New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
333 topics in this forum
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GAME KNOWS GAME EDIT.docx
Last reply by Marc Curtis Little, -
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CHAPTER ONE (first four pages) establishes voice and setting and introduces the family I am seven in my bedroom on 90 Charles Street in NYC. I share a room with my little brother Zeph who is three. It is summer. It is boiling hot. There is no air-conditioning. There are no fans. There are screens in the open windows. The air is heavy inside. Even the plastic furniture is sweating. I am sticky. Daddy says “Wear a wet T-shirt, it is perfectly good air-conditioning.” We go to bed with wet hair and wet T-shirts on. The windows of our bedroom open onto the street. I fall asleep listening to everyone’s conversations as they drift into the screened windows. I…
Last reply by JLC, -
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Village of Las Gaviotas, Columbia, SA Tears streamed down Jorge Manuelo’s cheeks as he stood with head bowed in prayer, listening to his brother’s screams. They had gone on far longer than should have been possible. How could Juan—hanging from the tree, his arms stretched above him as if reaching for heaven, entrails piled below like a pig being readied for Christmas day—live so long? He begged the Madonna to bring his own death more quickly. El Chuchillo—the man with the knife—turned away from Juan’s now silent body and lifted Jorge’s chin with the tip of his blade. “I have your attention?” Jorge wanted to answer but had no voice. The man holding hi…
Last reply by Kelly Owen, -
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Chapter One: A Tragedy Her sadness echoes. Her body trembles under the weight of her tears. Her nails clench into the steering wheel as rage overtakes her. How did this happen? How did I get here? These are the questions Jackie Anthonys asks herself as she prepares for a moment she’d hoped would never come… Here she was, finally alone, her hopes left unfulfilled, her pleas unanswered. The time has come, and from here on out, the woman who’d spent her entire life existing in a world of her own creation where she maintained all control was forced to face reality. This is their moment… their final moment together before she’s lost him forever. “Mom,” Her seventeen…
Last reply by Marc Curtis Little, -
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Opening scene - introduce protagonist, protagonist sympathy, hint at antagonist and introduce conflict, worldbuilding. Chapter 1: The Broker “So, the prince is dead. Why should I care?” “Because every peddler in the Empire will be after his heart.” The conversation at the adjacent table was hard to ignore. Though it weakened his nerve, Marek had no choice but to go through with this; there was too much coin on the line. He tapped trembling fingers on the bar and cast what he hoped were inconspicuous glances around the grimy pub, searching… Through the pipe smoke clouding the windows, he could tell the sun was reaching its witching hour; when mo…
Last reply by S. R. Hatcher, -
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Below are the first two scenes of Spark & Flame. Chapter 1 Sparks cracked through the empty music room. Blue-white flashes, blazing and violent, picked up music sheets in a gust and snapped against the drum symbols sending them clamoring. At the center of the whirlwind, Riza Ashland knelt, gripping the sides of her head and muttering the steps her papi taught her. Not now. Please, she could not surge now. “Dirt. Rock. Cement. Brick. Steel.” She repeated, each seal within her mind building up, up and willing the power behind them. Another spark escaped, sending her curly black hair flying forward. “Come on.” Fingers pressed on her temples, she roll…
Last reply by Stefanny Monga, -
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This is actually the third scene, occurring after a montage of the city of Bologna (scene 1) and several women hobnobbing in 1300 AD about the exhumation and burning of Saint Guglielma. (This is a dual timeline narrative) This third scene introduces the relationship between the modern-day protagonist and her lover in Bologna; establishes basic character outlines/occupations -- “Congratulations,” Amanda said, lifting a glass of the house red wine to Serafina. "On booking your first ever event. May there be many more to come." The remaining liter of wine sat, mostly full, on their small, square table. They were seated outdoors, and the evening October air was…
Last reply by Alexandra Syrah, -
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Last reply by Marcel P, -
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The Inquisitor's Apprentice (Upmarket Historical Fiction WIP) CHAPTER ONE - Introduces antagonist, setting, tone and foreshadows the primary conflict The rider pulled back on the reins and brought the donkey to a halt. He straightened his back and moaned softly, releasing the pain and tension of two days and nights without cease on the back of the plodding beast. Although his stomach growled in protest, the priest would allow neither soft bed nor hard bread to tempt him into delaying his voyage here. His two retainers rode silently behind him, their black robes absorbing the brutal heat of the Cordovan summer. In the distance he saw the long, hea…
Last reply by DeanCycon, -
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Work in progress after the incredible "Write to Pitch" in NYC and advice from the amazing Paula Munier...
Last reply by Shannan Dugan, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduce gritty tone, protagonist, antagonists, setting juxtaposition, and foreshadows primary conflict. Episode 1: Uncle He was pocket-sized, with a needle mustache and a paper face. He didn’t look like a biker, but his colors were showing. He walked in, throwing two fat duffels to the floor. “Twenty-two hundred a pound.” His voice was gravelly—too big for his little body. He took a seat at the table, kicked a muddy boot in front of him, then leaned back with his fingers linked across his chest. “There’s twenty there.” He nodded at the bags. I glanced at them, then Rolo’s washed-out face. I’d never seen him so white. This was…
Last reply by Kari, -
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first 6 pages introduces tone, protagonist, reveals the antagonist. This excerpt sets the stage for primary conflict and showcases dialogue. Chapter 1| A Day To Remember The temperature on the island was cold, and it continued to rain. Today was when the next generation of the Five Kingdoms would graduate from being learners of our kingdoms to members of the New Watchers. Today was also the day I became Queen. The ceremony for me to be Queen was unexpected, but my mom found it more straightforward if I had it on the same day as my graduation. To her, it was killing two birds with one stone. I couldn’t help but think about my papa being there to see me become a…
Last reply by Frantz charles, -
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This is the opening scene (first four pages) of Chapter 1; it introduces the protagonist (one version of her, Jen), her setting, and her conflict. Chapter 1. Jen, January, 2017. What a fucking nightmare of a day, Jen thought, glancing out her office window at the D.C. streetlights and the sloth-like traffic. Her stomach rumbled; she had worked past dinnertime again, and being hungry made her an irritable bitch. But food wouldn’t erase the fact that the worst asshole in history had been inaugurated today. She’d had trouble concentrating on her immigration caseload—which had now expanded to an impossible seventy cases— knowing what was happening just two miles …
Last reply by Jill Martin, -
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Apocalypse That year, everyone believed in numerology. Our calendars were conveniently marked with the exact date of Armageddon: December 31st, 1999. It was a year of impending digital apocalypse. Even the disbelievers among us prayed that nothing would get lost in the translation of time to the strange new language of zeros and ones. All of us expecting our computers to detonate at the appointed hour like time bombs. The same year the South African son of a polygamous infidel passed his thorny crown even as it still dripped with the blood of Apartheid. It was a year of ancient land cracked…
Last reply by Tifffany, -
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First 5 pages Kramer.docx
Last reply by Jeff Kramer, -
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Early scene that introduces primary conflict and teases protagonist’s background. It follows opening chapter in which protagonist is arrested while committing what was to be his final burglary. The room was dim and small and tucked away on an empty floor of a commercial building in the Garment district: no windows, a battered metal table, three straight-backed chairs. The walls were bare and the wood-planked floor littered with cigarette butts. A tired-looking man with dark hair slumped sideways in one of the chairs, his wrist handcuffed to the leg of the table. Purvis sat down heavily across from the prisoner and dug a key out of his pocket. He handed it to Rh…
Last reply by Ken Jautz, -
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My first three pages introduce the protagonist, a side character, a minion of the antagonist, and grounds in setting and place. You get the main plot and sympathy for the MC and SC, plus an intro to the emotional side plot. 1. Amalia and Clara drove to Sunday church service together that morning as they had for a year now. Amalia in a black linen dress with a lovely interlocking pattern of embroidered white flowers at the cuffs and bodice. Clara wore a gray sweater dress and a black crepe shrug. They both had on dark sunglasses, and not because they wanted to hide from anyone. The Nevada sun punished even the godly. They didn’t speak, parking and then walking to…
Last reply by Becky Bosshart, -
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How a Boy Could Be.docx
Last reply by Jen Parker, -
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- 395 views
Chapter 1 Galen Tailing the car wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. A smarter man might have written the whole thing off after having their bumper clipped by an SUV. I didn’t think it would be so difficult to stay close to Elise on the highway, but I’d almost crashed twice chasing her taillights through the dense heart of downtown Austin. Difficult as it was, I had to keep my wits about me. She would kill me if she realized I was following her. I focused on her car’s rearview window, straining to see beyond the tinted glass. Was she alone? I hoped beyond hope that she was, but it was impossible to tell even after forty-five minutes on the road. Sweat beaded…
Last reply by hannah_geiser, -
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He regarded his plush surroundings through the haze of his standard weekday hangover. Duff was a music journalist by trade, and of a type that was vanishing into extinction. Which was to say he drank frequently and well, was friendly enough with his weed dealer to have read and offered notes on his screenplay, wore a full mustache, and possessed an encyclopedic knowledge of rock music and its forebear, rhythm and blues. He was sitting gingerly in a beautifully upholstered chair with blue and cream stripes in a suite at the Waldorf Astoria, his husky 6’3’’ frame threatening the collapse of the beautiful piece of furniture and his self-esteem at any moment. H…
Last reply by Mike Wackenreuter, -
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apprx. 500 words from Chapter 1: reveals protagonist; core wound -- she doesn't feel like she's good enough -- she did all the right things, guided by principles of integrity, hard work and service, and those bastards fired her, and now the antagonist (who looks like a good guy)) is coming in to throw her a lifeline, she's electrified by him, and he's the one she has to conquer -- or else. The attendant scanned the card, smiling as though he had been expecting her, handed her a pass, and said, “Guest of Mr. Garrett, I see.” He sounded impressed, pointed diagonally across the lobby to the elevator banks. “On the right, top floor.” “Thanks.” She to…
Last reply by Tiffany, -
- 1 reply
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Delusions of Grandeur Chapter 1 It all seems too good to be true, this magical island called Palm Beach, more modern-day Atlantis or Xanadu than actual city, more dream than reality. It brings to mind a French impressionist painting reminiscent of Renoir or Monet, more an enchanting vision of color and blurred lines than some dry depiction of life as it is, an imagined work of art limited to all things beautiful, with any hint of ugliness glossed over in undulating strokes of cadmium yellow and cobalt blue. Merely crossing any of the short bridges spanning from the mainland to the barrier island you might just as well be crossing the entirety of the Atl…
Last reply by Tiffany, -
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Jenna wakes in the middle of the night and discovers her husband is gone. His bed is empty, she notices it immediately as she shuffles to the bathroom in the dark, the strange velvety texture of the hotel carpet against her bare soles causing an unpleasant shiver in her molars. She assumes she’s woken from the resonant thud of him walking past her bed. Hotel floors always reverberate in that particular way, as if their bones are hollow or a secret cobwebbed chamber exists between each floor. But he’s neither in the marble-everything bathroom nor the adjacent toilet closet. She assumes he must be in his bed; the rumpled sheets and the darkness have merely …
Last reply by Janine Cross, -
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Opening Scene: Introduces the voice of the omniscient narrator, sets tone for novel, introduces protagonist and hints at the beginnings of her internal conflict. Chapter 1: Hooks It is a place of staggering beauty, this place tucked away in the middle of nowhere at the heart of the Middle Kingdom. The land is rich with the darkest of soil and, at the right time of year, the hills are thickly carpeted with greenery so bold that the land seems to cry with life. However, for the men and women who dot this landscape with their hard-fought lives, knowledge of the land’s capriciousness in delivering good fortune renders the image less vibrant. In between the fiel…
Last reply by Radha Chaddah, -
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The excerpt below is the novel’s second scene, introducing the main character, Ursula, and her predicament. The previous (first) scene is set in an ambulance that is taking Ursula’s mother, Marilyn, to the hospital. She is dying of cancer. The year is 1971. Ursula and the sailor sat at a picnic table on the upper terrace of the Surf ‘n Sand Lounge, looking down at the nearly empty boardwalk. Children weren’t allowed here, but it was a Tuesday afternoon, mid-September. The waitress had taken a long look at the sailor with Ursula in tow and shrugged. It was her first table in over an hour. Ursula looked around the terrace. She had often stood…
Last reply by Rae Strickland,
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