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Fate of the Shattered--Fantasy YA

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This is the beginning of the novel. it sets up the real of the Fates and what is at stake for the world. it is the first part of the prologue before we see the main character as a grown, 19 year old who doesn't have strong memories of her life in this magical world.


“Let me tell you a story, my little ones,” her father said as he tucked her into bed.

“Papa, tell us of the lost monsters,” Decasha squealed. Shadow, being the youngest of her father’s children, was too small to reach over and smack her older brother until he quieted, so she scowled at him instead. 

Her father must have seen this, for the old man with a face worn by hours of staring at flowers in his shop, wrinkled his nose and rolled up his sleeves. “Tonight I will tell you the story of our Fates,” he said, voice deep and crackling like a fire. Shadow curled her toes under the scratchy comforter to quench her excitement.

“Long before man, women, and even monsters, there was nothing, for no magic had struck the heart of our world. So no life, no matter how small, could thrive.

“This was what the Fates saw, and this was what they sought to fix. Eos, Elaveve, Luciana, Carwyn, Lanthia, Nekaine, Alisdair, Kyphine, Seliana, and Arileah. Ten sisters, ten Fates...ten beings to create a beginning.” Shadow made an astonished gasp as her father continued. “Eos, Fate of light, and Elaveve, Fate of life, saw this barren land and knew great things could come of it. They went to their sisters and told them what they wished to do. However, not all agreed.

“As the Fate of wisdom, Seliana thought infusing their power into such a place could break it. Though, Arileah, the Fate of ignorance, said there had never been a world with creatures of flesh, so why not it be them who creates it.

“They put it to a vote. Lanthia, Fate of love, Alisdair, Fate of strength, and Kyphine, the Fate of fear, agreed with the plan. However, all ten of them would be needed in order to thrust their power into the heart of the world and have life come pouring out. They were strong individually, but they were born to build together. For it was these sisters that created the destinies of all. 

“Having heard what their sisters wanted, Luciana and Carwyn, the Fates of darkness and death, wanted something to experiment on, so they made a proposition. They would help create this world if they could experiment with the creatures that came out of it. The rest were wary, for such knowledge of a land unborn was beyond even their all-seeing eyes. 

“The sisters argued and argued about the falling out of such experiments, and what, if anything, would wreak havoc on the land they would create. It was Nekaine, the Fate of hate, that brought reason, being utterly fed up with her sister’s squabbles. We create destinies, she said. So let’s make this world and see what comes of it. And when life is born and creatures begin to walk the grounds, let there be a prophecy. This way anyone can experiment, and if these little creations do indeed break the world we create, then we can decide which side of the prophecy should come to pass. The sisters thought this fair, so together they unleashed their powers, and our world was born.”

Shadow’s jaw hung open, which had her father giggling and bopping the tip of her small nose. “What happened, Papa...to the Fates?” she asked.

“No one knows. Some say they became the land itself. But I like to think, as many do, that they watch us from the stars, gazing down at their creations.”

“And the experiments?” Decasha asked, eyes wide and curious.

“What do you think the lost monsters are, my child?” Their father smiled. “Some of us are chosen by the Fates to be Shattered or Amalin...to have magic. But the lost monsters were made. Some became twisted and slunk into the dark, while others simply feared those with powers. You see children, prophecies can be told but never unwritten. It was said if there was a time when we would need it, there would be beings that could either destroy our world, or save it---”

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"there had never been a world with creatures of flesh..." 

The implication here has me very excited, right at the beginning of your book! You do a great job painting wide strokes with small lines regarding character description. Shadow does nothing but scowl, curl her toes, and drop her jaw and already I'm rooting for her. Very well done.

One thing to consider is that once father begins telling the story the exposition and narrative is completely linear. An interruption by one of the children that conflicts with the tale, such as Decasha arguing the neighbor has a slightly different version etc., may help the tale feel less didactic to us. Of course that's exactly what many tales to young children are for so it is really a non-issue, just a thought!

Thanks for the read,


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