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New York Write to Pitch 2022 - Seven Assignments (12/22)


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Name: Damond Lindsay

Genre: Young Adult Science Fiction with Gay Characters

 

FIRST ASSIGNMENT: Story statement.

Love and self-sacrifice in the face of death.

 

SECOND ASSIGNMENT: The Antagonists.

P.J. Hogan is the wealthy father of Pythias Knight’s boyfriend, Damon Hogan. He aligns himself with the powerful and has connections within the United States government where he secretly funds a clandestine government program run by FBI agent, Tessa Thorn. The program gathers children with superhuman powers and trains them as human super soldiers.

 

We later learn that P.J. Hogan was physically abused as a child by his father. His relationship with him changed after he began to excel in sports and academics, knowing his father’s disapproval of homosexuality and self-acceptance. Hogan’s shame led to dramatic changes in his behavior. He struggled with his sexuality and in turn directed this shame toward his eldest son, which led to him using his scientists to cure Damon of his superpowers after learning his son had the ability to teleport. Thorn wanted to cure Damon from what he thought was a disease. Hogan also used Damon as a pawn and later had the boy framed for a crime he never committed.

 

There is also agent Tessa Thorn, who is the daughter of prominent politician, Senator Rupert Thorn. Her father wanted a son to carry on the family's military tradition and decided to raise his only daughter as one. Tessa excelled and was placed as head of the American government’s special operations unit. She oversees the government program that is experimenting on the superhuman teenagers. Agent Thorn is secretly sabotaging the program and wants it to fail so she can get her own program in place, that is focused on social control. After the assassination of her father, she targeted Damon Hogan, who she saw as a threat to the country’s national security.

 

THIRD ASSIGNMENT: Breakout Title

1)    Damon and Pythias

FOURTH ASSIGNMENT:  Comparables

Alfred Bester’s science fiction classic, the Stars My Destination, meets TJ Klune's, The House in the Cerulean Sea

 

Heartstopper meets the Umbrella Academy 

 

FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: Hook Line (logline)

Boy meets boy at a futuristic boarding school in Manhattan and together combat forces seeking to control them and their superhuman abilities. 

 

SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: Conflict

1) Beginning (The Inciting Incident-The telepathic teenager, Pythias Knight, meets and falls in love with Damon Hogan and discovers he is unable to read his mind.  

2) First plot point (First Act Turn- The First Act Turn begins with Pythias’ decision to break into P.J. Hogan’s office and learn what his boyfriend’s father knows about him and his telepathic abilities. The first Act Turning Point only makes matters worse with the arrival of government agent, Tessa Thorn, who confronts Pythias outside the office building where a fight transpires leading to his apprehension and subjugation to agonizing tests.

3) Mid-point (2nd turn-Unable to break Pythias, agent Thorn frames Damon for the murder of a prominent politician who turns out to be her father. Damon is imprisoned in a federal prison, where he is branded a domestic terrorist and faces a death sentence. The strength of Damon and Pythias’ love is challenged, even in the face of death.)

4) Climax (everything goes to Hell- Pythias rushes to save Damon’s life and reputation. Pythias also has a final face-off with Tessa Thorn.)

5) Resolution (big sigh- The murder charges are dropped against Damon—this is the realization or acknowledgement that Damon and Pythias have become heroes.  Now that the boys are free, their lives are at a new level of equilibrium.)

 

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Setting

The novel is set in the futuristic and illustrious New York City, where a minority of young people are born with superhuman abilities that they keep secret.

 

From a bird's eye view, we follow our teenage protagonists as they move about the city of tomorrow. Skyscrapers and flying vehicles soar above the streets that convert kinetic energy of foot traffic into  self-renewing energy that powers the city as holographic “streets” guide the hovering cars with digital billboards casting holographic ads.  

 

 

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Innocent Blood


THE ACT OF STORY STATEMENT
Discover the truth about a woman whose life turns out to be nothing but lie after lie.

THE ANTAGONIST PLOTS THE POINT
Josephine Chapman is a woman on a mission.  She fights what she sees as injustice, using every means at her disposal, legal or otherwise.  She is smart and canny, and is always two steps ahead of anyone who opposes her.  Or who tries to find out the truth about her, even her ex-girlfriend.  She was the victim once, she will never be the victim again.

CONJURING YOUR BREAKOUT TITLE
Innocent Blood

DECIDING YOUR GENRE AND APPROACHING COMPARABLES
Legal thriller
comparables -
The It Girl by Ruth Ware
Misguided by James Chandler
The Ink Black Heart by Robert Galbraith

CORE WOUND AND THE PRIMARY CONFLICT
Josephine Chapman cripples a man for trying to assault her, and she turns to her ex-girlfriend Claire Lynch for legal help.  When the man dies from his injuries, Jo now faces murder charges, and her story about the ‘stranger’ starts to unravel.  Claire finds that almost nothing she knew about her ex-girlfriend was true, and then learns the shocking reason for the duplicity.

OTHER MATTERS OF CONFLICT: TWO MORE LEVELS
Secondary conflicts - As Claire helps Jo and represents her, she comes up against her brother Jake, who is the District Attorney and has been after Jo for years.  Claire also discovers that almost nothing she knew about Jo was true, even though they were together for five years.

Inner conflicts - Even though Jo and Claire lived together for five years, Claire has never come out to her parents.  As the facts of the case develop, a local reporter intends to out Claire in an upcoming article.  To get out in front of it, Claire has to come out to her mother; it doesn’t go as Claire expected.

THE INCREDIBLE IMPORTANCE OF SETTING
The setting is Austin, Texas.  The Lynch family is an old, established family with a thriving law office.  Claire runs that office, while her brother Jake is the District Attorney.  Their brother Travis is the black sheep, who has turned his back on the family legacy and practices law in a barely-making-it law practice of hs own.  The city of Austin provides many different locations and many different characters to draw from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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First Assignment: Story Statement

Marza Penn, an unlikely and somewhat unwilling heroine, appears to be the world's best hope for keeping reality from unraveling. 

Second Assignment: The Antagonist

Bruce Boosch is arrogant and greedy. He epitomizes of the world-eating bajillionaire class whose only goal is to have more money and toys than everyone else. The ex-husband of Sara Beacon, the technocrat wannabe heroine of the story, Bruce is keenly devoted to becoming richer and more powerful than her, even though it means piggybacking on her inventions to get there. This is how Marza, the protagonist, gets caught in their crossfire. Both Sara and Bruce are trying to find the right mind to infuse into their AI to give it consciousness, and they both discover Marza through a test designed by Sara. Though Marza doesn’t trust Sara entirely, Bruce’s smarmy, business-bro swagger continually pushes her to help Sara instead of side with him—and that just makes him push harder. 

Third Assignment: Breakout Title

Pigs Fly
In All Unlikelihood
The Unraveling

Fourth Assignment: Comps

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
Project Hail Mary, Andy Weir

Fifth Assignment: Hook Line

A woman fed up with her predictably disappointing life is thrown into chaos when warring billionaires discover that her singularly average mind is the key to making AI conscious—which might just save reality from unraveling.

Sixth Assignment: Inner Conflict

Marza has always known she has more to offer, but whenever she’s tried to live up to her potential, it feels like the world has smacked her down. So when two big-deal tech moguls decide they want her for their special projects, she’s suspicious and anxious, sure that things are bound to go horribly wrong for her if she steps outside the cramped box of her life.

Seventh Assignment: Setting

In the near future, AI is infused in the decision-making processes of all levels of society—government, banking, the market, healthcare, transportation, justice, communications, shopping, gambling, dating, and every other cranny of life you can think of. But it isn't just big business that lives and dies by what AI thinks. Everyone has AI tracking them and feeding back to them all the things it decides they need or want. These AI nodes are constant companions that help with everything from deciding what you should eat and watch, who you should be friends with and date, to where you should work and really how you should live. And it's doing it every second of every day. Think progeny of Siri several generations down the logic tree.

But something has gone wrong in this algorithmically molded world. Statistically unlikely things begin to happen with alarming frequency, but only a few people are able to see the pattern behind these events—that reality is unraveling. Nearly entirely safe birth control is failing, too many people named Mojo get elected mayor, dice stop rolling over to the number six. This all goes back to a research lab where some precocious grad students wangled a pig into flight, and the realization of this impossibility essentially broke the universe’s brain. Because in this reality, there is a force called phi. It is akin to gravity and electromagnetism in that it is a basic physical mechanism that makes the universe go. It is the force that makes a quark go up or down, become strange or charming, and complicates particle physics to no end. It is the weave of consciousness that unites all things. It is the intelligence that emerges from physical chaos. And those damn kids went and broke it. 

One of the very few people to see this breakdown for what it is is Sara Beacon, the technocrat who created the StratoSphere, the digital space where most everyone spends all their time. It's like if Google and Facebook had a savant child people couldn't turn away from. Sara intends to save the world—both the conventional one and her data-dependent digital one—from her mad-scientist tech lab located in a sprawling underground complex, where androids and holograms and even unicorns roam not-so-free on farm-like ranges. She thinks generating enough humdrum, highly rational phi can patch up whatever hole has been torn in reality, which is totally doable if she can just infuse all her AI with genuine consciousness. That’s why she needs Marza Penn, whose mind is so middle-of-the road that the AI network will accept it. 

But Earth might not be big enough for all this intelligent life. When it becomes apparent that giving all the AI consciousness has not shored up the rip in reality as she hoped and is instead widening the gaps, Sara decides to send AMI (artificial Marza intelligence, who is the OG of AI consciousness) to Mars to live out its days as a robot cheetah and lobotomize the rest of the AI on the Sphere. But the AI has other plans. 

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Story Statement

Jake must save his family’s witch supply store after he tries to impress the witch he has a crush on by bringing in a computer to modernize the ancient craft but instead enrages the witches with this introduction of manmade technology and they try to destroy the centuries-old store as revenge.   (Middle Grade)

 

Antagonist:

Witch Vindelle, First Witch of the Darkest Night Coven, is a particularly nasty witch who is determined to open her own store and put Jake’s family out of business. When the witches decide to hold a competition to see which store should earn their official seal of approval, Vindelle cheats, lies and even kidnaps Jake’s pet hamster to rattle him so that her store will be chosen. Vindelle also does everything she can to ruin his friendship with Sephira, a young witch who’s also Jake’s first secret crush. 

 

Title:

 

The Witch Glitch  

The Witch Market

The Witch Competition 

 

Comps:

 

THE WITCH THE SWORD AND THE CURSED KNIGHTS  Alexandria Rogers

A story that also highlights the friendship between a witch and her non witch friend who must come together to achieve their goal of breaking a wicked curseThis is similar to the bond Jake and Sephira forge to ultimately try save the Witch Market from complete ruin. 

 

A TASTE OF MAGIC by J. Elle is another humorous MG of magical realism that combines the everyday world with witchcraft. 

 

Hookline

Jake must save his family’s witch supply store when he tries to impress Sephira, the witch he has a crush on by bringing in a computer to modernize the ancient craft but instead enrages the rest of the witches with this manmade technology and they try to destroy the centuries-old store as revenge.

 

Inner Conflict:

 

Jake feels it all—fear, guilt, remorse that he didn't listen to Great Aunt Duckie and Uncle Theo when they warned him of the dangers of introducing technology to the witches who hold their ancient ways sacred. Now his aunt and uncle are watching their beloved business and their home, go up in flames, ignited by a curse that makes it impossible for them to be extinguished.  Even after the fire is finally out Jake must wrestle with the fact that he’s cleared the way for Vindelle to open her competing store, a fatal blow to his family’s rich legacy in the world of witchcraft. When given one more chance to save the store, Jake is so wrecked by the kidnapping of his beloved hamster, Jammy and his belief that Sephira had something to do with her disappearance, he struggles to rise to the challenge.

 

Secondary Conflict: Jake’s relationship with Sephira is in jeopardy too. When Jammy, is kidnapped, Jake is convinced that Sephira had something to do with it and that their entire relationship has been a sham. 

 

Setting:

 

Jake discovers the secret witch market when he notices a narrow door in the corner of Great Uncle Theo and Aunt Duckie’s basement. He opens it to stumble into a maze like hall that leads to the Witch Market, located under the roots of the Rowan tree that grows in their yard above.  

The Witch Market is a supermarket for witches, providing every item needed for their curses, spells, potions and hexes. Uncle Theo's store slogan is, “If we don’t carry it, witches don’t need it!” But it's very different than the supermarket Jake's mom shops at back in Chicago. Instead of bread or peanut butter, the signs outside this store advertise 

2 OUNCES FRESH SNAIL SLIME $6.99 

CAULDRONS 30% OFF TODAY ONLY  WITH COUPON

BUY 1 TOADSTOOL, GET 1 FREE! 

Jake’s nose itches as soon as he walks through the cracked glass doors covered in green moss.  The air inside is heavy with smoke, mingled with the scent of cinnamon and rotting fruit.

Candle chandeliers sputter above crooked aisles, their shelves full of jars of frog spit, sacks of dried moonwort, boxes of Bleeding Tooth Fungus Cakes. Worms and spiders make their way across the uneven floors, near the flies that buzz around the Rotten Produce Department and the Floral Section -- “Take home a dead bouquet today!”  Jake is surprised at how loud it is inside here too. The witches screech and shout at each other as they push rusty shopping carts, their boot heels clacking on the floor.

The Stockroom behind the selling floor is lined with hundreds of drawers up to the ceiling, containing everything from Ant Hill Powder to Zigzagged Broom Bristles. Jake struggles to read the yellowed paper labels on the front of each drawer, written in long ago faded cursive handwriting. He has to stretch his neck as far as he can to see the top of the rickety ladders needed to reach the highest drawers. 

Gnarled branches crisscross the ceiling of the Messenger Hall, where a variety of animals wait to be called to make deliveries. Crows handle the daily runs while bats take on the nighttime ones and sleep in their houses until they go on evening duty.

Around a sharp corner and up a few stone steps is the thick steel door that guards the Spell Room, the most important space in the entire store. It is the lair of Widdershins, the best SpellAdvisor in the business. The most popular service the Witch Market offers its customers is Spell Advice with Widdershins (by appointment only) for witches who need his guidance in making sure their spells are the most effective they can be. Widdershins puts together the needed ingredients in the pitch black Spell Room, since everyone knows spells concocted in the dark are always more powerful. 

Past long tables scattered with spoons, bowls and scales, The Spell Room also houses the Witchblaze Firepit, the jagged trench that holds the invisible fire that witches need for certain spells. The Witch Supply Market is the only store that sells this crucial ingredient, so it must be guarded at all times, especially from Vindelle. She needs to get her hands on the formula for it so she can make her store a success. 

Uncle Theo and Aunt Ducky do all they can to provide the best possible service, always with a personal touch and warm smile for all their customers.

 

 

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1: STORY STATEMENT

Fresh out of undergrad, *Callie wants freedom from the expectations placed on her by everyone but herself.  That, plus money.  But first, she must confront her own relationship to dominance in the equally fringe but ethically opposite worlds of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Fetish Wrestling.

*Likely all names will be changed, but for now I'm using my real name (Callie) and my real professional name (Kayla)

2: ANTAGONIST/ANTAGONISTIC FORCE 

*Part 1

- Social voices and relational expectations:  Southern upbringing of repression (represented mostly by Mom).  The inherently antagonistic experience of making money in an ethically questionable manner.

- Mom:  represents social and parental expectations, social inheritance, the first voice of “no one will love you the way that you are.”

- Lisa:  the ‘madam’ figure of the fetish wrestling agency.  Protective and helpful at first, but the relationship devolves as Lisa’s own personal issues affect her business sensibility.  Ultimately reinforces the damaging lessons that Callie learned from her mother.  Kayla finds herself in precarious situations with unscreened clients, and ultimately finds Lisa to be a high pressure merchant whose interests are primarily self-serving.

- Babs:  false father figure.  Head professor of the dojo, the moral compass.  He presents as a man of the world but really man of his own rigid thinking.  Also a long-term clandestine sexual partner, creating enormous confusion and messy boundaries in the dojo and Callie’s romantic life.

- Fabio:  failed parental figure.  The owner of the dojo.  Enormous, but quiet.  Generous but resentful.  His own issues with women make it impossible for Callie to be taken seriously as a professional within the Dojo.

- Rio:  false partner.  Callie feels she’s finally found a partner with whom she connects.  A couple of months into the relationship, she discovers that he’s a sociopath.  He reinforces the theme of role-playing, but from a different, less pro-social angle. 

*Part 2

- Keith:  Ornery and challenging client with a surprisingly paternal side.  Lines blur and personal boundaries are crossed, causing complications that extend well-beyond the job.

- Brian:  High-rolling client who wants more than anything to feel out of control.  When he isn’t able to bring himself across that line, he blames Kayla for taking a deep role-play session too far.

- Jason:  A much younger lover who leans submissive.  It is the first and only relationship in Callie's romantic life that is characterized by dynamics she's only known with clients.  For Kayla, the role is familiar.  For Callie, it is a mind-melting departure from what she knows herself to desire.  The relationship is as fraught as it is expansive as they struggle to find peace with their attachment to each other.  

*At this point, there are two clear narratives that resolve at different points in the overall narrative.  It's unclear to me whether it needs to be two separate books or simply two parts.  Part 1 is primarily concerned with Callie's need for liberation, and her journey toward liberation through playing roles as Kayla.  It resolves with her choice to leave the fetish wrestling agency and the dojo she's been with for 7 years.  Part 2 delves more into the sexual psyche and the labyrinth of intimate relationships.  It concludes with the unexpected death of one of Kayla's long-term clients, who has also become Callie's friend.

 

3: BREAKOUT TITLES

1: Roleplay

2: Roleplay: How I Became Myself While Being Others

3: Muscle Worship

 

4: GENRE

Insider memoir, memoir, narrative non-fiction

COMPARABLES:

1: Pretty Baby, Chris Belcher:  A highly reflective memoir of a dominatrix.  

2: Three Women, Lisa Taddeo:  Addresses nuance of the female experience - neither feminist nor antifeminist.  As a writer she tends to approach the mother/daughter inheritance conundrum with brutal honesty without pushing for redemption.

3: David Sedaris:  He is a humorist without sacrificing the humanity, narrative interest, and philosophical opportunities of a story.

 

5: LOGLINE

 

A promising young woman burdened by the court of family and social opinion steps off the well-worn path to find herself navigating the complex world of the fetish industry while balancing her personal relationships and her Jiu Jitsu practice.

She seeks personal and financial independence through the sexual economy and discovers the inner workings of the human psyche in the process.

As she begins to monetize her ability to play different roles for different people, she begins to understand her true consistent self.  As she monetizes her sexuality, she begins to embrace her own power and proclivities.

 

6: INNER CONFLICT & CORE WOUNDS

- inability to separate self from others, constantly falling into relational patterns

- fear that she won’t be accepted for her depravity and willingness to live on fringe

 

6a: SECONDARY CONFLICT

- Callie is unwittingly seeking and accepting false parental figures.  She creates more restrictions for herself from which she must be once again liberated.  She is playing out old conflicts with new characters, inching closer and closer to becoming an integrated person who has mastery over all of her selves.

- The constant concern about being ‘found out’ by people outside of the fetish world.  Callie can’t be all of her selves and expect to be accepted in her circles.

 

7: SETTING

- New York City: Transient city where you can get anything you want and become anything you want.  You can hide in plain sight.

- Jiu Jitsu Dojos: A place of non-sexual extreme physical intimacy.  A place with very specific old-world rituals, hierarchy, and power dynamics.  A visceral space of heat, sweat, exhaustion, physical danger, and power exchange.

- Sex-work Studios: The workplace of a domination wrestler.  Often crammed into unsuspecting spaces like office buildings, commercial walk-ups, and residential apartments.  

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Assignment One: Statement

Revive her spiritual energy from a self-induced karmic coma.

Release the forces of her inner energy from the confines of Karma.

Assignment Two: Antagonist.

Aria’s trust is betrayed by her notorious mind, which incites her into materialistic bazaars and dreams of an opulent lifestyle. Aria is spiritually and financially bruised, and at the age of fifty, she is evicted from her house and her innocence. The troika voices of her mind, heart, and consciousness force her to become an adult and face responsibilities that are weakened by her beliefs in Karma. Her simplistic life is further muddled by comparisons of her nomadic and freelance personality to her paranoid Uncle and to her aunt’s invisible depression. Is she writing the scripts of her doings or is she living a predestined future?     

Assignment Three:  Title

Hangovers from Karma.

She Killed the Dead.

Assignment Four: Comparable:

Untamed: by Glennon Doyle. The similarity is in regard to living life as per your expectations and not of others.   

Designing the mind: Ryan A Bush. In my memoir, the crazy story of my mind unconventionally adopts and practices the rules of this book, ‘Designing the Mind.’  

Assignment five: Logline/Hook line

Aria surrenders her freelance lifestyle towards the dogmas of social obligations but at the outset of her golden years, with the help of her spiritual intellect, she restores her inner happy self.         

The three pieces of her spiritual intellect set out to discover/investigate her inner energy, which she believes is burrowed at the center of the hidden city, her soul. In this far-stretched journey, the troika voices of her heart, mind, and consciousness engage her to perform implausible acts toward reforming and nurturing from a self-induced Karmic coma.  

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ASSIGNMENTS 6-7

Assignment 6: Inner conflict

Primary Conflict: Her wishes to be an actor, save the world from poverty, experience nomadism, and own a tea shop, are not the expectations of her modest life. Her attempts to shift her unease into meditation fail; instead, she drizzles in materialistic affections and zilch her savings and sensibilities in the potholes of adulthood. Aria’s relationship with herself, loss of self-love, and gratitude, she is unable to tackle the responsibilities of her golden age. She is torn between the suggestions of the heart and mind and becomes the metal ball swinging between the pendulums.

Inner conflict: She is not an addict, she is not a survivor of a grave illness, she does not suffer from a mental illness, neither is she penniless; she is ordinary, yet struggles to survive.  In her mundane life, she is looking for spark and sparkle, very conveniently forgetting to be grateful for what she has.  

Secondary conflict: Aria’s sunset years arrive without her permission, and as a baby boomer, she did not boom too well. She stalks the millennium and Z zone and everything in between with much to learn and unlearn. Navigating her almost loveless life, she attempts to fly with broken wings to experience rainbows in the black.    

Assignment 7: Setting.

Aria is in love with this country; its hot climate, the green, brown, and bluest colors of nature, the organic beauty of rustic towns and villages, and the colorful culture which made Africa so beautiful.  The harbors of Port Harcourt and the hustle and bustle of Enugu. It all came to an end with the Biafra war, bringing her back to her birth country, India.

 The roof provides a telescopic view of the green growls of the Himalayas in the summer and the melts of snow during winter. Dehra Doon a valley with fields of sugarcanes and orchards of mango and lychee trees is situated in the crust of mountains.

On the way back from Brooklyn to Babylon, a generous mix of greens, purples, and oranges canvas the sides of the roads. The antique shops on Main Street, quaint eateries, hilltop taverns, and drop-dead golden sunsets equate the magic and connect with Mussoorie. Aria hasn’t seen much of the world, but the idyllic serenity of this town captures her heart. Labyrinthine branches offer a limited view of the Hudson River over a purple and orange sky, and the February chill connects her to the mountains beyond. She is home in the valley of Irvington, New York.   

The sunrise and sunset, be it in Dehra Doon from the roof of her homes in India or from the bay window of her house in Lindenhurst, New York, or the picture window of her living room here in Irvington, Westchester, welcoming the scarlet sun tuck into the night, all a

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1. ACT OF STORY STATEMENT

As Sophie comes of age in a religious cult, her rebellion may cost everything she loves, including music and her family. She must find a way to escape with her spirit intact.

 

2. THE ANTAGONIST

Honor is the daughter of the cult leader and the same age as our protagonist. The two immediately become best friends upon their first introduction at the People of Peace coffeehouse. Sophie becomes enamored with the world of music and the status that Honor brings to their relationship, and they soon develop a friendly rivalry over singing, choir, and their perceived future in the People of Peace band. When the cult opens a school, Honor is the Queen bee of the playground and Sophie’s only academic competitor. Sophie is quick to follow Honor’s lead in all things social and competes with other classmates to cling to her role as the best friend. But as Honor slowly exposes her to the darker side of membership in the cult, gaps begin to emerge in how they see the future. Will Sophie risk losing her closest friend and insider status or forge a new path?

 

3. BREAKOUT TITLE

I Love You More Than Music

 

4. COMPARABLES

The Girls by Emma Cline meets Edinburgh by Alexander Chee

 

5. HOOK LINE

A young girl’s hippie parents join a “Jesus People” community in 1970s America. As the group slowly evolves into a dangerous cult, can her family escape intact?

 

6. INNER CONFLICT AND SECONDARY CONFLICT

Inner Conflict:

As Sophie gains self-awareness, she begins to recognize the hypocrisy, inconsistency, and inappropriate behaviors exhibited by the adult members of the cult. She becomes increasingly anxious, manifested by frequent vomiting, as her strong compulsion to achieve conflicts with the desire to resist conforming. When an adult starts exposing himself to her and other young girls, the Elders handle the matter internally, leading to further escalations. Sophie reacts by acting out, risking physical punishment and possible expulsion.

Secondary Conflict:

The only thing Sophie loves more than her family and best friend is singing for her choir teacher Miss Rodin, who becomes her protector and ally in an increasingly dangerous environment at school. Will Sophie’s final rebellion against the cult destroy her most treasured relationship and her place in the choir, or will Miss Rodin stand up for her when the stakes are the highest?

 

7. SETTING

Essentially, this story has two settings: the city of Portland, Oregon, and the time period. The story begins with the freedom and boundary testing of the 1970s and concludes during the conservative backlash of the 1980s. The major cultural shift provides much of the story’s mood and tension and is physically represented by the People of Peace originating in a hippie-style coffeehouse and then moving into an evangelical church and school. The city of Portland has a substantial diversity of urban and nature and a long history of libertarianism that allowed for these intense extremes to coexist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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On 11/11/2022 at 7:14 PM, poonam sikand said:

ASSIGNMENTS 1-5.d

ASSIGNMENTS 6-7

Assignment 6: Inner conflict

Primary Conflict: Her wishes to be an actor, save the world from poverty, experience nomadism, and own a tea shop, are not the expectations of her modest life. Her attempts to shift her unease into meditation fail; instead, she drizzles in materialistic affections and zilch her savings and sensibilities in the potholes of adulthood. Aria’s relationship with herself, loss of self-love, and gratitude, she is unable to tackle the responsibilities of her golden age. She is torn between the suggestions of the heart and mind and becomes the metal ball swinging between the pendulums.

Inner conflict: She is not an addict, she is not a survivor of a grave illness, she does not suffer from a mental illness, neither is she penniless; she is ordinary, yet struggles to survive.  In her mundane life, she is looking for spark and sparkle, very conveniently forgetting to be grateful for what she has.  

Secondary conflict: Aria’s sunset years arrive without her permission, and as a baby boomer, she did not boom too well. She stalks the millennium and Z zone and everything in between with much to learn and unlearn. Navigating her almost loveless life, she attempts to fly with broken wings to experience rainbows in the black.    

Assignment 7: Setting.

Aria is in love with this country; its hot climate, the green, brown, and bluest colors of nature, the organic beauty of rustic towns and villages, and the colorful culture which made Africa so beautiful.  The harbors of Port Harcourt and the hustle and bustle of Enugu. It all came to an end with the Biafra war, bringing her back to her birth country, India.

 The roof provides a telescopic view of the green growls of the Himalayas in the summer and the melts of snow during winter. Dehra Doon a valley with fields of sugarcanes and orchards of mango and lychee trees is situated in the crust of mountains.

On the way back from Brooklyn to Babylon, a generous mix of greens, purples, and oranges canvas the sides of the roads. The antique shops on Main Street, quaint eateries, hilltop taverns, and drop-dead golden sunsets equate the magic and connect with Mussoorie. Aria hasn’t seen much of the world, but the idyllic serenity of this town captures her heart. Labyrinthine branches offer a limited view of the Hudson River over a purple and orange sky, and the February chill connects her to the mountains beyond. She is home in the valley of Irvington, New York.   

The sunrise and sunset, be it in Dehra Doon from the roof of her homes in India or from the bay window of her house in Lindenhurst, New York, or the picture window of her living room here in Irvington, Westchester, welcoming the scarlet sun tuck into the night, all aocx 14.73 kB · 0 downloads

 

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Author: Delaney Parker

Working book title: GRACE


 

Story Statement:

 

 GRACE is the gritty, funny and raw story of Margaret Hall.  A woman trying to balance marriage, motherhood and friendship while also living with the chronic disease, Multiple Sclerosis.  Despite grazing forty and the chronic illness Multiple Sclerosis,  Margaret wants so badly to add another baby to their family.  Her husband Nate, is happy with their five year old son, James and is not excited about the prospect of adding another person. Nor is he looking forward to how much another person will cost him. Not only monetarily but whatever sliver of himself he would have to sacrifice. After asking, pleading and downright arguing daily, Nate begrudgingly relents and soon they are on their way to family expansion. Desperately trying to manage her disability and boost Nate’s confidence in her, Margaret does her best to take care of his needs, keep the house clean and raise their son. But did Margaret take on too much? When her MS throws her into a savage flare up while pregnant, she becomes more afraid of what will remain when the exacerbation is finished with her.   Nate, who already has his doubts, falls further away from his family and from being a good husband. Could Nate’s dark lies, countless betrayals and cruel deceit be the undoing of their already tender marriage? 

 

Margaret’s best friend Marie, is a gorgeous unapologetic and fiercely protective woman. It gored her guts to not be able to protect her friend from the ravages of Multiple Sclerosis. But did Marie have to protect Margaret from the ravages of Nate? Or, from this new friend Margaret has found? The more entwined the new friendship the more suspicious Marie becomes.  She is vigilant in her love and loyalty to Margaret but will she tell her friend what she saw?  What happens when an unexpected turn changes everything?

 

The exquisitely layered story of GRACE is wrought with deep love and illicit passion. It tells of searing private pain and a person’s sacrifice of self with every choice they make. GRACE is about soul stretching strength. A person’s need to surrender and see the truth even at its most brutal.  Then, accept what they now know and ultimately find forgiveness and grace.

 

 A person's character is their karma.  Margaret knows her character will be hers.  


 

Antagonist

 

In my first erotic noveI GRACE, Nate Hall is Margaret’s husband and James’s father.  He is also the antagonist.  His resentment and bitterness towards his disabled wife rationalizes his selfish and destructive behavior towards his family. Nate feels betrayed by Margaret having Multiple Sclerosis. Every lab bill Nate pays, every prescription he has to pick up leaves him with the feeling of, “What about me?”  Nate at times behaves as if his wife has exacerbations intentionally to sabotage his happiness. Didn’t he work hard and take care of everything even after Margaret left him holding the bag? Because of Margaret’s incurable sickness, Nate couldn’t have the life he had been planning. He deserves something just for him, a little escape from the suffocating existence he has at home. If life was going to punish him like this, he deserved a distraction from the reality of the constant needs of his pregnant disabled wife and son. Regardless of how much Margaret loves him or how hard she tries to make him happy, Nate is not satisfied and will always think he deserves more. When his brother becomes involved, Nate’s gluttonous behavior only worsens and the consequences could be irreparable.


 

Title: GRACE or Her MesS


 

The original title for my novel is GRACE. The reason for the title is because of the grace Margaret finds within herself. However, doing the suggested work and research that was suggested I do have a new title that I think better serves my novel. 

Her MesS

 

The title, GRACE is too used and it does not convey my story as well. Multiple Sclerosis is in the spotlight right now.  It is a terrible disease but it is now being seen and talked about. This novel has a main character with MS.  Her MesS would be much more fitting and I believe marketable.   



 

Genre and Comparables:

 

Grace is a work of erotic fiction.  Here is where it gets tricky for me. For years I have been an avid reader. Having Multiple Sclerosis means a lot of time in bed.  It also meant a lot of time to read. I would clear books like an Olympic hurdler.  No genre, length or subject matter was safe from my greedy reading eyes.  It was through reading, I got to live outside my disability. Yet, in my reading I could not find a story like mine.   I am sure there are similar out there and I have not been gifted with finding them.  

When I got to the first sex scene, I did not look at other books or scenes.  I googled–How to write sex sounds…… and that is what I did. A layered story that happens to have explicit sex scenes. 

 

On this assignment, I have come up lacking but it is not due to a lack of effort. 

 

With this being said, I am also considering cleaning up on the verbiage of the sex scenes to allow the book to be more of a mainstream read.

 

Hook

 

A disabled woman undaunted by Multiple Sclerosis endures the merciless pain of relapse while pregnant as she desperately clings to her inner self before surrendering to the brutal truth of a marriage scarred by countless betrayals, resentment and incurable disease.


 

Other Matters of Conflict

 

Margaret struggles with feeling good enough.  She believes she should be able to do and be all things, which is impossible for anyone.  It doesn’t keep her from trying.  Even though she knows there is something going on with Nate, her fear of being left and of not being enough for him, Margaret doesn’t  allow herself to really see him or their marriage. And she takes on the emotional weight and responsibility of the marriage and blames herself for any of Nate’s unhappiness.


 

Setting Detail

 

The setting of this story is upstate New York. Just like the Northeast, the different weather plays heavily in some scenes. The different scenes,celebrations in the lives of the characters use the different seasons to help enforce the feeling of the scene.

When we first meet Margaret and Nate, they live in an apartment. Because they are on one income they are not house ready. This living arrangement is not ideal and a reminder to Nate of what he loses being with Margaret.  The cramped apartment is a symbol of how cramped Nate feels in the marriage.

The stairs at the Empire Plaza in Albany is important because of the volatility between characters.  

The hospital scenes are used to show both joy and sadness.  In the same place a character is pronounced dead is the same place his baby is born months after his death.  

There is also a scene in the church.  The significance of the scene is because of not only the reason for being there but the unspoken dynamic of the people there.

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First Assignment – Story Statement
Laverser Dorajon must defy her own beliefs and disregard everyone else’s to defeat the tyrant trying to destroy what’s left of her world.

 

Second Assignment – Antagonist
Every day, “The Creator” sacrifices himself by living a life full of uncertainty, rapid changes, and the unknown; so his citizens can enjoy a safe, predictable existence free of unwanted changes.

Remorseful of his secret biggest mistake’s consequences: the destruction of the surface of his planet and the death of his beloved brother, The Creator is lonely, sinking in guilt.

He is determined to eradicate aentropy, the energy of rapid change that powers his planet and makes it unlivable, according to him.

The Creator will do anything to stop aentropy even if he has to sacrifice the last living, of his race.


Third Assignment – Titles
The AEntropic
A World Uncertain
The past that no longer exists
 


Fourth Assignment – Comps
The lost dreamers by Lizz Huerta
The Kindred by Alecia Dow
These deadly Games by Diana Urban

 

Fifth Assignment – Log Line
An outlandish young woman must defy her own beliefs and disregard everyone else’s to defeat the tyrant trying to destroy what’s left of her world and save her race from annihilation.

 

Sixth Assignment – Core Conflict
Inner conflict.
Laverser Dorajon doesn’t want to change, even though she lives in a world that is constantly changing.

“I live in an aentropic world. What does that mean? In my world everything is constantly changing. Yes I know, where you live, everything is constantly changing too. But in my world change is fast. Really fast. Super fast. A seed can be planted, grow, give flowers, give you fruit and die in a matter of minutes. Right in front of your eyes. If you like something, don’t. It’s pointless to like anything. It will be gone so fast, you better not get attached.” -Laverser Dorajon


External conflict.

With her future fully designed, Laverser was expected to become someone mediocre. One more drone of The Creator’s majestic City of Tracks. But she knew there was something explosive about her. Something The Creator would kill for.

 


Seventh Assignment –Setting

The Majestic City of Tracks

Under a defensive dome, on the poisonous, ravaged and unlivable surface of planet Eduni,  lies there is the majestic City of Tracks. Planet Eduni, is like no other world in the planetary system. Eduni bears the burden of rapid change. A seed can be planted, grow, give flowers, give yield fruit, and die in a matter of minutes – r. Right in front of your eyes. If someone likes something, they better not. It will be gone so fast; they better not get attached.

In the City of Tracks, everything and everyone is affixed to a life-track, which gloriously absorbs aentropic energy out of living things. Change, in planet Eduni, is an energy called aentropic power. The Tracks, groundbreaking machinery designed by “The Creator,” slow down change so much that it looks like change has stopped taking place.

The Tracks are comprised of individual life-tracks for every person in the dome.  Each life-track draws out unlimited aentropic energy from its person.  This energy is then used to power the metropolis. Removing the aentropy from everything and everyone, eliminated rapid change. Well, practically, but not completely.

“Trackers,’’ the citizens living under the dome, have the privilege to enjoy a life with no unwanted changes. Well, almost. Under the still bubble, there is almost no uncertainty. The precious tracks have another benefit, they also show each citizen their most beloved and essential thing of all: their near future.

The tracks function so well, most citizens depend on these future screens for everything in their lives. Knowing your near future allows you to relax, look at what is going to happen, and free yourself from the tiring, constant decision-making that one has to do when one is surrounded by uncertainty.

Thanks to The Creator, decision-making in the City of Tracks is a thing of the far past. The life-track design engineers make sure citizens don’t have to inconvenience themselves with constant decisions. Decision-making has become obsolete.


The Underground

Under the city, in the Underground, are caves, tunnels, savage survivors (at least that’s what the trackers that still remember, call them), and constant rapid change.

The so-called savage survivors didn’t join the trackers on the surface because they fiercely value something trackers can’t have: freedom.

The Undergrounders —besieged by incessant uncertainty, never-ending transformations, and scarcity of resources, are attached to the past. Without tracker technology to slow down the constant rapid change, for the undergrounders, the past is the only thing that brings them comfort. The past is the only thing that doesn’t change. It’s the only thing that stays the same.

 

 

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1. Story Statement

Cole must decipher the strange behavior of a battered and bruised woman claiming to be an alien when she arrives at his doorstep.

2. Antagonist 

A covert experimental group called WEG runs an unethical initiative called HMA (Human Mind Artillery). This group is headed by Randall Whitlock, hence the name Whitlock Experimental Group. Randall is very conniving and will go to great lengths to bring about “groundbreaking” research to make a lot of money. He targets graduate research students from colleges to hire as staff for WEG and pays them well to keep them engaged in all his ideas, albeit how illegal or unethical they sound. The goal of this group is to conduct experiments to find new, lucrative tactics to sell to the military. Due to pressure to stay on top of the world politically in the current nuclear war, the military supports and funds this initiative, though Randall Whitlock is generationally wealthy and typically funds this group’s experiments himself. The HMA initiative is an operation designed to test mind control on human subjects, with the intention of being able to utilize mind control as a military tactic and weaponize the human mind. WEG decides to successfully kidnap 20 black individuals, all ranging from different ages, gender, and sizes. During these unethical mind-bending procedures, the scientists place the subjects in a coma-like state and enter them into a dream of an alien world. WEG uses its economic power to cover its tracks.

3. Breakout Titles

- Subject 019

- too alien for earth

- when aliens visit us

- aliens wear wigs

4. Comparables

- Divorced, Desperate and Delicious by Christie Craig: Romantic Suspense novel about a young divorced who allows an on-the-run detective to take refuge in her house. She and the detective work together to clear his name.

- All Her Little Secrets by Wanda M. Morris: Suspense/thriller novel of a twisty conspiracy that intertwines race and the legal system. A black attorney gets caught in a web surrounding the mysterious death of her white boss at a law firm.

5. Core Wound & Primary Conflict

Seeking internal redemption for a botched operation that left 11 people dead, a guilt-ridden ex-marine strives to protect a woman pleading for help from the dark force after her, and pursues an explanation behind the woman's claim to be an extraterrestrial. 

6. Two More Levels

- Inner conflict: In his last mission as a marine, Cole feels responsible for the tragedy that left 11 innocent people dead, all due to folly on his part. Now, three years removed from the incident, Cole is still recovering from the guilt. During his and the woman’s (Seyvn) quest to discover the truth about who she is and who is after her because of it, the pair discover that this force is more dangerous than they had originally thought. Cole feels extremely responsible for not only Sevyn’s safety but all those who help them along the way. So when another woman that is helping them gets hurt, Cole immediately assumes responsibility for the incident, reigniting the fire of guilt that Cole has tried to put out for years.

- Secondary conflict: Cole, a white man, and Sevyn, a black woman, cannot help the brewing attraction that they each develop for the other during their journey. The social climate, however, complicates this, as racial tensions are at an all-time high. On top of this, Sevyn, believing she is a different species, cannot come to terms with the idea of romantically loving a human. The pair try to navigate the discrepancies of falling in love with each other.

7. Setting 

Because of his emotional turmoil after his service, Cole lives in a private modern cabin-style home in a secluded area closer to the mountains near Denver, Colorado. The house is a primary setting due to the need to hide Sevyn, and it brings a lot of character to the novel. Each room of the house cultivates the emotional rollercoaster that Cole and Sevyn endure. Cole designed the house himself, with a Prussian blue exterior, two stories, quartz countertops, a wall of mirrors, and a fantastic view of the skyline over the mountains.

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Assignment One: Statement

Revive her spiritual energy from a self-induced karmic coma.

Release the forces of her inner energy from the confines of Karma.

Assignment Two: Antagonist.

Aria’s trust is betrayed by her notorious mind, which incites her into materialistic bazaars and dreams of an opulent lifestyle. Aria is spiritually and financially bruised, and at the age of fifty, she is evicted from her house and her innocence. The troika voices of her mind, heart, and consciousness force her to become an adult and face responsibilities weakened by her beliefs in Karma. Her simplistic life is further muddled by comparisons of her nomadic and freelance personality to her paranoid Uncle and her aunt’s invisible depression.

Assignment Three:  Title

Hangovers from Karma.

She Killed the Dead.

Assignment Four: Comparable:

Untamed: by Glennon Doyle. The similarity lies with

living life as per your expectations and not of others.   

Designing the mind: Ryan A Bush. In my memoir, the crazy story of my mind unconventionally adopts and practices the rules of this book, ‘Designing the Mind.’  

Assignment five: Logline/Hook line

Is she writing the scripts of her doings or is she living a predestined future? Aria surrenders her freelance lifestyle to dogmas of social obligations. Still, at the outset of her golden years and with the help of her spiritual intellect, she restores her inner happy self.         

The three pieces of her spiritual intellect set out to discover/investigate her inner energy, which she believes is burrowed at the center of the hidden city, her soul. In this far-stretched journey, the troika voices of her heart, mind, and consciousness reform and nurture her from a self-induced Karmic coma to a life of self-conviction.  

 

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ASSIGNMENTS 6-7

Assignment 6: Inner conflict

Primary Conflict: Her wishes to be an actor, save the world from poverty, experience nomadism, and own a tea shop, are not the expectations of a modest life. Her disappointments in achieving them lead to shifting her unease into meditation also fail; instead, she drizzles in materialistic affections and zilch her savings and sensibilities in potholes of adulthood. Aria’s relationship with herself, loss of self-love, and gratitude, she is unable to tackle the responsibilities of her golden age. Torn between the suggestions of the heart and mind she becomes the metal ball swinging between the pendulums.

Inner conflict: She is not an addict, she is not a survivor of a grave illness, she does not suffer from a mental illness, neither is she penniless; she is ordinary, yet struggles to survive.  In her mundane life, she is looking for spark and sparkle, very conveniently forgetting to be grateful for what she has.  

Secondary conflict: Aria’s sunset years arrive without her permission, and as a baby boomer, she did not boom too well. She stalks the millennium and Z zone and everything in between with much to learn and unlearn. Navigating her almost loveless life, she attempts to fly with broken wings to experience rainbows in the black.    

Assignment 7: Setting.

Aria is in love with this country; its hot climate, the green, brown, and bluest colors of nature, the organic beauty of rustic towns and villages, and the colorful culture which made Africa so beautiful.  The harbors of Port Harcourt and the hustle and bustle of Enugu. It came to an end with the Biafra war.

She is back in her birth country, India, in a small town named Dehra Doon, a valley with fields of sugarcanes and orchards of mango and lychee trees situated in the crust of mountains. The roof of her paternal and maternal homes provide a telescopic view of the green growls of the Himalayas in the summer and the melts of snow during winter and painted sunsets and sunrise in the sky.

Living in Long Island for thirty years, in Babylon and Lindenhurst, Aria escapes from the wrath of Hurricane Sandy and moves further West.

The antique shops on Main Street, quaint eateries, hilltop taverns, and drop-dead golden sunsets equate the magic and connect with Dehra doon and Mussoorie. Aria hasn’t seen much of the world, but the idyllic serenity of this town captures her heart. Labyrinthine branches offer a limited view of the Hudson River over a purple and orange sky, and the February chill connects her to the mountains beyond. She is home in the valley of Irvington, New York.   

 

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Reed Blanchard

A Middle-Grade Contemporary Fantasy Complete at 75,000 Words

 

Assignment One: Story Statement

Alex Foster loves fantasy roleplaying, but when it becomes a little too real, he must embark on a cross-country quest which forces him to choose between rescuing his best friend and saving a newly-discovered magical world.

 

Assignment Two: The Antagonist

The rest of the world might see Selene as a villain, but she knows that one day they will be thanking her. That’s because she knows something no one else does: it doesn’t matter how the world writes your story if there’s no world left to do it. While training to be a protector of earth’s hidden magical world - filled with creatures who have power over healing, faster than light travel, and more - she grew tired of watching them squander their unique abilities while humanity was faced with starvation, sickness, and an incoming climate crisis. 

If she could only use their powers to help humankind, she could save billions.

Unfortunately, the magical races aren’t willing to share their talents and an ancient law prevents her from revealing their existence to the rest of the world. There are only two ways to save the world - and neither is going to be pretty. 

After her first idea, capturing and experimenting on magical beings to ascertain the source of their powers, is less than fruitful, she must turn to plan B: convincing the prophesied hero to join her side. The problem is, she murdered his father. It will take a kidnapping, torturous cross-country quest, and a monster betrayal to force the hero’s hand, but it’s all for the greater good. Right?

 

Assignment Three: Create a Breakout Title

The Windrunner

The Cost of Valor

The Acerion Chronicles: The Windrunner

 

Assignment Four: Genre and Comparable Titles

Skyward” by Brandon Sanderson: A fast-paced, lighthearted story that still manages to weave in difficult topics such as grief and moral ambiguity. Sanderson writes a similar narrative voice, creating a protagonist who also yearns to be accepted, but is a little too confident for their own good. 

Brotherband” by John Flannogan: A middle-grade adventure that centers around trust, friendship, and doing the right thing. Flannogan create a world complete with multiple cultures which the protagonists must navigate, similar to my story.

 

Assignment Five: Logline

When a fantasy obsessed kid discovers a hidden magical world, he must embark on a cross-country quest that forces him to choose between rescuing his best friend and saving his new ones.

 

Assignment Six: Secondary Conflict

Alex struggles to reconcile with doing the right thing. In a world where everyone else acts to further their own motives, and Alex himself has been knocked down time and time again for making the morally right call, he doesn’t understand why he should be the only one to act honorably. Through his quest, he learns that we do the right thing not because it is easy, not because it promises fortune or power, but because someone must. Someone has to begin, or else others cannot follow.

At Acerion, Alex is surrounded by a variety of magical races, each of which impose their own ideologies on him to further their motives. He is tempted by those that preach power and violence, but finds that their unethical ways always come back to hurt them. He ultimately learns that, even though it may be more difficult, aligning himself with righteous, compassionate motives is the only way to be truly content.

 

Assignment Seven: Detailed Setting

The majority of act one takes place at Acerion, a hidden magical trading post in the mountains of North Georgia complete with macho fish guys, studious bird people, and more. At the center of the region is a village - an eclectic mix of Buddhist temples, thatched roofs, and pantheon look-alikes. The area is dominated by the Life Tree, a massive redwood which grants the region its power and shields it from the outside world. The tree’s golden leaves are an ode to the city’s fallen protectors. On the outskirts of the city, each race has their own domain - a minimalist network of tree-houses for the kinnara, a gladiatorial underwater city for the amphimorphs, a network of glittering caves for the crustlings. Here, Alex is safe.

After Alex embarks on his quest, he travels northwest, all the way to Washington State. Along the way, he is captured, taken prisoner in, or stumbles upon several magical settlements. The first is Kupigia, the last sprite settlement in the Great Planes, which at first sight is nothing more than a series of rolling hills. A well placed hole reveals an underground village of color and music, positively overflowing with emotion. After Alex and his companions escape, they find themselves in Cordillera, a crustling settlement deep in the Rocky Mountains outside of Denver, Colorado. A clock dominates the central chamber, which stretches more than twenty stories into the ground and is spanned by a web of carved bridges. What little sunlight feeds in is amplified off the symphony of gemstones embedded in the walls. The group also visits Cerebrath, a Southeast Asian-inspired forest with a fortune-telling Zen garden and lily pond infested by naiads. 

Alex concludes his journey at Psuedovale, the sorceress Selene’s dark tower. Once a bustling coastal trading post in the Pacific Northwest, the city was laid under siege by Selene and adopted for her own purposes. A fortress was built to encase the city’s Life Tree, a leafless evergreen, where she experiments on magical creatures. The journey into the basin is rocky and treacherous, but even more intimidating is the dead forest, through which Selene’s experimental monsters roam.

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Assignment I-

I. Act of Story Statement

After Eritrea's independence from Ethiopia, Segen, a young revolutionary turned OBGYN, struggles to provide medical care to her patients while living under a dictatorship.

 

II. Antagonistic Forces

The primary antagonistic force is a dictatorship:

The desire for freedom governs most of the story's events- war, migration, and fractured families. When Segen's father is taken by the occupying Ethiopian Military Police, she leaves her sister and mother behind and joins the revolution, where a third of the combatants are women. In these mountains, where self-sufficient underdogs fight the superpower-backed Ethiopia, Segen takes up arms, serves as a medic, and ends up in a love triangle.

After independence, however, Segen watches the democracy and freedom she and her comrades fought and died for slip away. She sees history repeat as the Eritrean youth and colleagues escape yet another dictator and fellow veterans are ushered to prison.

 

The secondary antagonistic forces are betrayal and sexism:

Despite being a female freedom fighter, Segen battles betrayal and sexism after independence as she tries to reintegrate into Eritrea's patriarchal society. First, she is betrayed by her fellow veterans who govern the country. Then, her husband betrays her by leaving her after multiple miscarriages due to the decision she and her husband, a fellow fighter, made as young revolutionaries. He marries a younger woman. But circumstances force her husband, now a top government official, and his new wife to seek Segen's medical care. And here again, Segen confronts sexism while caring for her patient, even if it may cost her dearly.

Her husband, Aaron, is also an antagonistic force–He breaks up a budding relationship between the protagonist and his best friend, thereby changing the course of Segen's life. He then divorces her, and marries a much younger woman, thereby inciting a core wound- betrayal. Later, he is responsible for causing trauma to the protagonist due to what happens to his wife when he and his second wife seek Segen's medical expertise.

 

III. BREAKOUT TITLE OPTIONS

Sandals in the Mountains

The Inferno Surrounding Me

 

IV. Genre/ Comparables:

Genre: Literary fiction

Comparables:

  1. Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese, published in 2009–Like Cutting For Stone, takes place in Ethiopia and the United States, but also because it is romantic literary fiction with medical drama.
  2. The Nightingale by Kristin Hanna–similar to my book, this historical fiction deals with war and the aftermath. Although my book may not be considered historical fiction due to the timeline not being as far back in history, it is still researched and accurate in the historical context.
  3. When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi (memoir)--medical drama, dying, love, delayed gratification, and saying goodbye to the medical profession.

 

V. Logline

After winning Eritrea's independence from Ethiopia's harsh dictator in 1992, a young combatant turned OBGYN is betrayed by fellow revolutionaries as she watches the country she fought and exchanged her fertility for slip into a dictatorship to be known as the North Korea of Africa. One of only a few doctors left behind, she struggles to provide medical care and reintegrate into a patriarchal society that ascribes women as primary procreators. 

 

VI. Inner Conflict:

Segen, seeing her colleague escape, battles the desire to leave. She ponders if life in a foreign land, as a secondary citizen, is worth the risk of migration. What does she owe her country? Who will be left for Eritrea?

Also, despite being a female freedom fighter and an OBGYN, Segen has an inner conflict about self-worth in a society that ascribes women primarily as procreators. She is single, with no children, and envies the traditional family structure that she sacrificed as a combatant.

 

VII. Setting

The primary setting is Eritrea, a mysterious country in the horn of Africa labeled by some as the North Korea of Africa. Part of the setting is in the harsh northern mountains of Eritrea, where the revolution takes place and self-sufficient underdogs, with thirty-plus percent of combatants being women, become a shadow government to the areas they liberate. The other setting is in Asmara, the capital of Eritrea, a beautiful metropolis once occupied by the Italians. Thus, with palm trees and pastel-colored buildings with art deco architecture of the 1920s, Asmara has a distinctly European and African vibe with a highly social society.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The New York Pitch Conference – Seven Assignments

1.  First Assignment - Story Statement:

A socially rejected but ambitious colonel battles his peers’ arrogance as he trains his overlooked broodmare to become a successful racehorse in 18th century Maryland.

 

 2.  Second Assignment - Antagonists summary:

Colonel Benjamin Tasker, Jr.’s antagonists:

 1.      William Byrd – The wealthy, spoiled Virginia lawmaker has no respect for those who are beneath his social level. He uses his prize Thoroughbred racehorse Tryall to win local dispute races and maintain his prominence. He challenges others to race their horses against Tryal in a horse race to boost his fragile ego. Aware of Col. Tasker’s horse Selima’s racing success, Byrd attempts to ruin Selima’s chances to participate in the race.   

2.      The Ridgely brothers and their friends – They have hereditary privileges that allow them to own the finest farmlands and purchase the finest racehorses. They belittle Tasker’s social rank, his horse, and his attraction to a beautiful wealthy horsewoman.

3.       Governor Samuel Ogle – Because Tasker is the grandson of an indentured servant, Governor Ogle uses his brother-in-law as his estate manager and horse trainer and ignores Tasker’s attempt to improve his stature. The governor later learns to appreciate Tasker for his ambitions and success with Selima.  

4.      Elizabeth Worthington – The beautiful, wealthy horsewoman quickly rejects Colonel Tasker’s early romantic interest because of his involvement in trade and lack of hereditary privileges. She is condescending to him at social occasions, but she later sees him in a different light.

 

3.  Third Assignment - Breakout Title:

Tasker’s Chance

Horse of the Colonies

A Faith Called Selima

 

4.  Fourth Assignment - Comparables:

Tasker’s Chance is like National Velvet meets My Name is Resolute, except with male protagonists.

Tasker’s Chance is like Seabiscuit meets Poldark.

Tasker’s Chance is like Marguerite Henry’s King of the Wind set in 18th century Maryland.

 

5.  Fifth Assignment - Hook/Logline (Primary Conflict)

A socially rejected colonel battles with the arrogant malice of his peers, especially from a wealthy, powerful statesman, as he realizes the potential of his broodmare and trains her to become a successful racehorse in 18th century colonial Maryland.

Secondary conflict(s) – Core wounds sketches

Colonel Benjamin Tasker, Jr constantly experiences social rejection from the privileged gentry of 18th century Maryland because of his low birth status (he is the grandson of an indentured servant). Others in high social ranks make Tasker feel that he is good, but not good enough to be fully a part of – and benefit from – their circles of privilege and wealth. Tasker’s grasp of his broodmare Selima’s potential to become a successful racehorse is a means to 1) prove his self-worth to society, and 2) provide a chance to Selima to become successful.

1.      The Colonel Tasker (protagonist) initially has conflicts with his brother-in-law Governor Samuel Ogle. Ogle is a brusque English aristocrat who is not completely happy about being a governor of a rural colony. He is married to Tasker’s sister and yet often sees the Tasker family as socially inferior due to Tasker’s grandfather being an indentured servant, and that Tasker is involved with the spice trade. The governor treats Tasker almost like a plantation manager. He is not pleased that Tasker’s seven-year-old broodmare outperforms his new stallion, Othello.

2.      Colonel Tasker also has bad luck with women; his fiancé died of smallpox and he has a problematic relationship with beautiful, aristocratic horsewoman Elizabeth Worthington (antagonist). She rebuffs his polite attempts to court her. Despite their mutual interest in horses, they scorn each other, until Tasker is compelled to rescue her when Elizabeth’s horse runs away with her. Only after a female rival displays romantic interest in Tasker and Elizabeth’s forced marriage to an older landowner does Elizabeth realize, too late, that she loves Tasker.

3.      William Byrd, (antagonist) a spoiled, wealthy landowner, presents problems for Tasker as well. Byrd is a charming successful politician, but he has a gambling problem and reputation as a cheat. Although Byrd meets him only a few times, he feels threatened by Tasker’s success with Selima. When a bridge collapse delays Selima and Tasker participation in an important horse race, Byrd attempts to prevent Selima from racing by bribing the racing monitors to remain silent to race officials when Tasker’s messenger informs Byrd of the delay and Tasker’s intent to race.

4.      Tasker also faces scorn from sons of several wealthy plantation owners (antagonists) who are set to inherit wealth. The Ridgelys and Dorseys treat him as someone beneath them socially because of his low birth. They ask him to train their mediocre racehorses to become successful on the race track and they make fun of Selima. They also become rather jealous when Selima develops into a successful racer. 

5.      Henry Talbot, (a second (sub?) protagonist) and Colonel Tasker’s jockey, has his own conflicts as he finds success with riding Selima. A temperamental stablemaster torments Henry as the slave works his way to becoming a jockey. Jealous of his rising stature, fellow slaves get him into trouble with his owner, Governor Samuel Ogle of Maryland, and rob him of his jockey earnings and Henry’s means of purchasing his own freedom. Henry resorts to running away after Ogle refuses to help with the theft, risking his jockey career.

 

6.  Sixth Assignment - Inner conflicts

Inner conflicts of:

Colonel Benjamin Tasker, Jr. – An expert horseman, Tasker is frustrated by his peers’ social rejection and is not sure what to do about it. He wants at least to be treated better. He is aware that a way to earn respect and improve a reputation among the colonies’ privileged class is to have a fast horse that wins races. Tasker places himself wholeheartedly in this endeavor when he is able to own Selima, a broodmare of champion bloodlines that wins races. Tasker does indeed begin to earn respect from Governor Ogle and (to some extent) from Elizabeth Worthington, and the jealousy of a rival from William Byrd. However, Tasker begins to question this respect’s superficiality – do others respect Tasker for his good character as a person or simply that he is the owner of a successful racehorse? This is bold new thinking in 18th century colonial America.  

William Byrd – A loyalist to the English king, Byrd is charming, wealthy, young, privileged, and a successful Virginia statesman, yet he has severe gambling problems and is insecure with others’ success. He is unhappily married to a wealthy plantation owner’s daughter. He values the idea that a fast horse ensures a high reputation for its owner, and he treasures his undefeated racehorse, Tryall for mostly that reason. However, he feels threatened by the success and strength of those beneath his social status, such as Colonel Tasker and his successful racehorse Selima (how can a broodmare be faster than a young stallion?) and the imposing, hot-tempered farmer Ewan Lemont. Byrd organizes a grand horse race and puts himself at risk and stress by requiring an enormous wager that he himself would struggle to pay if his horse lost – and is insecure enough to try to ruin Selima’s participation in the race.

Henry Talbot – Henry desperately wants to move on from being a slave to becoming a jockey, but he is frustrated by the contempt of his fellow slaves who are jealous of his success and the strictness of his cantankerous owner, Governor Ogle. He is often lonely – torn between achieving a higher status in life or remaining friends with his peers. He feels wronged by the governor when he refuses to grant him his freedom after a slave steals Henry’s earnings and the means to purchase his freedom. Out of anger, he runs away to a boarding house for jockeys, and faces more rejection when the jockeys scorn him for illegally fleeing his owner. Henry finds peace and solace with riding Selima, with whom he formed a bond and at times seemed to be his only friend.

Elizabeth Worthington – Worthington, the spoiled shallow only daughter of a wealthy planter, wants to marry one of the dashing young handsome aristocratic but superficial men in the countryside, but is discouraged when her father insists that she marry an old, boring, established, wealthy plantation owner. She rejects mild flirtations from Colonel Tasker when she learns that he is of low birth, in trade, and is a horse trainer and beneath her social status. When Tasker rescues her from a runaway horse, Worthington is grateful for his actions and begins feel attracted to him, which confuses her. She is also conflicted by Tasker’s question, when he approached her - is she feeling favorably towards Tasker because his victories with Selima or for his good character? She fights these conflicting feelings (it’s often too much for her to think about!) until a female acquaintance shows an obvious romantic interest in Tasker, and Worthington’s feelings grow into jealousy. She realizes too late that she is in love with Tasker, and is forced to marry the old wealthy plantation owner.

 

7.  Seventh Assignment - Settings

Most of Tasker’s Chance takes place in colonial Maryland from early autumn 1751 to early winter 1752. The epilogue takes place in 1789, after the Revolutionary War and in the southern portion of what is now the State of Maryland.

The story takes place in the following scenes in rough chronological order.

Rural Maryland near the settlement of Collington, west of the Maryland capital of Annapolis: Most events take place on the vast Bel Air estate near Collington, MD. The Bel Air estate consists of an enormous elegant house, 2500 acres or tobacco and pasture, large fine stables, seven or eight slave cabins, and extensive barns and other outbuildings.  Outside of Bel Air, the population is very sparse, the roads are few and muddy, communication is slow.  The few estates and towns are separated by vast acres of farmland, pastureland or dense woods, where Indians are occasionally seen. 

Some activity takes place on the Tasker Farm, is a small 60 acre farm near Galesville, south of  Annapolis and close to the Chesapeake Bay shores. Bel Air is about a day’s ride away from the farm.

The Wandlebury Stables near Newmarket, England: Large pasturelands extend from the prestigious Wandlebury estate and stables. The stables are large and luxurious accommodations for horses; royalty and the aristocracy frequently came here to purchase their animals.  

Westover, the enormous Virginia estate of William Byrd:  Westover is a larger estate than Bel Air and is located on the James River near Williamsburg, VA.  Byrd frequently hosts barbecues and horse races on this estate.

Annapolis, the small but prosperous capital port city of Maryland: 1751 Annapolis is a sophisticated city of cobblestone streets, brick townhomes, and large, elegant houses.  Governor Ogle owns a house here, and the Taskers are frequent guests.  The colonial aristocracy usually congregates in this city, and the locals tease them as “more British than the British.”

The Virginia wilderness near the Rappahannock River: Miles of forests, meadows and swamps exist here with poorly built roads and bridges.  The civilization in this region are the tiny settlements of Fredericksburg, XXX, Gloucester, Williamsburg, Richmond, and Yorktown.

Anderson’s Race Grounds near Gloucester, VA: Anderson Race Grounds is the new form of circular race track that was becoming increasing more popular with horse racing.  The sloping hills from the grounds provide the perfect viewing point to watch the races.

Mt. Airy Farm in Upper Marlboro, MD: The denouement of the story takes place here at Benedict Calvert’s farm in 1785, two years after the Revolutionary War ended.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE NEW YORK PITCH CONFERENCE - Seven Assignments.docx

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