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Thomas Schemkes

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    Silicon Valley, California
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    Have daughters, love skiing, surfing, golf, Europe and Asia!

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  • About Me
    Thomas Schemkes is a Roadmap Top-Tier Author and Biblical Historian, He graduated from St. Sabina Catholic school. He became a Tolstoyan, founded TolstoyCommune.com, and followed up with his own seven years of researching the elusive message of Jesus of Nazareth from both a philosophical and historical standpoint. As an enlightened believer, he currently resides in Los Gatos, California with his wife and three daughters and works as a Silicon Valley marketing consultant.
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  1. In a satire, God tells the real story of Jesus...75K complete...It's Good Omens meets Passion of the Christ, comps: Christopher Moore, Tom Robbins, Carl Hiaason
  2. FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement.  Just before the end of the world, a modern, witty God writes us to set the story straight on Jesus. He wasn’t his son, but with the urging of his ex-wife, the Holy Spirit, God came down, disguised as men, women, even a camel and the cross, to spy on Jesus. God follows along incognito on the impeccably researched accounts of the lesser-known Gnostic gospels, like the Gospel of Mary Magdalene, Jesus’ wife, and humorously fills us in on the back stories of prophets Jesus references like fiery Elijah and a frustrated Moses as Jesus spreads the message while his wife runs with him to get away from bad king Herod and the witchy queen. Before they can escape to Rome, their plans are betrayed in Jerusalem, but God has changed with witnessing Jesus’ real adventures. Will God choose Jesus to be the “true Messiah?” SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them. God, the satirical narrator, acts as a main antagonist. His ex-wife, the Holy Spirit, has suitably picked a messiah for the world, she just needs God’s ok, but he’s reluctant. God spies on Jesus’ struggles (often taken from gnostic and lost gospels) and changes to be more present and loving with Jesus’ message and his ex’s counsel. (Another antagonist is Herodias, the bad king’s wife, who ordered Jesus’ mentor, John the Baptist’s, head off and wants Jesus crucified before he escapes again with Mary Magdalene.) THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed). THE HUNT FOR JESUS FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why? 71K word complete SATIRE comedy/historical fiction inspired by a scholarly 1960 article describing Jesus being chased around and out of the kingdom of Galilee as a rabblerouser. For fans of the satires Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore and Tom Robbins’ Another Roadside Attraction Though not a satire, Sue Monk Kidd’s Book of Longings, has the narrator marrying Jesus in a beautifully detailed historical fiction. FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication. Jesus is “just a guy” but takes on the clothes of the world’s Messiah a little too impulsively as he communicates with God’s ex, the Holy Spirit of Wisdom, Asherah, who is giving him power and the gift of prophecy. Jesus’ odyssey through the gnostic accounts parallels the familiar story with surprising twists and characters as Jesus contends with Mary Magdalene (his wife) his own brothers (also apostles) who know he’s a bit crazy, the bad king (and his ambitious, murderous wife, Herodias) and the high priest family cartel in Jerusalem. SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction. Jesus suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia while continuing the mission his mentor, John the Baptist, started him on, traversing Israel on the run with his wife, brothers, and other disciples, some of who don’t trust his sanity, seduce, and betray him. FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it. The Jesus story takes place entirely in the ancient world of first century Roman Palestine which is exotic enough and highly detailed, but this narrative follows the Gnostic accounts and lost gospels, presents rare scholarly theories of the historicity and even leads to new ones, all while God impresses the odyssey with humorously recounting the prophets before Jesus. Finally, the story brings in a divine plane with God and his ex-wife, the Holy Spirit, as they glide between the physical and spiritual realm presenting themselves as passersby, kindly animals, and even the cross.
  3. FIRST ASSIGNMENT: write your story statement. Just before the end of the world, a modern, witty God writes us to set the story straight on Jesus. He wasn’t his son, but with the pleading of his ex-wife, the Holy Spirit, God came down, disguised as men, women, even a camel and the cross, to witness and spy on Jesus’ true adventures and message: For us to live communally and with love before our apocalyptic judgement day. SECOND ASSIGNMENT: in 200 words or less, sketch the antagonist or antagonistic force in your story. Keep in mind their goals, their background, and the ways they react to the world about them. God, the satirical narrator, acts as a main antagonist. His ex-wife, the Holy Spirit, named Asherah, has suitably picked a messiah for the world, she just needs God’s ok, but he’s reluctant. God spies on Jesus’ struggles (often taken from gnostic and lost gospels) and changes to be more present and loving with Jesus’ message and his ex’s urging, all while he humorously fills us in on the back stories of prophets Jesus references to the people, like fiery old Elijah and a frustrated Moses. (Another antagonist is Herodias, the bad king’s wife, who ordered Jesus’ mentor, John the Baptist’s, head off and wants Jesus crucified before he escapes again with Mary Magdalene.) THIRD ASSIGNMENT: create a breakout title (list several options, not more than three, and revisit to edit as needed). THE HUNT FOR JESUS FOURTH ASSIGNMENT: Develop two smart comparables for your novel. This is a good opportunity to immerse yourself in your chosen genre. Who compares to you? And why? 71K word complete SATIRE comedy/historical fiction inspired by a scholarly 1960 article describing Jesus being chased around and out of the kingdom of Galilee as a rabble-rouser. For fans of the satires Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff by Christopher Moore and Tom Robbins’ Another Roadside Attraction Though not a satire, Sue Monk Kidd’s Book of Longings, has the narrator marrying Jesus in a beautifully detailed historical fiction. FIFTH ASSIGNMENT: write your own hook line (logline) with conflict and core wound following the format above. Though you may not have one now, keep in mind this is a great developmental tool. In other words, you best begin focusing on this if you're serious about commercial publication. Jesus is “just a guy” but takes on the clothes of the world’s Messiah a little too impulsively as he communicates with God’s ex, the Holy Spirit of Wisdom, Asherah, who is giving him power and the gift of prophecy. Jesus’ odyssey through the gnostic accounts parallels the familiar story with surprising twists and characters as Jesus contends with married life and planning with Mary Magdalene, his own brothers (also apostles) who think he’s a bit crazy, the bad king (and his ambitious, murderess wife, Herodias) and the high priest family cartel in Jerusalem. Will God finally adopt Jesus (as the Gnostics believed happened?) SIXTH ASSIGNMENT: sketch out the conditions for the inner conflict your protagonist will have. Why will they feel in turmoil? Conflicted? Anxious? Sketch out one hypothetical scenario in the story wherein this would be the case--consider the trigger and the reaction. Jesus suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia while continuing the mission his mentor, John the Baptist, started him on, changing the world, while traversing Israel with his wife, brothers, and other disciples, some of who don’t trust his sanity, seduce, and betray him. FINAL ASSIGNMENT: sketch out your setting in detail. What makes it interesting enough, scene by scene, to allow for uniqueness and cinema in your narrative and story? Please don't simply repeat what you already have which may well be too quiet. You can change it. That's why you're here! Start now. Imagination is your best friend, and be aggressive with it. The setting is one of the books strongest points. The Jesus story takes place entirely in the ancient world of first century Roman Palestine which is exotic enough and highly detailed, but this narrative follows the Gnostic accounts and lost gospels, presents rare scholarly theories of the historicity and even leads to new ones, all while God impresses the odyssey with recounting the prophets who traveled the holy lands before Jesus. Finally, the story brings in a divine plane with God and his ex, the Holy Spirit, Asherah, as they glide between the physical and spiritual realm presenting themselves as passersby, kindly animals such as a dove and a camel, and even the cross.
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