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Elyse Watches The Bachelorette–S18 E6: A Night at the Museum

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http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/ElyseBachelorette-150x125.pngThis week, we’re down to eight dudes.

Whoever gets a rose this week goes on to Hometowns where Michelle meets the guy’s family.

Before we get to that, Tayshia Adams and Zac Clark broke up because

  1. this show’s premise is bullshit and doesn’t work
  2. 2. Tayshia is now hosting The Bachelorette and probably doesn’t need Zac in her life for sponsorship opportunities.


Pudding is not impressed

Four of Michelle’s fifth grade students are joining her this week to help her weed out the men by grilling them. Kelsey asks Rodney if he’s ever been grounded. Then she challenges the dudes to do a handstand. Both Jayleen and Kelsey feel like Olu is a good guy, but Kelsey doesn’t like Martin and thinks he talks too much and shows off.

She also adds, “Also he wears too much cologne.”

Luke observes that Clayton is good at building a pillow fort and that he has big muscles and “would probably be good at carrying the groceries.”

Kelsey is not impressed with Martin

The kids get to pick the first person to go on a one-on-one and will be planning the date. They pick Clayton. A limo pulls up and its got pizza and candy inside. Then they go to a museum where the kids have been on field trips. Getting to wander around a museum at night when no one is there sounds amazing.

They go into the planetarium and the kids have recorded a show about the planets and honestly it’s adorable. One of them says that earth is the best planet because it has dogs.

I'm just

During the dinner they aren’t allowed to eat, Michelle reflects that it feels like there’s something missing in her relationship with Clayton. She tells him “You completely checked every single box of the qualities I’m looking forward in somebody, but I know that giving out this rose means I’m ready to meeting your family and I don’t feel like I’m able to get there with you in time.”

Clayton says he’s thankful for the opportunity to meet her. She walks him to the limo of tears. Michelle’s students leave him a nice letter, and he tears up reading it.

For the group date, they go to a farm. They have to milk cows and Rodney looks like he’s going to pass out. I have no idea why touching a cow teat freaks him out that much, but hey, we’ve all got our things. Rick is a natural.


Then they bottle feed calves and once again I’m all…

Click for me RN

The calves like Joe the best. Then they churn butter. Nayte is rolling the dowel between his hands like he’s trying to start a fire or something. Joe wins the butter competition.

Finally the guys scoop poop because Michelle says she wants to have kids and poop is part of that equation.  My husband is cleaning up cat vomit as I type this so I can attest to the fact that it’s important to find a partner who isn’t afraid to deal with bodily functions.

During the cocktail party, Nayte tells her that his family dynamic is different and his dad doesn’t want to talk about girls or meet anyone he’s dating.  After that little nugget he tells Michelle he’s falling for her. Michelle says she feels the same way and they make out noisily.

So out on the drinking couches Martin talks about how his last conversation with Michelle (about women in Miami being “high maintenance”) didn’t go well and that he thinks Michelle is working through things in her past (she mentioned feeling like the token person of color growing up) and is immature.


OIu tells Michelle what Martin said basically verbatim. Olu says that Martin hasn’t had to deal with the same issues Michelle has as a woman of color and that his comments were wrong.

She pulls Martin aside and confronts him about saying one thing to her and another to the guys. Martin denies calling her immature even though WE HAVE IT ON CAMERA. Then he keeps talking over Michelle.

“My personal opinion is that you’re letting someone else dictate the relationship we have. Because for me it’s a respect thing. Because I respect you,” he says.

This whole conversation is so confusing.

“This whole conversation has been about how you think I should feel about [my experiences] and you cut me off every time I start talking,” Michelle says.

Martin scoffs.


Michelle says she can’t trust him and walks him out. She says she was vulnerable with Martin and he considered it a character flaw.

Martin, in the limo of tears, is butthurt that she accused him of talking over her (which he was doing). I think if that’s what bothers him about the conversation then he can just throw himself right in the trash.

He follows up with “I’m just sad for her” and “A woman like that doesn’t deserve my time.”

click for Martin

Michelle returns to the group and gives Nayte the date rose.

The next one-on-one goes to Brandon. They go to her favorite ice cream spot in Stillwater, Minnesota. Then they go to her childhood home, but her parents aren’t there so he isn’t meeting them (yet). She gives him one of her dad’s swimsuits and they go for a soak in the family hot tub. So then, oh noes, Michelle’s parents arrive and she’s kissing a boy in the hot tub! But she’s also 28 so WHO FUCKING CARES.

So they all sit on the patio and visit, and then Brandon asks to speak to her parents alone. He said he feels deeply in love with Michelle and asks if they would approve of him and Michelle getting married. They agree and say they really like him and Michelle seems really happy.

During dinner Brandon says he wishes he could have introduced her to his late grandfather. They were very close and Brandon says he was his best friend. Then he gives her a bracelet that his mom gave him to give to “the one.” He tells her he’s falling in love with her. She gives him the date rose.

Later Tayshia and Kailyn tell the guys that there won’t be a cocktail party, they are going straight to rose tonight.



Michelle tells the guys she knows where her heart is at, which is why she canceled the cocktail party.

I need to point out that Olu is wearing this red and black jacket, and I love it.


Rick and Olu go home. That means Rodney, Joe, Nayte and Brandon are the final four.

Are you watching?

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