Cover Snark: Scream Inside Your Heart

[Artemis Gordon]

It’s another Monday and that means it’s time for another Cover Snark!

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/image3.jpg

From Carole: One Nipple headed west, one missing in the east. That is the one of the worst photo-shopped backgrounds – it looks like giant mutant carnation stalks starting to envelop him from the right – and ohh what can the SBTB do with that series title Farm Pleasures?? The mind boggles…

Tara: If I never read the phrase “Farm Pleasures” again, it will be too soon.

Also, maybe he’s a side character from The Chrysalids, if I recall my tenth grade reading correctly (let’s be honest, I probably don’t).

Elyse: It looks like he has a growth under his pec. You’re gonna want to get that checked out.

Sarah: Wouldn’t there be a LOT of cuts and scrapes from walking through the photoshopped corn with your shirt open?

Shana: Maybe he’s into the painful feeling of corn stalks poking into his chest tumor?

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/image4.png

From Dawn: I love your Cover Snark posts and think I found a cover for you to consider. I am still trying to figure out how they are still on top of the water or if they are in a gel bed.

Elyse: You know they’ve both got sand in their nooks and crannies

Sarah: That looks rather dangerous.

I wonder if they’re related to these folks?

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/image5.png

Amanda: Imagine if that’s what your family was known for. Getting busy in dangerous seaside settings.

Claudia: “Yes, the ship is gone, but let’s get down to business.”

Shana: Some people look sexy with wet hair. This dude, not so much.

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/image1.png

From Jewel: I thought you’d appreciate this one. The guy looks like he’s screaming internally.

I am now imagining this person’s internal monologue.

Tara: “How is it possible that I, a billionaire, still can’t get out of this Christmas celebration? I just want to sit quietly at home, but Mother insists. I don’t care that she told me to smile more naturally. Constipated smile is the best she’s getting.”

Elyse: This is what happens when The Hallmark Channel becomes sentient and creates its own actor.

Sarah: “EeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeee.”

Sneezy: Oh my god, ELYSE THAT IS A TERRIFYING THOUGHT!!!!!!

Amanda: Yes, Elyse! It’s like if you put all the Hallmark heroes into a neural net.

Claudia: Title should be “Christmas Miracles in Uncanny Valley.”

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/image2.png

From anonymous: Her legs. I can’t stop looking at her legs.

Sarah: Nope, me neither

Amanda: Sarah

It’s Betty Spaghetti

Sarah: OMG IT IS. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT BETTY

Tara: Or her father was a stickbug.

View the full article