Cover Snark: Bears, Transformers, & Aliens – Oh My!

[Artemis Gordon]

Happy Monday! Let’s have some Cover Snark!

From Squee_Me: Cover snark! I’m not sure if this is the right place to share a proposed cover snark…I saw this in a Kobo 2 for 1 sale. The guy’s abs look like the Transformers Autobot logo (I know this thanks to my husband and 11 yr old kid) or maybe a face of an alien. And now I can’t unsee it. Also the tattoo and his right nipple appear to be battling for position on his chest.

Sarah: Nope, can’t unsee it. Transformers! ROLL OUT.

Amanda: ROBOTS IN DISGUISE

Sarah: I have to say, the Transformers ride at Universal is one of my favorites.

Sneezy: Probably not that nipple’s. It looks like it’s losing. Maybe this is an illustration of how to become cyborgs?

AJ: I actually really like that tattoo placement, it looks intentionally designed which is not too common in Cover Dude Land. His nipple is definitely losing the battle, though.

From Jen: For cover snark. when will authors learn that animal placement on the cover matters? do not put the bear directly in front of the man’s hips.

Sarah: Wait have we done this one?

Amanda: LEAVE THIS BEAR ALONE, COVER DESIGNERS! THEY’VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH

Sarah: Poor bears. My gosh.

To say nothing of the health and food service code violations of both A Bear and A Bare Chest in the bakery.

Amanda:

A deep internet meme cut for all us olds

Sarah: OH that is a deep cut. Much retro!

Hollie also submitted the poor Bakery Bear, saying, “I saw this cover, and immediately had snarky thoughts, and wanted to share it with you. You’re welcome! LOL.”

And Elizabeth: “Looks like he is doing something naughty to the bear.”

I think many people saw this cover and thought, OH, ok, Smart Bitches needs to know about this.

Which is so flattering, tbh.

This cover represents a number of choices that I do not understand at all.

Sneezy: At this point, we might as well come up with a pretentious name that vaguely sounds like an art movement for all the covers that harasses this poor Pooh.

AJ: Arctusian? … Grizzly Style?

Elyse: I realize he’s an alien but he’s missing a nipple and I don’t think veins should do that.

Sneezy: Or skin for that matter.

I had to check if my night view was off, aaaaand yup, someone indeed stole what was supposed to be Pikachu spandex.

Sarah: I want to bring this person a glass of water. Or 12.

AJ: These tattoos are TERRIBLE. I’m getting early 2000s flashbacks. Someone bring me a dragonfruit Sobe and an Alanis Morissette CD, I’ll be over here on my inflatable chair weeping softly.

This guy should have asked the other dude for a referral. Aliens: do your research! Don’t just come to Earth and walk into the first tattoo shop you see!

From Sukari: It looks like his head and his pecs are going in different directions.
Manifestation of an internal crisis?

Sarah: The little curl of cloud behind his head looks like a line indicating motion, like he just whipped his head around and said, “WHAT did you just call me?!”

NASH. I called you NASH. It’s written on your abdomen.

Amanda: Speaking of the cloud, Nash seems like he’d believe in chemtrail conspiracy theories.

Elyse: Was I the only one who thought he didn’t have pants on? No pants, unbuttoned shirt. That’s a look.

Sneezy: You know Amanda, I don’t know what chemtrail conspiracies are, and his face is making sure that I’ll stay under my little rock. My nice, cozy rock with Michelle Yeoh posters everywhere.

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