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Cover Snark: A Plan B for Pirates

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Hey all! It’s time for some Cover Snark!

Daddy Biker Bear by Roxie Ray. A shirtless and helmet-less man with lustrous hair is riding a motorcycle. A roaring black bear is behind him.

From Sarah: Neither road rash nor fatal head injuries are sexy.

Sarah: They need helmets and I need to know how big the bike is if the bear can ride, too.

Tara: I think this one might be so bonkers that I actually love it.

Sarah: Where does one get a bear-sized helmet?

Amanda: Okay but which one is actually the daddy biker bear?

Match Me Up by Weston Parker. A shirtless man in glasses is holding a stack of books. His head doesn't look like it belongs on the same body.

From Carole: Is it just me, or is this ‘match my head/neck with some other dude’s body’??

Sarah: I love that it is my job to stare at my monitor and try to figure out if that head and that body match.


Is the plot that the relationship between the head and the body are a friends-to-lovers romance? Is that the matching what’s in the title?!

…how would that work.

Again: this is my actual job and I am deeply enamored of it.

Carrie: When he goes topless in the library it’s “sexy” but when I do it it’s a “crime” where’s the justice

A Groom For Gracie by Heather Blanton. A woman in a dark blue dress stands in the snow. She's crossing her fingers while a wooden wagon is parked on a snowy slope behind her.

Another from Carole: Who in their right mind parks a wagon on a grade like that?? Have visions of Keystone Cops scene chasing the runaway wagon! I think it is supposed to say Blizzard Brides, but I saw BUZZARD BRIDES?

Amanda; I think Carole is onto something because the cover model is clearly crossing her fingers, maybe hoping her wagon won’t roll away.

Lara: Carole has gifted us with an embarrassment of riches!

Sarah: I know that this is cover snark, and the wagon is going to roll away in .02 seconds,, and I don’t think that hand originally belonged to her, but can I just say that I freaking love her gown? It looks so warm.

Alien Abduction for Pirates by Skye MacKinnon. A man with a bright red skin tone stands before a swirling blue hole. He has weird space bun meets ram's horns thing going on, plus a brown leather eyepatch. A metal steampunk parrot is on his shoulder and the man also has a gray beard.

From Claire: I am a devoted reader of the Cover Snark posts (in addition to much of the rest of this site) and they brighten my day greatly. What is on his head? Is it multiple pairs of headphones? Is it two weirdly plasticky chocolate-peanut butter pudding things? What is with the eye patch? It looks like a giant egg sac that’s about to hatch a million space spiders. I don’t even want to address that creepy duck-insect made of weirdly steampunky materials on his shoulder. Is it some kind of parasite? Is it like the space version of a parrot?

Sarah: It DEFINITELY looks like he’s got holiday chocolates stuck to his head. Also I can’t decide if it says “for prairie” or “for privates.”

Carrie: More importantly why to pirates need a guide to alien abduction? Are they learning how to abduct aliens? Are they learning how to survive being abducted? If the latter, why are pirates singled out for abduction? The cover suggests that alien pirates are learning how to abduct…what? Headphones?

Sarah: Alien Abduction for Pirates definitely sounds like a For Dummies guide, doesn’t it?

Are YOU a Pirate who is Out of Work or looking for an Exciting New Opportunity? Have you considered ALIEN ABDUCTION

What an amazing collection of potential Glassdoor reviews.

Carrie: Are YOU an Alien Pirate Who is TIRED OF STEALING LATINUM? Try ABDUCTING instead with THIS SIMPLE GUIDE!

Self Help: Pirates Abducted By Aliens: Surviving the Trauma from A to ARRRRR

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