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Dylan Nicole Hansen

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    Dylan Hansen. 18 years old. Student. Writer and participant in the Algonkian conference

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  1. I loved your prologue! defiantly set up a fantastic world with a badass woman. And your first line is great, it put me right into the scene and I wanted to just keep reading. My only critique is that the first two paragraphs are very long and chunky, maybe if you turn them into smaller paragraphs they would flow better. overall great and I'm excited to see more of your story.
  2. This is the beginning of the novel. it sets up the real of the Fates and what is at stake for the world. it is the first part of the prologue before we see the main character as a grown, 19 year old who doesn't have strong memories of her life in this magical world. “Let me tell you a story, my little ones,” her father said as he tucked her into bed. “Papa, tell us of the lost monsters,” Decasha squealed. Shadow, being the youngest of her father’s children, was too small to reach over and smack her older brother until he quieted, so she scowled at him instead. Her father must have seen this, for the old man with a face worn by hours of staring at flowers in his shop, wrinkled his nose and rolled up his sleeves. “Tonight I will tell you the story of our Fates,” he said, voice deep and crackling like a fire. Shadow curled her toes under the scratchy comforter to quench her excitement. “Long before man, women, and even monsters, there was nothing, for no magic had struck the heart of our world. So no life, no matter how small, could thrive. “This was what the Fates saw, and this was what they sought to fix. Eos, Elaveve, Luciana, Carwyn, Lanthia, Nekaine, Alisdair, Kyphine, Seliana, and Arileah. Ten sisters, ten Fates...ten beings to create a beginning.” Shadow made an astonished gasp as her father continued. “Eos, Fate of light, and Elaveve, Fate of life, saw this barren land and knew great things could come of it. They went to their sisters and told them what they wished to do. However, not all agreed. “As the Fate of wisdom, Seliana thought infusing their power into such a place could break it. Though, Arileah, the Fate of ignorance, said there had never been a world with creatures of flesh, so why not it be them who creates it. “They put it to a vote. Lanthia, Fate of love, Alisdair, Fate of strength, and Kyphine, the Fate of fear, agreed with the plan. However, all ten of them would be needed in order to thrust their power into the heart of the world and have life come pouring out. They were strong individually, but they were born to build together. For it was these sisters that created the destinies of all. “Having heard what their sisters wanted, Luciana and Carwyn, the Fates of darkness and death, wanted something to experiment on, so they made a proposition. They would help create this world if they could experiment with the creatures that came out of it. The rest were wary, for such knowledge of a land unborn was beyond even their all-seeing eyes. “The sisters argued and argued about the falling out of such experiments, and what, if anything, would wreak havoc on the land they would create. It was Nekaine, the Fate of hate, that brought reason, being utterly fed up with her sister’s squabbles. We create destinies, she said. So let’s make this world and see what comes of it. And when life is born and creatures begin to walk the grounds, let there be a prophecy. This way anyone can experiment, and if these little creations do indeed break the world we create, then we can decide which side of the prophecy should come to pass. The sisters thought this fair, so together they unleashed their powers, and our world was born.” Shadow’s jaw hung open, which had her father giggling and bopping the tip of her small nose. “What happened, Papa...to the Fates?” she asked. “No one knows. Some say they became the land itself. But I like to think, as many do, that they watch us from the stars, gazing down at their creations.” “And the experiments?” Decasha asked, eyes wide and curious. “What do you think the lost monsters are, my child?” Their father smiled. “Some of us are chosen by the Fates to be Shattered or Amalin...to have magic. But the lost monsters were made. Some became twisted and slunk into the dark, while others simply feared those with powers. You see children, prophecies can be told but never unwritten. It was said if there was a time when we would need it, there would be beings that could either destroy our world, or save it---”
  3. The act of the story statement Shadow Baelfiyer is a thief living on Chicago’s South Side. She is plagued by dreams of a world that has magic and dragons and a family she knows to be dead. Her aunt tells her these are just dreams. However, on a daily thieving hunt Shadow runs into two strangers who make her rethink all she has known. They are from a world called Elspeth where magic roams, people transform into lions; a world where she was born, and was taken away from, where she too has magic. These strangers take Shadow on a journey to find her past, but a great threat is uncovered that threatens the life she is building for herself in Elspeth and those who live there. The antagonist plots the point Ten Fates, sisters, strong and powerful, created the world of Elspeth long ago. They bore magical creatures such as the Great Phoenix. Once humans walked the grounds, the Fates granted a chosen few with powers, they are called the Shattered. Many people cherish the Fates and those who are Shattered, however, a zealous group called the Forge is dead set on murdering the most powerful Shattered, in particular those in power. They believe the Shattered were put on their world to be slaves, not revered soldiers and kings. Ward Greevy, a deranged assassin is sent by the Forge to murder King Aeoden Kenyia of the Kingdom of Terris. When he is unable to kill the king, he world-walks to Earth. General Ryah Entyheart and Commander Victorian Halliday are sent after him. They run into Shadow, who wants answers, and helps them capture Greevy and bring him back to Elspeth for justice. It was the Forge who were responsible for her parents death, and for Shadow being sent to Earth, and she wants to know why. Soon it is discovered that Ward Greevy has a partner, and the king remains in danger. As Shadow grows into her own powers, Ryah realizes her magic is the key to saving their king, and Shadow realizes the truth of her past. Together Ryah and Shadow discover that the accomplice is a member of their own kingsguard. There is a battle between betrayal, love, and destiny as Shadow and Ryah attempt to defeat the Forge to save themselves and their kingdom. Break out title FATE OF THE SHATTERED Genre: Fantasy Compariables: Throne of Glass The Red Queen Core wound and primary conflict (hook) Caught between the world she has always known, and one where magic resides, Shadow Baelfiyer is thrust into a journey to find her past, and in doing so realizes she is the key to saving a king in this magical world; it is her destiny, her past, and her future, though she tries to fight it. Two more levels of conflict When the Fates created the world of Elspeth they also created a prophecy: they would build the world and creatures of magic, and beings would be born that should their creations wreak havoc, these beings would have the power to either save their world, or end it. These beings are called Whispers, and they can commune with the three sacred Whisper Animals of Elspeth; the Sybear (half-tiger, half-snow cat with wings and the power to kill with darkness), the Great Phoenix (a giant phoenix with fire powers), and the Arith (a giant stag with the power to manipulate nature). Unknown to her, Shadow is a Whisper, and this destiny calls to her, it also puts a target on her back. The Forge is after the most powerful Shattered, and Whispers are the most powerful Shattered. The Forge sends a Shadow-walker, an evil monster who can travel through darkness to trap and kill, to abduct Shadow. Shadow has lots of inner conflict as well. She has never truly trusted anyone, so when she begins to fall in love with Ryah it makes her want to run far and fast. She has never felt like she belonged in Chicago but she is terrified that she will not belong in Elspeth either, the world she was born in, so she uses sarcasm and a hotty attitude as defense mechanisms. This creates strangled relations with Starq Agate, a Lieutenant in the kingdom of Terris. Starq rebukes thieves, and has had it out for Shadow from the beginning. However tenuous, the two must work together, and eventually they form a friendship. Shadow also struggles with the search for her brother. She thought he died, however, like Ward Greevy, her brother was a world-walker. Once in Elspeth she discovers world-walkers can sometimes get lost in their power. This is another reason for her being eager to go to Elspeth, she believes her brother is alive and never gives up searching for him. Importance of setting The story begins in Chicago, with a familiar world. However, magical properties are introduced and suddenly Shadow finds herself in Elspeth. Elspeth has no electricity, for the magic interferes with it. There are the three kingdoms of Terris, Maroe, and Arabeth where the whole first novel takes place. However there are also Dragon Pirates that control the seas, Rune, a continent across a red sea, and The Tibysian Islands which float above the ocean. There are the Shattered, who are Fate chosen people each with their own unique powers. There are also the Amalin, people who can turn into the animal they are birth-marked with; Ryah, for example, is marked with a tattoo-looking lion on his shoulder, and can transform into a lion at will. There are Lost Monsters in Elspeth: Shadow-walkers who crawl through shadow and make deals of the damned, Food-singers who disguise themselves as children and beg for food, then ransack everything around them. There are also gentle creatures, such as the Fleurs, which are floating organisms that help the Shattered find their way. Setting is very important because Elspeth is different from Earth in drastic ways, which is why Shadow has a hard time fitting in in Chicago. Setting also amplifies the risks these characters journey towards, and builds the fantastical elements in the story.
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