Alien telepath Erys must use his inherent psychic skills to restore the living data protein in the sabotaged medical system on Loridan, Earth’s foundation colony, before more human children die from untreated Donner's Disease.
SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.
When two cultures clash, prejudice and suspicion threaten them both. Tares is leader of the Elegrian Elders, the ruling body on Erys’ home world. Tares, a powerful telepath and strategist, hammered out the Treaty of Ackerson between Elegria and the human Alliance to forestall war after the disastrous First Contact on Loridan. Tares took ten-year-old Erys under his wing and raised him after the assassination of Erys’ father, blamed for the harsh terms of the Treaty because he killed a human envoy at First Contact. Tares protected, sheltered, and educated Erys until Erys flouted the wishes of the Elders by leaving Elegria to serve in the human Alliance’s Patrol. Tares views humanity as a lesser species, and he is dedicated to protecting the welfare of the Elegrian people and preserving their traditions. He sabotaged the medical system on Loridan to break humanity’s foundation colony’s control of the Alliance Council and the supply of Tashau, the protein critical to both living data and Elegrian physiology and now only found on Loridan. When Erys comes to Loridan to restore the data and out the saboteur, Tares views him as a traitor and believes he is duty-bound to stop Erys at any cost.
THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).
Some Call it Treason
Broken Treaty
Traitor’s Son
FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?
Genre: Science Fiction
Comparables: I have three so far and will include them all:
Threader Origins by Gerald Brandt (DAW, Jan 2021)
Similarities to my book:
Brandt's storytelling keeps the reader firmly bonded to the main character
In both Brandt’s and my stories, the scientific element involves the main character manipulating technological constructs using mental abilities - in Brandt’s story, the target is quantum strings, whereas in my story it is living data made from a specific protein
Architects of Memory (The Memory War Book 1) by Karen Osborne (Tor Books, Sep 2020)
Similarities to my book:
Osborn’s story is a debut novel by a female author, similar to mine in tone and voice
Both Osborne’s and my story involve conflict between humans and an alien species
Osborne’s story involves corporate power and competition; my story also involves power and competition
Both Osborne’s and my story involve a novel substance: Osborne’s story features celestium, used in fuel and ship hulls, that made a corporation rich; in my story conflict revolves around Tashau, a protein used as the basis of living Intelligent Data that makes Loridan’s humans rich, but is also a critical component of Elegrian physiology
Osborne’s protagonist has a terminal disease with a ticking time clock; in my story an important secondary character has a disease that will kill her in seven days, driving my protagonist to find a solution before time runs out
Amid the Crowd of Stars by Stephen Leigh (DAW, Feb 2021)
Similarities to my book:
Leigh’s story deals with possible consequences of the biological conflict between what humans bring from Earth and what is native to a new planet; in my story, new organisms are created by merging those brought from Earth with native life, creating the disease that threatens the human children when the medical system is sabotaged
Leigh’s story uses thought communication via tech devices; my story performs thought communication by natural talent
Both Leigh’s and my story involve advanced AI integrated with biology
FIFTH ASSIGNMENT:write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.
Shamed by his father's crime at First Contact, a telepathic alien acts against his own people to restore the sabotaged medical system on Earth's foundation colony before more human children die.
SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.
Inner Conflict: Erys, a telepathic Elegrian, is shamed by his father’s crime at First Contact. Despite the promise of similar outward appearance, the differences between Elegrian and human—especially cultural, belief systems, language, and one crucial non-visible physiological characteristic—overwhelmed the exploration teams. In a reckless attempt to communicate, Erys’ father killed one of the human representatives, setting in motion a long-lasting antagonism between their peoples. Erys is haunted by a moral obligation to repay his father’s debt to humanity.
Hypothetical scenario: In one scene, Erys meets with the Elegrian Elders after discovering the sabotage. Tares chastises Erys for leaving Elegria to enlist in the human Alliance’s Patrol and asks him to resign from his position. Erys, racked by guilt for what his father did, believes he made the right choice to try to make up for his father’s actions by serving the Alliance and refuses Tares’ request.
Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?
Secondary Conflict: Katie Kessler, the human tech expert assigned to supervise Erys’ work, is suspicious of him just because he is Elegrian. They work together in an uneasy partnership.
Hypothetical scenario: When Erys describes the time required to complete the regeneration of the living data using standard methods, Katie wants to call in other resources. Erys tells her that more people won’t speed up the process, but she insists they need someone else to help. He is frustrated and angered when her real meaning dawns on him—she means someone who isn’t Elegrian.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.
Scenes in this story take place on Earth’s foundation colony Loridan, and on Earth itself.
Loridan was a great find for both humankind and Elegria. Hospitable to both peoples and having no dominant high-order civilization of its own, Loridan offered one significant attribute making it priceless to both races: the planet was rich in plant life containing Tashau, a protein previously unknown to the human population of Earth, but critical and now scarce on Elegria.
Tashau is the crucial ingredient enabling a breakthrough technology for human civilization: Intelligent Data. Intelligent Data is alive, ingenious, something more than mechanical but less than sentient. Intelligent Data’s living substance catapulted technological development for humanity to reaches previously unimagined, rendering those who control it rich and influential.
Tashau plays a different role on Elegria. Home to an ancient civilization, Elegria also boasted abundant Tashau. The potent protein proliferated through the plant life on Elegria. It is the biological component that enables Elegrian telepathy and other psychic abilities. Elegrians do not synthesize Tashau within their bodies and must consume it regularly to maintain physical health. Without it, they will die. Tashau came to figure into Elegrian spiritual beliefs, as well as serve as an essential element of their physiology.
Elegria became technologically advanced a long time ago. Careless with their technology, the Elegrians disregarded safeguards for their environment, and the toxic byproducts of unchecked technology damaged ecosystems and contaminated the Tashau fields, destroying nearly all natural sources of the indispensable protein. In the wake of this disaster, the people reverted back to their native mystical beliefs and became anti-technology except where necessary. Against this tragic backdrop, many Elegrians died. Erys’ own mother and little sister were victims to the Tashau shortage.
Elegria embraced technology again, venturing into space in search of another source of Tashau. And they found it on Loridan. Their exploration team included Tares, Elder Leader (and the story's antagonist), and Erys’ father. They discovered Loridan with its wealth of Tashau at the same time human civilization claimed Loridan as their foundation colony in their own space exploration.
First Contact proceeded badly—neither Elegrian nor human had any experience with an alien race. Elegria’s intense need for a supply of Tashau made their team reckless. In an effort to communicate, Erys’ father forced a mind link on one of the humans—Katie’s father—and it was too much for him, and he died.
At the brink of interplanetary/interspecies war, the Treaty of Ackerson was hammered out, specifying the parameters of human-Elegrian interaction. It granted humans control of Loridan as their foundation colony. Elegria gained permission to trade for Tashau with Loridan, but at a high price. Elegrians made many concessions in the Treaty, accepting many prejudicial requirements to secure the Treaty and the right to trade for Tashau.
Losing Loridan was a blow to Elegria. The terms of the Treaty were harsh. Elegria went through a period of internal strife—they needed the Tashau and the humans who could provide it, but the actions at First Contact relegated them to a position of subservience. Erys was ten at the time of First Contact. Elegrians blamed Erys’ father for the bad outcome, many viewing him as a traitor, and Erys’ father was assassinated. Tares took the orphaned boy under his wing and raised him. Tares had to protect him from a lot of hostility, and Erys grew up hating having others stand up for him. Erys dreamed of the stars and left Elegria when he was eighteen to enlist in the Alliance’s Patrol—against the wishes of the Elders. He was consumed by guilt for what his father did and hoped to make up for his father’s actions by serving the Alliance.
In time, the entire Alliance depended on the technology of Intelligent Data, and therefore on Loridan. Elegria survived, deferring to the Alliance and to Loridan to keep the trade agreement intact.
Human civilization rode high with the success of their foundation colony. But, after settling Loridan, they faced a new challenge: Donner’s Disease. Donner’s Disease was caused by a mutated superbug that evolved shortly after the human colony was established when a human bacterium combined with a native Loridian one to form something deadly to humans. During early colonization, many settlers died. One confounding characteristic of Donner’s Disease was that the bug changed itself depending on the individual host. But, once Intelligent Data technology was developed, an effective medication was synthesized by an Intelligent Data algorithm. The new medication, containing Tashau and Intelligent Data itself, adapted itself to what was needed once it was administered.
Loridan offers some novel—and dangerous—creatures. Loridan’s physical characteristics combine with its history to furnish the setting for most of the novel. The backstory is not presented in exposition, but rather is shown to the reader in bits and pieces as the action unfolds. All of the historical factors illuminate events that take place scene by scene, leading to the inexorable conclusion.
A few scenes take place on Earth, showing the human home world on a parallel path to the catastrophe that befell Elegria. History yearns to repeat itself, on more than one world.
New York Pre-Event Assignments - June 2021
in New York Write to Pitch 2023 and 2024
Posted
FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.
Alien telepath Erys must use his inherent psychic skills to restore the living data protein in the sabotaged medical system on Loridan, Earth’s foundation colony, before more human children die from untreated Donner's Disease.
SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them.
When two cultures clash, prejudice and suspicion threaten them both. Tares is leader of the Elegrian Elders, the ruling body on Erys’ home world. Tares, a powerful telepath and strategist, hammered out the Treaty of Ackerson between Elegria and the human Alliance to forestall war after the disastrous First Contact on Loridan. Tares took ten-year-old Erys under his wing and raised him after the assassination of Erys’ father, blamed for the harsh terms of the Treaty because he killed a human envoy at First Contact. Tares protected, sheltered, and educated Erys until Erys flouted the wishes of the Elders by leaving Elegria to serve in the human Alliance’s Patrol. Tares views humanity as a lesser species, and he is dedicated to protecting the welfare of the Elegrian people and preserving their traditions. He sabotaged the medical system on Loridan to break humanity’s foundation colony’s control of the Alliance Council and the supply of Tashau, the protein critical to both living data and Elegrian physiology and now only found on Loridan. When Erys comes to Loridan to restore the data and out the saboteur, Tares views him as a traitor and believes he is duty-bound to stop Erys at any cost.
THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed).
Some Call it Treason
Broken Treaty
Traitor’s Son
FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why?
Genre: Science Fiction
Comparables: I have three so far and will include them all:
Threader Origins by Gerald Brandt (DAW, Jan 2021)
Similarities to my book:
Architects of Memory (The Memory War Book 1) by Karen Osborne (Tor Books, Sep 2020)
Similarities to my book:
Amid the Crowd of Stars by Stephen Leigh (DAW, Feb 2021)
Similarities to my book:
FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication.
Shamed by his father's crime at First Contact, a telepathic alien acts against his own people to restore the sabotaged medical system on Earth's foundation colony before more human children die.
SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction.
Inner Conflict: Erys, a telepathic Elegrian, is shamed by his father’s crime at First Contact. Despite the promise of similar outward appearance, the differences between Elegrian and human—especially cultural, belief systems, language, and one crucial non-visible physiological characteristic—overwhelmed the exploration teams. In a reckless attempt to communicate, Erys’ father killed one of the human representatives, setting in motion a long-lasting antagonism between their peoples. Erys is haunted by a moral obligation to repay his father’s debt to humanity.
Hypothetical scenario: In one scene, Erys meets with the Elegrian Elders after discovering the sabotage. Tares chastises Erys for leaving Elegria to enlist in the human Alliance’s Patrol and asks him to resign from his position. Erys, racked by guilt for what his father did, believes he made the right choice to try to make up for his father’s actions by serving the Alliance and refuses Tares’ request.
Next, likewise sketch a hypothetical scenario for the "secondary conflict" involving the social environment. Will this involve family? Friends? Associates? What is the nature of it?
Secondary Conflict: Katie Kessler, the human tech expert assigned to supervise Erys’ work, is suspicious of him just because he is Elegrian. They work together in an uneasy partnership.
Hypothetical scenario: When Erys describes the time required to complete the regeneration of the living data using standard methods, Katie wants to call in other resources. Erys tells her that more people won’t speed up the process, but she insists they need someone else to help. He is frustrated and angered when her real meaning dawns on him—she means someone who isn’t Elegrian.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it.
Scenes in this story take place on Earth’s foundation colony Loridan, and on Earth itself.
Loridan was a great find for both humankind and Elegria. Hospitable to both peoples and having no dominant high-order civilization of its own, Loridan offered one significant attribute making it priceless to both races: the planet was rich in plant life containing Tashau, a protein previously unknown to the human population of Earth, but critical and now scarce on Elegria.
Tashau is the crucial ingredient enabling a breakthrough technology for human civilization: Intelligent Data. Intelligent Data is alive, ingenious, something more than mechanical but less than sentient. Intelligent Data’s living substance catapulted technological development for humanity to reaches previously unimagined, rendering those who control it rich and influential.
Tashau plays a different role on Elegria. Home to an ancient civilization, Elegria also boasted abundant Tashau. The potent protein proliferated through the plant life on Elegria. It is the biological component that enables Elegrian telepathy and other psychic abilities. Elegrians do not synthesize Tashau within their bodies and must consume it regularly to maintain physical health. Without it, they will die. Tashau came to figure into Elegrian spiritual beliefs, as well as serve as an essential element of their physiology.
Elegria became technologically advanced a long time ago. Careless with their technology, the Elegrians disregarded safeguards for their environment, and the toxic byproducts of unchecked technology damaged ecosystems and contaminated the Tashau fields, destroying nearly all natural sources of the indispensable protein. In the wake of this disaster, the people reverted back to their native mystical beliefs and became anti-technology except where necessary. Against this tragic backdrop, many Elegrians died. Erys’ own mother and little sister were victims to the Tashau shortage.
Elegria embraced technology again, venturing into space in search of another source of Tashau. And they found it on Loridan. Their exploration team included Tares, Elder Leader (and the story's antagonist), and Erys’ father. They discovered Loridan with its wealth of Tashau at the same time human civilization claimed Loridan as their foundation colony in their own space exploration.
First Contact proceeded badly—neither Elegrian nor human had any experience with an alien race. Elegria’s intense need for a supply of Tashau made their team reckless. In an effort to communicate, Erys’ father forced a mind link on one of the humans—Katie’s father—and it was too much for him, and he died.
At the brink of interplanetary/interspecies war, the Treaty of Ackerson was hammered out, specifying the parameters of human-Elegrian interaction. It granted humans control of Loridan as their foundation colony. Elegria gained permission to trade for Tashau with Loridan, but at a high price. Elegrians made many concessions in the Treaty, accepting many prejudicial requirements to secure the Treaty and the right to trade for Tashau.
Losing Loridan was a blow to Elegria. The terms of the Treaty were harsh. Elegria went through a period of internal strife—they needed the Tashau and the humans who could provide it, but the actions at First Contact relegated them to a position of subservience. Erys was ten at the time of First Contact. Elegrians blamed Erys’ father for the bad outcome, many viewing him as a traitor, and Erys’ father was assassinated. Tares took the orphaned boy under his wing and raised him. Tares had to protect him from a lot of hostility, and Erys grew up hating having others stand up for him. Erys dreamed of the stars and left Elegria when he was eighteen to enlist in the Alliance’s Patrol—against the wishes of the Elders. He was consumed by guilt for what his father did and hoped to make up for his father’s actions by serving the Alliance.
In time, the entire Alliance depended on the technology of Intelligent Data, and therefore on Loridan. Elegria survived, deferring to the Alliance and to Loridan to keep the trade agreement intact.
Human civilization rode high with the success of their foundation colony. But, after settling Loridan, they faced a new challenge: Donner’s Disease. Donner’s Disease was caused by a mutated superbug that evolved shortly after the human colony was established when a human bacterium combined with a native Loridian one to form something deadly to humans. During early colonization, many settlers died. One confounding characteristic of Donner’s Disease was that the bug changed itself depending on the individual host. But, once Intelligent Data technology was developed, an effective medication was synthesized by an Intelligent Data algorithm. The new medication, containing Tashau and Intelligent Data itself, adapted itself to what was needed once it was administered.
Loridan offers some novel—and dangerous—creatures. Loridan’s physical characteristics combine with its history to furnish the setting for most of the novel. The backstory is not presented in exposition, but rather is shown to the reader in bits and pieces as the action unfolds. All of the historical factors illuminate events that take place scene by scene, leading to the inexorable conclusion.
A few scenes take place on Earth, showing the human home world on a parallel path to the catastrophe that befell Elegria. History yearns to repeat itself, on more than one world.