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Updated: 11-30-24 Howdy all, Here's the full proposal PDF: google docs link to the full book proposal (formatted and easier on the eyes than reading here) Go Bleep Your Self-Help has an Introduction which um, well, you know...introduces the book, but here ya go: Chapter 1: Good Morning Sunshine, In your dream, a book has caught your eye. On its cover: a life-sized middle finger unabashedly flipping off your life’s vainglorious efforts to improve, better, and help yourself. You are delighted and offended. You are hopeful and skeptical. You are intrigued and exhausted. A thought-and-feeling-infused hurricane of failure, unworthiness, meaninglessness, unlove, boredom, and confusion whips up those old, stalwart, inner nemeses of yours––stress, worry, doubt, angst, and unhappiness. You sigh heavily and take a deep breath. But before you’ve had even an iota of time to process all this––Poof!––the book magically transforms into a two-and-a-half-foot-long, chartreuse-green iguana. The iguana looks up at you, peering directly into your eyes. It lifts its reptilian middle claw, shoves it prominently in your face, and speaks clearly: “Go Fuck Your Self-Help.” Damn, man, you think. It didn’t even bleep out the cussword. Then, you wake up. Only––you haven’t woken up. You’re still here, holding the very same book in your hands and, in no small way, still dreaming the very same dream…that there is supposedly an actual self that can somehow, actually…be helped. Before I introduce myself––and yes, I know this is a little awkward––I just want to ensure that the last sentence's gravitas isn't overlooked. Read it again. It's not a frivolous, throw-away, secondary note or idea––it’s the entire damn symphony and the main thesis of this book. In reality, there is no– Shit. I'm getting ahead of myself. Again. Damnit. We just started. My bad. Okay. I'm putting the Jeep in reverse. Let's back up a bit, shall we? Take a deep breath. Sigh. Relax. Ahh. There. That’s better. Greetings. Allow me to introduce myself: I’m your mostly perfect part. I’ll be your guide and traveling companion throughout this adventure. Honestly, I have no clue how you or I got here. I can only surmise that some strange cocktail of serendipity, synchronicity, and coincidence (and yes, of course, that vainglorious middle finger on the front cover of this book also) conspired––to have us meet. I'll take it. I’m not picky about the how-or-whys of this kind of fortuitous and synchronous situation. I’m merely grateful and glad to finally meet you––once again. Who am I really? I’m you, or, if you'd like, YOU. Yes, we have indeed met before––you just don’t remember much about me. I’m the deepest, truest YOU before all the surface you. You’ve forgotten about me because, well, life happened, growing up happened, difficulty happened, challenge happened, drama happened, suffering happened. Anyway, that’s usually the case. No––I’m not God; Nuh-uh––I’m not your higher self; No friend––I’m not your furry, totem-spirit animal; No ma’am–– I’m not your wounded, lost inner child. And nope, not even, negatory––I’m not your heavenly angelic guide or besty metaphysical master. Sorry to say, I’m much more prosaic and practical than any of those guys or gals. I’m your inner self-awareness. All human beings have an inner self-aware part. Oddly enough however, this self-awareness has been mostly ignored, overlooked and undervalued. Let’s change this, shall we? Yes? Cool. Here's how: To begin with, you and I are going to spend a lot more time together, and you are going to start feeling a lot better about a lot of things. We’re going on a road trip, and we’re going to have a ton of profound, strange, wild, and wonderful adventures, all designed to help you re-discover your inner self-awareness. While on this trip, I will be your guide, best friend, and drill sergeant, all rolled into one. Okay. Gimme a sec–– I should probably pull over and park the Jeep for this next part–– There we go. Cool–– Just to make our trip more personable and less awkward, please simply call me J. and treat me like your equal because––I am absolutely your equal. And, of course, let’s bring you into the adventure, shall we? I don’t want this to be a boring, didactic, one-way lecture. I’d like some company here, and your presence will be a big part of the lesson. So, come on! Join me on stage–– Yes, you! You out there with the book in your hand! Come on. No hiding. Step right up… “Me?” Ahhh––Yes. There you are. Welcome. “I’m in the book now? Me? The reader?” Yep. Welcome. You're not just in the book; you're the star of the big picture show. “I’m the star?” Of course, you are! “And this helps me how?” It helps you understand the big picture, of course. “Big picture of what–exactly?” The big picture of self-awareness. It’s life-changing. It’s huge. It’s grand. It’s spectacu- “But everyone is self-aware. I don’t see the big deal.” You are correct. It's a strange one. Believe me though, it’s da bomb. It’s the real help you’ve been looking for. “Self-awareness? Come on!“ Absolutely. Deep, authentic self-awareness comes with a ton of side benefits. “Okay. Listening...” Self-awareness reduces stress, anxiety, depression, and unhappiness. It helps you live more in the moment. It gives you a greater sense of purpose and meaning. And for most, it addresses and heals the real reason you even picked up a book like this in the first place. “Alright. I’ll bite. What’s the real reason I picked up this book?” You're missing something. Its absence has created a giant gnawing, nagging hole in your being––which, oddly enough, you may or may not be aware of. “So, you're saying that self-awareness can cure this?” I'm not just saying it; I'm providing proof right now as we speak. You’re being self-aware as you read this. “Uh-How so?” Sure: My little trick of inviting you into this book, switching the writing style to a dialogue-driven format, and drawing your attention to your thoughts has directly engaged your self-awareness. In other words, you are now watching and witnessing your own thoughts with another part of your conscious mind that is most definitely not thought. "Okay. I think–I follow." It’s called the Socratic Method, a dialogue-driven technique that, if done correctly, reveals internal self-awareness. “Like Socrates?” Yep––like Socrates. This shit is as old as the Greek hills. “Okay–well. You–might–be–um…right? I–am-now? Watching–and witnessing? My–own–thoughts?” See. Told ya. “How the hell are you doing this?” I’m not doing it. Your brain is. Now… Take a deep breath. Go ahead! Take a deep breath. Inhale–– ––Hold up. Hold up. Hold up! I’m sorry–– This isn’t working. You’re drifting. “Um, Me?” No––the reader part of you. Yes, you with the book in your hands! You're drifting, lagging, and starting to zone out. This won’t do. Time to get the drill sergeant out: How the hell are you going to get anything out of this book if you don’t pay attention!? Okay, soldier. Adjust your seat. Uncross your legs. Sit up straight. There. Better. Now––take a deep breath. Yes! You, soldier! Take…a deep…breath. Inhale––allow your chest to expand. Now exhale––allow your chest to completely deflate. There you go. Perfect. Thank you. Excellent. Let this be a warning, corporal!: If you keep zoning out, this book will disintegrate right before your clueless eyes into a big, fat, useless, piece-of-shit, self-help––blather. Do you want that? No? I didn’t think so. So, soldier––in service of you gaining something from this book––Ten Hut! Pay Attention! If I catch you drifting off into La-La land again, you’ll see something like this: Excellent. Now, take your time. Slow down. Follow along and enjoy. There's no rush. Shall we resume? “So, back to me now?” Yes. “Okay. I’m game.” Great. Where were we? Right… It all boils down to the observer: Observe the thoughts in your head and then ask yourself, who or what is this observer? “Alright–Yes. I–suppose... I–am–observing my–own inner–thoughts? I'm–observing them–noticing them–watching them. Is this–correct?" Yes, very likely. Can’t exactly say for sure, but I do know that for most people, this kind of self-awareness takes a little time and practice––but not much. Keep at it. You'll see. It comes with a whole host of positive mental and physical health benefits. This isn’t my opinion, this is neuroscience. You following? “You had me at neuroscience.” Excellent. Now we can pivot to your invitation: “Eh, cool. To what? “ To tag along with me in my Jeep on a road-trip adventure to uncover your truest-deepest self-awareness. You in? “Me?” Well, yes, of course you!! Who else would I be speaking to? “Um, yes. I suppose. How long will this take?” About as long as it takes you to read a 343-page, 5"x 8" paperback book…and drive cross-country, a few thousand miles. “Yikes, that’s gonna take a while.” Oh, come on. You can work remotely, right? “Well, yes and no- I don’t really have a- Well, I guess I could make some arrangements.” Awesome. It's settled, then. “Um, okay–sure.” You won't regret this. I promise. You and I are going to have a glorious adventure, sunshine! “That’s a thing for you, isn’t it?” What? “Calling everyone sunshine?” Oh yes. Definitely. You might not see your bright inner sunshine, but I do. “I accept that.” Me too. Well––whaddya waitin’ for? Go pack your bags and make whatever arrangements you need to make. The great wide-open road is calling our names, and there's no time to waste. Oh, and one more thing–– I totally applaud your boldness, but you really don’t need that anymore. “Boldness?” Exactly. “Oh, you mean the font-type setting?” Yes, that. “Can I keep the cursive?” Sure. No problem. Now, text me your address. I'll pick you up in my Jeep tomorrow morning, 7 a.m. sharp. “You got it.” You place the book down and swallow nervously. What the hell is this thing? Am I dreaming this? No longer capable of differentiating between dream and reality, you continue ruminating. What have I gotten myself into? Your head spins. Oh God. All of the old familiar, ruinous feelings of anxiety, fear, and anger start bubbling up again. Your limbs grow weak, and your stomach knots up. No. No. NO! you proclaim to yourself. I will not go back. I will NOT go back! Fuck that place! You take a few deep breaths, attempting to settle yourself. I will NOT GO BACK! A small, still voice in the back of your mind has different plans for you, however… Oh, you will go back, it proclaims. You will go ALL–the bleeping–way back. You can’t tell if this voice in your head is a good thing or a bad thing. And that scares the hell out of you, most of all. If you’re grappling with or can’t quite believe that self-awareness is alchemical gold that can help you––Good. This is just respectable honesty. Self-awareness is like a hidden, locked-away goldmine you never knew you had access to, much less owned. Fist bump, my friend. You just found the mine and the keys to it. Of course, there’s a catch... Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I, too, grappled with the overlooked and undervalued mystery of self-awareness. I suffered from depression for the first two decades of my adult life. Damn, if self-awareness didn’t eventually end that depression and save my unhappy soul––but (the catch)–– I had to confront a ton of scary, internal shit for that to happen. My response to your justifiable skepticism and apropos discernment is this: Stick with me here and see if any of the adventures, lessons, or exercises presented in this book help you in any way. The worst that could happen is that you go back to driving yourself batshit crazy with conventional self-help. The best that could happen is that you start to recognize your inner self-awareness and finally recognize that YOU my friend, are… Welcome to Go Bleep Your Self Help. Let’s hit the road.