New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
361 topics in this forum
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Jenna wakes in the middle of the night and discovers her husband is gone. His bed is empty, she notices it immediately as she shuffles to the bathroom in the dark, the strange velvety texture of the hotel carpet against her bare soles causing an unpleasant shiver in her molars. She assumes she’s woken from the resonant thud of him walking past her bed. Hotel floors always reverberate in that particular way, as if their bones are hollow or a secret cobwebbed chamber exists between each floor. But he’s neither in the marble-everything bathroom nor the adjacent toilet closet. She assumes he must be in his bed; the rumpled sheets and the darkness have merely …
Last reply by Janine Cross, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces the voice of the omniscient narrator, sets tone for novel, introduces protagonist and hints at the beginnings of her internal conflict. Chapter 1: Hooks It is a place of staggering beauty, this place tucked away in the middle of nowhere at the heart of the Middle Kingdom. The land is rich with the darkest of soil and, at the right time of year, the hills are thickly carpeted with greenery so bold that the land seems to cry with life. However, for the men and women who dot this landscape with their hard-fought lives, knowledge of the land’s capriciousness in delivering good fortune renders the image less vibrant. In between the fiel…
Last reply by Radha Chaddah, -
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The excerpt below is the novel’s second scene, introducing the main character, Ursula, and her predicament. The previous (first) scene is set in an ambulance that is taking Ursula’s mother, Marilyn, to the hospital. She is dying of cancer. The year is 1971. Ursula and the sailor sat at a picnic table on the upper terrace of the Surf ‘n Sand Lounge, looking down at the nearly empty boardwalk. Children weren’t allowed here, but it was a Tuesday afternoon, mid-September. The waitress had taken a long look at the sailor with Ursula in tow and shrugged. It was her first table in over an hour. Ursula looked around the terrace. She had often stood…
Last reply by Rae Strickland, -
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April 1989 Southport, Maine Someone had told her once that the red house had withstood years of abuse from the gales and never faltered because it had good bones. But the house that fishermen looked to as a landmark in the fog was now a beacon of neglect. Galene stopped at the front door and scraped her fingernails along the siding. Red paint peeled off in shards. At least she’d had the roof replaced last year. She tussled with the finicky lock and cringed as the door creaked open in protest. The air inside smelled like must. Furniture covered in white cloth. Dust motes dancing. A memory tugged at her. She shook it off. The large windows in the parlor stretched across th…
Last reply by Sheila Myers, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces protagonist, protagonist's wound, hidden magical world, and an important secondary character; plus ends with inciting incident. A burst of magic hung in limbo. No more than a bolt of spellbound energy, it had more in common with the wind than anything of substance; however, it vibrated with the urgency of a message needing to be delivered. Imbued with a tiny bit of magic, the missive was protected. Only the intended recipient could accept it. Yet, it still attracted attention. The wrong kind. The dark kind. Success required swift delivery. The magic hummed, zeroing in on the Veil’s opaque wall. It focused on on…
Last reply by Ann Kimbrough, -
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Introduces narrator and main protagonist/antagonist. Introduces one of several settings. Introduces thematic elements. Alludes to forthcoming plot points and reveals "Act Zero" setup. Includes dialogue. Chapter I: Clotho. It’ll be mid-morning in my clapboard piece-of-crap house in God’s own Blue Ridge mountains and I’ll have a hangover that could kill a cat, and not even just a regular cat but a bobcat maybe or whatever an ocelot is. It may occur to me (as so frequently it does) that I am for all intents and purposes out of food, which dilemma has been caused not by insufficient funds but by a general lack of gumption to get off my gangly bum and go to the grocery s…
Last reply by Molly Morse, -
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Opening Scene: status quo before inciting incident, establishes tone, introduces antagonist, foreshadows conflict I sit back, grab some toilet paper and prepare myself mentally for the clean-up. That’s when I hear him coming into the house. I call him Tony. He doesn’t deserve a title. Doesn’t even care I stopped calling him ‘dad’. It’s always the door announcing his arrival, signaling me to become less. I shrink to be less annoying and have less opinions as he becomes more. He is more in control, more intimidating, more angry. It seems wrong. At seventeen, I haven’t figured out how to fix it. Maybe to become so less I become invisibl…
Last reply by Geraldine Donaher, -
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1 Marquette, MI The destination is a hardship. The agenda cries out with despair. But in this disquieting season of fear, one must learn to overcome adversity. The remote enclave on Lake Superior would not normally be considered central by anyone, except perhaps the hardy upper-Midwest university students and ship captains that patronize its frigid shores. Unexpectedly in these last few years, Marquette’s isolated geography and access have become desirable. A largely unforeseen and unwanted calling card. Landowners and homebuilders, real estate agents and restaurant owners are rushing to keep up with demand. On this Tuesday morning, the…
Last reply by John Stafford, -
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Opening scene: introduces the protagonist and antagonist, establishes the setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict. Aren’t we a pair, Amber Ray? Mom and Dad must be so proud of their long-lost daughters. You, moldering in the grave, and, as for me, a murderous whore. Yes, I might as well be buried right next to you unless they come for me. Please come for me, I think, clasping my hands tightly as if I’m praying to Jesus Christ himself. Until then, I’ll wait, but not patiently, not in this nut house. So, I spin around in the swivel chair, clinging to my book of Edgar Allan Poe’s best works. Creeping in my head since I sat down is …
Last reply by SE Reynolds, -
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Introduces the protagonist, important secondary characters, and an indication of the plot. “You shouldn’t go. It’s not safe.” Daphne spoke over her shoulder as she stood expertly distant from a pan of spitting bacon, not a drop reaching her immaculate white-and-mauve flight attendant’s uniform. Alan had expected such a demand from his mother, ever since the dramatic news had broken the day before. He was ready with his answer. “No can do. The event’s mandatory for faculty. Brooksey’s rules.” Brooksey was his nickname for Brooks Cartwright, professor of history at Fullington University, and instigator of the “Past is Prologue” lecture series. The presenter …
Last reply by Keith Howells, -
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Opening Chapter: (Future Timeline) Introduces the protagonist, setting, and hints at the primary conflict. April 13th, 2129 – New York Daniel sat in the small waiting room of the law offices of Perez & Collins. He was exhausted and emotionally drained from his father's passing nearly a week ago. While Oliver's death was not a surprise, it did not change how tough it was on Daniel to not have his father around. He was very close with his father and his absence had created a void in his life that had seemingly been filled with various tasks necessitated by his passing. On top of the normal paperwork, the setting up of his funeral, and the toll of processing t…
Last reply by Nick Tussing, -
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Opening Scene - Introduces setting, protagonist, sidekick, and love interest. Identifies protagonist's job, which leads to main conflict. I hurry along the busy Manhattan street, weaving in and out of the other commuters, while I wait for the familiar voice to sound in my ear, and wish with every step that I wore the shorter heels made for running. The buildings tower on either side of me, blocking the outside world, and creating the unique universe that is New York. Normally, I love the lively buzz and crowds of the city. New York is the only place I know where you can blend in by standing out, making it easier to hide in plain si…
Last reply by Amanda, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, stakes, setting, and tone 1 BREAKUP Drip, drip was all I could hear in the bathroom, amidst the Ralph Lauren cologne, terry cloth navy bathrobe, and bath towels that needed to be washed. Shouldn’t I be more torn up, I thought. Shouldn’t I be crying? It was over. After three years, I no longer had a girlfriend. “We shouldn’t be together, Asher,” Blaire had said, tears in her eyes. “No, we shouldn’t be,” I said. The moment the words left my lips, I knew it was true. I looked out at the sun setting over the University of Arkansas campus, with its red-brick buildings and skeletal trees. There we…
Last reply by CFTurner, -
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SORIN Something about the sunrise in Elvenspear could make even the most worried person in the world feel like everything was right with it. And Sorin could hardly deny the view. The expanse yawned on, the capital city before him, with shimmering buildings where the sunrays danced on their glass windows, bathing the streets below in a shower of orange, red and gold. Sorin came up here sometimes as it was a place of refuge when nightmares sent him straight out of bed in a cold sweat. The same dream, over and over again. But by the time he was out of bed and walking, he couldn’t even remember the details. Only the fear that lingered, the anxiety that…
Last reply by Jack Weaver, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduces protagonist, provides hints of core wound, and foreshadows the coming conflict. THEN I’m laughing at the dinner table. My jeans sport green grass stains on the knees. Norkie, my favorite fuzzy stuffed bear with the worn out I heart NY t-shirt, sits in my lap. He got his name because when we moved to New York; I called it New Nork. I don’t remember but both my daddy’s laugh when they tell me the story of how I wanted a cow but was happy with Norkie. I look back at the meaty lasagna dripping with cheese and sauce half-eaten on my plate. It tastes good, but I really want to eat one of the warm oatmeal raisin cookies that I can see…
Last reply by GwenBFresh, -
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LIV January 2007. She knew the power of making an entrance. Oversized sunglasses, skewed beret, black cape coat, shopping bags in both hands. So Livi. That moment, standing at the door of the dark bar, the sun haloing her, said it all. The hostess looked up. “Oh, I’m just here for tea. You do serve tea at the bar of the Russian Tea Room?” “Yes, Madam. Please come in.” Liv entered, eyes feasting on every morsal: the lush red carpet, the dark green walls framed in glistening gold, swooping firebirds and shiny samovars adorning them. Leather stools lined the bar like bright cherry lollipops. Oh yes, this will do just fine. The restaurant …
Last reply by LIsa Orban, -
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Chapter 1.[MOU1] Bri Winter lay on her couch, tossed popcorn into her mouth, and stared at the TV blindly. Daytime TV got her through the day, well, at least until midday, after that, she was at a bit of a loss. There wasn’t much she enjoyed about her life. Maybe the sighting of an eagle overhead or a cobweb pearled in frost. She often wished she had been born a couple of centuries earlier when life seemed more romantic. “Seemed.” As the old cliche says—things are not always what they seem. The eighteen hundreds may have spawned Romantic poets, but it was filth ridden and rampant with disease. The women on TV were getting heated about Botox, the Puffy Filler F…
Last reply by Heidi, -
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The opening scene introduces the protagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict: Chapter 1: Dear Dreamer Is this what it feels like to be catatonic? I was sitting on my living room couch, staring out the window but I might as well have been staring into outer space. I was completely numb. Am I in shock? Yes, this feels like shock. After what seemed like hours, my mind slowly started revving up, doing mental olympics. It was trying to assess the situation and come up with a solution. But there wasn’t one, of course. Or at least one I wanted to admit. This wasn’t the first time I had fallen after taking a leap of faith. I had done it once …
Last reply by Claire Uncapher, -
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This piece is from Chapter 6 and it introduces the inner conflict of the protagonist when presented with the primary conflict of a 3000 mile flying challenge presented by the antagonist. In the aviation business, there are two types of people: those of integrity and complete rascals. Brave souls of high honor stand next to snake oil salesmen, with no population between the two. Flying produces Pulitzer Prize winners, war heroes and drug runners. Pilots are gossips, and I had heard a lot about Harry Forrest: the stint in federal prison, the airport that burned down, the lawsuits, the mechanics who came and went like the change of the seasons.…
Last reply by S Robert Williams, -
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Hello, this is my YA novel, Max and the Spracketts. I worked on two novels for my MA, which i completed this year. Morrigan's Curse/Feathered Heart is one and this is the other. Both are complete--although I am making minor structural edits to both in light of some stuff I've been reading on here-- hahahha CHAPTER ONE Max Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world. (Roald Dahl, Matilda) The snow fell in thick curtains around him, the houses twinkling with warm Christmas lights and the skinny streetlamps glowing with misty orbs. He had no idea it was so late—he’d not missed a train in five years, and he wasn’t missing this o…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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My novel is about a heartbroken, modern-day science teacher who is wooed by a man who claims to be Shakespeare. 1 Joy looks up at the autumn sky and sees a sign: a white “H” within a bright green square, a logo that reminds her of summer vacations. “Who knew we had a Holiday Inn?” she says to Fredrico. “Who cares?” She could change the subject to something more relevant to him—like the spa facilities at the new Ritz Carlton, or his resemblance to a 1970’s George Harrison—but instead of working that hard, she lets the conversation drop. The restaurant is just a few blocks from his West Village apar…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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Opening Scene to introduce the setting, protagonist, tone, and primary conflict. Antwerp, Belgium April 1941 Jacob Eichelberg clutched heavy black-out drapes from his third-floor flat and peered through a sliver onto the lightless city of Antwerp. A dark gray blanket of night, like an inky shroud of nothingness, hovered overhead. He scanned the sky and listened for hunting Allied bombers. Part of him wished to hear the droning buzz of those pregnant planes. Though it would send his family scrambling for the basement, he imagined the laden bellies of those warbirds opening up and letting loose their whistling offspring. Who knows? They might just find…
Last reply by Chad Ellenburg, -
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All day Chae was excited about her eighth birthday, but she couldn’t figure out why her mother wouldn’t look at her. She thought it might have been the rain. The autumn had brought sheets of it to Shanghai, and from the moment she woke, her mother had instructed her to stay inside so she wouldn’t track water onto the floor. It was dark now. For hours, the door to their apartment had remained locked, keeping the quiet in, and keeping the quiet out. Chae played with a doll as she sat across the table from her mother. A ribbon held her inky hair in place, save for a few strands that tickled her forehead, which had started losing its summer bronze. The doll was dirt…
Last reply by Rockwell Sands, -
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Nobody ever shows the bodies. In all the post-apocalyptic films a billion people always manage to magically disappear into thin air, leaving the survivors to walk the earth in isolation. Believe me, that sounds like heaven compared to the present situation. My name is Cody Armstrong. I am nineteen years old and even before what I’ve come to call the Great Extinction, I was all alone. I didn’t start out that way. Until I was eight, I had lots of friends. Then we moved, and I skipped three grades. The school didn’t want to do it since sixth graders don’t really hang out with eight year olds, even smart ones, but I was bored with third grade work and wa…
Last reply by Lora D., -
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These are the opening pages of my historical fiction novel, which centers around a young woman who has a job offer in China on the eve of the pandemic, and is writing about her grandfather's life in the Underground to understand her own decision to move abroad. It introduces one of the main characters and the primary conflict, as well as one of the primary settings (Philadelphia). CHAPTER ONE January 2020 In a city of 25 million people, I was alone. The Pearl Tower pierced the foggy skyline in a monochromatic crimson that hypnotized me into walking away from the piano bar where I’d been headed. I braced myself against the unobstructed wind and crossed the…
Last reply by eursell44,
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