New York Write to Pitch "First Pages" - 2022, 2023, 2024
A forum for New York pitch event alums to post samples of their scenes and prose narrative for detailed critique according to Algonkian Author Connect guidelines. Emphasis on choice of set, narrative cinema, quality of dialogue, metaphor, static and dynamic imagery, interior monologue, general clarity, tone, suspense devices, and routine line editing issues as well.
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Below are elements that all would-be narrative fiction artists should consider, regardless of genre - prior to fingers touching the keyboard, and while the fingers are tapping. These elements should be used in this forum for helpful critique as well as writer editorial purposes. Keep in mind, that aside from the notes which follow, a great story premise with a strong plot and excellent characters will keep reader eyes on the page most effectively. All else is extra but necessary recipe - cliché but true. => For those about to post a sample of their prose narrative, this forum will serve you best if you post a three or four page scene taken from your opening …
Last reply by Admin_99, -
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This is the opening scene, introducing the protagonist and antagonist, setting, tone, and foreshadowing the primary conflict: Dear Faithy, This is how I remember it. Dad and I were snuggled under a chenille throw on the black leather sofa with our two cats curled around us. The Sopranos was on TV, and you and your brothers were upstairs in bed. It was the spring of 2004, and you and Jacob were in third grade, Sammy was in second. People used to call you Irish triplets because I’d given birth to all three of you in nineteen months, but we weren’t Irish, or Catholic, or Orthodox Jews. Dad and I were simply a couple who’d dealt with infertility and then a surp…
Last reply by Cindy, -
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Hello everyone. This is the first chapter of my manuscript, women's fiction with speculative elements. This story began life in the NYC Midnight Short Story Challenge. I had to write a 2500 word story with the prompts, ghost story, butler, and paralysis. The characters wouldn't leave me alone, so I turned it into a 4000-word short story that won first place in Writers Digest's Popular Fiction Awards, in the romance category. And they still wouldn't leave me alone, so now I am writing their entire story. lol Another attempt at a Pitch Three years after the car crash that killed her husband, 32-year-old photojournalist Emma Hill is floundering. She's lost her pass…
Last reply by Cindy, -
Primal longing is often conceived in the cage of civilization, where the danger of the wilderness can lay shrouded by a puerile enthusiasm to escape and melt into solitude. Baker County Sheriff’s Search and Rescue Coordinator, Dylan Stoke, had experienced the full gambit of enthusiastically ignorant decisions made by the out-of-their-element city dweller. Most of the time, the mishaps affected only those that deserved a little discomfort, and his SAR team could easily rectify those with a tow truck, a cup of hot liquid, or a splint. Sometimes, however, the poor decisions and lack of preparation endangered the innocent. The hinges of Stoke’s jaw retreated into hi…
Last reply by Steve Dunn, -
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Opening scene : immediately introduces antagonist in his true form without cloak or pretense, a side the protagonist does not discover until the middle mark of the book (well after their mutual introduction and frequent visitations). Setting is on the roof of the Papal Palace in Avignon, France at around 1353. Tone is necessary to establish in the reader’s mind the danger the childlike and aloof protagonist is headed toward. ______ A gust of wind marked The Holy Roman Emperor’s entry into the Chambre du Cerf, Pope Clement VI’s favorite room in all the Papal palace. The unmistakable scent of burning flesh rushed through his nostrils having been carried inside by…
Last reply by Shola, -
BLOOD OF THE BELLFLOWER: THE TRACE HUNTER CHAPTER ONE Hild still couldn’t comprehend why they were hunting him - a young indentured servant, glorified horse hostler, and fence mender. Nonetheless, his parlous escape from the obscure mining village had flared an uproar with the Segaeta guards. Now, he lay stunned and spread eagle in the hot sand, breathing heavily and blinking against a sticky trickle of blood from his brow bone. Three things tumbled through his mind: First, this new life of running and fighting was unsustainable. Second, Razzia was somewhere – on a horse – being hunted by an assassin. She couldn’t stay on a fence t…
Last reply by Laura Neibaur, -
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Hello, this is my opening scene, which sucks so I hope I can get some suggestions on how to improve it. It introduces (or at least attempts to) the protagonist and antagonistic force, a few secondary characters, and the world and its magic system. Hopefully it's not too confusing or cringeworthy. I apologize if there are any typos. Thank you all so much in advance for the critique! CHAPTER I Winter, the Year of the Consulship of Paullus and Salinator Lydia stopped at the edge of the alleyway, peering through slitted eyes at the Forum. Marcus skidded to a stop behind her. They had followed the shouting and stomping, uncharacteristic of a Forum usually rife …
Last reply by MingluJiangP6, -
THE INFINITE MATTER OF KAT WATBURN T.E. Bean Twenty-Two Minutes Before ထ Eight days ago, space and time were things to be relied upon. Universally speaking. Now I sat perched in a far-flung cave halfway up a near-vertical ravine, huddled with my boyfriend, Som, in a fading pocket of light as the sun moved behind a mountain, drawing angles of golden polygons among the sacred ruins before us. Fingers entwined, our backs propped against a monolithic altar, we clocked the morning half-light climbing the empty sky: a fuse igniting life in the crystals embedded within a stone temple. The entire planet plugged into one dazzling circuit. By …
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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Hey everyone! This is the opening scene to my YA Survival novel (the title likely getting changed soon). Each chapter alternates the POV of the stepsisters, Emily and Skylar. The opening scene is from Emily POV and sets up the remote wilderness setting and the personal relationships. The formatting of the paragraphs and spacing is off after I copy and paste the pages... Sorry about that. Chapter 1 Emily “Nature in her green tranquil woods heals and soothes all afflictions.” – John Muir An entire week without electricity, running water, or Wi-Fi, on a private lake packed with walleye . . . Paradise. Dad and I travel to th…
Last reply by Deborah Morris, -
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Pitch- This women's fiction novel, based in the south, is told through both Penny's and Janie's perspectives, with flashback chapters to Penny's youth. It's a story about love, family and learning how to trust your heart. Three generations of strong-headed Hale women: · Daughter, Janie must choose between a fiancé and an old boyfriend · Mother, Nancy has a terrible secret · Grandmother, Penny can’t stop thinking of an old love Now all three women must face the music Chapter One Penny Judgmental. Power-hungry. Manipulative. That’s my daughter-in-law in a nutshell. Yet she broadcasted to me …
Last reply by Cindy, -
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PITCH: This sometimes pithy, often humorous case-study follows one woman's obsessive behavior over unrequited love. Sacrificing much of her younger years in futile attempts to win back the man of her dreams, she finds herself spending a chance afternoon and evening with him four decades later, on a boat, where suppressed feelings surface and she realizes her fixation has been unhealthy and especially hurtful to the one man who truly loves her: her husband. But can she shake her deep-rooted fixation on the one who got away? PROLOGUE (see below) PART ONE - Present Day – Begins in Isle of Hope, Georgia, then Sarah (protagonist) and Ben (husband) travel to their tr…
Last reply by Cindy, -
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The opening chapter, which shows the malaise of the protagonist and his recurring dreams and which introduces his first and only true love, who unfortunately lives on the other side of the continent: The Heart Also Whispers A Rock ’n’ Roll Odyssey Brian C. Lockey Part One: California Chapter 1 It seemed an azure Mediterranean Xanadu, in which he found himself. Above him stretched a rib vaulted ceiling. Around him the windows and walls were decorated with ancient furnishings and azulejos, these latter depicting an infinite and interlocking series of mad cupids and blooming hearts. Through an open window, the ruins of a medieval castle were vis…
Last reply by MichelleHenrie, -
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Hello everyone! This is my first chapter. Content warnings for implied pedophilia and abuse (both non-graphic). Then 1982-1986 Cleveland, OH 1 Sean Cold metal everywhere. Under my ass. Around my neck. Above my head. The van jumped a bump, and my head whacked the slab over it. The new boy in the cage next to me didn’t need to huddle to fit, but did anyway. When the van stopped, I and the others leaned on the cages’ doors. The exact disembarkation procedure differed depending on where we were taken, but it always started with our backs to the metal. There were three of us that night, and since nothing hid our restraints, I expected a …
Last reply by MichelleHenrie, -
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CHAPTER 1 - Introduces protagonist, establishes relationship to antagonist, sets tone, inciting incident takes place. Johnny Bueno stepped out of his car ready to make a killing, but he never thought fate would take him literally. Nestled against the foothills of the San Gabriel Mountains, Santa Anita Park was a beacon for the gambling addicted. A holy ground for the hobbyist. And a den of damnation for the foolhardy. And Johnny, hustling toward the track entrance determined to make the last race of the day, was nothing if not foolhardy. He glanced at his watch, a military-issued Elgin handed down by his grandfather—and counted thirteen minut…
Last reply by Don Munro, -
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This is the opening scene of my book about the pirate Anne Bonny. She was sentenced to be hanged but reprieved because she was pregnant. Thrown into prison in Jamaica, Anne then disappears from recorded history. My book is an imagining of her later life based on some of the many rumors that surround her. ********************************************** CHAPTER ONE 15 June 1721 – Spanish Town, Jamaica Anne Bonny lifted her head off the slouch hat that covered a rock which acted as her pillow. It was raining and her side of the prison was dripping water on her. Slowly and awkwardly, she managed to get her heavily pregnant body standing, grabbing the hat as s…
Last reply by CarolBusby, -
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Shit. How can it register 0.1? There’s nothing on it. Blaze tapped her scale. It flashed and returned to 0.1. She turned it off and on. Still 0.1. God damn it! Sitting cross-legged in the middle of her studio, Blaze looked around the room for answers to a question that had none. She had to use texture, not science to complete her acrylic pours. The feel of the medium was guide, difficult but not impossible. Blaze grabbed her earbuds. What kind of day will it be? A positive affirmation day? Music day? She scrolled through her phone and pressed music; calm soothing music to drown out the voices buzzing in the distance. They’re not real. They’re not real. …
Last reply by Cara Cilento, -
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Life, Liberty, and Kanafa: How an Immigrant's Daughter Escaped Abuse and Found Her Destiny PROLOGUE It took me about a year to realize that I had married a cult leader. There were some dead giveaways. He was almost three times my age. He was the pastor of a “free church” that wasn’t registered with the IRS. He kept tens of thousands of dollars worth of silver stashed in his bedroom closet. And he owned six firearms. But I knew all that before I married him. When I stopped attending his church, he spoke to his attorney and came back to me with a property settlement agreement. I opened my own bank account and …
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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Prologue My eyes are open, but I don’t allow my body to move. There won’t be many more mornings like this one. Curled up on my side, I can hear his steady breath behind me. He sleeps on his back, his broad chest expanding with every inhale, falling with each exhale. The restful sleep of a baby. Calm, without sin. The clock on the wall ticks, indicating the passing of time. There are still a few more days until he finds out, but only a few minutes until he wakes up. Sliding my body off the California king like a snake, the blankets hardly move. When my bare feet press onto the cold floor, I hold my breath, tightening my abdomen. I don’t want to make a sound. He …
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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It was at Shari Saltzman’s Bat-Mitzvah that I asked my husband if he was having an affair. While Shari and her family had carefully planned every last detail of her momentous event—from her flawless Torah reading in synagogue to the Gummy Bear toppings at the ice-cream sundae bar at the reception—I hadn’t planned a damn thing. Still, both Shari and I came of age that spring day. I’d been to plenty of coming-of-age celebrations that year. Between nieces and nephews and neighbors, it seemed every Jewish kid was turning thirteen. One party was pretty much like any other, though the Saturday night receptions promised a little more panache (for a lot more green). The Bea…
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
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UNDERTOW Opening chapter.docx
Last reply by Natasha Williams, -
Crossroad Blues by Ariel Elaine Slick Prologue Beatrice As the pallbearers lowered my sister’s body into the warm, rich earth, I wondered whether any change would have made any difference. Did any of us have the slightest control over the situation—except him? Perhaps it was useless to think so. Every tiny detail led me here, and I had a feeling, would keep leading me here, no matter what I did to stop it. Because I did try to stop it. I really did. Chapter 1 The devil's gonna git you Oh the devil's gonna git you Man the devil's gonna git you Sure as you're born to die -Bessie Smith Azoma, Louisiana, 1924 Beatrice The Vic…
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Last reply by Marlena, -
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Aida Pemble was an abomination, but there were worse things to be. A turtle-murderer, for example. She was definitely better than a turtle-murderer. Or that guy in the city who fondled his willy while he walked around, Priest Saint Donahue or something like that. Oh, and definitely any bastard who felt the need to whistle. She fucking hated whistling. Sing or don’t sing, play an instrument or don’t, but to try and pretend curling your tongue and eschewing spit was anything more than an insult to those around you was absurd. Gods, she hated whistling. She hated it especially right now, as she wrestled with the stubborn wheelbarrow over the tangled brus…
Last reply by Aida Zilbergleyt, -
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Chapter 1.[MOU1] Bri Winter lay on her couch, tossed popcorn into her mouth, and stared at the TV blindly. Daytime TV got her through the day, well, at least until midday, after that, she was at a bit of a loss. There wasn’t much she enjoyed about her life. Maybe the sighting of an eagle overhead or a cobweb pearled in frost. She often wished she had been born a couple of centuries earlier when life seemed more romantic. “Seemed.” As the old cliche says—things are not always what they seem. The eighteen hundreds may have spawned Romantic poets, but it was filth ridden and rampant with disease. The women on TV were getting heated about Botox, the Puffy Filler F…
Last reply by Heidi, -
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Opening Scene: The opening scene introduces my protagonist’s (Aurora) inner conflict of being unable to move on from the life she had before she died. Aurora’s love interest Genevieve (enemy to lover) is introduced, and there is the start of some worldbuilding with Genevieve teaching Aurora about The Other. Chapter One If there was a light at the end, I must have walked away from it. That was the only explanation of how I ended up in this purgatory. Actually, Hell was probably a better description. I don’t know what I expected death to be like, but it certainly wasn’t to spend my eternity haunting the halls of my former high school, Adirondack Prep. Appa…
Last reply by ZacharyShermanP6, -
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Hello Everybody, Pasted below is my opening scene for my story. It introduces the victim, a suspect, and The Zenith, the location for most of this tale. All feedback is greatly appreciated. Further in this first chapter a pivotal character is introduced and the protagonist comes into the story at he beginning of chapter 2. I'd love to share more, but keeping it to the opening scene for now, Cheers guys! Day One: The Zenith was synonymous with death, particularly during times of war. Murder was unprecedented. Serving as a gateway for all walks of life, passing from one kingdom to the next, The Zenith was a peaceful place for centuries. Permanen…
Last reply by Matt Leyshon,
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