New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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Below are elements that all would-be narrative fiction artists should consider, regardless of genre - prior to fingers touching the keyboard, and while the fingers are tapping. These elements should be used in this forum for helpful critique as well as writer editorial purposes. Keep in mind, that aside from the notes which follow, a great story premise with a strong plot and excellent characters will keep reader eyes on the page most effectively. All else is extra but necessary recipe - cliché but true. => For those about to post a sample of their prose narrative, this forum will serve you best if you post a three or four page scene taken from your opening …
Last reply by Admin_99, -
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Nobody ever shows the bodies. In all the post-apocalyptic films a billion people always manage to magically disappear into thin air, leaving the survivors to walk the earth in isolation. Believe me, that sounds like heaven compared to the present situation. My name is Cody Armstrong. I am nineteen years old and even before what I’ve come to call the Great Extinction, I was all alone. I didn’t start out that way. Until I was eight, I had lots of friends. Then we moved, and I skipped three grades. The school didn’t want to do it since sixth graders don’t really hang out with eight year olds, even smart ones, but I was bored with third grade work and wa…
Last reply by Lora D., -
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Here are the first few pages of my new novel, #GODDOESNTWANTYOUTOBEPOOR: Chapter 1 The sun rose on Lawson, Maine ushering in another sweltering July day, the fourth in a row and twelfth out of the last fourteen. Townsfolk sought relief as best they could. Backyards were dotted by plastic pools, and styrofoam coolers of thin beer. Kids dipped themselves in the quarry, floating in oversized black inner tubes until they felt hot enough to pop. Box fans occupied windows in the houses too poor for air conditioning, and shoppers lingered longer than necessary in the meat section of the Hannaford Super Market. For Jordie Furman, the heat meant people stopped buy…
Last reply by Jesse_McKinnell, -
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Last reply by discobiscuit3, -
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*Opening Pages provide setting, tone, and main conflict of story. Chapter One Turbulent waves crashed against the inflatable raft brimming over with bodies, the midnight odyssey void of cover and captain. Sixty-one passengers huddled together, bruised shoulders overlapping, salt-encrusted eyelids heavy, and frigid feet spent. No one on board spoke of the belongings abandoned at shore to lighten the load. Not one complained of the icy wind slicing through their wet clothes, the Mediterranean both their salvation and their tormentor. And no one dared mention the two-year-old who fell overboard to retrieve his ball. A frantic rescue attempt nearly overturned …
Last reply by Rajdeep Paulus, -
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Opening scene/Chapter 1 of A Break in the Sky - Introduces our protagonist, the tone of the novel, and context as to why the protagonist may be on the run. This scene also includes the inciting incident at the end of the chapter that derails our protagonist's life and drives the novel. There is a brief prologue that precedes this chapter but does not include our protagonist, so I thought this a better sample to use for the purpose of this post. Chapter One “If you leave, you’ll lose everyone here. Everything. Your home. Aren’t you afraid of that? Aren’t you afraid of losing it all? Losing me?” “Don’t forget, we are doing unforgivable things.” …
Last reply by MeganDaniels, -
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Life is a hornets’ nest. If I don’t poke it, it won’t sting me. But now I’ve got hornets everywhere. Not literally, which is unfortunate because a literal hornets’ nest in my studio could be my get out of jail free card. I would kill for anything even remotely hornet-adjacent right now. When I agreed to this fiasco, Open Studios was shrouded in the mists of an unimaginable future, five whole months away. Now it’s here, and the sunlight that slants through my north-facing windows throws into brutal relief every reason I should not allow the general public into my space: bits of colored tin on every surface, gouges in the wood table where I eat my sad little solo …
Last reply by Ariel Slick, -
A Date With Lima: True Crime Writing Sample Introduces protagonist, antagonist, setting, and conflict Chapter 1: Contempt One Day Missing It was a pleasant, harmless, sunny day in the Gold Coast on the North Side of Chicago—an elite neighborhood on the border of Lake Shore Drive, along Lake Michigan. I had moved into the condominium in 1993, with my two young daughters, from an apartment that was less than a block away. On the corner of Burton and State Parkway—a block from the Cardinal mansion on North Avenue, bordering Lincoln Park. My recently ex-wife, Brigitte, had planned to take my two daughters to Kassel, Germany, to visit…
Last reply by Norman Miller, -
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OPENING SCENE: Introduces main heroes on the deck of a flying ship in space, during an astral travel. This scene serves as a flashforward. The children-heroes travel to the main adventure place, into the dimension of the living people. There is much tension as they fight off negative entities. 1. A Day of Surprises. ‘Ouch!’Roserin winced. Something had hit her arm. She rubbed it to ease the pain and looked to her right. A copper pot with a long arm was now hovering, spinning like a top…
Last reply by Natalie Petraki, -
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Spindt Assignment 2 Dialogue.docx
Last reply by JazzyLady, -
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Please note there is some narratively relevant anti-Semitic thought and violence depicted. OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist (his bifurcated state of mind building tension and sympathy), antagonist, setting, object to become enduring symbol, description creating atmosphere/mood, dialogue with provocative statements, inciting incident, powerful event foreshadowing primary conflict and acting as microcosm of wider setting. Josef got his mail at the university in the center of Lvov, rather than at the convent, and that made all the difference. He knew the sisters, if they could have read English, wouldn’t approve of what he’d written in the manuscript he’d…
Last reply by Heidi Vornbrock Roosa, -
Gwen sat on her daughter's twin bed, staring at herself in a mirror they'd attached to the back of the door. It refracted the room's ambient light and gave the illusion of space. It also multiplied the flower decals Sophie had stuck on the walls and the Janice Joplin poster above her bed. Their realtor had called it a one-bedroom, but they all knew that was a lie. It was really a studio with a walk-in closet. But Gwen had been desperate to leave the Victorian townhome she'd shared with Jeremy down in Grammercy Park, and this place was the first thing she found. In hindsight, the signs of infidelity were everywhere--on Jeremy's fragrant coat, in Jeremy's smile--b…
Last reply by jodi daynard, -
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Aida Pemble was an abomination, but there were worse things to be. A turtle-murderer, for example. She was definitely better than a turtle-murderer. Or that guy in the city who fondled his willy while he walked around, Priest Saint Donahue or something like that. Oh, and definitely any bastard who felt the need to whistle. She fucking hated whistling. Sing or don’t sing, play an instrument or don’t, but to try and pretend curling your tongue and eschewing spit was anything more than an insult to those around you was absurd. Gods, she hated whistling. She hated it especially right now, as she wrestled with the stubborn wheelbarrow over the tangled brus…
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Opening scene/first chapter. Introduces protagonist and one of her antagonists (twin sister). Also, tries to highlight the two different segments of society that the two are about to inhabit. The protagonist, has a desire that is thwarted, and must then come to terms with that colossal failure. Chapter One The sprawling metropolis that was Acragas stretched before Evelyn, the building sparkled like fallen stars that had taken up residence on the earth. Evelyn looked over her shoulder at the massive spire that stood in the center of the city. It strained towards the sky like a finger pointing the way to heaven. To ascend. To be even a little like one of the ancie…
Last reply by Admin_99, -
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I apologize about any typos/errors. I couldn't copy and pastE, so I hastily retyped everything. Here is the current opening scene: Chapter 1 Malik If he'd just gone straight home after detention, like he'd been told, they wouldn't have seen him. West Stadium Boulevard curved ahead toward Arbor Street Plaza and away from Malik's home. Traffic idled that night, game night, but periodically, a lone car or two splashed by on wet pavement. Malik stared straight ahead each time one passed, expressionless, looking like he had somewhere to be. A few blocks south, the Big House roared with raucous fans, music, and whistles, echoed by tailgaters up and down Main Stre…
Last reply by JINJUP6RICHARDS, -
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Hello, this is my opening scene, which sucks so I hope I can get some suggestions on how to improve it. It introduces (or at least attempts to) the protagonist and antagonistic force, a few secondary characters, and the world and its magic system. Hopefully it's not too confusing or cringeworthy. I apologize if there are any typos. Thank you all so much in advance for the critique! CHAPTER I Winter, the Year of the Consulship of Paullus and Salinator Lydia stopped at the edge of the alleyway, peering through slitted eyes at the Forum. Marcus skidded to a stop behind her. They had followed the shouting and stomping, uncharacteristic of a Forum usually rife …
Last reply by MingluJiangP6, -
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Last reply by sarahwronko, -
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Opening scene - introduction of protagonist, setting, and tone, along with foreshadowing of the primary conflict (the "khrysos ubi vermis" was created by the antagonist, the Umbreytandis, or "King Fetidmire," to free his queen from the Alpha Cells, but of course Dr. Roth doesn't know that yet). Dr. Eugene Roth was the last person to see the Head of Research alive. They stayed late at work on a Friday night in the Alpha Cell Complex, conducting tests on a new prisoner—a treasure-hunting monster composed of precious metals. “You’re one spectacular little fella, aren’t you?” Eugene said, reaching into the experimentation tank and stroking the monster’s golden exosk…
Last reply by JA Wilders, -
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Opening scene : immediately introduces antagonist in his true form without cloak or pretense, a side the protagonist does not discover until the middle mark of the book (well after their mutual introduction and frequent visitations). Setting is on the roof of the Papal Palace in Avignon, France at around 1353. Tone is necessary to establish in the reader’s mind the danger the childlike and aloof protagonist is headed toward. ______ A gust of wind marked The Holy Roman Emperor’s entry into the Chambre du Cerf, Pope Clement VI’s favorite room in all the Papal palace. The unmistakable scent of burning flesh rushed through his nostrils having been carried inside by…
Last reply by Shola, -
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OPENING SCENE - Introduces protagonist, stakes, setting, and tone 1 BREAKUP Drip, drip was all I could hear in the bathroom, amidst the Ralph Lauren cologne, terry cloth navy bathrobe, and bath towels that needed to be washed. Shouldn’t I be more torn up, I thought. Shouldn’t I be crying? It was over. After three years, I no longer had a girlfriend. “We shouldn’t be together, Asher,” Blaire had said, tears in her eyes. “No, we shouldn’t be,” I said. The moment the words left my lips, I knew it was true. I looked out at the sun setting over the University of Arkansas campus, with its red-brick buildings and skeletal trees. There we…
Last reply by CFTurner, -
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Early scene that introduces primary conflict and teases protagonist’s background. It follows opening chapter in which protagonist is arrested while committing what was to be his final burglary. The room was dim and small and tucked away on an empty floor of a commercial building in the Garment district: no windows, a battered metal table, three straight-backed chairs. The walls were bare and the wood-planked floor littered with cigarette butts. A tired-looking man with dark hair slumped sideways in one of the chairs, his wrist handcuffed to the leg of the table. Purvis sat down heavily across from the prisoner and dug a key out of his pocket. He handed it to Rh…
Last reply by Ken Jautz, -
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The summer Vrinn turned seven, her not-quite-mother led her from the edge of their village and deeper into the forest than she’d ever gone before. This was unusual, since Vrinn was often shouted at about wandering too deep into the woods. She had a habit of losing track of time and her own location when she was exploring. Crane—the woman who’d carved Vrinn from her dead mother’s womb and been responsible for her ever since—was furious whenever Vrinn came home late, always ordering her to stay closer to their cabin. So, the idea of actually being led into parts of the forest that Vrinn never seen, leaving foot trails and even deer paths behind was thrilling. She stare…
Last reply by Brady Hart, -
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Chapter Two: introduces PROTAGONIST - an overprotective mother who feels guilty for not being home as much as she’d like, and later in the story, is not above lying to her son to protect him from scary realities of the world. This follows the opening chapter from the ANTAGONIST POV - a creepy slightly disturbed 15-year-old girl. It sets up a fear connection between Mother and Son. First the son will be afraid of “Patty”, a girl he’s never met, and years later, the mother will be after she meets her in person. I'm using chapter 2 as my writing sample, since most of the chapters are in Protagonist POV anyway. EXCERPT: Vivian heard the yell from her son’s bedroom.…
Last reply by Ron91710, -
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Astray is a psychological suspense novel featuring the story of a young woman who returns to Alaska to confront the family she believes to have abandoned her and to reopen the case of her mother's supposed death by overdose. Aurora blinked hard, squeezing her eyes tightly before squinting into the darkness of the poorly lit trailer she called home. The living room was a foreign blur, and while the ashtrays and open bottles of her mother’s party littered every surface around her, the only image she could pull into focus was the huddled mass on the stained and faded carpet. Mama. Daddy. Their heads so close and their limbs so intertwined that for a mo…
Last reply by LBS, -
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1996 Like many young couples without kids, there was a part of their house that was hardly ever used. The hallway leading to the rooms that would eventually hold children, one room was currently the catch-all and the other was supposed to be an office but sat dusty and silent since the couch and kitchen table had better natural lighting from the living room windows. Their future, their hopes that somehow the laughter of children on this side of the house would one day heal them and make this a home, lay here. So this hallway was an odd place for them to be that night. Leo was holding Kate by her throat up against the wall. She was taller than usual, the for…
Last reply by Sharon Rodriguez,
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