New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
258 topics in this forum
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Opening Scene: status quo before inciting incident, establishes tone, introduces antagonist, foreshadows conflict I sit back, grab some toilet paper and prepare myself mentally for the clean-up. That’s when I hear him coming into the house. I call him Tony. He doesn’t deserve a title. Doesn’t even care I stopped calling him ‘dad’. It’s always the door announcing his arrival, signaling me to become less. I shrink to be less annoying and have less opinions as he becomes more. He is more in control, more intimidating, more angry. It seems wrong. At seventeen, I haven’t figured out how to fix it. Maybe to become so less I become invisibl…
Last reply by Geraldine Donaher, -
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1 Marquette, MI The destination is a hardship. The agenda cries out with despair. But in this disquieting season of fear, one must learn to overcome adversity. The remote enclave on Lake Superior would not normally be considered central by anyone, except perhaps the hardy upper-Midwest university students and ship captains that patronize its frigid shores. Unexpectedly in these last few years, Marquette’s isolated geography and access have become desirable. A largely unforeseen and unwanted calling card. Landowners and homebuilders, real estate agents and restaurant owners are rushing to keep up with demand. On this Tuesday morning, the…
Last reply by John Stafford, -
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Opening scene: introduces the protagonist and antagonist, establishes the setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict. Aren’t we a pair, Amber Ray? Mom and Dad must be so proud of their long-lost daughters. You, moldering in the grave, and, as for me, a murderous whore. Yes, I might as well be buried right next to you unless they come for me. Please come for me, I think, clasping my hands tightly as if I’m praying to Jesus Christ himself. Until then, I’ll wait, but not patiently, not in this nut house. So, I spin around in the swivel chair, clinging to my book of Edgar Allan Poe’s best works. Creeping in my head since I sat down is …
Last reply by SE Reynolds, -
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Introduces the protagonist, important secondary characters, and an indication of the plot. “You shouldn’t go. It’s not safe.” Daphne spoke over her shoulder as she stood expertly distant from a pan of spitting bacon, not a drop reaching her immaculate white-and-mauve flight attendant’s uniform. Alan had expected such a demand from his mother, ever since the dramatic news had broken the day before. He was ready with his answer. “No can do. The event’s mandatory for faculty. Brooksey’s rules.” Brooksey was his nickname for Brooks Cartwright, professor of history at Fullington University, and instigator of the “Past is Prologue” lecture series. The presenter …
Last reply by Keith Howells, -
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Opening Chapter: (Future Timeline) Introduces the protagonist, setting, and hints at the primary conflict. April 13th, 2129 – New York Daniel sat in the small waiting room of the law offices of Perez & Collins. He was exhausted and emotionally drained from his father's passing nearly a week ago. While Oliver's death was not a surprise, it did not change how tough it was on Daniel to not have his father around. He was very close with his father and his absence had created a void in his life that had seemingly been filled with various tasks necessitated by his passing. On top of the normal paperwork, the setting up of his funeral, and the toll of processing t…
Last reply by Nick Tussing, -
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Opening Scene - Introduces setting, protagonist, sidekick, and love interest. Identifies protagonist's job, which leads to main conflict. I hurry along the busy Manhattan street, weaving in and out of the other commuters, while I wait for the familiar voice to sound in my ear, and wish with every step that I wore the shorter heels made for running. The buildings tower on either side of me, blocking the outside world, and creating the unique universe that is New York. Normally, I love the lively buzz and crowds of the city. New York is the only place I know where you can blend in by standing out, making it easier to hide in plain si…
Last reply by Amanda, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, stakes, setting, and tone 1 BREAKUP Drip, drip was all I could hear in the bathroom, amidst the Ralph Lauren cologne, terry cloth navy bathrobe, and bath towels that needed to be washed. Shouldn’t I be more torn up, I thought. Shouldn’t I be crying? It was over. After three years, I no longer had a girlfriend. “We shouldn’t be together, Asher,” Blaire had said, tears in her eyes. “No, we shouldn’t be,” I said. The moment the words left my lips, I knew it was true. I looked out at the sun setting over the University of Arkansas campus, with its red-brick buildings and skeletal trees. There we…
Last reply by CFTurner, -
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SORIN Something about the sunrise in Elvenspear could make even the most worried person in the world feel like everything was right with it. And Sorin could hardly deny the view. The expanse yawned on, the capital city before him, with shimmering buildings where the sunrays danced on their glass windows, bathing the streets below in a shower of orange, red and gold. Sorin came up here sometimes as it was a place of refuge when nightmares sent him straight out of bed in a cold sweat. The same dream, over and over again. But by the time he was out of bed and walking, he couldn’t even remember the details. Only the fear that lingered, the anxiety that…
Last reply by Jack Weaver, -
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OPENING SCENES: Introduces protagonist, provides hints of core wound, and foreshadows the coming conflict. THEN I’m laughing at the dinner table. My jeans sport green grass stains on the knees. Norkie, my favorite fuzzy stuffed bear with the worn out I heart NY t-shirt, sits in my lap. He got his name because when we moved to New York; I called it New Nork. I don’t remember but both my daddy’s laugh when they tell me the story of how I wanted a cow but was happy with Norkie. I look back at the meaty lasagna dripping with cheese and sauce half-eaten on my plate. It tastes good, but I really want to eat one of the warm oatmeal raisin cookies that I can see…
Last reply by GwenBFresh, -
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LIV January 2007. She knew the power of making an entrance. Oversized sunglasses, skewed beret, black cape coat, shopping bags in both hands. So Livi. That moment, standing at the door of the dark bar, the sun haloing her, said it all. The hostess looked up. “Oh, I’m just here for tea. You do serve tea at the bar of the Russian Tea Room?” “Yes, Madam. Please come in.” Liv entered, eyes feasting on every morsal: the lush red carpet, the dark green walls framed in glistening gold, swooping firebirds and shiny samovars adorning them. Leather stools lined the bar like bright cherry lollipops. Oh yes, this will do just fine. The restaurant …
Last reply by LIsa Orban, -
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Chapter 1.[MOU1] Bri Winter lay on her couch, tossed popcorn into her mouth, and stared at the TV blindly. Daytime TV got her through the day, well, at least until midday, after that, she was at a bit of a loss. There wasn’t much she enjoyed about her life. Maybe the sighting of an eagle overhead or a cobweb pearled in frost. She often wished she had been born a couple of centuries earlier when life seemed more romantic. “Seemed.” As the old cliche says—things are not always what they seem. The eighteen hundreds may have spawned Romantic poets, but it was filth ridden and rampant with disease. The women on TV were getting heated about Botox, the Puffy Filler F…
Last reply by Heidi, -
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The opening scene introduces the protagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadows primary conflict: Chapter 1: Dear Dreamer Is this what it feels like to be catatonic? I was sitting on my living room couch, staring out the window but I might as well have been staring into outer space. I was completely numb. Am I in shock? Yes, this feels like shock. After what seemed like hours, my mind slowly started revving up, doing mental olympics. It was trying to assess the situation and come up with a solution. But there wasn’t one, of course. Or at least one I wanted to admit. This wasn’t the first time I had fallen after taking a leap of faith. I had done it once …
Last reply by Claire Uncapher, -
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This piece is from Chapter 6 and it introduces the inner conflict of the protagonist when presented with the primary conflict of a 3000 mile flying challenge presented by the antagonist. In the aviation business, there are two types of people: those of integrity and complete rascals. Brave souls of high honor stand next to snake oil salesmen, with no population between the two. Flying produces Pulitzer Prize winners, war heroes and drug runners. Pilots are gossips, and I had heard a lot about Harry Forrest: the stint in federal prison, the airport that burned down, the lawsuits, the mechanics who came and went like the change of the seasons.…
Last reply by S Robert Williams, -
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Hello, this is my YA novel, Max and the Spracketts. I worked on two novels for my MA, which i completed this year. Morrigan's Curse/Feathered Heart is one and this is the other. Both are complete--although I am making minor structural edits to both in light of some stuff I've been reading on here-- hahahha CHAPTER ONE Max Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world. (Roald Dahl, Matilda) The snow fell in thick curtains around him, the houses twinkling with warm Christmas lights and the skinny streetlamps glowing with misty orbs. He had no idea it was so late—he’d not missed a train in five years, and he wasn’t missing this o…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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My novel is about a heartbroken, modern-day science teacher who is wooed by a man who claims to be Shakespeare. 1 Joy looks up at the autumn sky and sees a sign: a white “H” within a bright green square, a logo that reminds her of summer vacations. “Who knew we had a Holiday Inn?” she says to Fredrico. “Who cares?” She could change the subject to something more relevant to him—like the spa facilities at the new Ritz Carlton, or his resemblance to a 1970’s George Harrison—but instead of working that hard, she lets the conversation drop. The restaurant is just a few blocks from his West Village apar…
Last reply by Emma C. Pasternack, -
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Opening Scene to introduce the setting, protagonist, tone, and primary conflict. Antwerp, Belgium April 1941 Jacob Eichelberg clutched heavy black-out drapes from his third-floor flat and peered through a sliver onto the lightless city of Antwerp. A dark gray blanket of night, like an inky shroud of nothingness, hovered overhead. He scanned the sky and listened for hunting Allied bombers. Part of him wished to hear the droning buzz of those pregnant planes. Though it would send his family scrambling for the basement, he imagined the laden bellies of those warbirds opening up and letting loose their whistling offspring. Who knows? They might just find…
Last reply by Chad Ellenburg, -
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All day Chae was excited about her eighth birthday, but she couldn’t figure out why her mother wouldn’t look at her. She thought it might have been the rain. The autumn had brought sheets of it to Shanghai, and from the moment she woke, her mother had instructed her to stay inside so she wouldn’t track water onto the floor. It was dark now. For hours, the door to their apartment had remained locked, keeping the quiet in, and keeping the quiet out. Chae played with a doll as she sat across the table from her mother. A ribbon held her inky hair in place, save for a few strands that tickled her forehead, which had started losing its summer bronze. The doll was dirt…
Last reply by Rockwell Sands, -
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Nobody ever shows the bodies. In all the post-apocalyptic films a billion people always manage to magically disappear into thin air, leaving the survivors to walk the earth in isolation. Believe me, that sounds like heaven compared to the present situation. My name is Cody Armstrong. I am nineteen years old and even before what I’ve come to call the Great Extinction, I was all alone. I didn’t start out that way. Until I was eight, I had lots of friends. Then we moved, and I skipped three grades. The school didn’t want to do it since sixth graders don’t really hang out with eight year olds, even smart ones, but I was bored with third grade work and wa…
Last reply by Lora D., -
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These are the opening pages of my historical fiction novel, which centers around a young woman who has a job offer in China on the eve of the pandemic, and is writing about her grandfather's life in the Underground to understand her own decision to move abroad. It introduces one of the main characters and the primary conflict, as well as one of the primary settings (Philadelphia). CHAPTER ONE January 2020 In a city of 25 million people, I was alone. The Pearl Tower pierced the foggy skyline in a monochromatic crimson that hypnotized me into walking away from the piano bar where I’d been headed. I braced myself against the unobstructed wind and crossed the…
Last reply by eursell44, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces the setting, tone, antagonistic forces, and highlights key themes. If Solomon absolutely had to jump out of a plane, 0100 hours was not the time he would have chosen for it. Actually, scratch that, never was the time he’d actually pick, but since the Westsylvania Zone militia liked to hand out wall-to-wall counseling like a candy dispenser drone on Halloween, Solomon had little choice in the matter. Taking a deep breath, he climbed out of the cattle truck with the other dozen drafted teenagers, and began to help unload the parachute gear onto the departure airfield. One of the plastic crates resisted his attempts to open it. He managed…
Last reply by JINJUP6RICHARDS, -
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The sample pages include a brief foreword and the opening scene, which introduces the protagonist, primary conflict, tone, and setting. It also foreshadows the pending conflict with the antagonist. Foreword: Ida Pfeiffer should not require any introduction, but sadly, this intrepid explorer’s legacy has been lost. In a time when unaccompanied women did not travel, Frau Pfeiffer became the first woman to circumnavigate the world alone, not once but twice, by 1855. Very few figures in the entire history of mankind can claim to have squeezed more from life than Ida managed in just 15 years. Her travels spanned 170,000 miles during an era where vast frontiers …
Last reply by Ben Henderson, -
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Once again, it’s morning in America. And bells ring out across our vast nation once more. The citizens of our country praised Reagan for a reason. Years earlier, he asked his team to win one for the Gipper. And Notre Dame became epitomized in the record books. They even put Miami in their place in ‘88; resulting in the famed Catholics vs Convicts contest. I know what you’re thinking; how does this relate with me? Or with baseball? Nothing necessarily. You’ll need to forgive me. I sound like a chatterbox most of the time. If there’s anything you can take away from me, know I try to be more of a listener than a talker. Just bear with me and maybe you won’t becom…
Last reply by James Dour, -
Gwen sat on her daughter's twin bed, staring at herself in a mirror they'd attached to the back of the door. It refracted the room's ambient light and gave the illusion of space. It also multiplied the flower decals Sophie had stuck on the walls and the Janice Joplin poster above her bed. Their realtor had called it a one-bedroom, but they all knew that was a lie. It was really a studio with a walk-in closet. But Gwen had been desperate to leave the Victorian townhome she'd shared with Jeremy down in Grammercy Park, and this place was the first thing she found. In hindsight, the signs of infidelity were everywhere--on Jeremy's fragrant coat, in Jeremy's smile--b…
Last reply by jodi daynard, -
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Prologue: Berlin – Paris – Florence Nyima was having a bad day. Her research said that a door should be standing directly in front of her. Instead, there was a solid brick wall, an enormous guard named Rick, and a mean-looking pit bull. "Rick! Good to see you! I thought you were off on the weekends." Nyima said, trying her best to sound calm. "How are Katie and the twins?" "Um, they're good. Who – who are you again?" The guard replied as his hand slowly drifted toward his radio. "Janice King – from corporate – I'm sure Dave told you I'd be poking around." She lied, hoping her research had gotten that right at least. "Janice? Oh, sure. From corporat…
Last reply by Manuka Sourwood, -
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Chapter 1 – Camp Pontchartrain Fear nibbled with sharp teeth on the edges of my soul as I scanned Camp Pontchartrain’s dining hall, looking for the bully who would surely notice me. Fortunately for me, the bullies were currently targeting the art students, a group of girls silently weeping with their heads lowered. Thankfully, they left the Techies, technology kids like me, alone . . . for now. I ran my fingers through my brown, curly hair, a self-soothing thing I did when I was nervous, which was a constant state of existence for me. Choosing a corner table, I set my tray down, then checked the seat for the all-too-familiar packets of ketchup or mus…
Last reply by ProductionBlues,
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