New York Write to Pitch "First Pages"
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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Below are elements that all would-be narrative fiction artists should consider, regardless of genre - prior to fingers touching the keyboard, and while the fingers are tapping. These elements should be used in this forum for helpful critique as well as writer editorial purposes. Keep in mind, that aside from the notes which follow, a great story premise with a strong plot and excellent characters will keep reader eyes on the page most effectively. All else is extra but necessary recipe - cliché but true. => For those about to post a sample of their prose narrative, this forum will serve you best if you post a three or four page scene taken from your opening …
Last reply by Chief Editor, -
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The air in the steppes was different today. It wasn’t the merry laughter of the impending spring equinox celebrations. Something was amiss. A feeling as oppressive as a thunder storm had seeped into the serene landscape. It was pungent, not in smell, but in sensation - a prickling awareness that danced on my skin. I looked over the once never-ending, sea-green grass that was now like blades beneath the snow, adorned by the distant holy mountains. The grazing grounds past the huddle of round gers lay empty. The herd had still not returned from the night before. It wasn’t rare for the herd to wander off but this was under my watch. I had to retrieve them or else risk …
Last reply by bellaamar, -
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This is the opening chapter of the 13th Pier. The waves lapped against the sand in a soft and steady cadence, percolating between each grain and returning to the ocean in a continuous and cascading motion. The sea, in its infinite churn, washes up and down the North Carolina coastline with uniform consistency as the laughing gulls and plovers bob and weave to the ebb and flow of crashing waves, looking for that unfortunate krill washed up unintentionally. Sand dunes are held intact by beach grass, wild sunflowers, and twisted Krumholtz-like trees that buffer the beach from seasonal storms, and high-water surges and offer regular protection for a group of …
Last reply by R. Atwood, -
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Below is chapter two in the Messy Parts. It's a flashback chapter (the novel alternates between present day and flashback chapters) and introduces Easter's uncle and adds historical context around her father and sister (both antagonists). Easter Sunday, 15 Years Ago (Late April) Uncle George leers at me across the table. He’s a large man, thick in the middle with matching fat eyebrows that are Gandalf-esque. ‘Problem?’ I want to say to him. He’s looking at me like he hates me, but I keep my trap shut. Dad doesn’t like backtalk, and I’m already on thin ice where he’s concerned. I always am. It’s a game of wait and see how long he can go before …
Last reply by Kendall, -
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First half of Chapter One In her faded blue bathrobe, Mom hobbled into the kitchen and filled her glass with water at the sink, as she did first thing every morning. Her scraggily shoulder-length hair was still brown, though her slow walk and wrinkled skin revealed her seventy-four years. Finally, she turned around and looked at me sitting at the table with my coffee. “You’re dressed. That’s unusual.” I nodded. “I guess I just woke up early.” I’d already showered, which I knew could be seen as a disturbing shift from our routine. She focused on me longer than usual, till a hanging judge gaze appeared in her brown hawk eyes. “Cathy, that shirt under your blo…
Last reply by Jan Schmidt, -
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This is the first chapter of my novel, Thermidor, a family saga and thriller. Part I I hadn’t seen Vanessa in many years, until she appeared at my doorstep with an old vinyl record and this crazy idea of looking for my missing father. That night I was in my house in San Francisco, ironing my shirts in my underwear, when I heard a knock at my door. One glance through the peephole, and I experienced the illusion of time dissolving with years turning into months, months into days, days into hours since I last saw her. I scrambled for a pair of pants and got to the door between the second and third knocks. Suddenly she was there, head tucked…
Last reply by Ben Cruz, -
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This is not the first chapter. I'm introducing Bristi's uncle here who acts as the antagonist in her story. Introducing the scene: Bristi grows up in an ordinary middle-class family in Kolkata, India. The walls of her family’s apartment reek of mediocrity, compromise, and stunted ambitions. Her father is a failed artist who constantly feels sorry for himself and resents anyone with money. His meager wages can’t always pay for the family expenses and her mother is forced to borrow money from her rich uncle, Salil. To Bristi, her uncle is not a benefactor but a tyrant who never misses an opportunity to insult her family. Her uncle’s snobberies are as resolute as…
Last reply by Saborna Roychowdhury, -
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A - Processing January 15th, 2025, Day one of six The red sensor lights blink three times. Diego’s mother stiffens—then starts to cry. From her assigned observation post near the barbed-wire perimeter of Facility 17, Mrs. Rios watches the scene unfold through a maze of plexiglass partitions and steel desks. The air smells of bleach and desperation, the same way it does in every detention center along the U.S.-Mexico border. Her team from the Coalition for Algorithmic Justice (CAJ) has spread out strategically: Sarah documenting times and faces near the main door, Javier positioned by the intake desk, and Marcus hovering near the exit with his tablet ready…
Last reply by Ralph Walker, -
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A THIN LINE OF SMOKE Names and places have been changed to protect the guilty. The innocent will have to fend for themselves. Chapter 1 GEORGE They’d started out as innocent fibs, minor exaggerations, or hand waving distractions. There was nothing nefarious about adding flair, or emphasis, at least that’s what I’d believed when this started. We all did it, puffing up our chests, building up our importance, but somewhere along the way a boundary was crossed. What might have been embellishment slid further from the truth. One lie was left unquestioned, then another, and another. They’d all piled up, each new lie the fou…
Last reply by Ralph Walker, -
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(Poster/Conference Attendee/Author Note: Our journey toward this conference began with what we initially perceived as a nearly complete book. However, through the assigned readings and the thoughtful prompts introduced during our preparatory work, we realized just how much needed to change. It is with humility and passion-not haste and hubris-that we embarked on this project almost anew. Below is what we currently believe to be the beginning of our book. We now view it as a piece of creative nonfiction rather than a self-help tutorial. We look forward to all the learning that awaits us next week. -Jessica and Joahn ) Intimate Reflections: A Twin…
Last reply by Jessica Fauchier, -
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I Chapter 1 Spring Last Year, 1277 -- Licoricia, an Old Woman, in her Home Early afternoon. Wisps of a late snow were melting between the cobbles on Jewry Street, one of the few cobbled streets in Winchester. It made for less mud than the other streets, but there was still mud enough for all. Winchester was a wealthy market town, and Jewry Street was a wealthy street, or it had been not so many years ago. Not so now. The last week of riots had burned themselves out. The street was quiet now, almost empty. Few people lived there any more. There were few Jews on Jewry Street, few left in all of Winchester,…
Last reply by Sam, -
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Chapter One I am still finishing up the hemming on Mari’s stack of tunics when Thea bursts through the door, her small frame quivering with sobs. I toss the fabric from my lap and crouch beside her, stroking her knotted blonde curls as she wipes her nose across her sleeve. “What’s wrong?” “The-the…” she tries to get the words out between gasps, but all that erupts from her mouth is another incomprehensible wail. My heart swells and pushes up into my throat. Tears come easily to my little sister, but her raw eyes and red-rubbed nose are beginning to frighten me. I know. “The… soldiers… are here,” she squeals out between cries, confirming my fe…
Last reply by Emerson Ormond, -
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Opening scenes Ch 0, 1: Establish the tone and mythological foundation of the story, introduce the antagonist, depict the circumstances surrounding the main character’s birth, and foreshadow the central conflict. Excerpt from Ch 3: Establish the main character’s voice. Most of the book is in first person POV, sprinkled with third person POV chapters. 0 Long, long ago Before the breath of life flowed over the world, the earth burned in youthful abundance. Amid the primordial sea of flames, a single bubble rose to the surface and hardened into a perfect sphere--an empty vessel, white and smooth, a Pearl. When the first of the old gods fell, t…
Last reply by L Sam Zhang, -
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Hell Hath No Fury Part 1: Ripples “Only fools and idealists believe that no one has anything to complain about.” -Emperor Justinus ïst Lucinti de Vincentius, 854 Imperial Year Chapter 1: A Flimsy Grip The sound of beautiful violin music suddenly died. A moment later, the elegant instrument was dashed to pieces on the amphitheater’s stage, producing the decidedly less beautiful sounds of cracking wood and popping strings. “Oh no,” Özcan said, barely even trying to keep it under his breath, “here it comes.” Right on que, the…
Last reply by garrenb, -
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I told you not to have that damn baby, "he said, throwing his third beer can across the kitchen in the direction of the already overflowing trashcan. "I told you to get an abortion!" He looked at the sink that held stacks of dishes and floating bits of food, which was now spilling over onto the decaying Formica countertop, and made a sound of disgust. Passing on his way to the refrigerator, a strong whiff of curdled milk drifted from the sink. He brought his fingers to his nose and blew air out in an attempt to get rid of the smell that had settled in his nostrils. He cursed at the dishes and raised his arm in preparation to hurl them onto the floor but stopped …
Last reply by Susan Yancey, -
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Below is chapter one and the first two pages of chapter two. The opening scene introduces the main character Jacob Johnson. The scene is a flash-forward scene that the reader will return to later in the novel. The tone is cold and distant. The opening scene foreshadows the man Jacob will become. Chapter two is set in 1986 when Jacob was a boy. The scene begins in his bathroom, toggles to a flashback, then back to the bathroom. This scene of him speaking with his father establishes their relationship because later his father will die shortly before his tenth birthday. I He took her life with spite. The instrument of death didn’t slice flesh or…
Last reply by Andrew, -
Chapter 1 and 2 word doc.docx
Last reply by Ray Arroyo, -
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The last time I wore this suit was at Grandad’s funeral. I was sweating through it in the shade, that after the chill of the church’s A/C. I can’t tell if it smells of Georgia pollen or my own stink. I lift my collar and lower my nose to meet it. “All rise,” calls the bailiff. Up I jump, pulling my suit jacket down from around my neck. I button it, station my feet at shoulder width, chest out. The judge enters and settles into his chair behind the bench. There’s a symphony of creaking wood as the rest of the courtroom sits. The congregation may be seated. Grandad hated church and court. A white collar is a white collar, and they can’t be trusted, and by…
Last reply by Mike Perez, -
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The Reluctant Empath first section.docx
Last reply by Mary Riddel, -
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Chapter One A.D. 66 The third day of Tammuz Outside of Bethlehem Diklah swept his hair off his forehead with the back of his hand and leaned heavily against his plow. The sun was high and scorching. Pulling a patch of cloth out of his pocket, he wiped the sweat from his face and squinted up at the cursed sun. The ground was hard and rocky, and he had been plowing it for weeks, but it seemed to harden overnight causing him to have to start again with each new day. He hated working in the fields. This was his father's passion, not his. He was a soldier or at least he would be soon. Unlike his kinsmen, he was exhilarated to learn …
Last reply by Sarah Wronko, -
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“Half-breed – he called me a half-breed!” Liah Cloud tore open the pouch of Sweetarts and spread them across the small desk in front of her. She slowly separated the candies into five assorted colors, and as usual, the majority were red. She hated the red, and sometimes she would throw them away. But Labor Day had passed, and football was about to begin – and she needed the red ones so she would have enough to set up two teams in formation on her desk. The orange and green candies made up the Miami Dolphins side – she loved the Dolphins, mainly because she loved the ocean – plus they had won the last two Super Bowls – and it’s easy to cheer for a winner. Thankfully…
Last reply by jparker1861, -
“Human activities have caused the Earth to exceed six of nine boundaries necessary for keeping the planet healthy, pushing the environment well outside the safe operating space for humanity.” Smithsonian Magazine, 2023. PROLOGUE Iceland - September, 2023 Something was different. She had been to this lake five times before and the energy had been peaceful, serene just like a glacial lake in a remote area of northern Iceland was supposed to be. But it felt off, as if the turquoise stillness was a mirage. She and above her, her ten colleagues, their columns of shimmering pixels, would soon begin their descent to the shore of the lake. Leta scanned the b…
Last reply by Gloria Kohl, -
Opening scene
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The raid began in the cold blue light that preceded dawn. We jolted from dreams of noise and light, to then realize that the noise and light had pierced our night journeys and ripped us from our own reveries. This was the first stealing of us, from our dreams and then from our beds and then from our families and from our childhoods. Our captors appeared as shapes standing over us, etched in a void. We knew who they were, who they had to be. We knew the stories of how in their distant land they had mastered the darkest arts, and wielded great and terrifying powers. We, in our settlement called Cadmere, knew no such magic. That made us fear the Insaloreans, and to liv…
Last reply by Ted, -
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Chapter 1 - Rhubarb Tarte Thick ribbons of steam framed Arden’s face. Hovering before an opened oven, he scanned the pale domes of a dozen, freshly risen buns. He inhaled and sighed, dazzled by the creamy-ripe aroma of yeast on grain. Intent on caramelizing the swollen boules into gold, he shut the oven door and flipped a quarter-hourglass. It was early Tuesday morning. Outside the small porthole window above the stove, the city’s cobblestone streets were quiet and shiny, shellacked by summer night rains and blanketed by a gentle fog. The sky was ripening, its greyish haze paling into a cyan morning. “Oh!” Dawn already? Arden spun to salt a batch of b…
Last reply by Kev Perkins, -
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Chapter 1 and first scene of Chapter 2. Introduces protagonist and setting, drops clues about antagonist, begins worldbuilding, first part of inciting incident.. CHAPTER 1 Noah fell asleep halfway through How the Jackalope Tricked El Chupacabra. Had I known it was more survival guide than picture book, I would have kept reading on my own. Instead, I pulled the blanket up to Noah’s chin and kissed him on the forehead, inhaling his fresh toddler scent. He clutched his new stuffed animals, jackalope on the right, chupacabra on the left. I think he picked the book from the museum gift shop knowing I would get him the matching animals. Something to replace his b…
Last reply by berenberg,
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