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About MingluJiangP6

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  • About Me
    Student, history geek, and writer from Detroit, Michigan. My current WIP is a historical fantasy about sorcery in Second Punic War-era Rome.
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  1. Hi Jinju! Thanks for posting! You did a great job setting up your world. From just these first 500 words, I've already gotten a good sense of how your world works. Yoonis is immediately sympathetic. I felt her anger with the injustice in her world and how it's affected her daughter. I just have a few suggestions. Like I have told everyone I've given feedback, take everything I say with a few grains of salt as I'm still learning. -The feather is otherworldly, immediately introducing the reader to the magical aspect of your world, and plays an important role in the scene, but it may not be
  2. Hi Laura! Thanks for posting. Your writing is lovely, and I'm extremely intrigued by the world you're building here. I love the part with the Kadai guard--it shows immediately whom we should be sympathizing with. I have just a few suggestions, and do take them with several grains of salt as I'm still learning as well: -I want to live in this place, it sounds so beautiful (minus the slavery and cruel imperial guards, of course). Your descriptions are absolutely gorgeous. It might not be the most riveting way to start the chapter though. -Razya is mostly introduced through Hild think
  3. Hi Tatiana! Lucina is sympathetic and fun to read about, and I love her already. The first scene is engaging and the end is intriguing, leaving the reader, like Lucina, to wonder what the hell happened to her. Just a few things, and please take them with several grains of salt as I'm no expert: -If I woke up and found my body in a weightless, feathery condition and I don't recall dying, I would not automatically jump to the conclusion that I am a ghost unless I ardently believed in ghosts during my lifetime. Of course, that might be the case with Lucina, and if it is you might want to sp
  4. Hello, this is my opening scene, which sucks so I hope I can get some suggestions on how to improve it. It introduces (or at least attempts to) the protagonist and antagonistic force, a few secondary characters, and the world and its magic system. Hopefully it's not too confusing or cringeworthy. I apologize if there are any typos. Thank you all so much in advance for the critique! CHAPTER I Winter, the Year of the Consulship of Paullus and Salinator Lydia stopped at the edge of the alleyway, peering through slitted eyes at the Forum. Marcus skidded to a stop behind her. They h
  5. FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. Lydia must maintain an uneasy balance between her mission to destroy the Roman army and the Roman soldier she loves, all while grappling with her growing obsession with the latter. SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them. At first, the antagonist force is Lydia’s guild of sorcerers. Though they are Lydia’s family, their goal of revenge against Rome means she must maintain an
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