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Friday Speak Out!: How Journaling Saved My Writing

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by Maruable (Marusa Zemva)

In recent years I've often dreamed of flying. These kind of dreams has always been my favorite. If I could be any animal, I would choose to be a bird. So I can fly wherever I want to, whenever I want to. From a bird’s eye perspective, everything looks so clear, so small, almost meaningless.

Well, the dreams where we can fly are supposed to tell us that we need to change something.
And when we finally decide we will do something different, our insecurities come to the fore. When I decided I will pursue my writing career I was overwhelmed by a strong doubt. I doubted my ability to describe and summarize my views. I doubted my ability to correctly express myself. I've had this big fear of the language barrier, and I was convinced that I am simply not capable of writing content worth reading and send it out as to actually get someone to read it.

I struggled for months to write something and I lost myself in trying this and that. I was so afraid of not writing well and be rejected, that I just didn't do anything. I gave up before I even started. I stopped trying.

Looking back, I think I didn't know shit about myself and my desire to write was not strong enough. A year later, one day I was alone, drinking wine and thinking about writing, and suddenly I felt like I had a pivotal moment when I realized I was made to write. It hit me literally from nowhere, and it was like a 'light bulb' moment of sorts.

Later, I somehow managed to suppress all my feelings and hopes, I accepted that I just wasn’t capable of writing. Which doesn’t mean that someday I won’t be, but that moment was more important to know I was not.

One day I took a piece of paper and began to write. My monologue. My journal. My thoughts. I wrote something small every day. Some days I wrote just a few words and some days I wrote pages. This helped me overcome my own limiting beliefs. Until it all became so real and unbelievably clear, and I was thinking, it would be sad to not share this mess with no one. It would be sad to not share my soul story with some other souls out there. Souls, who might be struggling, souls who might be feeling lost and defeated as I was back then. And just like that I decided I will collect all this written mess into one book.

From that day on, I call myself a writer. And now it is up to me to upgrade from writer to an author. I know I have a long way to go, but now my belief is stronger than my doubts, and I now believe that change can happen. That change is a real possibility. And, truth be told, I am the one who will make it happen.

While journaling down my thoughts and feelings, I also became more observant of the world around me. It really brought so much clarity into my life, and I am beyond grateful for that 'light bulb' moment I had.

For once in my life, I freed myself of all my thoughts. Through that, I realized my meaning. And after that, I never dreamed of flying again.

* * *

My name is Marusa (also called Maru) living in Bled, Slovenia, and I am a Freelance Content Creator under the name Maruable. 

I hold a Bachelor’s degree of Natural Resources Conservation and Research and thoughtfully strive to create and preserve a better world for all beings.

I am an adventure seeker, a yogi and an absolute animal lover. With English being my second language, I still decided to write and manage my business outside my comfort zone. Furthermore, this year I've finished writing my first draft of my book which I also wrote in English. The book speaks about my personal development journey, and it'll be out soon. 

My 'Maruable' website link: http://www.maruable.com
My instagram link: https://www.instagram.com/neversettlebird/ 

Would you like to participate in Friday "Speak Out!"? Email your short posts (under 500 words) about women and writing to: marcia[at]wow-womenonwriting[dot]com for consideration. We look forward to hearing from you!

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