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Tatiana Schlote-Bonne

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About Tatiana Schlote-Bonne

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    I'm an MFA candidate at the University of Iowa. I write YA and memoir. In my free time I lift weight and play Magic: the gathering.

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  1. Hi Jinju, this is great! Your prose is beautiful and rich in sensory detail. This first chapter is brimming with tension with both internal and external conflict: your MC's struggle as a mother and her daughter's predisposition to being a slave or not; the class that your MC is trapped within and her love for her child. I also enjoy how close we are to your protagonist's PoV. One of my favorite moments: This is great. Love it. We have a goal and conflict and the voice is spot on. My suggestions are mostly nit-picky: --There's a lot repetition on a sentence level, which I unde
  2. Hi Minglu! You have a rich world, and as we established at the conference, a fantastic premise! This first chapter has nice conflict and action, but I'm a bit disoriented and unsure of what's really going on especially on the first read. At first, it's unclear what the Theikos is, and overall there's kind of just a lot meaningless words coming at the reader--I think the Theikos is the faction Lydia is part of? An easy way to deliver that exposition without info dumping it is to just go deeper into Lydia's PoV. So like, instead of "If there was such an organized ruckus, there was something the
  3. Edit: so far these opening pages have been working in querying, so I'm not revising them anymore for now. Thanks! Hello, this is my opening scene (my whole first chapter, actually, since it's 4 pages single spaced.) This introduces the antagonist (though my protagonist doesn't know Griselda is the antagonist yet,) establishes the setting of Whitefall and the conflict of Lucina's memory loss, and foreshadows the soul-eating monster (aka Griselda) conflict. Hopefully, Lucina comes off sympathetic and enjoyable to read about too! Chapter 1: Transition Numbness I think I might be a
  4. Ny Pitch 1. Story statement: Teen ghost must find a way to defeat the soul-eating monster and save her friends 2. Antagonist sketch: Melinda is a Wraith, an eater of souls, but before she was an evil ghost, she was a normal herb-growing woman in a small Conneticut settlement in 1691. She was caught in bed with her lesbian lover and her girlfriend accused Melinda of witchcraft to save her own reputation. Melinda was hung, and when she awakened as a ghost, she sought revenge on the town and ate the souls of every resident. She became obsessed with the power it gave her. Sh
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