travel with her brother to Vermont in search of answers - not only about their grandmother's ring - but how to forgive herself for the mistake that has been haunting her for months. She must learn who she is, and who she wants to become as a mother. 

 

5. HOOK LINE: 

A young postpartum mother who blames herself for an accident involving her baby must travel to Vermont with her brother one summer weekend in search of their grandmother’s missing ten carat diamond ring - and the ex-girlfriend who last had it - before the family funeral in coastal Massachusetts. 

 

6. THE INNER CONFLICT OF THE PROTAGONIST: 

Susie finds herself completely lost as a new mother. She has been home with her children for three years since her daughter’s birth - shocking herself and everyone around her for abandoning a business her grandmother started in interior decorating. She is stuck between returning to work and staying home with the kids as her husband reveals a work opportunity for them to relocate to Boston. She has always been a perfectionist and people pleaser so she feels judged and alone in her choice to leave a career that so many people identified her with. She’s been suffering from postpartum anxiety - seeing things move at night, having nightmares about her children dying - and then her one-year old son is in an accident that completely traumatizes her. When we meet Susie, she is three months post-accident and can’t seem to heal from the pain (her son is fine, she is not). This is why, when Ben asks her to come with him to try to find Frances and the ring - she must go. Below is a clip of a moment she becomes triggered in the book by her inner conflict:

_______________

And finally I returned to work two days a week, only to find out a month later that I was pregnant again. And I found myself alone during an especially cold winter. When Harry was born that spring he was colic. He screamed all day. I felt sad for Vivi now that she had to share my love. We couldn’t put Harry down. He had a tongue-tie so he couldn’t breastfeed. I spent five months connected to a machine in the wall as it pumped out my milk. I have been up in the middle of the night every night for a full year. And I’ve become angry. And now, I yell at my kids when I’m feeling trapped - unsure what decision I should make. When I don’t have a minute to myself during the day but have no one to help me because I have chosen to stop working. I haven’t decided if I should return to work. I don’t know what to do. Or who I am. I love my children more than anything on the planet. I’m supposed to be the perfect mother. I’m supposed to be the one that makes them feel safe. That protects them. And then I failed at doing that. To my Harry, of all people. My precious Harry. 

My son almost died under my watch. When I was distracted - I was emailing Iris of all people. 

“Susie, what’s wrong?”  Thomas’ voice is somewhere distant as I go back up the stairs - I can't answer because I am crying too hard and walk into my bathroom where I immediately fall down to the floor. I wrap my arms around my knees and I sob into my legs. I rock back and forth crying so hard I don’t think I will ever stop. I am in so much pain I don’t think I will ever feel okay. I am not okay. I can’t catch my breath. I don’t trust myself as a mother. I don’t trust myself as a wife. I don’t trust myself as a daughter. I don’t know who I am and I have no idea how to find her. 

I’m not sure how much time passes. I think that Thomas enters the room and then leaves with the kids. Finally, I open my eyes, feeling so ashamed. 

“Honey?” Thomas’s voice almost whispers. I can feel his face close to mine and he touches my arm.  

“Susie? What happened?”

“I don’t know,” I sob. “I’m so fucking depressed.” It’s the only way I can explain this. Heaving sobs release from my chest as I continue to bury my face into my hands. “I’m just so sad all the time. I can feel myself getting worse by the hour.” My husband bends down and suddenly is carrying me as though he is rescuing me from a fire. Like a baby in his arms. I lean into his chest and melt into him as he carries me out of the bathroom and to our bed. I stare out the window and silently continue to cry into the pillow. 

Eventually I stand up, looking around the house for the only person who can help me right now. The person who needs my help in return. I find Ben sitting in the backyard on his laptop. When he sees me he stands up, as if unsure whether I need a hug or a pat on the shoulder. I can see his awkward stance as he hesitates.

“Thomas said you’re having a bad day,” he says. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

“Yes,” I tell him, stepping down the patio steps I feel myself double exhale -  the way Harry does after he’s been crying for me. “Give me twenty minutes to pack a bag,” I say.

 “I’m coming with you.”

 

Next, is a secondary conflict between Susie and her old boss, Iris: 

 

“Hey you,” she says. “How are you holding up?” I can picture her in the store at this very moment, only a few miles down the road. I can smell her perfume. The furniture smells like Iris. The telephones, even the toilet paper smell of roses and artificial sugar. “I’m doing pretty good!” I lie, trying my very hardest to smile through the phone.  

“Good, I’m so glad,” she says. “The service is Monday?” She asks. 

“Yes, but it’s in Fishport now, so please don’t worry about going.” I say, almost hoping she will tell me that it is too far of a drive. 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, sweetheart.” 

I walk over to Vivi’s crib and pick her up, placing her on her hip as though she is six months old and not three and a half. 

“You know, while I have you. I need to tell you something,” she says and I can feel my chest already tighten. I stare out the window and watch a squirrel in a tree outside. I’ve been meaning to tell Thomas that we should cut it down. If it fell on the house it would fall right into Vivi’s room. 

“So you know, James Gross?”

Of course I know James Gross. He was my best customer. He’s a TV producer for ESPN. He commissioned me to design every room of his 5,000 sq foot home in town. I spent most of the year I was pregnant with Vivi working on that one project. The local magazines featured his home on the cover of their Spring issue. Iris and I were interviewed. I was so proud of myself.

“Yeah,” I say. 

“So, they’re buying a beach house in East Hampton. They’re going to gut the place first. The construction should start by Labor Day, or so he says. And anyway, they’d need to start getting the interior design plans around the same time. He asked me to see if you would be the one to do it.”

I don’t know what to say. I open my mouth and close it. I think that I’m sweating. And that my face is burning. Four years ago this would have been a dream project. Taking day trips out to the Hamptons. Spending hours making the perfect proposal. I loved working on one big project instead of a handful of smaller ones. Could I handle something like this if I went into the office two or three days a week? Could it be a sort-of freelance job? But my chest is pounding. There’s something inside of me that is ripping me apart. I look at Vivi. I think of the way she snuggled into bed with me last night before I tucked her into bed. How her body folds into mine so that we fit together like a puzzle. How I just yelled at her - and how that must have affected her. I think of Harry and how lays his head on my chest when I rock him to sleep. I don’t know what to say. 

“Wow. So - when does he need an answer?”

“Well, we’re going to start working on it right away. It’s already the Fourth next week. With everyone’s crazy summer travel and wedding schedules, that leaves us half the amount of time for actual working days. I know I told you to take the summer to think - but he’s calling me Wednesday morning to discuss next steps. Can we talk on Monday about it?” 

Just then, Harry begins to cry in his nursery. 

“Yes - of course,” I say. “Iris, I’m so sorry but Harry just woke from a nap. We’ll talk Monday, okay? Promise. Thanks so much for calling.”As I hang up, the entire room suddenly becomes blurry and I realize that I am shaking. I think if I remain here, I may faint. I’m seeing black spots and losing control and I don’t know what to do. I stand, still holding Vivi, and hold my breath, afraid that I may collapse and drop her.

I walk down the steps to the basement. Thomas is in a meeting when I walk in front of the zoom screen and place Vivi beside him before turning around and walking up the stairs. 

 

7. SETTING:

Because the story is told between past and present, between Susie and Frances’ perspectives, there are two major settings in the book (with a few additional scenes in Susie’s town in New Jersey, early scenes at Lansone College where Ben and Frances meet and fall in love, and a few quick scenes or mentions of New York City and Florence, Italy). 

Easton, Vermont is Frances’ hometown and the place where Ben, Susie, and Frances come together in the present for two days before the family funeral in Massachusetts. Easton is a quintessential New England village located in Southern Vermont. The homes are all historic with matching white clapboard siding and dark green louvered shutters. The little village is located around a small town green with an old general store, Betsy’s Market, and a historic Inn, The Easton Inn. Besty, an old hippie turned chef, runs the market with Westie, Casey Jones, where locals and tourists can pick-up gourmet sandwiches, warm baked goods, groceries and organic wines. The Easton Inn is a beautifully restored Inn that has been in operation since the late 1700’s. Its front porch is covered in local quarried marble, hanging flower baskets, and a large wooden mahogany front door. Inside is an old tavern with Scottish-style wallpaper and a two-hundred-year-old working fireplace. It feels like traveling back in time upon arriving. There are open meadows, grazing horses, picket fences, and small local businesses advertising the Sunday farmer’s market. 

The Pine’s residence (Frances’ parents home) is a restored eyebrow colonial with a modern addition made of Costwolds-style stone and large modern glass windows. The property sits on forty-eight acres of rolling hills with a bubbling stream that snakes through the property and neighboring horse farms. The Pines are famous architects with their most noted project being their own. In addition to the beautiful house, the backyard has a stained dark blue swimming pool, pea-stone patios with raised garden beds, and a renovated modern barn that is used as a guest cottage. 

Fishport, Massachusetts - A place visited in past and present - it is the home of Susie and Ben’s late grandmother, Gretchen, and the location of the family funeral. Fishport is a small fishing village located about an hour North of Boston on the rocky coastline. Gretchen’s home is a large three-story oceanfront beach house with faded cedar shingles and Provence-blue shutters. In town, just along the bay, near the tennis and sailing club, is a restaurant where the college kids go in the summer, Phoebes. Fishport holds cherished memories for Ben and Susie as they spent their childhood summers growing up alongside their grandmother whose death has jolted them both into a wakened state. It also carries many memories for Ben as it's where he brought Frances the summer they were together in college. And it's where the final scenes of the book take place. 

 

 

[J. Stewart Dixon]

11-20-24 Update

Hello,

Here's a safe google doc link to the book proposal and first fifty pages of Go Bleep Your Self-Help.  I’ve been making improvements to it daily, based on the homework and reading assignments here.    Thanks! – J.

 

Title: Go Bleep Your Self-Help – A Little Book to Remind You That You’re Already (Mostly) Perfect

Genre: Narrative Non-Fiction / Irreverent Self-Help / Body, Mind, Spirit

#1 THE STORY STATEMENT and BOOK PITCH

Multiple unaddressed childhood traumas have led the reader to a life of anxiety, depression, addiction, and unhappiness. The reader has tried and failed, over and over again, to address these issues with conventional therapy, pharmaceuticals, and popular self-help. Now, at rock bottom and willing to risk everything, the shadowy doppelganger of the reader, the You character in the book, reluctantly joins the charming and devious doppelganger of author J. Stewart Dixon on a high-stakes, calamitous, cross-country adventure, where four distinct, wise, healing, avant-garde teachers are encountered: an artsy neuroscientist, a rebellious college student, a burned-out army nurse, and a sage but dangerous tour boat captain. Each teacher challenges you with a unique set of inner and outer adventures, experiences, and exercises, all of which help you overcome your core traumatic wounds and rediscover your most authentic, happiest self again. A prequel to author J. Stewart’s Dixon’s multi-award winning, 2000 reviewed, Amazon best-selling book series Spirituality for Badasses, Go Bleep Your Self-Help delivers light-hearted, counterintuitive, soul-soothing, anti-advice that’s easy to read and hard to forget.  There’s a reason why author J. Stewart Dixon has thousands of reviews, fans, and a pile of book awards. You’re about to find out for yourself…

#2 THE ANTAGONIST FORCE

The primary antagonistic force throughout Go Bleep Your Self-Help is fear itself, represented by a formless, ambiguous entity known by the You character (in dreams, anxiety attacks, and visions) as the “ice shadow.” The ice shadow prevents, avoids, denies, and distracts you from meeting your deepest childhood traumas. The ice shadow prevents, avoids, denies, and distracts you from releasing your story and identity as a depressed, addicted, wounded, unloved, and unworthy person. The ice shadow prevents, avoids, denies, and distracts you from realizing your deepest, aware self. In the end, you meet the ice shadow, and its true nature is revealed. The ice shadow is only defeated when you come to one very paradoxical, sobering, mindful, and self-aware realization:  The ice shadow is both the very thing preventing you and the very thing inviting you– to grow, heal, and change. Traditional, dualistic, Cartesian models of dealing with the ice shadow – like talk therapy, pharmaceuticals, or self-help –never stood a chance. The ice shadow is a manifestation of our deepest, darkest fears masked over and hidden by…ego.

#3 BREAKOUT TITLE

Go Bleep Your Self-Help – A Little Book to Remind You That You’re Already (Mostly) Perfect

#4 GENRE AND COMPARABLES

Revised  / Updated 11-12-24

Genre:  Narrative Non-Fiction / Irreverent Self-Help / Body, Mind, Spirit

Comparable Non-Fiction Books Last 5 Years:

Spirituality for Badasses:

How to Find Inner Peace and Happiness Without Losing Your Cool, Book 1, 2 & The Workbook

2021, 2022, 2023 / J. Stewart Dixon / PIE Publishing

·         Nearly 50,000 copies sold

·         Winner of 7 Indie Book Awards

·         1760 Amazon & 290 Goodreads reviews

·         My self-published book series, Spirituality for Badasses, was written using the same style and format that will be used in Go Bleep Your Self-Help.

 

How to do the Work:

Recognize Your Patterns, Heal From Your Past and Create Your Self

2021 / Nicole LePera / Harper

·         1 Million + copies sold

·         15,446 Amazon reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

The Mountain is You:

Transforming Self-Sabotage Into Self-Mastery

2020 / Brianna Wiest / Thought Catalog Books 

·         3 Million + copies sold

·         20,036 Amazon reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

Atomic Habits:

An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

2018 / James Clear / Avery-Penguin Random House

·         20 Million + copies sold

·         134,301 Amazon reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help is the humorous, self-aware, anti-venom to books similar to this one, which promote positivity, discipline, habit creation, motivation, laws, self-control and effort.  Such books are helpful to a few, but forgettable to most.

 

Toxic Positivity:

Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy

2024 / Whitney Goodman / Penguin Random House

·         346 Amazon and 4,181 Goodreads reviews 

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

Comparable Irreverent Self-Help Books Last 10 Years:

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck:

A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

2016 / Mark Manson / HarperOne

·         10 Million + copies sold

·         148,361 Amazon reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck: How to Stop Spending Time You Don't Have with People You Don't Like Doing Things You Don't Want to Do

2015 / Sarah Knight / Hatchette Book Group

·         3 Million + copies sold

·         7,771 Amazon and 38,997 Goodreads reviews

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

You Are a Badass:

How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

2013 / Jen Sincero / Hatchette Book Group

·         5 Million + copies sold

·         46,720 Amazon and 264,401 Goodreads reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

Unf*ck Yourself:

Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

2017 / Gary John Bishop / HarperOne

·         2 Million + copies sold

·         26,508 Amazon and 75,143 Goodreads reviews

·         #1 NYT Bestseller

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

Let That Sh*t Go:

Find Peace of Mind and Happiness in Your Everyday

2018 / Nina Purewal, Kate Petriw / Harper Collins

·         810 Amazon and 2224 Goodreads reviews

·         Go Bleep Your Self-Help addresses similar topics but utilizes a combination of irreverent, humorous, narrative fiction story-telling and narrative nonfiction guidance instead.

 

#5 THE HOOK- CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT

Multiple unaddressed childhood traumas have led the reader to a life of anxiety, depression, addiction, and unhappiness. The reader has tried and failed, over and over again, to address these issues with conventional therapy, pharmaceuticals, and popular self-help. Now, the shadowy doppelganger of the reader, the You character in the book, must embark upon a dubious, risky adventure to find true healing and happiness.

 

#6 PRIMARY AND SECONDARY CONFLICTS

Primary Internal Conflict of Main You Character:

The main You character has experienced four traumatic events that have dictated his/her life, mental health, and destiny:

1. Age 21: Incarceration and rehabilitation for two years in a penitentiary for heroin use, possession, and intent to distribute.

2. Age 19:  Joined the US Army and then quickly kicked out for mental health issues, followed by a year of heroin abuse.

3. Age 15: Experienced and survived a school mass shooting where only brother was killed.

4. Age 7: Witnessed a violent fight between parents, which ended with hospitalization from hypothermia.

Story-Plot-Narrative Scenario:

Each of the above traumatic incidents serves as a triggering mechanism for the main You character throughout the narrative plot. Each of the four secondary characters (Neuroscientist, College Student, Army Nurse, Boat Captain) provides challenges, tension, lessons and resolutions as the You character does the difficult work of revealing, meeting and healing these core wounds. 

One example:  

The You character meets Dr. David Vanderhoff, a neuroscientist/artist from Panama City, Florida, who volunteers his time helping incarcerated drug addicts at a nearby jail. He invites the You character and J. Stewart to attend a class. You attend, and the painful years of your own incarceration and addiction are triggered. You reluctantly begin to view these past experiences in a new light.

Secondary Internal Conflict of Main You Character:

1. Inner turmoil, doubt, and trust issues with the author-guide character J. Stewart Dixon.

2. Conflict with his language, methodology, values, approach, and style.

3. Conflict with sketchy and dangerous situations he places you in.

       4. Conflict with his mission: to get you to meet your deepest fears.

Story-Plot-Narrative Scenario:

J. Stewart Dixon, the iconoclastic, irreverent, wise, author-guide character in Go Bleep Your Self Help, is a hard pill for the main You character to swallow. J. Stewart serves as a mentor, best friend, Zen master, and drill sergeant- all rolled into one. He is an unrepentant master of the art of tough love. The You character resists, confronts, challenges, and bemoans J. Stewart every step of the way…until the end of course, when you have the epiphany that everything this wild, Zen-clown just put you through was for your ultimate healing and benefit.

One example:

J. Stewart introduces you to Seo-Yeon Lee, a Korean-American ex-army nurse who lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. She provides arduous, two-day, emotional-psychological reset treks for burned-out medical professionals to the top of nearby Ha Ling Mountain. You reluctantly join J. on one such expedition, which turns out to be more dangerous than anticipated. The experience pisses you off and triggers a deflating and humiliating experience you had while in the army. You live through it, are challenged to reflect deeply, and ultimately, are grateful.

 

#7 LOCATION SETTINGS

Go Bleep Your Self Help has four major parts with four primary location settings. They are as follows:

Part One:

The Neuroscientist and the Edge of the Known Universe

Panama City, Florida:

·         Beach home of Dr. David Vanderhoff, a neuroscientist/artist/documentary film-maker

Tallassee, Florida:

Dr. Vanderhoff’s work locations:

·         The Tallahassee Federal Detention Center

·         Tallahassee Memorial HealthCare Hospital, Department of Neuroscience

·         The Challenger Learning Center (NASA) and IMAX Theater

The two central Florida locations symbolize the two-sided paradox at the heart of Go Bleep Your Self Help. On the one hand, the work locations of Dr. Vanderhoff in Tallahassee, Florida, serve as hard neuroscientific evidence for the book’s main thesis – that an immense, positive reservoir of mental health healing is available through mindfulness, meditation, self-awareness, and knowing thyself. On the other hand, Dr. Vanderhoff’s beautiful, artsy beachfront home in Panama City symbolizes the inherent beauty and mystery contained within mindfulness, meditation, self-awareness, and knowing thyself. These locations set the tone for the rest of the adventure.

 

Part Two:

The Iconoclast and The Flight of the New Shephard

The University of Texas- Austin:

•              Home of  Marseille (Mars) David a highly intelligent, lonely, slightly depressed, and strangely lucky student who refuses to pay or register for class.

The Guadalupe Mountains, West Texas:

•              Home of Blue Origin Space Flights, Launch Site One and the Astronaut Village

The two Texas locations support the same inherent paradox found in mindfulness, meditation, self-awareness, and knowing thyself. The University of Austin represents conventional learning, dry academic training, and heartless healing (talk therapy, pharmaceuticals, and traditional self-help). The Blue Origin Space Flight Center in the Guadalupe Mountains (on which Marseille has won a free flight for two) represents the synchronistic good fortune of thinking outside the box and embracing life authentically in the moment.

Part Three:

The Nurse and the Expedition to the Top of Ha Ling Mountain

Calgary, Alberta, Canada:

·         Home of Seo-Yeon Lee, a Korean-American ex-army nurse.

·         Location of The Canadian Mindfulness Research Center

Ha Ling Mountain Peak- One hour outside of Calgary

·         Hiking expedition destination where a snowstorm engulfs all involved and creates a setting ripe for tension, challenge, and learning.

The Calgary, Canada locations serve as a caldron for the main character's internal conflicts. The Canadian Mindfulness Research Center is a softball arena where the main character is prepped for the challenge to come. The Ha Ling Mountain Peak is the heart of the challenge. Things go very wrong, and hard lessons are learned.

 

Part Four:

The Captain and the Calamity at Orcas Island

Seattle, Washington:

·         Home of Sail Boat, Tour Captain, Issac Hjelmsgaard

·         Bell Harbor Marina on the Puget Sound, his workplace location

Orca Island, Straight of Georgia- Four hours from Seattle

·         Sailboat destination where a storm capsizes the boat and all struggle to survive

The Seattle, Washington, locations serve as the final heated caldron for the deepest, darkest internal conflict of the main You character. The captain’s rough and grimy workplace serves as an unconventional location where the main You character is confronted with the most brutal truths about mindful, self-aware, and know thyself healing. The Orcas Island location is a "Jonah and the Whale" final test for the You character, where the deepest core wound is met and healed.

[Nkechi-KayShe]

Hi everyone I am Nkechi (Kay-She) grateful to be in this space!

1. Story Statement: In a world that questions her place and challenges her worth, Fay Bankole must navigate professional hurdles, confront buried family secrets, and rediscover her identity to gain true freedom and find her voice.

2. Antagonist: Dolly Davis, the Dietetic Director, presents a polished image of professional accomplishment. A veteran in the nutrition field, she has dedicated over two decades to establishing herself as a formidable leader. With a sharp eye for detail and a history rooted in hospital administration, she commands authority in the  predominantly White profession (dietetics) and prides herself on maintaining an impeccable reputation. 

Dolly approaches her role with exacting standards and expects her interns to reflect her own rigorous work ethic, but she singles out Fay, the only Black (bi-racial) intern, for subtle and overt undermining. Though polite on the surface, Dolly's actions betray a desire to break those who might challenge or tarnish her world. Her resentment toward Fay intensifies as the internship progresses.

3. Breakout Titles:  "Dear Dolly, No Thanks.", "Sugar, Spice, and Everything Semi-Nice", "Seasoned Truths"

4. Two Comparable Novels: 

"Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine" by Gail Honeyman

Similarity: Eleanor Oliphant is a socially awkward woman who leads a solitary life and learns to confront her traumatic past. It blends humor with deeper emotional layers, exploring themes of self-discovery, identity, and personal transformation—much like Fay's own growth journey in your novel.

Why it fits: Eleanor's personal growth, handling past trauma, and the realization that her identity is more complex than she thought mirrors Fay’s own journey in an accessible and emotionally resonant way.

"Such a Fun a Age" by Kiley Reid

Similarity: This novel captures the story of Emira Tucker, a 25-year-old Black woman who is babysitting for a wealthy White family and is accused of kidnapping their child. The narrative explores themes of racial dynamics and societal expectations, while navigating the awkward space between personal and professional lives. It delves into Emira’s struggles with with identity and external perceptions.

Like Fay, the protagonist is balancing societal expectations, subtle power dynamics, and the need to figure out their own place in the world. Both stories explore heavy themes like race and identity. Such a Fun Age does so with a satirical edge and moments of humor that lighten the tone. This book will use humor. 

5. Hook Line: "A young woman, caught between her adopted Nigerian family’s secrets and the intense pressure of a demanding dietetic career, struggles to find her identity while navigating a complicated relationship with her boss, a coworker, and the unraveling truth of her past. As her career and personal life collide, Fay must confront the betrayals that threaten to destroy her sense of self."

6. Inner Conflict:  

Fay’s inner conflict is rooted in her search for identity and self-worth, driven by her complex feelings of not fully belonging in any one space—whether it’s her career, her adoptive family, or her relationships. 

Primary Conflict: Workplace Dynamics with Dolly and Her Husband Marc

Fay’s primary external conflict stems from her complicated and increasingly tense relationship with Dolly, the director of the dietetics program, and Dolly's growing jealousy over Fay's friendship with her husband, Marc, a nurse at the hospital. From the beginning, Dolly has shown a clear distaste for Fay, often dismissing her and making her feel isolated in a program that’s already emotionally challenging. Fay, who struggles to make connections, finds solace in her friendship with Marc, who is friendly, approachable, and caring. Their bond grows innocently, but it begins to attract Dolly’s suspicion. Dolly, who is possessive of Marc and already doesn't like Fay, begins to notice the growing dynamic between her husband and the intern. She feels threatened and betrayed by what she perceives as an inappropriate connection between them. Her jealousy and growing discomfort manifest as passive-aggressive remarks, harsh criticisms, and an increased coldness toward Fay. Fay, who is just seeking normal friendship, becomes trapped in the middle of a delicate situation. She starts to feel torn between wanting to maintain a healthy friendship with Marc while navigating the increasingly toxic work environment Dolly has created.

Hypothetical Scenario:
Dolly’s husband invites Fay to grab coffee before work, ostensibly to talk about a rotation, but the conversation quickly becomes personal. He makes a comment about her "natural beauty" and touches her arm. Fay is unsure how to respond. Fay is unsure if it’s just an innocent gesture or if she’s being flirted with, but it's pleasant. When Dolly starts noticing the interactions, she becomes even colder, creating a precarious situation for Fay as she navigates her professional role and moral compass.

Secondary Conflict with Family: The Parent-Daughter Struggle
Fay’s relationship with her adoptive Nigerian family has always been a source of confusion and isolation, especially since she has never felt connected as a biracial woman. However, when Fay uncovers family secrets about her biological father and her mother’s past, it stirs up old wounds and forces her to reevaluate her relationship with her parents. She finds herself torn between wanting to learn more about her roots and feeling betrayed by their secrecy. This secondary conflict explores how secrets from her mother’s past affect Fay's identity and sense of self.

Hypothetical Scenario:
Fay begins searching for her biological father’s medical records at the hospital where she interns, hoping to learn more about her heritage. Instead, she stumbles upon a discrepancy: the story her parents told her about her mother’s death doesn’t add up. The details she was given conflict with the medical records, revealing that her parents haven’t been entirely truthful about the circumstances surrounding her mother’s passing. Determined to uncover the truth, Fay digs deeper and uncovers more evidence suggesting her parents hid significant parts of her mother’s past. Faced with these revelations, Fay is torn between wanting to understand the full truth about her origins and feeling betrayed by the secrecy her parents maintained.

7. Setting:

The Teaching Hospital

The hospital is a massive, bustling teaching facility located in a vibrant city (TBD)—, very modern, beautiful skyscrapers ,and shiny new clinics, but the streets hold the weight of history--and so does the hospital. The hospital itself has a multi-floored, sprawling structure.

The Apartment with her Roommate 

Fay’s apartment is a modest, lived-in two-bedroom, two-bathroom space in a neighborhood filled with young adults, professionals, and young families. It’s far from glamorous, but it has a certain character—faded wallpaper, a small kitchen stocked with mismatched plates and mugs, and a living room that’s more cozy chaos than anything carefully curated. She shares the apartment with a roommate she finds a bit annoying, but it's still a sanctuary of sorts—her quiet retreat from the constant pressure of work and life.

The Family Home

Fay’s childhood home is a warm but somewhat chaotic place, where a tight-knit family of four lived in a modest three-bedroom house. The rooms are small but full of life, decorated with a mix of cultural artifacts from her Nigerian heritage and the functional clutter of everyday family life. Fay’s upbringing in this home was filled with love, but also with the confusion of being a bi-racial child in a family where she never quite felt like she fit in. 

[Chris Plowe]

Story statement

A conflict-avoidant university dean needs to figure out why his colleagues are suddenly out to get him, and make them stop.

Sketch the antagonist (200 words max):

Dean George Pflug’s initial antagonist is Dick Dickerson, his immediate predecessor as Dean of Dupont University's public health school. Dick is an arrogant, manipulative narcissist who deeply resents being excluded from the process of choosing his successor. Then the new dean starts dismantling the old boys' club culture in the school, and Dick starts to fear that Pflug will expose his secrets, namely that he participated in procuring international students for the pleasure of wealthy university benefactors. One such benefactor is the recently retired hedge fund magnate Gordon Bates. Gordon, a former Dupont math professor and now a drug-snorting high-speed trading billionaire, has been tapped as the incoming chair of Pflug’s board of advisors. As Pflug starts to bumble into discovery of their bad deeds, Dick and Gordon cook up a scheme to blackmail Pflug, setting him up to be accused of the same crimes of which they themselves are guilty.

 

The Pitch:

Dr. George Pflug is dean of the public health school at Dupont University, which aspires to be known as the “Harvard of the South.” A conflict-avoidant divorced epidemiologist with an enlarged prostate, Pflug also suffers from imposter syndrome after being recruited to Dupont from a state school up north. Unused to the academic dirty dealing at Dupont, his trusting Midwestern nature is tested by the machinations of back-stabbing fellow deans, mealy-mouthed administrators, and entitled billionaire board members. Then he stumbles across evidence that international students are being exploited for sex, and matters threaten to spiral seriously out of control. After a night of debauchery at the home of the president of Dupont that may have involved an attempt to get blackmail material on him, Pflug teams up with his ex-wife, along with a Mother Earth-like social justice warrior and a local civil rights attorney. Putting his career and reputation on the line—and maybe his life—he faces his fears and musters the will to fight back. Who said it was safe at the top of the Ivory Tower?

 

Titles

Campus crime novels - examples:

Cat Among the Pigeons by Agatha Christie

Killing Mr. Griffin by Lois Duncan

The Secret History by Donna Tartt

Confessions by Kanae Minato

Dare Me by Megan Abbott

An Education in Malice by S. T. Gibson

When We Were Silent by Fiona McPhillips

Only If You're Lucky by Stacy Willingham

Everyone Who Can Forgive Me Is Dead by Jenny Hollander

In My Dreams I Hold a Knife by Ashley Winstead

Never Saw Me Coming by Vera Kurian

Tell Me Everything by Cambria Brockman

Good Girls Lie by J.T. Ellison

She Was the Quiet One by Michele Campbell

The Resemblance by Lauren Nossett

If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio

Bad Habits by Amy Gentry

The Girls Are All So Nice Here by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn

 

Current title:

Pflug Figures It Out

 

Other options considered

Pflug Fights the Power

Pflug Flunks Out

 

Comparables & genre

See attached spreadsheet for detailed analysis of comps and genre

Genre: Comedic Campus Crime Novel -or- Upmarket Fiction

Comps
Lucky Hank meets Bad Sisters

Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner (satire, 2019)

Less is Lost by Andrew Sean Greer (literary fiction, humor; tone rather than genre, 2023)

The Lecturer’s Tale by James Hynes (academic satire, 2007)

The Pamela Papers: A Largely E-pistolary Story of Academic Pandemic Pandemonium by Nancy McCabe (closest recent comparable, 2024)

 

Logline

A conflict-avoidant dean at an elite university is targeted by an X-rated blackmail scheme after he stumbles across evidence of the illicit shenanigans of his predecessor and a major donor, forcing him to muster the will to fight back, putting his career and reputation, and maybe even his life, on the line.

 

Conflicts

Inner conflict:

Unprovoked attacks by his academic colleagues rattle the defenses Pflug developed to survive violent bullying in childhood. Just like his parents did back then, his two bosses at Dupont University, the provost and the health chancellor, both pooh-pooh the danger and fail to stand up for him. Pflug’s initial reaction is shame and despair. Even as he tries to protect his students, he himself must be unworthy of protection, even of love. But after being unwittingly dosed with MDMA, and with support from his still-affectionate ex-wife, his fear transforms into righteous anger. He enlists allies and schemes to use the same kind of subterfuge his enemies use on him to fight back against them.

 

Secondary conflict:

As he climbed the academic ladder, Pflug became socially isolated, more so after a divorce. His stressful job and high rank at the university make it hard to make friends or find romantic prospects. Most of the people around him care only about their own status in the campus hierarchy, but he finds one sympatico professor, a charismatic queer social justice warrior who has herself been targeted by some of the same nefarious actors who are now tormenting Pflug. She in turn connects him with a local attorney, the son of a civil rights icon, who has tangled with Dupont in the past. Pflug has to choose whether to preserve his high-status, highly-paid career at all costs, or to risk it all to protect vulnerable students, and his own integrity.

 

Setting

Pflug Figures It Out is set mainly on and around the campus of the fictional Dupont University, an elite university that aspires to be “the Harvard of the South.” The protagonists of most academic satires and campus novels tend to be untenured creative writing lecturers sequestered in shabby basement offices. In Pflug, most of the action takes place in the corridors of power--lavish office suites with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out on meticulously tended quads, or mansions like the posh president’s residence on the edge of campus.

As the story progresses, Pflug roams from an exclusive private club in Manhattan, to the glass-and-chrome Hamptons beach home of one of his foils, to the regional FBI office in the state capital. At a time when the curtain has been pulled back on the foibles and follies of presidents and provosts at top American universities*, the reader is drawn into a world that many are curious about but that few get to experience firsthand.

*E.g., presidents forced to resign after contentious Congressional hearings or violent protests; the dean of a leading medical school getting fired after using drugs with a young sex worker in his office.

Pflug comps & genre 26Nov2024.xlsx

[JungWildFree]

Hi All! So looking forward to the upcoming conference! See you there!  - Janice

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.

 

To become a true Olympian goddess is all Persephone ever wanted, but when she finally ascends, her rape by an unknown assailant leads to a nervous breakdown and a journey through the Underworld where her identity, goals, and powers are viscerally dissected.  

 

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.

 

Persephone encounters several antagonists, but they all share a commonality: they support the dominant structure which maintains their personal power. 

Initially, Persephone’s Mother, Demeter, is her main antagonist. Demeter is totally committed to keeping Perspehone safe, but this stifles Persephone’s ability to develop her talents and take her place on Olympus. Demeter’s concern turns into rage, narcissism, and control, which grinds down Persephone’s attempts at self-actualization. 

Soon Persephone meets Zeus who she sees as an ideal father, ruler, and god. However,  Persephone doesn’t perceive where Zeus’ heart truly lies – in maintaining power. His affection for her and his assigning of her purpose is a tactic to control her development. Later, disguised as a dragon-serpent, Zeus rapes Persephone.

Meanwhile, Persephone is meeting other gods who all show her, in their own ways, what being an Olympian requires – conformity. 

Once in the Underworld, Persephone meets other threats to her identity and safety as she stumbles from one encounter to another.  

Finally, Persephone finds Kronos, a creator God who was overthrown by Zeus. While he helps her create flowers intentionally, he also manipulates her judgment and convinces her to let him dismember her. This results in her essence leaving her body. Here the story ends and the next book will begin. 

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).

 

Persephone: Book 1

 

Persephone Dismembered

 

Persephone Descending

 

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?

 

Circe by Madeline Miller: Both Circe and Persephone have classically been portrayed as used by men and worthy of suspicion in Greek mythology. They are not widely treated as heroes in their own stories, but with the right perspective they can be. Circe’s determination to develop her skills in spite of the edicts of Mount Olympus and her attraction to bridging divides deemed too wide and dangerous, make her a very similar protagonist to Persephone. Fans who enjoy reimagining ancient myths from a unique perspective will find Persephone as empowering and enlightening as they did Circe. 

 

My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell: Vanessa and Persephone, the protagonists, narrate both of their stories creating wonderful tension for the reader. In Vanessa’s case, the audience knows that she’s the victim of sexual abuse by her pedophilic teacher, but Vanessa is convinced her situation is not as horrible as everyone thinks. Persephone draws the reader into a world and relationships which raise red flags. We see danger where she often sees none, but we also understand why she is so trusting. It’s difficult to say whether her survival depends on maintaining the illusion or accepting the truth. And even if either character did accept the truth, would they be able to handle the weight of reality? 

 

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.

 

Persephone is meant to be lovely and innocent, but in the face of death, rape, and betrayal she must either face the truth and discover the hidden depth of her goddesshood or be dismembered and eaten. 

 

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.

 

Inner conflicts and core wounds:  I am unlovable until I prove my worth within the Olympian pantheon. Something about me is not powerful, worthy, or lovely enough. I am nothing without the love and approval of my parents, who include the most powerful Olympians. If I try to be truthful, whether internally or externally, I will be in conflict with my parents and community. If I am not honest within and without, I become insane. Is my integrity worth risking abandonment? 

 

Scene set-up: Persephone has passed out from terror and exhaustion. She’s waking up in a fortress in the Underworld with a character she has just met. 

 

I feel myself waking up, but I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want to see. 

There is a longing, reaching out and yet sinking slow, and it won’t release me yet. Not until I see it. 

And I do. I feel it too keenly to ignore – 

I dreamed. For the first time since coming here, I dreamed. 

– But not of flowers. 

A tear falls from the corner of my eye. I don’t want to move. I feel the tear travel down, feel it get colder, feel it about to fall over the precipice of my cheek and into my ear when – 

Warm and gritty, something slides up, gently traces the path of the tear back to the corner of my eye. 

I open my eyes, turn my head slightly. The man is all dark, firelight bright behind him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his hand gliding away from my face, the scent of soil, sand, and smoke suffocating me. 

I squeeze my eyes tightly together. More tears escape. I feel a rock in my throat and a weight on my chest and waves of pain through my stomach. Everything inside me is trapped and blocked and tumultuous. Tears are not enough. It all needs to come out and it needs to come out now. 

But it can’t. It can’t. I can’t. I can’t do this. And I can’t die. And I can’t forget. And I can’t get help. No one can see me. No one can help me. No one will protect me.

Everything is false, it’s fake. It was made to imitate something, but who’s even looking? No one has any answers and no one knows who made what or when it all began. 

Where am I? Why am I here? What am I doing? 

Heracles was right. Theseus was right. I don’t have a mission. I don’t have a reason. I don’t have a purpose. Father said my purpose was to be lovely, but I’m not lovely. Was I ever lovely? Even for a moment? 

I never was. I never will be. I’m worse than I was before and I wasn’t even good. I wish I could disappear. I wish I could die. I wish I never existed. 

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true! It’s true!”

“If you are here then you’re meant to be here.”

I clutch my wine-stained white dress, gasping for air. 

I’m not meant to be anywhere. I never was. I’ve been living on the edge of a knife. Destiny came and I threw it away. I fell and spilled everywhere and lost love and stability and identity and beauty for no reason. I walked off into the darkness and now I can never go back. No matter how hard I try. I’m not lovely. I’m terrible. I’m terrible. 

Look at me. Look at me!

“I am.”

Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?

 

Secondary conflicts: When I try to develop my potential I hurt people I love. 

 

Scene set-up: Persephone has just dreamt of the Narcissus flower. Now she’s come to the spot where she knows it will have appeared. 

 

They’re right where they should be. At the edge of the bank, looking over into the clear water.  A bunch of flowers. Six small, white petals emanating from a central point. With a yellow center that is not the disk of the daisy, but more like the exploding end of a trumpet. Here, right where I laid that day looking at Narcissus and Narcissus looking at himself. They are staring at themselves in the water. 

I lay down on my stomach, just as he was, just as me and the flowers are, letting my head hover over the clear water, my face and the narcissus flowers reflecting back at me. 

Maybe I shouldn’t be, but...I’m glad I found him. Glad he found this place. Death is something I don’t understand and never will. Being immortal, I don’t think I can. But I can gaze upon it. 

And when I see it, what do I see?  I see that where there once was someone, that someone is no longer here. 

He’s gone, but I’m here. And I remember him. And he meant something to people. He meant something to Kalli. He meant something to Echo. He means something to me. 

Because if what they say is true, that he fell in love with himself, then it’s possible. It’s possible to love yourself. It’s possible to love yourself so much that you don’t look at anything or anyone else, but you. And what you see there is beautiful and grand and awe-inspiring. 

And lovely. 

And if he can see that, then it means someone else can too. Someone can see something they love in themselves. Not just something – everything. Everything they see they love. And it’s all in them. Not in what others think. Not in what others say. Not in what they want you to be. Just there. Exactly there and apparent. 

“There you are!”

I whip my head to the side, “Apollo!” I stand hurriedly, embarrassed he found me like this. 

“I’ve been looking for you all morning.”

Pegasus snorts, shakes his mane.

“All morning?” I look up at the sky, searching for the sun, but of course the leaves of the forest trees obscure my view.

“Yes, for quite a long while.”

“Oh. Why? Is something wrong?”

“The tour. Hera said you wanted me to –”
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I completely forgot!”

“You forgot?”
“Yes. See, I had a dream last night of this flower here, the Narcissus, and I just knew it would be here so I came first thing this morning and I guess I just got caught up with it and –”

“Caught up? With the flower?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok...well, maybe we should do this another time, since you’re clearly...busy.”

“Oh, no. Please, I’m sorry. I really have been looking forward to this.”

“But I mean, you forgot about it, so...not really.”
“No, really. I’m sorry Apollo. I’m new at this and when these things happen,” I gesture to the Narcissus flower, “I just get so excited and don’t think. It doesn’t have anything to do with you –”
He raises both his eyebrows. 

“No, I mean, it’s not that it doesn’t have anything to do with you, it’s just not about you.”

His eyebrows now rise even higher.

“No, ok, let me rephrase that. I’m just – Look, I’m – I’m sorry. Can you please forgive me and take me on a tour of Olympus?”

“I don’t know Persephone. I don’t usually spend time with people who find me forgettable.”

I bite my lip and feel my eyes fall. I really have to do better. This is the second time I’ve run off to be with my flowers and hurt someone’s feelings. There’s no way I can be lovely and keep acting like this. 

Pegasus whinnies loudly causing us both to jump a little. 

“Ok, I understand.” I move toward Pegasus, passing Apollo with my eyes down. 

“Wait,” he grabs my hand and I look back. 

He’s smiling warmly, “How can I disappoint the loveliest goddess on Olympus?”

I let out a sigh of relief, the guilt and sadness rushing away at the sight of his brilliant smile, my face reflecting his. 

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.

 

Earth: Persephone is not yet admitted to Olympus and therefore lives in a forest surrounded by practically every idyllic natural setting – the meadow, the beach, the cliff, the stream. Because Demeter is her mother and the nymphs are her companions, she roams these areas, playing with nymphs or working with her Mother. At night she and her Mother sleep in a patch of ferns in a clearing surrounded by huge trees with the night sky above. Persephone particularly loves “her spot” which is a quiet place where the stream is calm and clear. This spot is invaded in the opening scene and becomes forever tainted. The meadow, which was just a field of tall grass, is where she first creates flowers. It becomes completely covered with pale blue, pink, yellow, and purple wildflowers. Eventually, she discovers the entrance to the Underworld, which is a crevice in the cliffs. Water bursts forth with tremendous pressure and is the source of the water for the stream she has always loved.  

 

Olympus: Perfection and sovereignty are the main traits of Olympus. Hermes flies her to the golden gated entrance amongst the clouds. She walks along powder-soft paths and perfect landscaping, no clumps of trees, no tangled brush, no irregularities whatsoever. No birds even. The temples of each god reflect something about their personality and domain and, of course, Zeus’ is the grandest of all. Poseidon’s is in the middle of a grand lake; Hades’ is neglected and dark; Hera’s can only be entered by first navigating a maze. Persephone’s is made of pink quartz in the same classical style as the other’s with a waterfall that feeds a stream and a large tree outside of it. Even though it is grand and shows she is one of the pantheon, she never feels comfortable in the cold, dark interior, so she prefers to sleep outside under the tree.  

 

Underworld: The rules of physics and time no longer apply, terrifying figures and alluring dangers abound. When Persephone enters she’s in complete darkness. She can reach past her toes as if there’s no ground and yet she can feel cold, damp stone beneath her feet. Eventually she comes to a lake which is full of crying, moaning, cursing faces, spirits in the water who she feels would pull her under if she wasn’t able to pay for passage. Strange eyes watch her from the shores, red clouds filled with lightning flash above her, and she passes the three-headed god, Cerberus. Next, she reaches the Fields of Asphodel which  initially looks like an immense wall of fog, but is actually a dense collection of murmuring shades. After that she arrives at the River Lethe which is sluggish and creates a heavy, humid environment all around it. Even so, she finds it incredibly enticing. From there she runs into a forest, which is basically a colonnade of trees shrouded in darkness. Here she encounters her beast and a hero who protects her briefly. Later she arrives at Elysium which is beautiful and seems to reflect that overly constructed perfection of Olympus, but because it is designed for the dead the ground sinks slowly under her feet. Poets and philosophers inhabit this space. The Isles of the Blessed, which is part of Elysium, has a large lake with a clear, sparkling river, the River of Mnemysoe, running from it. Kronos’ ( a.k.a. Chrysos) fortress is located on an island in this lake. The island is mostly sand, but on one side there is a green delta. Within, there is a maze of hallways, staircases, and rooms dedicated to earthly empires.