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Cover Snark: Personal Ads for Mountains

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Hey all! It’s time for Cover Snark!

Mountain Seeking Hero by Marley Michaels. A shirtless, hirsute man standing in a forest. There are some interesting crop circle shapes happening in his chest hair.

From Melodie: Unfortunately the hero the mountain got was Three Nipple Man.

Sarah: I see so many patterns. What do they MEAN?

Tara: Is this man going to fuck a mountain?

Sneezy: The mountain called. It asked him to please don’t.

Amanda: What a strange personal ad title.

Savage in the Touch by Milana Jacks. A dark haired man with long brown hair and lots of eyeliner. He has some selected pieces of armor, mainly on his biceps. He also appears to be on fire.

Amanda: There’s a lot going on here and I’m not sure I like any of it. Though I’m not mad at the Oded Fehr from The Mummy vibes I’m getting.

Elyse: Love how his armor covers his nipple, but leaves his entire stomach vulnerable.

Sarah: Savage in the Touch. Chafing in the Armpit.

Shana: Is that a Tribble glued to his chest?

Warrior's Purpose by Stephanie West. A bright red man with a tribal tattoo on his back and stark white, long hair is being embraced by a topless, red-haired woman in front of a planet. They both look to be in pain.

Amanda: He needs some aloe vera and I like how it looks like she’s trying to avoid touching his sunburn too much.

Elyse: Is that Julianne Moore?

Sarah: “Oh honey, just wait until this starts to peel. I better run to CVS before the sunburn itch sets in.”

Sneezy: Maybe he’s trying to cosplay as cha shu.

Arik by Tasha Black. A shirtless man has armor on one shoulder and that's it. His long hair is flipped over on one side of his head and shaved short on the other. His forearms are covered in ridges that look like vertebrae. He's also holding a naked baby who has a mohawk and is about to put some unidentified item in its mouth.

From Laura G.

Sarah: Not only do I have questions about infant safety when one has scales on their forearms, but I also have some questions about child services, community support, and social care networks in the alien romance world, as it seems like there is a drastic shortage of child care and parental support?

I have a lot of questions.

Claudia: I’m concerned about the baby choking on… whatever it is they are eating. Also, where’s going on with the potential adopter’s neck?

Sarah: That hair is going to get pulled, and pulled hard, too.

Tara: Maybe that’s what happened on the other side of his head…

Sarah: Yeah, that’s why he has Ye Olde Alien Hair Clippe

Tara: It’s nice to see him learn from past experiences.

Sarah: it’s important to adapt as a parent, isn’t it?

Sneezy: Apparently that’s what happened to my mom. I kept yanking on her hair, so she cut it short.


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