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Cover Snark: Dr. Nips is On Call


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Welcome back to Cover Snark, where everyone’s favorite shirtless doctor has made a return!http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/34515416._SY475_.jpg

Tara: His wang is the ghost?

Or it’s named Ghost?

Lara: He’s just flexing… right? I mean he isn’t straining with his hands on his nethers? RIGHT?!

Carrie: Whatever he’s doing he’s much more interested in his own penis then he is likely to be about me.

Tara: Carrie, tell the truth. How long have you been waiting for someone that’s half man, half motorcycle?

Carrie: Is the motorcycle detachable? I wouldn’t mind a motorcycle.

Tara: We need him to stop looking at his penis long enough to let us know.

Carrie: He should probably put a helmet on that too, if ya know what I mean

Elyse: He needs an ointment for that pec

AJ: I was gonna say, he’s about to BE a ghost if he doesn’t get that infection looked at

Elyse: It looks like super bad sunburn healing. Like he’s gonna peel for sure

Carrie: I thought maybe it was a third degree burn or scarring thereof.

Catherine: Oh! It’s a tattoo of a woman! Not a terrible injury at all! Or am I seeing visions again?

Also – and I know I’ve said this before – since when are veins sexy? Next time I see veins like that, I want them to be on the cover model for The Phlebotomist’s Barbarian Lover.

Carrie: And…Catherine wins the Internet.

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/image-60.png

From Amanda: It’s a four armed alien, I want to see what you guys have to say about it.

Sarah: Yup. Four arms. And four nipples and four pecs under which to take shelter from the rain.

Wait I bet I know how this image was made.

Carrie: The arms are disturbing enough (but good for housework or diapering pairs of twins?) but the double set of pecs is NOT OK.

Sarah: Is his name CTRL-C-CTRL-V?

Carrie: On the plus side he can probably wash dishes really fast but think of how much he has to spend on deodorant and custom shirts

Maybe that’s why he’s shirtless.

Sarah: I would imagine that with all the folded skin he gets really itchy when it’s humid, poor thing.

Amanda: I’m getting human centipede vibes and I don’t like it

Elyse: I looked at this and was like “Wait have I been drinking?”

Catherine: I feel like this cover goes both too far and not far enough. Does he have four legs, too? Is he an octopus? And, well, what else does he have an extra one of?

Sarah: IMPORTANT QUERY IS IMPORTANT.

Carrie: ASKING FOR A FRIEND

Tara: Or is he a badly made Russian doll?

AJ: I want to snark on this but every time I look at it I laugh too hard to type

You know what, on reflection, I take it back. This cover brings me nothing but joy. It is perfect and beautiful, 10/10, no notes.

http://smartbitchestrashybooks.com/WP/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/Midas-TOuch.jpg

From Carole: Ummm, so many things – Duh head scratch?? Nipple bullseye, plus deodorant commercial and OMG did he wax his underarm hair??

Sarah: ​​I have a strong suspicion that the stethoscope was not part of the original picture.

Kiki: If my doctor turns parts of my body to gold while performing a medical exam: ALSO a problem!

Elyse: I like how the stethoscope artfully frames his nip

Sarah: PEEKABOO NIPPLES!

Catherine: I’m with Kiki. The whole tragedy of the Midas story is that when he touched the people he loved, they turned into golden statues. This is a terrible premise for a romance AND ALSO a major disqualifier for practicing medicine, I think.

Ok, maybe a paranormal romance? Where he’s some kind of closed-off monster hunting type who makes a living selling his remarkably lifelike golden sculptures but is full of angst because he can never find true love or even hug a kitten, which is possibly even more of a tragedy? And clearly the curse needs to be broken at some point (and I’d just like to note that he is almost certainly a virgin hero, unless this curse came on later in life), presumably by the heroine, and you know, I’ve almost talked myself into reading that story.

BUT.

None of it makes the doctor stuff plausible, possible or desirable.

AJ: The nipple is distracting me from the real issue, to wit: Why isn’t his stethoscope gold?

Maya: YES, THANK YOU!!! and his pants!!!

Carrie: WELL SPOTTED AJ

Would read. Maybe he’s NOT a doctor. Maybe he wanted to be one, but he can’t because of the curse, but he wears the stethescope as a sign of mourning?

Catherine: So much angst! That’s it for sure!

EllenM: if your stethoscope isn’t gold are you EVEN a DOCTOR.

 

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