New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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⸸ or Sinner’s Descent Into the Depths of the Unreal or Thomasin Sinclair 1 A Deo, Omnes Sapientia “Rosie!” The Beast’s intoned cry shook me from my train ride nap, interrupting a pleasant window-dream. I would look out the window and see one landscape: green plains on rolling hills. Then I’d close my eyes and see another: a lush vineyard stretching for miles. I lost track of whether my eyes were open or closed. “There you are. I’ve been looking up and down the train for you,” Hannah said, pushing her voice into the shrill, sing-songy tone she used to speak to me. “Hello, Hannah,“ I croaked out. Hannah dropped her luggag…
Last reply by ProductionBlues, -
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Sorry, posted this chapter twice
Last reply by Mark Cheverton, -
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Opening Pages Panic City by Scott Brooks The first goggles were large, obvious, and people asked questions. A little while later, they tried something that looked like a motorcycle helmet, which also drew attention, but remained a fan favorite of certain players who chose to play on electric scooters or skateboards and who also no doubt enjoyed regular fly-bys past the uncertain law enforcement of New York City. Maybe there were other iterations of goggles, visors, as well as the headphones and gloves; you’re unlikely to meet anyone who will admit to knowing much of anything about a game called Panic City and the people who played it. The next goggle…
Last reply by Scott Brooks, -
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BLOOD OF THE BELLFLOWER: THE TRACE HUNTER (Hild's perspective: Leading male protagonist) CHAPTER ONE Hild still couldn’t comprehend why they were hunting him - a young indentured servant, glorified horse hostler, and fence mender. Nonetheless, his parlous escape from the obscure mining village had flared an uproar with the Segaeta guards. Now, he lay stunned and spread eagle in the hot sand, breathing heavily and blinking against a sticky trickle of blood from his brow bone. Three things tumbled through his mind: First, this new life of running and fighting was unsustainable. Second, Razzia was somewhere – on a horse – being h…
Last reply by Laura Neibaur, -
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TWO WORLDS MERGING TO FORM THE ONE Neom City, Saudi Arabia October 2, 2030 He was not armed heavily – that could not be risked with the security drones programmed for firearms or direct-energy caps. The kill would have to be Old World – swift and by the blade. The assassin was dressed for the occasion – in formal white; he’d be a face in the crowd, a presumed participantin the regional wealth ofthe Greatest Show On Earth. Ishmael’s orders were simple:eliminate the great Infidel, MX Leon, enemy to both the people and the state, not to mention to Allah himself. The devil Leon was a creature beyond the sands, possessed of magic and technology …
Last reply by Liora Yoael, -
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Seven Assignments.docx
Last reply by Lynn McCall, -
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LWH Opening.docx
Last reply by Lynn McCall, -
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BENTLEY ROBINSON Brooklyn, New York June 13, 2024 A .45 caliber gun, pressed against his pregnant girlfriend's belly. Fear, rampantly running through his mind. His world, about to crumble in the blink of an eye. Unless he got his shit together - right here, right now. Bentley was panting from the emotional exhaustion. It was hard to fathom a more terrifying sight for a soon-to-be-father. Just getting back from a simple grocery run, he dropped every single bag when he opened the door. "Honey, I'm home..." facetiously echoed the tall, thin man holding the gun against Katalina's stomach, his voice booming with a grin. "At last, he arrives...t…
Last reply by Jake Coble, -
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MARKERS UNKNOWN, Speculative Fiction Thriller Opening Pages—Introduces protagonist, antagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows the primary crisis and conflict. ONE Present Time. Colorado Springs Police Station. South Interrogation Room. That bastard cuffed me to the table and left the room, but we both know my petty theft isn’t what the FBI is after. In the harsh overhead lighting, I pull hard against the restraints in a continuous succession of aggressive tugs until I draw my own blood. The minute the warm, wet sensation meets the cold air of this unwelcoming environment, I cease all fighting. This is what I was after—not freedom, blood. …
Last reply by O.E. Soderberg, -
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Opening Chapter - Introduce protagonists in present timeline and inciting incident 1 Gina October 2015, Colorado Springs, Colorado On the sixth-month anniversary of Mom’s death, I make more crème caramel than Mamie and I can eat. She and I sit side by side in her kitchen, three ramekins filled to the brim on the Formica table. A whiff of vanilla lingers on my fingers from slicing the sticky bean lengthwise and scraping the seeds out to add to the milk and cream, like Mom taught me. Mamie’s white hair is wispy and pinned up in a loose chignon. “I’ll start.” She says, and slips a spoon into the pale, yellow custard. A warm, syrupy odor wafts in…
Last reply by Cynthia Anderson, -
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Writing sample for NYC Pitch Conference 2023 Saying Goodbye to Ideas that No Longer Work.pdf
Last reply by Jackie Grennon Brooks, -
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REBELRY- YA Science Fiction, American Royals meets Divergent Opening chapter - introduces main character, setting, tone, inciting incident CHAPTER 1 Summoned “. . . though we have toiled and emerged from the War victorious, now our labor truly begins. Today we grant our oppressors an amnesty they have not earned. We shall not exact vengeance, but they will learn to follow and serve. With wisdom, mercy, and compassion, we will build a magnificent world and show our oppressors that we can create paradise on Earth. And so, let it be shouted in every street, the Age of Man is no more. For I proclaim to you, the Age of …
Last reply by Sharilyn, -
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THE BELLS OF ATHERTON Chapter 1 The sun was setting over Atherton, North Carolina when Patrick Bell turned onto Seacrest Drive and headed for home. As the large oceanfront house he shared with his wife, Pamela, came into view, he reminded himself how lucky he was to live there. His life in Atherton was a huge step up from the way he'd been raised and he never took it for granted. He'd felt like the luckiest guy in the world since marrying Pamela six years earlier. They had moved to Atherton shortly after the wedding. It was a small town, a fisherman's paradise on the Carolina coast. He smiled as he pulled into the driveway, brought his silver sedan to an abrupt st…
Last reply by Malekeh, -
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The day Paul Boudreaux feared would never come was here at last. “D-day.” Dissertation defense. The last agonizing step in his long and arduous quest toward obtaining the highest prize in academia, the much-coveted Doctor of Philosophy. The PH fuckin’D. Paul, the only Louisianan in the turn-of-the-century New York University conference room, squirmed uncomfortably on the hard wooden chair across the table from the five-person committee arrayed like a firing squad in front of him. He was struggling to answer the tricky question just hurled at him by crusty Professor Jim Langley. “Gangly Langley,” as the doctoral students referred to the chair of the histo…
Last reply by Steve Caldas, -
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Into the Breach - Chapter 1 Genre: Sci-Fi Space Opera Lieutenant Gabriel Halfast just happened to notice a single pixel glowing on the scopes. He had been leaning over the shoulder of the radar operator, helping her to retune one of the antennae. At first he thought the pixel had gone bad and flicked his finger against the screen. “What is that?” he asked. The pixel hadn’t disappeared despite his insistent taps. Radio Operator Olliver swatted Halfast’s finger away from her screen. “It can’t be a ship,” she said. “There’s no signal, no emissions-- wait--” She twisted some knobs to refocus the sensing equipment. One pixel became many as the…
Last reply by Jonah Schrowang, -
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Aida Pemble was an abomination, but there were worse things to be. A turtle-murderer, for example. She was definitely better than a turtle-murderer. Or that guy in the city who fondled his willy while he walked around, Priest Saint Donahue or something like that. Oh, and definitely any bastard who felt the need to whistle. She fucking hated whistling. Sing or don’t sing, play an instrument or don’t, but to try and pretend curling your tongue and eschewing spit was anything more than an insult to those around you was absurd. Gods, she hated whistling. She hated it especially right now, as she wrestled with the stubborn wheelbarrow over the tangled brus…
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Scene 1 Terra hoisted the heavy red gasoline canister to her lips and took a swig. “The only thing that ran out of gas is your bullshit story,” she said, her sparkling black eyes trained on him. The young man cuffed to the barbed-wire cattle fence dripped with sweat, despite the fact that clouds had been blocking the sun for the past few hours. He looked ridiculous out here, Terra thought, with his pristine white hoodie and his high wave of stiff slicked-back hair. The hardy foliage and rugged black bark of the massive ebony tree behind him added to the absurdity. Its olive leaves danced in the wind that seemed to be picking up as the afternoon kicked in.…
Last reply by Zona, -
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Chapter 1 Truth—a hurricane There is no hiding from it This is not my storm . . . Switch. He is now in a body of a military scientist. He feels her anxiety, her hands tremble as she tries to uplink to her shuttle, but the remoter doesn’t establish connection. The screen is frozen, she taps it––no use. She turns the remoter around to open the lower panel to see if the circuit board is somehow damaged from high humidity. Instead, she sees its serial number. Cold fear twists her guts––they gave her an old-issue remoter; it will never uplink. She starts running. She's running at the top of her speed, praying to get to her shuttle in time. She was so naïve, she …
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Opening scene/Chapter 1 of A Break in the Sky - Introduces our protagonist, the tone of the novel, and context as to why the protagonist may be on the run. This scene also includes the inciting incident at the end of the chapter that derails our protagonist's life and drives the novel. There is a brief prologue that precedes this chapter but does not include our protagonist, so I thought this a better sample to use for the purpose of this post. Chapter One “If you leave, you’ll lose everyone here. Everything. Your home. Aren’t you afraid of that? Aren’t you afraid of losing it all? Losing me?” “Don’t forget, we are doing unforgivable things.” …
Last reply by MeganDaniels, -
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Of Aliens, Cannibals and Cowboys - Introduces protagonist, love interest, antagonist, setting, tone, and primary conflict Thad was nodding off in his PMcrusier as it moved along the sol-track at 270 Kicks. Going outside the Greenzone and seeing these jammed-together dull-drab-green CareRises always made him feel a little bit sick to the stomach and a little bit angry. All the worn-out, mean-spirited, poor human-kind: too hot to move around much, and with no idea how bad-off they really are. ‘It's fhaing 55C in the shade and hot enough to fry an egg on the back of your hand - who wouldn't be worn-out and mean puttin up with that kind of misery’ he unconsciously mouthe…
Last reply by Joe Floyd, -
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Opening Scene/Chapter One: Introduction of protagonist, setting, tone, and primary conflict - son has been hauled to jail in the middle of the night, and his mother is, essentially, lost Chapter 1: I want him to know how sorry I am. I want to beg his forgiveness. For all I didn’t understand, for all I never knew, for all I still have to learn. But the police have him and I can’t reach him. My baby. My child. My son. Why am I hesitating to say it? To use the most obvious description? Because I generally gloss it over, try to act like it doesn’t matter - why make everyone uncomfortable and bring it up? But it does matter. It is important. So here it …
Last reply by Lea, -
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Last reply by Steve Caldas, -
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Opening scene - introduction of protagonist, setting, and tone, along with foreshadowing of the primary conflict (the "khrysos ubi vermis" was created by the antagonist, the Umbreytandis, or "King Fetidmire," to free his queen from the Alpha Cells, but of course Dr. Roth doesn't know that yet). Dr. Eugene Roth was the last person to see the Head of Research alive. They stayed late at work on a Friday night in the Alpha Cell Complex, conducting tests on a new prisoner—a treasure-hunting monster composed of precious metals. “You’re one spectacular little fella, aren’t you?” Eugene said, reaching into the experimentation tank and stroking the monster’s golden exosk…
Last reply by JA Wilders, -
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The summer Vrinn turned seven, her not-quite-mother led her from the edge of their village and deeper into the forest than she’d ever gone before. This was unusual, since Vrinn was often shouted at about wandering too deep into the woods. She had a habit of losing track of time and her own location when she was exploring. Crane—the woman who’d carved Vrinn from her dead mother’s womb and been responsible for her ever since—was furious whenever Vrinn came home late, always ordering her to stay closer to their cabin. So, the idea of actually being led into parts of the forest that Vrinn never seen, leaving foot trails and even deer paths behind was thrilling. She stare…
Last reply by Brady Hart, -
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Last reply by Preston,
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